Revival
by CheyWolfe
Summary: Soubi loses his memory when trying to help Ritsuka uncover answers. Ritsuka finds that Soubi's amnesia is worse than expected and ends up having to care for Soubi while he learns to speak and do things again, while also figuring out who did this to him.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter one**

It was Ritsuka's fault that Soubi lost his memory.

Ritsuka never meant for it to happen. He never wanted it to happen. It was something that Soubi had done to cause him to fall amnesic, but it all rooted back to Ritsuka. Soubi had only been trying to help Ritsuka, but he lost something because of it. This all would bring guilt in the months to come, since it didn't take Ritsuka very long to figure it out.

The origins of Soubi's memory loss went back to just after returning home from the incident at Seven Voices. Ritsuka was confused by everything that had happened, and also a bit sad, but that was nothing compared to what Soubi seemed to have felt. Ritsuka tried and tried to cheer him up, but almost nothing seemed to bring him out of his depressive state. The only time he was a little happy was when Ritsuka was around him. Seimei's reappearance had had a huge affect on him.

In the time between the insane road trip and Soubi's memory loss, Ritsuka had stopped pushing Soubi away so much. He wasn't sure of his feelings for the older man, but he knew that Soubi felt something for him. It didn't appear to just be his brother's orders anymore. Ritsuka could tell from the way Soubi smiled at him and held him closely in the hard, frightening nights and the way he whispered gentle words in the teen's ears when Ritsuka was suddenly awakened after nightmares of Seimei. He hated to admit it, but he liked spending time with Soubi, which is why he hated to see him in such a depressed state. So, he had come up with something for them both to do to keep their minds off of Seimei.

It had started with a simple book Ritsuka had brought to Soubi's house to read. He had grabbed it off of the library's non-fiction shelve after the title had caught his eye. _Amnesia case studies_. It was a large, thick book with a bright cover that had made Ritsuka stop before he walked past it. It wasn't as if he hadn't read up on amnesia before. He had when he was ten and first lost his memory, but the information was too complex for him to read, then. _Maybe I'll understand it, now_, Ritsuka had thought.

As usual, Soubi had picked Ritsuka up at school and offered to take him back to his apartment. Ritsuka had agreed- he had come to think of the place as a safe haven and also as a sort of home. He had watched Soubi paint for a while and then began to read. His eyes and mind had grown tired quickly and he got frustrated with the information. He had thrown the book down and collapsed on the bed, quickly drawing Soubi's interest.

Soubi had picked up the book and sat next to Ritsuka, asking him which part he was frustrated on. Ritsuka told him that he didn't understand any of it and that the information was too hard for him. Instead of laughing at Ritsuka, as the boy had expected him to, he led Ritsuka to the kitchen table and sat down with him and began to explain the book bit by bit. It amazed Ritsuka. He had always known subconsciously that Soubi was very intelligent, but he hadn't known that he was _this_ smart. He explained everything with ease, quickly and silently reading paragraphs in the book before putting them in layman's terms for Ritsuka.

In just a day, Soubi helped Ritsuka through more than a quarter of the book. In three days, they were done. The day after they had finished, Ritsuka had brought a bagful of books on amnesia to Soubi's house. Soubi was more than happy to help him read and take notes with him. Ritsuka didn't have to say that he was trying to figure out the causes of his own amnesia; Soubi just _knew_. Ritsuka liked spending as much time as he could with him. The project kept their minds off of Seimei and Soubi seemed to be coming out of his depressive state.

Ritsuka stayed over at Soubi's house a lot and spent nearly every day with him. Trying to figure out the mystery of Ritsuka's amnesia had only brought them closer. Ritsuka found that Soubi was a very truthful person if Ritsuka didn't ask about Septimal Moon. If Ritsuka asked about that, Soubi usually just didn't say anything or apologized. If Ritsuka said something about Seimei, Soubi would just get sad, so Ritsuka tried his hardest not to say anything about him.

Ritsuka had been affected by Seimei's reappearance, too. He felt betrayed and lied to, by both Seimei and Soubi. He found that he couldn't be mad at Soubi, though. He understood that Soubi couldn't help but obey Seimei. Seimei ordering him to break the window at Seven Voices had proved that. He would obey Seimei, even if he didn't want to.

Soubi obviously felt bad about letting Seimei escape. He had apologized extensively to Ritsuka and called himself a traitor. Ritsuka had hoped that this project would help him get over that. It had, up until Ritsuka had come over one faithful day.

Ritsuka pounded up the stairs to Soubi's top-floor apartment, hoping that Natsuo and Youji weren't there. He really wanted alone time with Soubi. He was growing more and more affectionate with the man. Their kisses were becoming longer and Ritsuka was beginning to initiate them from time to time. Soubi never took it further than making out or the occasional light kisses pressed on Ritsuka's neck, though. Ritsuka didn't really know if he wanted more or not.

It was Friday. Soubi usually took Ritsuka out on Friday nights. It was something that Ritsuka looked forward to. It had been nearly six months since the incident with Seimei and for almost every Friday since then, with the exception of the first few weeks. Usually it was just to dinner, but sometimes Soubi did something special, like taking Ritsuka down to the city or to the beach.

If Natsuo and Youji were there, Soubi would have to get Kio to watch them, since he was afraid they'd burn down his home if he left them alone. Maybe Soubi had already sent them to Kio's.

"Soubi?" Ritsuka called, stepping into the small apartment on the top of the building. He wasn't sure if he could call it an apartment since it was the only one on the top floor and it had its own roof. It was also tiny, a mere three rooms.

"Soubi?" Ritsuka called again. He made his way to Soubi's bedroom, opening the French doors, expecting to see Soubi asleep in the double bed. Soubi had a wild sleeping schedule and he often slept well into the day. If Ritsuka didn't wake him, Soubi would probably sleep through the entire day.

But he didn't find Soubi in his bedroom. Something about that worried him, and the fact that he hadn't answered when he had called for him _twice_ made him even more anxious. He tried to reason with himself, thinking that Soubi had probably just had too much to drink and passed out or maybe he had stayed the night at Kio's house to finish a project. Somehow, Ritsuka didn't believe himself.

Ritsuka thoroughly checked Soubi's room and was about to call the man's cell phone when he heard a weak, raspy groaning sound. Ritsuka's ears went straight up. He ran out of the room, his heart beating wildly. For the first time, Ritsuka noticed the dark crimson blood on the wood floor. Tiny puddles, which got larger and larger as they led into the kitchenette, splattered the floor. Ritsuka crept towards it, terrified, not for his life, but for Soubi's. Something had happened. It looked as though Soubi had lost a lot of blood. Had he gotten into a fight without Ritsuka again?

Nothing could ever prepare Ritsuka for what he saw as he looked around the corner. Soubi lay on the cold tile, bleeding heavily and seemingly unconscious. Blood stained his clothes, his hair, his skin, _everything_. His glasses were next to him, broken into pieces. The bandages on his neck were half torn off and dark, dark red. Cuts marred almost every piece of exposed skin. Ritsuka noticed that his clothes were a bit torn, too.

"Oh god…Soubi!" Ritsuka rushed to his side, scared out of his mind. This man that he definitely felt _something_ for could very well be on the brink of death. He knelt at his side, not caring that he was getting blood all over himself. Soubi was more important and he was all Ritsuka cared about now. He grabbed onto Soubi's hand, holding it tightly in his hand, looking down at the pale flesh.

Ritsuka felt the tears coming fast and he didn't try to stop them. His shaking fingers found their way down to Soubi's wrist. He breathed hard, trying desperately to find his pulse. Terrified, he waited, gripping Soubi's wrist as hard as he could. The pads of his finders were pressed so hard into Soubi's skin that, if he was still alive, a bruise would form there.

Suddenly, Ritsuka felt it. He opened his eyes, not realizing that he had closed them and hung his head a little so that Soubi's hand touched his forehead. Silently, he counted his heartbeat. _One, two, three, four…one, two three, four_. The rhythm was punishing and fast. If Ritsuka didn't get Soubi to the hospital soon he would die. He had lost too much blood and he was probably in a world of pain.

"…Ritsuka…" Ritsuka's head snapped up, recognizing Soubi's voice, even though it was raspy and barely audible. He watched Soubi open his eyes slowly and look at him with cloudy pupils. His left eye was bloodshot and he couldn't seem to focus on Ritsuka.

"Soubi! What happened?" Ritsuka was panicking. He had to do something. He didn't _care_ how much Soubi hated hospitals. He'd have to take him to one.

The hand Ritsuka was holding on to rose to Ritsuka's face, coming to a rest on his cheek. The moment had seemed strained. Ritsuka put his hand over Soubi's bloodied one, keeping it there. Despite the cuts and the free-flowing blood, Soubi's skin still felt soft and warm. Soubi looked to be drifting away again, letting his eyes fall shut. Ritsuka couldn't imagine how dizzy and lightheaded he was from the blood loss.

"Stay with me!" Ritsuka begged. He needed to know what had happened. Had Soubi gotten into a fight without Ritsuka, or was this much more complex than that? "Soubi! Please! What happened?"

Soubi kept his eyes half-open, but he was still falling away from Ritsuka. "I know why you like to make memories now…Ritsuka, I know who did this to you…" Soubi whispered. "Your amnesia…I know…" When he didn't finish the sentence, it only freaked Ritsuka out even more.

"Hang on!" Ritsuka's voice shook. But he wasn't concerned with keeping his emotions in check. He hung his head, crying hard. "Don't leave me! I have no one else!"

Soubi was the only person he had. He never saw his father, his mother was crazy, his only friend was an idiot, and his brother was…his brother had betrayed him and hurt Soubi. Yuiko, his dim-witted friend, would always be there for him, but she didn't understand the pain Ritsuka was going through. She couldn't. Soubi was the only one who could comfort him in the nights were terror reigned in the darkness of Ritsuka's dreams. Soubi was the only person who could understand his pain and hold him close when he hurt the most.

"I'm not leaving you, Ritsuka…" Ritsuka could've sworn he had heard amusement in Soubi's voice. "I won't…I promise…I…love you…"

"No!" Ritsuka shouted, not at his words, but at the way Soubi had closed his eyes and was unresponsive. He had heard the truth in his words, but that was the kind of thing someone would say right before they died. "I-I'm going to call an ambulance! Soubi! Don't leave me!"

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**Hello,**

**I really like where this new story is going.**

**Review if you like it and want the next chapter quicker :)**

**~Wolfie  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter two**

The paramedics had come merely seconds after Ritsuka had called the emergency number. They asked Ritsuka for an explanation, but all he could do was stutter and say 'I don't know'. He was in shock. He had been able to tell the paramedics Soubi's name, blood type, age, height, and weight, but that was about all.

The ride on the ambulance had been even more terrifying than when Ritsuka first found Soubi on the floor. Soubi's heart had stopped not just once, but twice. Ritsuka was in tears both times. He hadn't been able to watch as they restarted his heart, but all Ritsuka could hear was the sound of the flat-lined beeping. It was a mystery to the four paramedics in the ambulance how Soubi had survived dying twice.

Ritsuka was allowed to come with, but was forced to stay in the waiting room. The nurse had drilled him with questions such as 'what happened?', 'Is he suicidal?', 'Does he have any family?', and 'What are you to him?'. Ritsuka tried to give the most information possible, but most of the questions he answered with one-word answers. The last one had stumped him a bit, though, but he ended up just saying 'a good friend'. It wasn't exactly a lie. Ritsuka considered Soubi to be more than just his Fighter and more than a friend. He thought of him as a sort of boyfriend, but he couldn't tell the nurse that. If she pressed for more, Ritsuka would just answer that Soubi was some distant cousin, since he couldn't pass him off as anyone in his immediate family. They looked too different.

After the nurse was satisfied, she left Ritsuka alone, telling him that if he wanted to stay overnight, she could set him up in a room. Ritsuka had thanked her blankly, though happy for her consideration. He wasn't going to leave the hospital until he sure of Soubi's condition. If Ritsuka was in the hospital like this, Soubi would never leave his side, so Ritsuka was determined to do the same.

Ritsuka sat in the waiting room, thinking about his thirteenth birthday. He wasn't sure why he was recalling this memory out of all the ones he had with Soubi, but he guessed it was because it had only happened about a month or so ago.

Soubi and Kio had thrown Ritsuka a surprise party in Soubi's apartment and invited Yuiko and Yayoi, and even Osamu, his friend from his old school. Natsuo and Youji were there, too. Ritsuka had told Soubi before that he hated parties, but this one was fun, since it was with his closest friends. Ritsuka had been reluctant to have fun at first, but soon he was laughing with the people he liked the most.

The part Ritsuka remembered the most was when Soubi took his hand and led him into his bedroom. The others were playing a tournament with a video game, and Ritsuka had just gone, meaning that he wouldn't have to go again for a while. Ritsuka had been nervous at first when Soubi had taken him into the bedroom and shut the door behind them, but he had soon realized that Soubi wouldn't do anything to hurt him. The man had sat on the bed next to him, put his arm around him, and pulled him in for twelve short chaste kisses. Ritsuka hadn't minded and he hadn't fought back. It was just kissing.

The thirteenth kiss was different, though. Soubi had kissed him long and slow, deepening the kiss by licking at Ritsuka's lips. Ritsuka had opened his mouth and his cheeks had heated up when Soubi started using his tongue. It wasn't the first time they'd made out, but it was certainly the most memorable. Soubi had pressed a package into Ritsuka's hands when the boy had to pull away for air. It looked to have been hand wrapped, and quite badly, too. Soubi had looked at him apologetically, smiling slightly. Ritsuka had laughed and told him that he should've used a box. Soubi said that made more sense.

Inside the badly wrapped package, Ritsuka found a soft green scarf and some drawings Soubi had done for him. One was of a butterfly, one of a kitten with black fur and big eyes, another of Ritsuka looking half-asleep, and another that looked like it had been drawn from a photograph of a group picture of all of Ritsuka's friends, including Soubi and Kio. Ritsuka had hugged Soubi, thanking him happily and later hung the drawings up in his room so that he could look at them.

Ritsuka had the green scarf on as he sat hunched over in the uncomfortable chair. He glanced down, seeing that there was a little blood on it. He frowned; he really liked the scarf and he was glad that there was only a little blood on it. He thought of the kiss with Soubi in the bedroom again, trying to keep himself occupied in the boredom that the waiting room provided.

When Ritsuka had thought about the kiss later on his birthday night when he was alone in his bed, he had gotten painfully aroused by the thought of Soubi putting his talented tongue… other places than Ritsuka's mouth. He found himself unable to think of anyone but Soubi, which didn't surprise him. He had touched himself, imagining that Soubi was in the bed with him, touching him in places that a man his age should not be touching on a boy Ritsuka's age. He did this frequently while alone, and always to thoughts of Soubi. He was a bit embarrassed by it, so he had never actually _told_ him, but instead got off to thoughts or pictures of him.

Ritsuka sometimes looked at videos online of men doing dirty things to each other, but he was never interested in them unless one of the men reminded him of Soubi in some way. He always ended up looking at the photos he had of the Fighter, anyways. He didn't know how many nights he spent curled up on his bed after a wet dream, a hand in his pants, stroking himself, and holding an innocent photo in his other hand, wishing desperately that Soubi was with him.

"Aoyagi Ritsuka," A woman from the nurse's station called, motioning to Ritsuka and drawing him out of his thoughts. Ritsuka got up, making his way over to the nurse's station. He was exhausted. He had been waiting all day and now it was well into the night.

Ritsuka yawned, meeting the nurse's eyes. He was trying to appear strong. He wouldn't let the emotional turmoil he was going through show. Soubi's heart had already failed twice. He probably wouldn't live through another heart failure. The doctors probably had no idea what was going on with him. Whatever had happened was part of a spell. Ritsuka had figured out at least that.

"You are Aoyagi Ritsuka, correct?" The elderly nurse was staring at him disbelieving eyes.

"I am." It was getting hard to keep from breaking down. The man who had taken care of him and had loved him for more than a year could be dead. Soubi had promised not to leave him, but there was no way he could know that.

"Oh dear…" The nurse was saying. "Agatsuma-san named you as someone to contact in a medical emergency. Obviously, you're too young to sign off on any medical procedures. Do you know this…Kaidou Kio? He's named as a secondary contact."

"I'm his primary contact?" Ritsuka asked dumbly. She nodded and handed him Soubi's medical papers. Soubi _knew_ that Ritsuka was too young to sign off on anything. It probably wasn't even legal to name him as his primary contact. To be honest, it surprised Ritsuka that Soubi even had medical insurance, since he completely hated doctors, even though he had good medical knowledge. "That's odd… Oh…yes I know Kio. I can give you his number. Can I see how Soubi's doing?"

The old woman glanced at another, younger, nurse, exchanging a knowing look with her. "I'm sorry to inform you, Aoyagi-san, but…" She seemed reluctant to go on, though she did, "Your friend is brain-dead."

Ritsuka dropped the papers, his body shutting down in some sort of shock. Brain-dead. The heart failures Soubi had suffered had left him brain-dead. Ritsuka had learned about strokes and heart attacks in school, though he didn't know which one Soubi had gone through.

"No…" Ritsuka whispered, feeling unable to think, or even to stand. Soubi was gone. Being brain-dead meant that he would never be able to _do_ anything again. A brain-dead person's soul was gone, simply leaving the vessel of a body behind. Soubi wouldn't be Soubi anymore. He was gone forever.

Ritsuka felt his head whirl and he gripped the counter to keep himself upright. His vision blurred and every sound became mended together, even the sound of the nurse distantly asking him if he was okay. He didn't answer, was unable to. Ritsuka had lost the person closest to him, the one he cared about the most. It all felt so very sudden. No…this couldn't be happening.

"Aoyagi-san!" The nurse shouted as Ritsuka's body collapsed and his mind shut down, unable to grasp the reality that Soubi was gone.

When Ritsuka came to, he was in a dimly lit hospital room that reeked of antiseptic. His mind spun and his vision blurred. He could make out a person's face right in front him, though he couldn't tell who it was since he was seeing double. His heart beat franticly, pounding in his chest and causing the heart rate monitor's graph to jump drastically. He sat up, breathing hard and clutching his chest, his eyes blinking as he attempted to regain the ability to see correctly.

"Hey, kid," That voice belonged to Kio, which Ritsuka confirmed when he finally stopped seeing double. The green-haired man was the one leaning over him with a sad, sad smile on his face. A glance around the room told Ritsuka that he himself had been admitted to the hospital after his fainting spell.

"How…" Ritsuka stopped and swallowed, embarrassed that his voice had come out in a small squeak. "How long have I been out?"

He knew what had happened. He knew damn well. He had gone into shock after hearing that his best friend was brain-dead. Ritsuka _wished_ that he hadn't remembered so quickly. That way he could have a few moments of bliss before returning to the dreary, hopeless world that was now his life. Nothing would be the same after this. Ritsuka had lost a person he really cared about. This was worse than when Seimei had 'died'.

"A few hours," Kio must have been told the awful news already. Ritsuka sighed, not wanting his pity or faux happiness, and rolled over onto his side. All his thoughts were on Soubi, not on the fact that he had also been admitted to the hospital. He had to see Soubi, whether the older man was brain-dead or not. He couldn't believe it if he didn't see him.

Kio appeared to be taking it well, or that was at least the front that he put on for Ritsuka. Ritsuka could see through his façade, though. There was an undeniable sadness deep in his eyes. Had he already seen Soubi, or had the doctors kept him from doing so?

"Have you already seen him?" Ritsuka quietly asked. He had to keep calm. Inside, he didn't know _what_ the hell he was feeling. He cared so much about Soubi. He couldn't just be gone so suddenly, without any warning. That wasn't how the world worked, it couldn't be.

Kio hesitated for a long time, longer than Ritsuka wanted to put up with. He was about ready to get up and go find Soubi himself, when Kio finally answered. "Yes, I have," Ritsuka curiously turned over, hearing the depression that was in his voice. "I can take you down there, but, Ritsuka…He's really gone…"

Ritsuka frowned, refusing to believe it. He had learned about the stages of loss in health class and denial had been one of them. He couldn't be going through them. He didn't know for sure if he had lost Soubi yet. Besides, he didn't go through those stages when Seimei had faked his death, so he shouldn't now, either.

Then again, Soubi wasn't Ritsuka's brother. He was something more. He had taken care of Ritsuka when no one else would. There really wasn't a way to describe what Soubi was to him, but he was somebody very close and special. Soubi meant everything to him. Ritsuka had nothing and nobody without him. Ritsuka could very well deal with his death much different.

"Please, take me to see him," Ritsuka requested, spotting his green scarf on the small table behind Kio. It brought back the memory of the birthday party and the intimate time he had with Soubi that day.

"Alright," Kio held out his hand to help Ritsuka up, but he rejected it, stumbling a little as he followed Kio out of the room. He had taken off the pads that measured his heart rate as well as the blood pressure band he had on. Luckily the hospital staff hadn't given him an IV and had left him in his clothes, with the exception of his coat and scarf, which were on the table. Ritsuka snatched the scarf before leaving the room, holding it close to him as if it were part of the person who had given it to him.

It was about two in the morning on Saturday now, but when Ritsuka had first gone over to Soubi's it had been a Friday. He wondered where Soubi was planning to take him, whether it was just to dinner or on a walk. The previous week Soubi had taken him to an isolated beach away from the city they lived in so that they could look up at the stars. They couldn't do this at a city beach, due to the lights causing extreme light pollution. It had really been the first time Ritsuka had ever seen so many stars. He was happy that he could spend that time sitting in Soubi's lap, a blanket pulled over them both, looking up at the stars as the man held him close.

Ritsuka was so lost in the thought of that night to the point where he didn't notice that they had arrived at the room until Kio left his side to persuade a doctor to let them into Soubi's room. The door was shut and orderlies and doctors swarmed around it. Above the door was a sign, announcing it the intensive care unit. One overweight older nurse slipped to his side, smiling deviously at Ritsuka.

"Are you here to see that college kid?" Ritsuka's head snapped up at her annoying, high-pitched. Ritsuka narrowed his eyes at her and nodded slowly, thinking that this woman was either a huge idiot to be talking about a patient or she was simply inconsiderate. She grinned again, and Ritsuka went with his second assumption.

She leaned down, talking in a low voice to Ritsuka, "I heard he was so depressed that he attempted suicide. Ha! I guess he succeed. I know I shouldn't be talking about an open file, but god, this is the weirdest story I've heard in my entire career. Apparently, he's all cut up and lost a lot of blood. 'Multiple blunt force injuries' was what the doctors say. What kind of a moron would attempt suicide in such a painful way? Why not just take some pills? God, what an idiot."

Ritsuka nearly slapped her at that point. He almost forgot about his pacifistic ways, and his promise that he'd never hurt anybody. He restrained himself at the last moment, though it took a lot of willpower.

Who was she to talk about Soubi like that? She didn't even know him! Nobody did, not like Ritsuka, none of the doctors, or nurses, or the lawyers who probably wanted to cut his organs out and kill him for good. Perhaps Kio did know him well, but nobody except Ritsuka knew what really happened to Soubi. Not even he fully knew. Only Soubi knew what had happened, and it didn't sound like he was around to tell it anymore.

"So anyways, kid, who are you?" The old woman chatted on, wakening Ritsuka out of his fit of rage.

Ritsuka angrily met her eyes, staring up at her from his short structure. "I'm the idiot's boyfriend," He growled. He was about to lose that control he'd worked so hard to maintain. He could feel it. All of his feeling, the anger at her, the frustration at losing the only person who loved him, the hatred towards the doctors who wouldn't be able to fix Soubi, the sadness, everything. He was losing control again, just as he had when he'd fainted, only this time it'd come out differently. Or maybe the feelings would just overflow and he'd faint again. That was the best-case scenario, the worst being that he lost every sense of his morals and attacked this woman.

Control, control… he had to regain control. Aggravation at himself and everyone else was surfacing quickly, and Ritsuka couldn't stop it. He had no control. It had all left with his sanity. He hoped he would faint again; that way he wouldn't do anything he would regret later. This woman deserved it, though. She had talked about an open case file to some random person, and the things she said had also been horrible.

_No…no…_ Ritsuka thought, trying to stop himself. Revenge wasn't the answer. Taking his anger out on people made him no better than a murder. Run, his body told him. Ritsuka felt stuck to the ground, the world spinning around him as he stared up at the nurse. He held her gaze steadily, though he willed himself to look elsewhere. He honestly wanted to open the door to ICU unit, find Soubi, and throw himself at him and beg for him to come back.

"Oh…" The woman stepped back, studying him thoughtfully. "So the guy is suicidal _and_ a pedophile?"

That set Ritsuka off. Before he could stop himself, he had thrown himself at .?docid=20330823 old woman, kicking and screaming. He couldn't believe himself, but it was impossible to stop once he'd been set off. He was lost. Everything blurred around him and suddenly everybody was watching him. He attacked the woman and the next thing he remembered was somebody familiar suddenly yelling his name and pulling him off of where he had gotten the woman pinned to the ground.

"Put me down!" Ritsuka yelled, not willing to put up with anybody at the moment. That was the first time he had ever freaked out like that and he was ashamed he hadn't been able to command his body or mind. It was almost as if he was still in shock or breakdown mode from before. "Put me down, you…you…!"

Ritsuka shut his eyes tightly and allowed himself to be carried off to god knows where. He wasn't coherent enough to realize who it was, but he knew it was someone familiar. The warm, large hands on his back…if he tried hard enough and closed his eyes he could almost trick himself into believing that it was Soubi carrying him. He stopped yelling and struggling, going limp in the person's arms and hiding his face in their shirt, just wanting everything to end.

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**Please review with your thoughts on this if you would like the next chapter faster!**

**Thank you to Lolita otaku, ScratchingOnTheWalls, bigmachine, lovelessreviewer, Tlcatlady, Lollipop, Eternaltearsofblood, Nica Anodyne, DarkangelJudas, promocat, yell0wbutterfly, and the nameless reviewer for the reviews! Please keep it up!**

**~Wolfie**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter three**

Ritsuka thought that he had fallen asleep, when he was dumped on something soft. He opened his eyes, fully sane again and looked up at Kio, who had been carrying him. He felt better and his head felt a lot clearer than it had before. He could think now.

"You alright?" Kio was staring down at him with concerned eyes, something that Ritsuka wasn't understanding. He wasn't the one Kio should be focusing it. He should be thinking of Soubi, and not Ritsuka's well being. Ritsuka was _alive_ where there was a very high possibility that Soubi wouldn't be for much longer. Even though he was brain-dead, he wasn't completely dead yet. He was still in critical condition, since he was being isolated.

Ritsuka nodded. "I have to see him. Where are we?" He glanced around, not finding himself familiar with the comfortable room. It was small, with the comfortable couch that he was laying on, a television mounted on the wall, and a large double bed in the corner. It only had two doors- one to a bathroom and one that Kio had carried him through. It looked more like a living space than anything. Had Ritsuka fallen asleep and Kio had taken him back to his apartment?

"This is one of the guest rooms they have here. I checked it out because it's extremely close to the intensive care unit," Kio explained carefully. He offered his hand for Ritsuka to take, smiling slightly at him, "Come on. I'll take you to go see him, but I'm not leaving your side this time."

This time, Ritsuka held onto his arm in case he had another breakdown. The scene he had caused had been humiliating. Ritsuka was usually told that he was very mature and calm, but what he had done had proven that wrong. He had had a panic attack and he wasn't able to hold down his emotions. It made him unstable and balancing between sanity and insanity. He hated it. How could Soubi have so much of an effect on him? He hadn't even acted like this when Seimei had been 'dead'.

"No, Kio," Ritsuka pulled back right before they had gone out the door. "I'm really sorry I acted like that, but I can't go out and face those people. They'll all be staring at me." Ritsuka hated attention. Well, that wasn't right. He liked it when _Soubi_ paid attention to him. That kind of attention was nice, but Ritsuka hated being singled out in a crowd. It made him nervous to have all eyes on him, as if everybody was just waiting for him to do something wrong. That was what it was going to be like if he went out into that hallway again. Everybody would be whispering and staring and expecting him to freak out again.

How he had gotten away with attacking a woman, he didn't know. They all probably thought he was some sort of escaped mental patient. Maybe he really did belong in the mental ward because of his strong reaction to Soubi's condition. It wasn't normal; it couldn't be. Ritsuka had never heard stories of anybody having such a huge panic attack as he did.

"It's okay. There's another way. And Ritsuka," Kio was looking at him with such understanding, that Ritsuka believed him. "I know that you really cared about him. What you did back there…it was completely normal for someone who lost someone very important. That woman shouldn't have said what she did, anyways. I'm not going to scold you because I know that you wouldn't have done it normally." Kio paused, not moving or saying anything for a minute. Finally, he said in a soft voice, "He loved you, you know."

Ritsuka gripped his arm, feeling his legs weaken again. The tears were welling up in his eyes, but he didn't let them fall. "I know," He whispered back. "And…I think what I feel for him may be love…I'm not sure, so I never said it. I wish I had, though…"

As Kio led Ritsuka by the arm down multiple hallways to the second entrance to the intensive care unit, Ritsuka mulled over what he had just confessed. He didn't know what love was. He thought he loved his mother, but she beat him every single day. He loved Seimei, but he was mad at him for betraying him and hurting Soubi. Ritsuka was still learning this concept of love. Soubi told him he loved him, but not as frequently as he had before. The times that he did say it, it was special and he sounded like he meant it.

Soubi loved Ritsuka, but Ritsuka didn't quite understand his feelings for the older man. He adored him, but that seemed like too simple and childish of a word. Ritsuka didn't like to see him depressed, he loved to spend time with him, and they had a physical closeness that didn't go as far as sex and was very comfortable; was there even a word to describe what Soubi was to him.

In some ways, Soubi was like a parent to him, but that wasn't all of their relationship. He did help Ritsuka with his homework, pick him up from school, and often times put him to bed. That wasn't all of it, though. Soubi did things in addition to those that made him much more of a boyfriend or lover. He would flirt with Ritsuka while he helped the child with his homework and steal kisses from him while doing so. When he picked him up from school, he would hug him closely, more intimate than a friend would hug another friend. When putting him to bed, Ritsuka would ask for Soubi to sleep with him, since he had a lot of nightmares, or sometimes all he had to do was pull Soubi's sleeve to get him to come to bed with him.

Then there were the things Soubi did that Ritsuka couldn't even categorize, things that made them closer than an average couple. These were the things like when Soubi had stayed up with him all night just to keep a particularly bad nightmare away, or when he cared for Ritsuka when he had the flu, even when the teen started throwing up all over himself and wetting the bed. Soubi had stayed with him through all that, even taking it upon himself to change the sheets and make sure nobody knew before he washed them.

Sometimes Ritsuka didn't feel like he was pulling his own weight in the relationship. Soubi seemed happy, though, with just Ritsuka coming over almost every afternoon and spending some time with him before going home to his abusive mother. He didn't know why it made Soubi so happy; it was something so simple and natural. One person was supposed to care for another. Soubi cared for Ritsuka and Ritsuka cared for Soubi. It was a belief held inside almost every living person. It was almost as if Soubi had never experienced someone else being kind and gentle with him, as Ritsuka tried his hardest to be.

Kio nudged Ritsuka, bringing him back to the real world, the world where Soubi was somewhere in a hospital destined to never move again. A pang pulled at Ritsuka's heart. He felt empty inside, without any real hope. Soubi was brain-dead. Why would the doctors lie? Maybe he was moving from the 'disbelief' stage to the 'acceptance' stage. Or, more likely, to the 'bargaining' or 'regret' stages.

"This is the second entrance to the ICU," Kio informed Ritsuka. He glanced around, noting the much quieter, calmer surroundings. There was a nurse's station nearby, but only a short, young nurse was behind it. She glanced up, and glanced back down, not showing any signs of having heard about Ritsuka's breakdown.

"Miss!" Kio waved her over. She took one last look at her paperwork and then made her way over. Ritsuka noted that he had simply _assumed_ she was a doctor; she was actually a very important doctor. Her name tag told Ritsuka she was the head immunologist who worked in the ICU.

Kio quickly explained to her that their friend was in the intensive care unit, and that they needed to see him. The woman nodded when she was told that it was Soubi, and unlocked the large, metal door, leading them down a long hallway. They past nurses with masks on, tiny crying babies, and multiple isolation chambers that were so high-risk that people had to wear suits that looked like they belonged to an astronaut just to go inside.

At last, they arrived at Soubi's room and the doctor left them, saying she had to go deliver a baby. Ritsuka simply stood at the door, emotions swirling inside of him, rising up until he felt like he was going to throw up from it. The distinct hospital smell, that scent of antiseptic, disinfectant, and urine didn't help much, either. He was starting to hate hospitals as much as Soubi did. Or _had_.

Kio gently put a hand on Ritsuka's shoulder, and the boy suddenly appreciated his company. He wouldn't be able to do this alone. Wordlessly, Ritsuka opened the door, not knowing what to expect, and slipped inside, Kio closing the door as he followed suit. He took a seat silently on the plastic chair on the far wall and Ritsuka glanced at him before quietly padding over to the hospital bed. He stood beside it, taking in the form that lay sleeping in it, his eyes filling with un-fallen tears again.

Soubi still looked like Soubi. Ritsuka could almost imagine that the man was just sleeping. Most of the blood had been cleaned off of him, though there were still spots of the crimson liquid that matted his blonde hair. He had a large, deep gash running from just above his left eye down to his right cheek, but it looked to be healing extremely fast. There was a bandage wrapped around his head, and many more on his exposed arms. Ritsuka noticed that the doctors had given him a hospital gown to wear, instead of his normal clothes.

It pained Ritsuka to see him like this. Soubi had always had pale skin, but it had never been like this. He seemed unhealthily white, like a ghost. It scared Ritsuka. He could distantly hear the heart rate monitor's constant, steady beeping, but he had to place his hand over Soubi's heart just to make sure. He felt it, a quiet rhythm that the child had memorized through nights of having his head in that spot, taking comfort in his heartbeat as Soubi held him.

The hand on Soubi's chest drifted downwards until he was grasping Soubi's hand in his own, feeling his soft, abused skin and the familiar warmth of his palm.

"Wake up, Soubi, please," He begged softly, hanging his head as he held his hand. There was a sudden jump in the heart rate beeping and Ritsuka's head shot up to see Soubi's eyes flutter open. Ritsuka's hopes soared, his heart skipping a beat.

"Ritsuka, no," Kio had been silent up until that point, and his voice was weak and broken. "Blinking, eye movement, waking up, Ritsuka, it doesn't _mean_ anything. It's all natural. There's nobody in there."

Ritsuka's feelings fell again. It was stupid to have thought that someone could wake up from being brain-dead. The entire concept was impossible. Then again…this was all probably caused by a spell, and anything could happen with a spell, even if it was beyond reasonable.

Ritsuka gave Soubi's hand a squeeze and then released it. He couldn't take this. It was too much for him to handle right now. He just wanted to go back to the room Kio had gotten and curl up on the couch and sleep for a thousand years. He rose, glancing at Kio. The expression on his face must have given him away, since the man headed towards him, pulling him into a tight, comforting hug. That was what Ritsuka really wanted, someone to hug him and tell him that it was okay, but the person Ritsuka wanted to do it was Soubi.

They started to head out after a long few moments, and Ritsuka looked back for one last glance at Soubi when he noticed something very strange. Ritsuka stopped, pulling at Kio's arm.

"What is it?"

"He's watching us," Ritsuka stated, unsure of how else to put it. The Fighter's eyes, or more correctly, _eye_, seemed to be watching them and following their movements. It was only his right eye, though. The left was cloudy and Ritsuka was almost positive that Soubi was now blind in that eye.

"Ritsuka…"

"No, watch," Ritsuka walked across the room, keeping his gaze on Soubi. He watched Ritsuka, his right eye following his movements until Ritsuka was out of his peripheral view. It was odd, but it made Ritsuka think of something he'd read about in a magazine. He couldn't quite remember what it was, but it was some kind of a rare condition where it was misdiagnosed as brain-death almost all the time.

"That's odd…" Kio looked from Ritsuka to Soubi as Ritsuka walked back across the room. Ritsuka met Soubi's eyes, and the man blinked at him. Ritsuka could've sworn he saw Soubi trying to smile.

Ritsuka rushed to his side, filled again with hope that he wished wasn't fake. He tried to remember what he had read in the magazine. There had been something about a blinking test, though what it was escaped him.

"Soubi, blink four times if you can hear me." Once could be a simple blink, twice could be a fluke, three times could be a coincidence, but four times would be definite. Four was the magic number. Four could bring Soubi back to Ritsuka, although doctors claimed it never be possible.

And without hesitation, Soubi blinked. Four times.

Forgetting to be careful of his IV, Ritsuka threw his arms around Soubi happily, not believing his luck. He heard Kio gasp, hesitate, and then yell for a doctor. Soubi wasn't gone, he was still here. He hadn't been taken from Ritsuka.

Ritsuka almost felt like he was going into shock again. It had been a long night, one that felt like a thousand years to him. In less than one day, Ritsuka had lost Soubi and gotten him back. How? He didn't know and didn't care at the moment. It probably had some kind of bizarre science behind it that Ritsuka wouldn't understand. Nothing mattered right then. Nothing except for Soubi.

A male doctor came in, growling and agitated that he had suddenly been called it. "What is it?" Ritsuka frowned at his rudeness, but he didn't let it worsen his mood. He sat up, holding Soubi's hand again, and opened his mouth to speak, growing more irritated when the doctor interrupted him before he could say anything. "Kid, he's dead. Accept it."

_How rude_. Was this hospital filled with unfriendly people? First the nurse, and now this guy. What was wrong with these people? Ritsuka knew the answer- it was because of his age. To them he was just some little kid who lost someone he was really attached to. They didn't even know the half of it. This was the man that helped him deal with the pain and he was the only one who loved him in such a sincere way. Ritsuka had been through things far beyond their imagination and this was the man that helped him keep himself together and sane, the man who had picked up all the pieces and put him back together, making him complete. Of course that was way too much, for any of these damn adults to understand, but they could at least respect him a little.

"No," Ritsuka objected, glaring at the guy as he rolled his eyes and sighed. "Watch." He turned back to Soubi, who was very much alive, and spoke again, "Soubi, blink five times." Again, he couldn't do any less of a number, or the doctor would just pass it off as some sort of muscular spasm of the eye.

Soubi obeyed without a pause and did as Ritsuka told him to. This seemed to catch the tall doctor's attention, since he narrowed his eyes, studying Soubi.

"Again," He ordered, confusion evident in his voice. Ritsuka imagined that Soubi wasn't very happy with this man, either, but he did it anyways. "Again," This guy was either an idiot, or he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Ritsuka was sure Soubi would be berating this man and insulting his stupidity if he could talk, but he just glanced towards Ritsuka and did the blinking again.

"_Now_ do you see?" Ritsuka asked, irritated.

"Yes," The curtness was gone from the physician's voice, wonderment and puzzlement taking its place. "But…it's impossible…! I-I measured his brain activity myself! He's brain-dead!"

Soubi's eyes, even his cloudy one, flickered to Ritsuka, who was standing over him. It did seem impossible, but this was Soubi's health they were talking about. This man could self-heal by simply sleeping. He had survived two severe heart failures and he was obviously still here, even though he had been pronounced brain-dead. Soubi clearly did not have the health of a normal person.

"No!" Ritsuka argued back. "Test him again!" There was that panic that Ritsuka had been trying to keep out of his voice. He was suddenly frustrated again, mostly at the doctors who didn't know _what_ was going on with him. He held Soubi's hand in both of his own, knowing that _he _was the only one who knew some of what was going on with the man.

"I…I must have made some sort of mistake…" The doctor was saying. "I'm going to get some other doctors…"

He left, only to come back with seven others within a minute. Ritsuka and Kio were quickly ushered out of the room, left outside with no knowledge of how Soubi was doing. Kio drove Ritsuka home. Ritsuka didn't tell him, but he hadn't wanted to go home. He had stayed at Soubi's on Thursday night, and he hadn't been home Friday at all. She would be absolutely furious with him for not being home for two nights. Kio didn't know that his mother beat him, and he didn't want to tell him, either, so he just let him drive him home, not knowing how bad his mother would be.

* * *

**I suppose this is a bit happier chapter.**

**Thanks to Tamer Lorika, Promocat, xxlovelessxbelovedxx, toolazytologin, yell0wbutterfly, eternaltearsofblood, Riaries, Cynthia, Lolita otaku, bigmachine, Tlcatlady, and lovelessreviewer for all the reviews! **

**Please review if you liked it and want to see what happens with Ritsuka's mother!**

**~Wolfie**

**...I really should be writing Taken  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter four**

Shivering and left out in the snow and freezing cold, Ritsuka pulled out his phone, his hands shaking as he dialed Kio's number. He had a huge gash across the bridge of his nose and cheeks that was still bleeding. Misaki had been extremely bad tonight. She had screamed hurtful words at him while shoving his face into the cold water in the bathtub until Ritsuka could no longer breathe, thinking she could bring her Ritsuka back by drowning this one. She had thrown broken glass and heavy books and anything else she could get her hands on at him, causing multiple lacerations and bruises. She had hit him with her fists as well, and then thrown him off of the balcony in his own room. He had landed hard on his back in the snow, freezing and hurting everywhere.

Soubi had always told him to call him or come to his house when this happened. That was exactly what Ritsuka had been doing lately. He would show up at all hours of the night at Soubi's house in tears and would ask in a shaking voice if it was okay to come in. He trusted Soubi. He could always count on him to take him into his arms, no matter what time it was, and show the child that he loved him. Soubi would take Ritsuka into the apartment and bandage his wounds, always talking with Ritsuka during it, no matter how angry he was at Misaki. It was comforting, and Soubi was always overly careful and gentle with him. He usually refused to take Ritsuka back home, but, if he did, he would always stay with him until morning.

If he got the chance, Ritsuka would call him while Misaki was beating him, but that was extremely rare. Now that Soubi was in the hospital, Ritsuka hadn't been sure if he could call Kio. For a few minutes, he simply sat in the snow, freezing, in just a t-shit. His mother had stripped him of all his clothes when Misaki had tried to drown him. He had managed to grab a shirt before thrown off the balcony. It wasn't even his shirt. Ritsuka had grabbed one of the ones Soubi had left at his house when he had begun spending the night more often.

Kio answered, sounding sleepy. Ritsuka told him that he had been thrown out of his house, but nothing more, and Kio agreed to come get him. Ritsuka sat on his front lawn, knees pulled up against his chest and his arms around them in an attempt to keep warm. He waited, shivering harder than he ever had before. He was too cold to even cry.

While he waited, Ritsuka distracted himself by thinking about Soubi and how he had helped Ritsuka in times like these. His mother had been getting worse and worse and her delusions were becoming more vivid to her. She was never sane anymore. She lived in her dream world every second of the day, now. Before, there were times where she was nice and caring, but those times had slowly begun to lessen until there weren't any more. Ritsuka had mentioned once to Soubi that maybe he deserved it because he had absorbed the other Ritsuka. That was the only time Ritsuka ever remembered Soubi raising his voice to him.

He hadn't _yelled_ at Ritsuka, per say, but he had gotten somewhat angered and he did raise his voice, but not to a yelling level. Ritsuka had been taken aback by it, all the same. He still remembered exactly what Soubi had said to him that night and the exact way he said it. He had gotten straight to the point, immediately telling Ritsuka 'No!' after Ritsuka had said the remark. He had told him that _this was_ Ritsuka, that he wasn't just some imposter, and he was the same person he was two years ago, he'd just changed a little. Ritsuka had stared at him in shock and told him 'thank you'. Soubi had apologized for raising his voice, and that was the end of the discussion, though Ritsuka lay in bed later, staring up at the ceiling and back at Soubi, who was fast asleep beside him, and wondered if he had been right.

Ritsuka looked up every time he heard a car go down the road that his street branched off of. Every time his hopes were killed, though. How long had it been? Ritsuka checked the clock on his phone, sadly noting the dying battery. It had only been ten minutes. From Ritsuka's house to the hospital was at least that. Hopefully, Kio would be here soon.

He would give anything to go to Soubi's apartment right then and curl up into the man's arms, warm and safe from his mother. He couldn't even walk to the apartment, since he had left his key inside and the only thing he had on was the oversized t-shirt. Misaki had locked every door, making it impossible to get into his own house.

Frowning, Ritsuka looked down at his fingers, wondering how long it took for a wet, young teenager to get frostbite. At least his fingers weren't blue. Yet. His wet hair clung to his head, visibly frozen into clumps. He glanced up at the sky just in time to see a large, thick snowflake fall. Down the street, a horn blared, but Ritsuka didn't look up. It was too far away. He rested his head on his knees, hoping the wind wouldn't blow his frail body away.

He must've started to fall asleep, because the next thing he heard was Kio's shocked yell of his name and him running towards Ritsuka. Ritsuka didn't even open his eyes, too tired from the late-night/early-morning beating.

"Ritsuka!" Kio was suddenly beside him, putting his warm coat around his cold body. "Good god…why the hell are you out here so late? You're wet! Why didn't you go inside?"

That was right. Ritsuka had forgotten that Kio knew nothing about his mother's constant delusions. "Mom…" Ritsuka tried to mumble, raising his head slightly. He heard Kio gasp at the bad cut on his face, which was still bleeding lightly.

The next thing he knew, he was being thrown into the backseat of Kio's car and blankets were being piled on top of him. He finally opened his eyes, still shivering, and he realized just how much his body ached.

"Ow…"Ritsuka said quietly when Kio touched his head, swabbing something that stung on the cut. "Hurts… stop…" He couldn't seem to think straight. It was almost as if the cold wind had blown everything out of his brain or a layer of snow was laying on top of his mind, preventing him from reaching what was in it. Whose car was he in? Why did he feel so much pain? Where was Soubi? Why was Kio here and not him?

"I can't, Ritsuka," Kio told him gently, using the same tone of voice that Soubi had used when he would take a broken Ritsuka in and treat his wounds. "Tell me what happened."

"…Can't remember," Ritsuka said, his voice shaking and his teeth chattering uncontrollably. Cold, cold, cold. Why was he so cold? He could remember what had happened, though not clearly. He wanted something, something that he missed so badly. There were arms around him, but he couldn't remember whose. Kio's? Soubi's? Soubi; that was who he wanted right now, but was not there.

"Are you starting to warm up?" The arms that were around him now had a voice, and then a face, and then a name. Ritsuka was starting to come back. His freezing body was starting to feel the warmth of the blankets and the body heat from Kio, who had him pulled close.

Ritsuka nodded, his eyes finally seeing sharp again, and not blurry faces and shapes. He was in Kio's car under layers of blankets and the heat turned up as high as it would go. His frozen hair stuck to his face and the cuts and scars his mother had made bled and stung. Soubi was in the hospital, unable to do anything more than blink to communicate, and Ritsuka missed him and wanted to see him.

"Tell me what happened," Kio said again in a little firmer, yet still soft tone.

"M-mom," Ritsuka's teeth still chattered and he still shivered, but less than before. "She cut m-me and tried to…to drown me. She t-threw things at me t…too." Ritsuka swallowed, trying to stop his speech impediment caused by the cold. "Then she p-picked me up, took me up to my room, and p…pushed me off the balcony."

Ritsuka honestly couldn't remember whether she'd pushed him off or thrown him off. He just recalled hands on him and then slamming onto the ground. Damn gravity. Why did it have to hurt so much?

Kio looked thoroughly shocked and disgusted. He stared at Ritsuka with wide eyes for a few more moments before going back to treating the cut on his face. He seemed to have a first-aid kit underneath the seat. "When you called me, I thought your parents just got mad at you for staying at Soubi's too much and kicked you out. I thought they knew you were hanging out with a guy so much older than you. That's what I always thought…" Kio spoke quietly as he dabbed something else at the cut that made it numb. "Soubi used to say that he hated your parents, but I would just roll my eyes and get back to my work. I…I thought he just didn't like them because they knew about you and him and didn't approve of it. I never imagined _this_…"

Kio stuck a large band-aid across the bridge of Ritsuka's nose and mopped up the rest of the blood with a piece of gauze. Embarrassed that someone else had to take care of him, Ritsuka pulled his arms out of the cocoon of blankets, showing Kio the bleeding irregular scars going up and down them.

"You didn't do this to yourself…did you?" Ritsuka shook his head, answering the older man's question. Kio breathed a sigh of relief.

Ritsuka glanced down sadly at the new scars, as well as some faded older ones. "She thinks that if she cuts enough that it'll drain all of my blood out and the Old Ritsuka will come back," Ritsuka decided to elaborate. It was part of the bathtub ritual Misaki had started to do recently. He hated it and was even a bit afraid of bathtubs, now. When Ritsuka had been sick with the flu and wet the bed and then threw up on himself, Soubi had tried to give him a bath. Ritsuka had fought him, though, afraid in his sick filled haze that Soubi was going to do the same thing that his mother did. Soubi had forced him into the bath, though, which had cleared Ritsuka's mind. Ritsuka later told him why he had tried to get away from Soubi and apologized for trying to hit him and fight him. Soubi had told him that it was alright and that Ritsuka hadn't hurt him at all.

"Why didn't you go back inside?" The way Kio was talking to him really reminded him of Soubi. He closed his eyes, letting him go to work at the cuts on his arms, still able to feel his mother holding him underwater for longer than he could hold his breath and then being held down in the empty bathtub as his mother cut scars on his arms, trying to drain all of his 'bad blood'.

"She locked me out and turned out all the lights. I tried to get up on the balcony like Soubi always does….did…but I couldn't," Ritsuka finally answered.

"I'm calling the police," Kio muttered. "I'm sorry that I dropped you off here. I think…I understand now. I never used to know why Soubi would follow you home and not come back for hours and hours. I used to accuse him of staying there to watch you because he was a pervert, but now…He was staying there to help you, wasn't he?"

Ritsuka nodded, pangs of depression starting deep within him. Even if Soubi was still alive and able to think, he would probably never move again, with the exception of blinking to communicate. Ritsuka couldn't keep holding onto the thought that because it was a spell he would snap out of it or wear off. It was false hope. Soubi was going to probably be like this forever. Ritsuka made a promise to never leave him, even though he was in this sort of state. He knew that Soubi would do the same for him.

"How often?" Kio's voice was nothing more than a hesitant whisper. Ritsuka didn't need clarification. He knew what Kio was asking: how often does she beat you?

Ritsuka couldn't bear to look at him, and his eyes flickered away when he answered, "Almost every day. She's gotten worse since I started coming home less and less. She used to just hit me a couple times if I was a few minutes late, but now it's much more than that. I suppose if I came home more, she wouldn't beat me as much."

Kio shook his head, wearing the same expression that Soubi had whenever Ritsuka told him what Misaki had done. "No, you shouldn't. You did the right thing. Soubi made sure you were loved and he cared for you. You couldn't have picked a better person to stay with."

Ritsuka blinked and attempted to hold back the tears. "I know."

Kio had finished treating the wounds on his arms and wrapped the mound of blankets tighter around him. He climbed into the front seat, saying, "I'm calling the police, Ritsuka."

Ritsuka finally came to his senses. "No!" He objected, trying to sit up, but failing. "You can't! They'll take her away! I'll be sent away! You don't get it! In their book, I'm just another statistic! They'll do the same thing with me that they do with those other kids! They won't understand that it's _my fault_!" He shut up, then, realizing he had made a mistake in saying that last sentence. He always thought it was his fault that the other Ritsuka had disappeared. He had taken his place, after all.

Kio slammed on the brakes, looking back at Ritsuka for a long moment before telling him, "It's not your fault."

All that night, Ritsuka fell into a half-asleep state of mind. He was still cold, despite all the blankets Kio had put around him, even the heated ones that came from the hospital. Kio wanted to admit him, but Ritsuka had gone into some sort of breakdown state again and refused to go into any room other than the one that Kio had been given so that he could stay at the hospital with Soubi.

Ritsuka had always slept with something. First it was Seimei, and then, when he died, it was an old pillow of Seimei's that smelled like him. When Ritsuka met Soubi, it was the cell phone that he kept on the pillow beside him during the night. Then, when they had grown closer, Ritsuka found it impossible to sleep without Soubi's warmth pressing against him and his gentle good-night kisses that were always pressed to Ritsuka's lips. Now, without Soubi, Ritsuka held onto his shirt, his nose pressed into it, taking in the scent that was strongly there and belonged uniquely to Soubi.

Kio had tried to take it away a couple times when he thought Ritsuka was asleep in the bed, since it was cold and wet and only contributing to Ritsuka's heat problem, but each time the boy snatched it back. Finally, Kio succeed in taking it away from him, but only because he promised he would dry it without taking the scent out of it.

Ritsuka honestly tried to sleep, but he was too worried about Soubi. Kio was on the phone, talking with the police, though Ritsuka wasn't really listening. Soubi had him worried to the point where he was actually starting to feel sick. His stomach churned and he wanted to puke, feeling absolutely horrible.

At some point in the night, a doctor knocked at the door and Kio followed him out, returning after a little while. Ritsuka heard him pacing for hours and hours before he finally sat down on the edge of the bed and gently shook him awake. Ritsuka came to, rolling over to look at him in the mass of blankets.

Kio's face was a mixture of sadness and confusion as he stared down at Ritsuka. Ritsuka had finally started to calm down a little about Soubi, resolving that he would find whoever did this to him and demand them to reverse the spell. This look that Kio was giving him told him something had gone wrong.

All he had to say to make Ritsuka want to run to Soubi's side again was, "Soubi fell into a coma."

* * *

**Please review for more! I swear, the real plot will start in the next chapter!**

**By the way, Loveless is finally getting an English dub!**

**Thank you so much to Lolita otaku, Bigmachine, Priscylla, Riaries, Lovelessreviewer, Vincy-Kun, Cynthia, Yell0wbutterfly, EternalTearsOfBlood, Tamer Lorika, Lollipop, and Tlcatlady for all the reviews! Please keep it up!**

**~Wolfie**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter five**

For the next week, Ritsuka lived at the hospital with Kio. He went to school, but it was a dreary time where his mind picked up nothing. His teacher and Yuiko tried to talk to him, but Ritsuka wanted nothing to do with them. He refused to answer questions in class and simply sat in his seat all day, staring out at the window and hoping that Soubi would show up at the main gate to pick him up afterwards. That never happened, of course, but Ritsuka could still wish for the impossible.

Kio waited for him every day, though it wasn't the same. He would pick the boy up and drive him to the hospital, where Ritsuka would sit at Soubi's side, holding his hand and waiting for him to wake up until Kio finally told him it was time to go. At that point, Ritsuka would go back to the room and try to do his homework. He would always get frustrated and end up throwing the textbook against the wall and curling up on the couch. It wasn't because he couldn't _do_ his homework, it was because homework seemed so insignificant compared to the other things going on it Ritsuka's life.

They slept in the same bed, but Ritsuka didn't curl up with Kio like he did with Soubi. He always slept far away, cocooned in blankets and clutching Soubi's shirt in his hands. Sometimes, by picking up the scent in it, he could imagine that Soubi was next to him, holding Ritsuka tight, and this entire thing had all been just a dream.

For a week, Ritsuka lived in this sad, horrifying state. His friends tried their hardest to coax the truth out of him, but they never got it. Ritsuka kept his feelings locked up and locked in, almost like Soubi.

Locked-in syndrome, the doctors called Soubi, as if his diagnosis was really that simple. As they explained, Soubi was quite literally trapped in his own mind and had lost all fine motor skills and was unable to reach the part of his brain that sent messages out to the rest of his body to move. To Ritsuka, it sounded absolutely horrible. He thought about what kind of questions they had to ask Soubi to fully diagnose him with locked-in syndrome. Of course, they had had to make sure that Soubi just wasn't having eye spasms at convenient times. He imagined that Soubi didn't like being asked a bunch of stupid questions while the doctors held up pictures of, for example, a blue car and then asked if it was blue. Ritsuka knew very well how much Soubi hated annoying and stupid people, and it amused him to try to predict what Soubi had been thinking about the doctors as they asked him questions.

On Friday, Ritsuka was extremely anxious to go to the hospital. The day had been particularly boring for him since Yuiko had drilled him with questions, trying to get him to open up. He had just kept quiet, refusing to say a word. Yuiko was persistent, though, and hadn't let up.

"Ritsuka-kun?" The bell had rung and Ritsuka was gathering his books to leave and Shinonome-Sensei called him up to her desk. "Can I talk to you?"

Ritsuka frowned, and glanced outside, noticing that Kio wasn't outside yet. Sometimes he was late, so it didn't surprise Ritsuka. It had been different with Soubi, though. Kio came just before school ended, where Soubi would come at least an hour before. Ritsuka had had countless days of staring out the window at the blonde man, captivated by how he moved so gracefully and looked so beautiful in the sunlight. Ritsuka had loved to admire the way the sunlight bounced off of his glasses and how it contrasted with his light blonde hair and how he always wore clothing that showed off his broad shoulders and muscled chest.

While waiting, Soubi would always smoke or sit against the brick wall to draw or do his homework for his classes, sometimes with a cigarette dangling from his mouth. Ritsuka loved watching him when he was supposed to be paying attention. It made him feel like a voyeur, watching something rare and natural. At times, Soubi would unexpectedly look up at the window Ritsuka sat by, catching the boy's gaze and smiling slightly. Ritsuka would usually blush and look away, but other times he would smile back and wave at him.

"What is it?" Ritsuka asked, annoyed, when he reached Shinonome-Sensei's desk. She had decided to stay with them into seventh grade. His teacher, twenty-four years of age, still retained her brown ears and tail, giving her a very childlike look to her. Ritsuka's own tail twitched in annoyance and he glanced outside again, hoping to see Kio so that he wouldn't have to talk to this childish teacher. He knew that she was going to try to get what was eating at him out in the open.

Shinonome Hitomi stared up at him from where she sat at her desk, looking a bit nervous. This was her first year teaching. Soon, the seventh graders would be graduating to high school.

Graduation. Ritsuka had gotten two tickets to his graduation ceremony. They were supposed to be for his parents, but Ritsuka knew that his father was too busy to come and his mother would just tear the slip of paper up, and he wanted an excuse to invite Soubi. One day when Ritsuka had gone over to Soubi's apartment, he had nervously asked him to come. He had hoped that the older man would agree, so that he could be like all the other kids and have somebody who was proud of him. Soubi had told him that of course he would come, that he would make sure to make it. He wouldn't miss it for the world.

Ritsuka had really been looking forward to graduating and Soubi coming to watch him, but that couldn't happen, now that Soubi was in a coma. Maybe Kio would come instead.

"I'm worried about you," Shinonome-Sensei's voice was steady and she sat up a little higher, seemingly regaining her everlasting persistence that Ritsuka had seen so much. "You haven't been talking in class at all and you won't speak to Yuiko or Yayoi at all. What's going on?"

Ritsuka wouldn't look at her, even while he debated whether or not to tell her. Kio still wasn't outside, so he had time. With Soubi, he had never stayed after class since the older man had only been late once or twice.

If he didn't tell Shinonome-Sensei, then he could keep on living in his little dreary world. If he did tell her, maybe everyone would stop asking, though that might just worry her more. Ritsuka knew that his teacher had a crush on Soubi and, although Ritsuka liked her and thought she was a good teacher, it annoyed him. He could tell from the way Hitomi would glance outside sometimes during a lesson and fall silent, blushing heavily. He didn't like it, but he knew that Soubi didn't even like her. It still made him jealous, though.

"Ritsuka?" Shinonome's voice was soft, as if she thought that that would get him to open up better. "Is there something you'd like to tell me?"

Ritsuka's head snapped up and he looked her straight in the eyes. He'd had enough of people talking to him like a stupid child when they didn't even know what was wrong. Neither Soubi nor Kio had ever done that to him, but everyone else did.

"Yeah," Ritsuka fought to keep his voice even, though anger seeped into it. "Soubi's in a coma and he's been diagnosed with locked-in syndrome. _Now_ do you understand why I've been like this all week?" His tone got louder in the last sentence and he fell silent afterwards. His teacher's eyes went wide in shock and Ritsuka glanced towards the door. Before he knew what he was doing, He darted out of the room, clutching his school books close to him. Hitomi yelled after him and chased him down a couple hallways, but Ritsuka had too much of a head start. He raced out of the school and down the street, unsure of where he was headed, and failing to notice Kio's car out on the street.

Kio yelled out his name and Ritsuka heard it, but didn't stop. He needed to be alone now. He headed where his feet carried him, not knowing where he was headed. He arrived at the park where he and Soubi had shared their first kiss, but he didn't stop there. A glance behind him told him that Kio had been following him for a few blocks. Ritsuka dashed through the park. He heard Kio get out of his car and run after him, yelling his name again. Ritsuka knew it would be hard to lose him.

Ritsuka ran out of the park and climbed up and over a chain link fence that guarded somebody's yard. A large dog barked at him and he started to feel rain drops falling on his kitten ears and head. Kio was trying to get over the fence himself, but Ritsuka was already scrambling into someone else's yard before he got over it.

Somehow, Ritsuka ended up at Soubi's apartment complex on the roof, sitting and sobbing at the doorsteps to Soubi's home. He couldn't hold it in any longer. It was too hard. This was all too hard. He just wanted to curl up inside and never come out, if it was possible. Maybe that was a bit harsh, but it was how he felt. Couldn't everyone just leave him alone for a while and let him deal with his loss?

Ritsuka was tempted to break in to Soubi's house. Soubi had given him a key one day when he walked Ritsuka home, and told him that if he ever needed to come over, don't hesitate to do so. Ritsuka hadn't had time to grab it, though, before his mother threw him out, but he wished he had thought of it before.

Soubi's home had become some place Ritsuka could run to when things got bad. He would always be welcomed in, no matter what his problem was. Sometimes, he would come over just so that he could be with Soubi, other times he would be hiding from his mother. It never mattered what time it was, either, since there had been occasions where Ritsuka would show up, shaking in fright, because of a bad dream in the middle of the night. That was probably the reason he had showed up here. He had felt threatened and had automatically run to the one place that had offered him safety in the past year or so.

Ritsuka hid his face in his arms, pulling his knees against his chest. He was sopping wet and cold again, but something about it made him feel so _alive_. He was sobbing loudly, but there was no one around to hear him. When he was alone like this, he could cry all he wanted. There was no one there to judge him or tell him to grow the hell up. Nobody would pity him. Here, he could release all of his anger and sadness into the world until he was empty and could go back to putting on his unemotional, unaffected front that those around him always saw.

He gave people what they wanted to see. If they wanted a mature, unemotional, unproblematic child, that was what they got. Nearly everyone demanded something from Ritsuka, including Yuiko and Shinonome-Sensei, though they didn't demand as strongly as the others. Misaki wanted him to act like the Old Ritsuka. His father wanted him to be quiet and unseen. The teachers at school wanted him to talk about his feelings and be happy, happy, happy, as if there was nothing wrong in his world. Ritsuka had begun to barely remember who he was- until he realized that Soubi wanted none of these things from him.

It all seemed to go back to Soubi. Soubi had never wanted anything that everyone else wanted from him. All he asked for was a little bit of affection, which Ritsuka was happy to give once he realized he could just be himself around Soubi. Soubi seemed to like Ritsuka for who he really was- a stubborn, hot-headed, sarcastic, sometimes childish, but mostly mature teenager. He was relieved to be around Soubi since being somebody else usually exhausted him.

Ritsuka was seriously considering breaking in. Soubi himself had taught Ritsuka how to do it in case Ritsuka had lost or had his key stolen. In fact, the kitchen window in the Aoyagi house had been replaced at least five times from the times that Soubi had broken in or simply broken the window to distract his mother. In the weeks before, Misaki had taken to tying Ritsuka up, locking all the doors and windows in the house, and leaving. If Soubi hadn't broken in at those times, Ritsuka would've needed to be taken to the hospital, since his mother hadn't returned until three days later. The second time she did it, she left for five days.

Ritsuka was just about to make up his mind and go find a rock to break the window with when he heard footsteps approaching and heavy breathing. He looked up, lifting his head out of his arms to find a soaked Kio with slightly torn clothes limping towards him.

"I got attacked by a dog," He explained simply. Ritsuka lifted his head more, a confused expression on his face. He had been expecting Kio to yell at him for taking off like he had. Why hadn't he? It was obviously Ritsuka's fault that he had been attacked, and yet, Kio didn't seem angry with him at all.

"You want to head inside? I've got a key," Kio offered.

Ritsuka didn't budge. He hung his head, balling up his hands in the back of his wet hair, pulling at it lightly. "Why do terrible things happen to all the people I love?" Ritsuka's voice shook and he was unable to look up. He couldn't break now. Not in front of another person. He was crying still, but he wasn't about to let Kio see it.

"I loved him," Ritsuka voice quivered even more and a sob escaped his lips. He was tempted to run again, but he didn't have anywhere else to go. When running, Ritsuka reasoned, one must have somewhere to run to. Ritsuka was already at his safe house. Why was everything so hard now without Soubi?

"Come on, kid," Kio said softly. "Let's go inside."

Soon enough, Ritsuka was huddled under a dark red blanket, holding a hot cup of hot chocolate in both hands. Natsuo and Youji weren't there, though there had been a note from them addressed to Soubi, explaining that they had been assigned to chase down an insane Fighter unit that had just lost their Sacrifice. They promised to call soon and told Soubi they were going to play it safe for once. Ritsuka had taken care of the note before Kio could see it.

Kio had gone to shower and treat the scratches the dog had given him, saying he had something extremely important to tell Ritsuka when he was done. Ritsuka fingered the fabric of the blanket draped over him, picking at a loose thread on it. Red had been Soubi's favorite color. That was why Ritsuka chose to cover up with this blanket. It reminded him of days of lying on the couch on Soubi's chest, the two of them covered up with this blanket so that it kept in their body heat. They had done this a lot during the winter, since it was too cold to go outside. They would usually watch movies, whether it was some anime movie Ritsuka liked, or the American productions Soubi was so fond of. Ritsuka was often scared by the horror movies Soubi sometimes picked, but he liked having an excuse to hold onto the older man.

He felt somehow closer to Soubi here, but he hated thinking about him like he was already dead. Soubi could fight anything. He wouldn't let this thing take him down after all he had been through.

Ritsuka slowly made his way into the bedroom, clutching the blanket around him, and found signs of life from before Soubi's attack. The bed was unmade and a book lay open on the side that Soubi hadn't slept on, as if Soubi had fallen asleep reading. Ritsuka smiled sadly; that seemed like the sort of thing Soubi would do. He briefly wondered if Soubi had gone to bed early, as Ritsuka had been urging him to do lately. He didn't like how Soubi stayed up all hours of the night. It was bad for his health.

On the bed stand, Ritsuka spotted the scrapbook he had made as a belated birthday gift for Soubi. He hadn't known that Soubi had turned twenty-one until nearly two months after the actual date, since Soubi had never told him. Ritsuka had bought the scrapbook six months earlier and had begun to fill it out without even knowing Soubi's birthday. He had learned the date a day or two after returning from Seven Voices, and Kio had been the one to mention it. Ritsuka had given Soubi the scrapbook a day after finding out and apologized for not knowing earlier. He remembered how happy he had made Soubi and the way he smiled when he flipped through the book and how he had pulled Ritsuka into his lap and held him tight. He paid careful attention to each page and that wonderful smile hand never left his lips.

It made Ritsuka happy that Soubi cherished it enough to keep it at his bed side. Ritsuka had seen it there often before, and it always brought the same joy that Soubi liked the gift Ritsuka had put together for him.

"Soubi…" Ritsuka whispered, carefully picking up the framed photograph of them that was also on the table by the bed. Sometimes, Ritsuka would see it on the bed next to Soubi when he would go wake the young man up, or even, at times, Ritsuka would catch Soubi holding onto it tightly as he slept. Ritsuka did the same thing with the photos he had of Soubi whenever he would find himself wishing he was with him.

Ritsuka had borrowed some of Soubi's clothing, since his were sopping wet. Soubi was so tall and well built, so his clothing hung off of Ritsuka. His shirt hung all the way down to his knees and Ritsuka had to roll up the soft pants almost ten times.

He smiled down at the photo and wondered if Kio would let him stay here tonight. Ritsuka still felt so safe and loved here. It was almost as if Soubi was still here, ready to protect him so fiercely on the battlefield, but so gentle and loving when he held him when they were alone. He was always so alert to danger and able to sense when a threat was around, even if that threat was still a ways away.

One time, Ritsuka and Soubi had been out on a late-night walk when somebody had jumped them and tried to attack them. In less than a second, Soubi had the perpetrator pinned against the alleyway wall and was demanding an explanation rather violently. Ritsuka had been terrified since the guy who had jumped him had smiled at him creepily and tried to pull him into the alleyway. Soubi had him against the wall before the other man could do anything, though. The predator had admitted to wanting to screw Ritsuka after Soubi had punched him a couple of times to get the truth out of him. At that point, Soubi told Ritsuka to wait on the sidewalk for him and after a couple minutes, Soubi was pulling Ritsuka away from whatever happened. The teen had gotten a quick glance at the alleyway and found that Soubi had beaten the hell out of the guy until he was unconscious.

That was another fond memory, one where Soubi had protected him from the danger of some pervert. He still wanted Soubi's protection and love with him. Why did it take something do horrible to make Ritsuka realize how much he needed someone in his life?

"What are you remembering?" Ritsuka glanced up to see that Kio was standing in the doorway, watching him.

"Oh," Ritsuka placed the frame back on the end table, slightly flustered that he had been caught. "Just…just this one time that Soubi beat somebody up who really wanted to hurt me."

Kio smiled too, and Ritsuka felt suddenly connected to him through memories of Soubi. They had both known him very well, so it was predictable that they would stick together.

"Hey…" Ritsuka started. "Do you think I could stay here tonight?"

Kio took a long pause before answering. He shook his head, "I don't think so, Ritsuka. Sorry. Something sort of happened earlier today at the hospital…"

This caught Ritsuka's attention. After all, everything that happened at the hospital so far really hadn't been good, such as Soubi being pronounced brain-dead and him falling into a coma. He took a step back, almost falling onto the unmade bed, "W…what is it?"

"Soubi woke up today," Kio couldn't even look at him. Ritsuka didn't let himself be happy; this couldn't be good news at all. "I was there when it happened. Ritsuka…his heart stopped again and when they restarted it… it was really weird."

Ritsuka clutched the blanket tighter around him, waiting for it all to come down again. There was a good chance that Soubi wouldn't be able to survive another heart failure, especially if it was as severe as the first two.

"Ritsuka," Kio was suddenly in front of him, grasping onto his shoulders. "Before all this happened, Soubi made me promise that if anything ever happened to him that I'd take care of you. I told him I would, but I never thought anything would ever happen…"

"What happened?" Ritsuka demanded, panicking and worried out of his mind. The way Kio was talking…Had Soubi actually died this time?

Kio still clutched his shoulder, but hung his head, his voice shaking. "They restarted his heart successfully, but…but… he wasn't the same. At first, the doctors were amazed- well, they still are- because he started to move. It was incredible. Then…then they asked him if he knew where he was, but he shook his head and tried to speak, but he didn't seem to know how to. He lost his memory…he doesn't even know how to speak anymore. He lost everything… All he can do is shake his head 'no' or nod 'yes' to the questions he understands, which isn't very many."

Ritsuka pulled away from him, shocked. His eyes were wide and his mind raced as he tried to take in information. His mind couldn't decide to take flight or fight, though he knew he was in danger. He wanted to run, but he still couldn't think of a place to run to. He collapsed on the bed, curling up into a ball on his stomach and crying into Soubi's pillow. Why, of all people, did these sort of things always happen to him? Why, when Ritsuka was just beginning to feel safe and loved in his arms? It just wasn't fair.

"There's one more thing, Ritsuka," Ritsuka groaned, not wanting to hear whatever else was coming. Kio went on, anyways. "He remembers _you_. Your name seems to the only thing he can say. He recognizes you in the pictures I showed him. He's able to point to you in them. He's been asking for you all afternoon. The doctors told me to come and get you to see if you can bring any memories back."

* * *

**From here the chapters get a little longer. Here we're starting to get into the plot and the 'who did this and why?' sort of thing. I hope you all will keep reading through the longer chapters :)**

**Thanks to lyrica, Lovelessreviewer, Bigmachine, Lolita otaku, Yell0wbutterfly, Priscylla, Tlcatlady, EternalTearsOfBlood, Cynthia, Tamer Lorika, xxLovelessxBelovedxx, This is a review, Lumeton, and Promocat for all the reviews! Did I mention how much I love you all? Please do keep it up.**

**Also, if you have any questions, feel free to post them and I will answer them.**

**Sorry for the lack of Soubi in this chapter. He'll be in the next one a lot, I promise!**

**~Wolfie**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter six**

_"It's not magic," Soubi had told Ritsuka late one night after a spell battle. It had been another battle in the park, an easy one against Relentless, a pair made up of a young boy and an kitten eared adult. It had been a quick battle, though Ritsuka had told Soubi not to hurt them very much. The older Sacrifice had told them they just wanted to fight to fight, and had no ulterior motive other than practicing. They were friendly, so Ritsuka had wanted Soubi to take it easy on them. They had won, and Relentless had thanked them and went away peacefully. _

_ "If it's not magic, then what is it?" Ritsuka glanced up at him, his ears down and his tail twitching curiously. It had been one of those nights where Misaki had gone out. Ritsuka was at Soubi's house, reading in bed with him. It seemed so intimate and natural of a thing to do. _

_ "It's a mutation," Ritsuka remembered the way Soubi had looked at him as he had said that. He had a smile on his face, a strange, almost arrogant smile. "It's a mutation in our DNA that causes the power within Fighters and Sacrifices. We're human, even the Fighters. We're just able to bring our imagination to life through words. I'm not a monster, Ritsuka, I'm human."_

_ "I never said you weren't," Ritsuka stated, now giving his full attention to Soubi, not caring about the manga book in his hands. "What would make you think you weren't? You said it's just a mutation in the code that makes up life. That makes you still human, doesn't it? All the other people with kinds of genetic mutation are still considered human, so why shouldn't you be? And if it's not magic, then what makes up the spells? How do they work?"_

_ Sirens sounded outside and a light rain pattered on the wooded ceiling. More sirens joined the first as they raced past the apartment complex in the world outside. These were the sorts of sounds normal to both Soubi and Ritsuka. They lived in the city, but the world inside the tiny house was theirs and theirs alone. It was secluded away from the busyness and the coldness of the world, a place where the two of them could be together without any complications. They occasionally argued, but Ritsuka no longer told Soubi hateful things. _

_ It was late, around ten or so. Ritsuka and Soubi lay in the large double bed together, Soubi's arm casually around Ritsuka's shoulders. He was reading a large, complicated book that Ritsuka wasn't even going to try to understand, while the teen was curled up with a volume of manga. _

_ "Deconstruction and reconstruction are the basics of it," Soubi had told him. Ritsuka cocked his head, confused. "I use my surroundings to protect or attack. I can deconstruct things and reshape them into anything that I want, if I can tell it what to do. That's what the spells are, Ritsuka. They're orders I give to make things how I want them to be. That's just the beginning, though. Once you learn to do that, everything else is extremely easy. Power-up spells, non-environmental spells, it all comes after you learn the basics. In essence, I picture something and I make it happen using the spells. That's all. It's not magic."_

_ "I think I understand…" Ritsuka thought it over. The concept of spells and units had always seemed too complex to understand. Now it seemed easier, though. He didn't know, at the time, that this would be his last night with Soubi like this, and how important this conversation would become in the future_.

Ritsuka tried again and again to tear his wrist away from Kio, who was violently dragging him down the hospital hallway. People stared at them, the boy dressed in oversized clothing and a red blanket and the young adult pulling him along.

"No, no, no!" Ritsuka begged, getting desperate. "I don't want to see him! Please don't make me go! Please! I can't handle it!"

Soubi had completely lost his memory. From what Kio told him, this was nothing like when Ritsuka had lost his own memories. Soubi had lost _everything_. He didn't even remember how to speak. He would be like some awkwardly tall toddler. He wouldn't be Soubi anymore. He wouldn't be the same.

"Kio!" Ritsuka cried, seeing the sign to the ICU. Kio had him by the wrist, gripping so hard that Ritsuka was sure he'd have bruises there. They were causing quite a scene, but the Sacrifice didn't care anymore. As much as he longed for Soubi, he didn't want to see him, at least not like this. He needed some time to get used to this news, to Soubi being fully functional, but having absolutely no memory of anything. _Then_ he'd be ready to see him. This- this was way too soon.

Ritsuka found himself being violently shoved against a wall in a hallway with less people in it. He made a sound of surprise and put his hands on Kio's shoulders, trying to push him away. Kio held him down, though, pinning his hands above him. Ritsuka was tempted to scream, thinking that Kio had finally lost it.

"Look, kid," Kio growled, keeping his voice down as he leaned down, close to Ritsuka's face. Ritsuka shrunk back and flattened himself back against the wall. This almost reminded him of his mother beating him, how she would place him in an inescapable trap and then attack in the most painful way she could. "Why does your mother beat you?"

"B-because she t-thinks I'm not her R-Ritsuka…" Ritsuka stuttered. Without Soubi to protect him from danger, he felt vulnerable and defenseless. Even Kio, who had never been a real threat to him, was making him want Soubi's constant protection. He was so alone now. His best friend, his protector, his lover, was gone. He hadn't felt this way since Seimei had left him. This actually felt worse than that.

"Why does she think that?"

Ritsuka's body and mind wanted to run, but Kio was holding him down too strongly. He wasn't as strong as Soubi, though. If Soubi had ever held him down like this, which he had to keep him from running, Ritsuka wouldn't even be able to _try_ to push him off. With Kio, he could try, but he still wouldn't get very far.

"B-because I lost my…my memory….!" Ritsuka went quiet, realizing what Kio wanted him to realize. Soubi had just lost his memory. It didn't mean he would be any different. "I…I get it. If we can teach him everything back, he'll be the same."

Kio let go of him, and stepped back. Ritsuka sunk to the floor, looking up at him, his ears folded back against his head. "There's no way to be sure," Kio nodded, sounding less dangerous, and more like his normal self. "But I don't think he lost his personality. For one, he grabs every picture of you that I show him and he keeps them beside him. The next thing is that I was drawing before he woke up and I put the paper and pencil on bedside table. When he woke up, he kept trying to grab them, but the doctors kept taking them away. He also seems to want to see you really badly."

Ritsuka was smiling. This was the best news he had had in over a week. Soubi would be fine once they taught him how to talk and do normal things. He would be the same person. He hadn't lost him completely. Ritsuka would still be able to cuddle with him and hold onto him, even if Soubi didn't quite know how to hold him back.

Soon enough, Ritsuka found himself staring up at the door to Soubi's ICU room. Ritsuka put his hand on the handle, unsure again if he wanted to go in or not. What if his presence just stressed Soubi out more? He could easily go back into a coma if he was stressed out enough. Ritsuka wanted him to get better, not worse.

If he didn't do this now, he wouldn't ever do it. He loved Soubi, so he would shove all his fears away and open the damn door. He just needed to find the courage to do so.

Soubi had brought Ritsuka to the hospital once before, and it was this hospital, too. Ritsuka had been particularly badly hurt by his mother and in need of immediate medical attention, as Soubi had told him, medical attention that the young man couldn't give. It hadn't been too long ago; it was the beginning of February, now, and Soubi had taken him to the hospital in the middle of January. The doctors told Ritsuka that he had to be hospitalized for at least a day, and he had ended up staying two. Soubi had slept maybe three hours the entire stay and had never left Ritsuka's side.

That hospital visit was strangely vivid to Ritsuka. The first night, the sleeping medicine had tormented Ritsuka and he had woke up sobbing and screaming for Soubi. The man had been at his side, of course, and quickly comforted him and quieted him down before any doctors could hear. Ritsuka had begged him, and Soubi agreed after a few minutes to sleep with him in the hospital bed. He easily kept the night terrors away, though Ritsuka knew that Soubi hadn't slept at all that night.

Ritsuka had made up his mind. For the last few months, he had felt as if Ritsuka wasn't doing as much as he should in his and Soubi's relationship, as if he wasn't showing Soubi his affection and how much he cared as much as he should. This was his chance to make up for that. He wanted to care for Soubi now. If Ritsuka had lost everything, Soubi wouldn't have hesitated to re-teach him everything. Ritsuka wanted to do the same thing that Soubi would do for him. That was only fair, and this way he could show Soubi that he loved him, rather than just telling him. Ritsuka was going to do the best he could to help Soubi, though he knew this just the beginning and it was only going to get harder.

Ritsuka stepped inside the room, motioning for Kio to stay outside. He wanted to do this alone. Although Kio didn't treat him like a child, he still pitied Ritsuka. The boy could tell by the way Kio looked at him, especially when Ritsuka had been in his blank state for a week. He didn't want pity. What he needed was to see Soubi, the man he loved.

Love. Ritsuka could now say that he cared about Soubi so much that he never wanted to let go of him. He needed him like he had needed nobody else, not his mother, his father, not even Seimei. This feeling that was so overpowering, was what he felt for Soubi.

Soubi was asleep when Ritsuka came in. Ritsuka went over to his bedside, admiring the form of the sleeping man. Ritsuka had always thought that Soubi was outstandingly attractive, one of the most attractive men (or women) Ritsuka had ever seen, counting celebrities. He had never tried to deny that he was attracted to him. Ritsuka sometimes teased him by calling him a girl, because of his long hair and the fact he liked to cook, but the truth was that there was no way he'd be mistaken for a female. He was so tall and muscular, and Ritsuka often wondered why Soubi didn't seem to have a gram of fat on him. On the other hand, Soubi teased Ritsuka back by telling him that Ritsuka was a lot more feminine than he would ever be, which was true since Ritsuka had been mistaken for a girl on numerous occasions.

Ritsuka noted, as he went to Soubi's bedside again, that he was still deathly pale. Ritsuka frowned and placed a hand on his chest, quickly finding Soubi's heartbeat. This was the rhythm that he had taken comfort in after the times Misaki tried to drain his blood from him. Ritsuka could always look forward to Soubi holding him in his lap closely after carefully taking care of his wounds. Ritsuka would rest his head on his Fighter's chest and close his eyes so that he could mentally count out the beats of his heart.

Soubi's paleness scared him, but Ritsuka was now sure that his friend was alive, as if the heart-rate monitor next to the bed would deceive him. To Ritsuka's surprise, Soubi sighed in his sleep, making an audible sound as he did so. Ritsuka smiled in a moment of nostalgia, recalling how Soubi would occasionally talk in his sleep. Well, it wasn't exactly _talking_. All Soubi said in his sleep were names. Ritsuka's name would often be the one said in a sighing, loving tone, and always quietly. A couple times, Soubi had cried out Seimei's name in a fearful way. He always awoke right after doing so, gasping and sweating, even shaking a little and on high-alert right after.

The little sound Soubi had made told Ritsuka that the doctors hadn't been lying. Soubi wasn't locked-in anymore. It seemed impossible. It probably was impossible.

The doctors had made sure Ritsuka knew that there was no way to cure locked-in syndrome. They had told him many, many times that the most anybody had ever recovered was enough to move their head a little. They should've realized that Soubi was not a normal case, though, especially when his brain-wave patterns had shown him to be initially brain-dead and then so clearly showed him to be still alive. Everybody was astonished. When somebody is brain-dead they don't come back. Their minds and their souls die. There's no bringing them back. The doctors had convinced themselves that the first test had been faulty, but this was simply impossible.

Ritsuka ran his hands through Soubi's blonde hair, feeling the long, feathery strands move between his fingertips. From there, Ritsuka moved so that he was grasping Soubi's hand with both of his own. Soubi was so beautiful and loving. Why, of all people, had this happened to him?

Soubi's hand suddenly grasped his, squeezing lightly. Ritsuka's eyes widened and he looked at Soubi's face just in time to see the young man blink his eyes open, immediately focusing on Ritsuka. His left eye still seemed a bit off and odd in color, but the cloudiness had decreased greatly and was completely gone.

Soubi lifted his hand, bringing it to a rest on Ritsuka's face, just like when Ritsuka had first found him lying bloody and broken on the floor. His hand stayed there for a moment before tracing the nasty gash on Ritsuka's face lightly with his index finger. Ritsuka smiled at him, unable to describe his happiness that Soubi appeared to remember him. He took the older man's hand and placed it back on his cheek, holding it there to feel the warmth. Wide, blue eyes stared back at him, filled with a strange curiosity. Ritsuka had never seen them look so clear. He knew that it was because Soubi was no longer weighed down by his demons of the past and the ones who had hurt him.

"Ritsuka." It was a statement, not a question or anything else, a _statement_. Soubi still had his deep voice, but there was something a little different in it. It was the wonderment, as if Soubi was seeing him for the first time, but still recognizing him right away. Soubi repeated it, a little quieter, "Ritsuka."

Ritsuka nodded, rendered speechless by the ways he had changed. It was just his voice or the way his eyes were so big and clear, there was something that was completely different about Soubi. He seemed so free and curious and _happy_. Ritsuka had never seen him like this. It was like Soubi was finally seeing the world in a new way and not through the window of his former masters' perceptions.

Soubi looked to be searching around the hospital bed for something. Ritsuka wondered for a moment if he was looking for his glasses, but they were right on the bedside table, perfectly within reach. With a sound of excitement, one Ritsuka never expected to hear out of Soubi, the Fighter pulled out a stack of photos from under the pillow, holding the top one out to Ritsuka.

"Ritsuka!" He exclaimed, pointing at the photo and then at Ritsuka. Regardless of the situation, Ritsuka found himself mildly amused and impressed. The photo was one of Ritsuka, Yuiko, and Yayoi, and Soubi had pointed to Ritsuka in the photo. He was pretty impressed that Soubi could already make the connection between a photo of Ritsuka and Ritsuka in the flesh. Maybe this whole re-teaching thing wouldn't be so bad.

"Yes," Ritsuka couldn't help but to smile at Soubi's sudden excitement at the photos. Soubi's expression fell abruptly and he put the picture down, reaching up to touch the bad scar going across Ritsuka's face again. He ran his fingers along it and then glanced at Ritsuka, a childish concern and worry settling in.

"It's nothing, Soubi," Ritsuka dismissed quickly. "Don't worry about it." He took Soubi's hand again and leaned down, blushing furiously. Taking a quick breath, he bent down further, distracting Soubi from the scar and kissing him gently. He wanted to feel Soubi's soft lips again, he had been wanting to since Soubi had been diagnosed with locked-in syndrome. Soubi had kissed him often before all this happened. Ritsuka counted on Soubi's chaste good-night kisses when they went to bed or Soubi had to leave for the night and the long good-bye kisses that left Ritsuka breathless and usually with a raging hard-on.

Ritsuka pulled away after a moment, fighting off another blush. He had begun to love it when Soubi kissed him or when he kissed Soubi, since every time was extraordinary and a new experience. This time was no exception.

Soubi lightly touched first his lips, and then Ritsuka's, reminding Ritsuka of how Soubi was very much like a child now, trying to get used to experiences and curious about his surroundings. This was going to be hard on Ritsuka, since he was so used to Soubi always taking the lead. Ritsuka was going to have to be the dominate one in their relationship, now. It was scary, but Ritsuka was willing to devote all of his time to helping Soubi recover.

"Kiss," Ritsuka told Soubi, his eyes staring into the man's.

"Kiss," Soubi repeated, and then smiled. "Kiss, Ritsuka."

Ritsuka leaned down, pressing his lips against Soubi's once more for another chaste kiss. Soubi grabbed him by the collar, pulling him further down. Ritsuka gasped in surprise and pulled away. Soubi had grabbed him like that before when Ritsuka would initiate kisses. Was it just natural instinct for him to do it, or was he perhaps somehow remembering other times Ritsuka had kissed him?

There were two kinds of memory loss. Ritsuka learned about both when taking notes with Soubi on amnesia books. There was actual memory loss, where a person never regained their memories, their personality often changed, and all memories were lost forever, which was what Ritsuka probably had. Then there was the kind where memories were, as Soubi had described, seemingly locked away under lock and key in a dark closet in an unused corner of the mind, where a person had to _find_ the key to get them back.

Spells were made of reconstruction and deconstruction. Somebody had broken down every single piece of knowledge and every memory Soubi had and locked it all away in his mind. That was the deconstruction part. They had had to reconstruct something, too. They had reconstructed Soubi, Ritsuka realized. They took away everything he had, thus reconstructing him. He might have the same personality, but he would still be different. He wouldn't have those memories of all of his training and everything that had happened in his life. Those events had changed him, made him a harder, broken person. The person (or _people_, since it had probably been a unit) probably didn't know it, but they had given Soubi a chance to be happy and normal for a little while.

"Love, Ritsuka," Soubi's voice broke through Ritsuka's thoughts. He sounded sure of himself and he was sitting up in the hospital bed, looking intensely at a spaced-out Ritsuka.

Ritsuka snapped out of it as soon as he heard the word 'love'. Kio had told Ritsuka that Soubi could only say 'Ritsuka' and nothing else. Maybe the kissing had brought something back. Still, 'love' was a bit of a strange thing to remember. Was it Seimei's orders Soubi remembered? That would mean that Soubi remembered Seimei. Ritsuka made a note to bring a photo of Seimei when he came back to the hospital.

"Love what?" Seimei? Kio? What was Soubi trying to say? It was obvious Soubi was trying to tell Ritsuka something, but he didn't know _how_ to voice it. Ritsuka had never witnessed Soubi unable to say something. He always knew the right thing to say, when to say it, and how to say it.

Soubi just grinned more, and it hurt Ritsuka to see him smiling like an idiot. It was all starting to settle in. Soubi had truly lost everything- or almost everything. He had about the knowledge of a toddler. Ritsuka didn't even know if he could walk or if he still retained his own personality. He could do nothing about it, though. All he could do was re-teach Soubi and hope that he would someday be able to regain his memories.

"Ritsuka. Love Ritsuka." Again, Soubi sounded so sure of himself. Ritsuka perked up and he glanced back at Soubi, realizing what he was trying to say. He could not say 'I love you', or even 'I love Ritsuka', but he could say 'love' and 'Ritsuka'. He was trying to tell Ritsuka that he loved him. Ritsuka felt a wave of happiness and sadness at the fact that Soubi only remembered him and that he still felt something for him. It was a little reassuring to know that Soubi still cared about him and that, somehow, his feelings for him had carried over.

Ritsuka leaned down again, kissing him one more time before preparing himself to leave. He wanted to take Soubi home and get out of this dammed hospital. Would the doctors let him? They did see him as just a child, after all. His mother would also be a problem, especially since he hadn't been home in over a week. He had no idea how he was going to work all this out. He didn't want to go back to Misaki. The last beating he had taken had simply been too much, and now there was no one to run to. Soubi couldn't tend to his injuries and hold him closely after a beating, anymore. He had to stay with Soubi, anyways.

"I'm going to go now," Ritsuka told Soubi, watching the older man's expression fall again. At least he looked to understand what Ritsuka was doing, otherwise he'd be confused. "I'll come back later, I promise," He wasn't sure if Soubi understood that statement, but Ritsuka had said it to get that sad look off of his face, anyways. "And then we'll go home," Ritsuka added warmly, more for his own sake.

"Love, Ritsuka," Soubi tried again as Ritsuka started to walk away.

Ritsuka stopped, debating whether or not to turn back or to just keep on walking. He did love Soubi, in spite of everything. Just because he had lost his memory didn't make Ritsuka care about him any less. It hadn't been his fault, anyways. It wasn't because of some careless mistake. Soubi had been _attacked_ _in his own home_. If anything, that was proof that he hadn't gotten himself into the battle, that the others surprised him that morning and had said a spell before Soubi could retaliate and turn it against them. He was sure that Soubi hadn't gone down without a fight, though.

So Ritsuka looked back at him, trying to find his own words and not make them come out sounding awkward, though they did, anyways. "Yeah…I…uh… I love you, too."

* * *

**I was so excited to update this even though I'm being eaten by finals. **

**I just want to say, pay close attention to Soubi's "**_ I'm not a monster, Ritsuka, I'm human_**" line at the beginning.**

**Thanks to **l**ovelessreviewer, Lolita otaku, Big Machine, Lyrica, Riaries, Cynthia Dollar, LadyofWinds, Lumeton, DarkAngelJudas (I'm so sorry for forgetting you!), Promocat, yell0wbutterfly, Tlcatlady, and Tamer Lorika for reviewing! Keep it up, please! (See? reviews= quicker chapters)**

**Riaries: I have no idea how many times. XD Let's just call this 'special circumstances' **

**Big Machine: yes, Ritsuka will take care of Soubi**

**Tamer Lorika: Please don't be like Soubi and have multiple heart attacks. I'll miss you :( **

**Ask me questions if you have them!**

**Love you all. Seriously.**

**~Wolfie  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter seven**

"_Soubi!" Ritsuka screamed in his delusional state. "No! Let go of me! Stop!"_

_ Ritsuka was sick, sicker than he had ever been in his life. He couldn't make sense of anything, but he could hear the sound of the water being ran into the bathroom and Soubi was carrying him there. They had been asleep not long before when Ritsuka had woken up after wetting the bed and throwing up all over. Ritsuka __**knew**__ he should be embarrassed that he had wet himself and Soubi and also puked on the both of them, but he was too distracted with the running water. The bathtub rituals were running through his head, memories of being cut and drowned and of the knife glistening in the bathroom's light. His mind couldn't tell what was memory and what was reality. All he knew was that he was going to the place where the horrible memories had happened. _

_ His mind was telling him, in his screwed up, sick state, that he was going to relive those memories and that Soubi was going to do the same things that Misaki did, only it was going to be worse since Soubi was so much stronger. _

_ First, Misaki would carry Ritsuka to the bathtub and shove him in face first into the usually freezing cold water. Somehow, he would always survive this part, though he had passed out a couple times. After that, she'd burn him with scolding water, stripping him and spraying it all over his body and shoving Ritsuka's face in it until he was sure that his skin was bruised. Then came the worst part. Misaki would drain the water and tie Ritsuka's wrists with a belt and force him to stay still and lay on his back in the bathtub. She would go to work, then, cutting his arms fast and painfully, high, low, a jagged cut here, a straight one there. They had no pattern. It was just cut, cut, cut until there was no more Ritsuka._

Ritsuka was woken out of his reminiscence by a splash. He was hit in the face, the lukewarm water soaking his kitten ears and bangs, making them hang further down into his eyes. Soubi just laughed and Ritsuka glared at him for a moment.

Ritsuka sat on a stool next to the bathtub, his legs crossed and a wet, soapy washcloth in his hand. He sighed, dipping it into the water again and glancing at Soubi. It was the first time he had ever seen him fully naked, but Ritsuka never expected this moment to occur when he was giving the older man a bath. It was honestly a bit depressing, but he was going just have to suck it up and move on.

To his surprise, the doctors let Ritsuka take Soubi home a day after he woke up. They had said that there was no further tests that could be done and that Soubi seemed to do exceptionally well with Kio and, most of all, Ritsuka. They allowed them to take Soubi home, wanting to see how much Soubi learned in a different environment. They promised grants if they were able to teach back some things in the month until Soubi was to go back to the hospital.

Ritsuka's spacing out earned another splash from Soubi, a direct hit to his face again. Ritsuka shot him a glare, just like the first time, but his gaze softened when he saw Soubi's overly amused grin. How could he get mad when Soubi was smiling? He reached forward, dragging the washcloth over Soubi's shoulders and neck again. Soubi visibly flinched and gasped in pain as Ritsuka went a little too rough on the multiple scars on his neck.

"Sorry," Ritsuka apologized sincerely. He had forgotten how raw scar tissue could be and that this one would never heal. Even though he hated this scar, he started to wash it gently because it was a part of Soubi, and therefore should be treated gently. He was reminded of how this scar could never go away and how, up until losing his memory, it had kept Soubi confined in Seimei's hold with absolutely no escape.\

Ritsuka started to wash Soubi's back, careful to go easy on the skin there, too, since his flesh was marred by long, healing white scars that Ritsuka was sure were from a whip. It dawned on him, then, how much Soubi had been hurt. The whip scars, the Beloved scar, some other scars that Ritsuka had found on his body…they all were signs of physical abuse. He didn't care _how_ much Soubi had said that it was training and punishment and that he deserved it. It was abuse, no matter how much Soubi denied it. Seimei had abused his power over Soubi and made painful scars on his body and even worse ones on his mind.

Soubi was quiet as Ritsuka gently cleaned him. It was a comfortable silence, though, and Soubi seemed to be enjoying it and not in any pain. Meanwhile, Ritsuka went back to remembering the night he had gotten sick with the flu.

_"Relax, Ritsuka," Ritsuka paid no attention to Soubi's soft, comforting voice. Soubi had never done __**anything**__ to hurt him, but for some reason, right now he believed that he was going to. Soubi could hurt Ritsuka much easier than Misaki could, and it'd probably be a lot more painful, too. This man, who he had always looked up to, was going to try to kill him._

_ The cutting in the bathtub was what had landed Ritsuka here in the first place. Misaki had dragged Ritsuka out of his room and into the bathroom, where she had spent hours attempting to kill this Ritsuka so her Ritsuka would come back. Just like every other time, she spent the most time cutting him and Ritsuka eventually passed out to the stream of crimson blood going down the drain. He woke up in the snow, fully dressed in sopping wet clothes, laying on the side of the street. He had called Soubi and told him he was going to be coming over. _

_ Ritsuka couldn't do this again, not twice in one night. He started to fight against Soubi, attempting to get him to let go of him. He tried to hit him and scratch him, but failed due to his spinning head and wobbling consciousness. He couldn't even tell which way was up. Black spots clouded his vision and he was suddenly afraid he was going to pass out._

_ Ritsuka grabbed onto Soubi's hair, pulling harshly. He had to get out of here before he got hurt again. Why, after everything, was Soubi going to hurt him?_

_ "Ow! Ritsuka!" Soubi grabbed Ritsuka's hand, forcing him to let go of his hair. For a moment, Ritsuka regained his sane mind state and felt bad about hurting him. The delusions took back over and he clung on to Soubi, begging him to put him down._

"Stay there," Ritsuka instructed Soubi, hoping that he'd understand. He had just finished washing him and had been extremely careful with him since he had new scars from the attack.

Ritsuka padded out of the bathroom and to the linen closet, quickly finding a towel. It was in the main room, right by the kitchenette, which meant Ritsuka passed the couch to go to it. Something caught his eye, something he had been stupid not to look for earlier. Soubi's phone was on the coffee table in plain sight.

Soubi really had been surprise attacked. Soubi never went anywhere without his phone, especially if he was expecting a fight. Ritsuka picked it up, suddenly forgetting all about Soubi and how he could very easily accidently drown himself.

_This is wrong_, his mind told him as he opened it and found its battery half full. _This is invading Soubi's privacy. _Soubi would never do this to him, unless Ritsuka disappeared, was hurt, or killed and he needed to find out who did it. That was the only time Soubi would look through his things. Ritsuka wanted to find out who did this to Soubi so he could get them to reverse the spell. That justified snooping, didn't it? It was still an invasion of privacy, but it was for Soubi's sake.

"Ritsuka!" Ritsuka's head snapped up and he realized that he had left Soubi alone in a tub of water. He ran to the bathroom, carrying the towel, to find Soubi coughing and shaking.

Ritsuka knelt down, coaxing him into a standing position. He could still walk and do basic things, but nothing more. He wrapped the towel around him, taking his hand and leading him out of the bathroom.

Ritsuka was exhausted. It had been an extremely long day. Ritsuka and Kio had slept at the hospital and taken Soubi home around noon. Kio had stayed for a while and made them dinner, but had gone home afterwards, though not before he made Ritsuka promise to call him if anything went wrong. It was late, now, and Ritsuka had decided to give Soubi a bath before going to bed. Soubi looked tired, too, but he was still wide awake, unlike Ritsuka, who was falling asleep whenever he sat down.

Even though he wanted to, he wasn't going to sleep with Soubi. He wanted him to know that they weren't just 'friends', but sleeping in the same bed might be too much too quick. A little loneliness didn't matter compared to scaring Soubi. If Ritsuka scared him, he would be less comfortable around him. Soubi would just be in the next room, anyways. It wasn't like the nights Ritsuka missed Soubi when he was at his house sleeping alone.

Ritsuka sleepily helped Soubi get dressed and ready for bed, feeling a bit like a parent. He pushed those feelings away quickly. Soubi _needed_ him now. He would learn eventually, but for now he needed him. It didn't matter how Ritsuka felt about it. He wanted to do this; he wanted to make up for not doing his part in their relationship. If Soubi would do this for him, he would do this for Soubi.

"Time for bed, Soubi," Ritsuka had his hand again, gently pulling him to the bedroom. Soubi looked a bit confused, but he probably knew to some extent what Ritsuka was telling him. It was a bit cold in the house and Soubi was shivering, but it didn't look like it was from the cold. For some odd reason, he looked scared, and he had since Ritsuka had rushed back to the bathroom to see him coughing and shaking. When Soubi had yelled for him his voice had seemed strained, too. Soubi had nothing _to_ be scared of, since he had lost his memory. Nothing in the bathroom had scared him, so it had to have been a memory. That wasn't possible, though. Soubi didn't have any memories other than being in the hospital and being home with Ritsuka. Nothing could've scared him about being home. In fact, he seemed to be very happy there. It had to have been something at the hospital. Had it been one of the doctors…or a visitor?

Ritsuka got Soubi into bed quite easily and covered him up well, making sure that he would be warm. It was still winter, after all, and the apartment often got cold in the night. Ritsuka smiled down at Soubi, the first smile to naturally come to his lips since bringing Soubi back home. Soubi suddenly wrapped his arms around Ritsuka's neck and brought him down so that their lips touched. Ritsuka turned red and pulled away after a moment, thinking how much that reminded him of the good-night kisses that Soubi and Ritsuka had shared nearly every night.

"G…Good night, Soubi," Ritsuka stood up straight, meeting Soubi's blue eyes before turning off the light. He sighed, going back out into the main room. He looked for a long moment at Soubi's phone again before picking it up and sitting down on the couch. He opened Soubi's messages first, finding quite a few from a number that wasn't registered. Some were just telling Soubi to call whoever it was, but others were sexual in nature, even explicitly. Jealousy flared up in Ritsuka. Soubi and Ritsuka had been _together_. If…if Soubi had had sex with whoever this was, that was cheating. Soubi would never do that…would he?

Ritsuka sat, trying to decide whether or not to call the number. As he did, he found himself remembering the same memory he had before.

"_Please, Soubi!" Ritsuka pleaded, grasping onto Soubi as if his life depended, which he truly did think it did. "Don't hurt me!" Tears ran down his face and he was no longer intent on hurting Soubi, but more on getting him to stop so that he wouldn't hurt Ritsuka._

_ Soubi stopped and tried to pry Ritsuka's hands off of him. He wanted Ritsuka to stand up, but Ritsuka wasn't having it. He kept his arms firmly around Soubi and wrapped his legs around his waist. He wasn't going to let Soubi hurt him. Not when he had been through a beating that night, already._

_ "I'm not going to hurt you, Ritsuka!" Soubi's voice was firm as he forced Ritsuka against the wall, pinning him there roughly. He used one hand to pull down Ritsuka's dirty pants and the other to keep Ritsuka against the wall. Ritsuka sobbed, still incoherent and delusional. His mind told him that Soubi had finally gotten fed up with Ritsuka and was going to rape him and then hurt him. _

_ Next came Ritsuka's shirt and he was completely naked, then. Ritsuka closed his eyes and let out a blood-curdling scream, fully expecting Soubi to do something horrible to him. Instead, he felt Soubi pick him up and set him down. Ritsuka's eyes shot open as he felt the warmth of the hot bath surround him. Soubi wasn't making any effort to try to drown him, now._

_ Ritsuka raised his hand, watching the warm water slowly drip off of it. He suddenly came to his senses when he looked at Soubi and saw a small red scratch Ritsuka had made on his face. Soubi never had any intention to hurt Ritsuka and Ritsuka had been stupid for thinking he did. He had just wanted to clean the child and Ritsuka had freaked out on him. Ritsuka frowned, feeling bad about fighting Soubi. _

_ "I'm going to go put some clean clothes on," Soubi rose, smiling down at the boy who had just tried to hurt him moments ago. All Ritsuka could do was nod. "I'll be back soon," Soubi added as Ritsuka leaned back and closed his eyes again. _

_ Soubi was back quickly, just as he promised and Ritsuka looked up at him sadly. "I'm sorry," He told the man quietly. "I didn't mean to attack you like that. I really didn't. I…I wasn't in the right mindset, I guess…"_

_ Soubi knelt at the side of the bathtub so that he was eyelevel with Ritsuka. "I would never hurt you," He said, pushing up the sleeves of his shirt. _

_ "I know that!" Ritsuka said a little too quickly. Soubi wouldn't hurt Ritsuka. Never intentionally. Soubi could, at times, hug him a little too tightly or when he would have to hold Ritsuka down for good reasons (as he had had when he stripped Ritsuka to get him in the bath) he would occasionally be a little too forceful, but that was only because Soubi sometimes didn't know his own strength. _

_ "I mean…" Ritsuka struggled to find the words and he looked down, breaking their gaze. "The only reason I fought you was because Mom hurts me in the bathtub a lot… She did that earlier today. So I just thought… Listen, I was delusional, okay? But I'm fine now."_

_ When he glanced back up, Soubi was smiling again. "I understand," Ritsuka blushed at seeing that smile from Soubi. "Can I wash you?"_

_ Soubi was always like that. When he thought Ritsuka might not want him to do something, he always asked before doing it. For at least the first month or so after Ritsuka and Soubi started to sleep in the same bed, he would ask first. Ritsuka didn't mind him asking things like this, since Ritsuka might have objected if he had just started to bathe Ritsuka._

_ Ritsuka was a bit skeptical about it, though. It wasn't that he was worried that Soubi was going to touch him inappropriately; it was that Ritsuka didn't want to inconvenience him. He had already caused so much trouble for Soubi that night. The older man had devoted his entire night to taking care of a very sick Ritsuka. It just wasn't fair to Soubi. _

_ "I can do it myself," Ritsuka started, though truly he did want Soubi to bathe him. "I…I don't to bother you any more tonight…" _

_ Soubi reached out, resting his hand in the space in between Ritsuka's kitten ears. "I know you can do it yourself," Soubi said gently, his hand stroking Ritsuka's hair gently. "But please let me do it. You never bother me. Don't think you're a nuisance to me."_

_ "A…alright."_

_ Soubi was gentle and careful. His hands were soft and talented and they lulled Ritsuka into a world of comfort and happiness. When Soubi started gently rubbing his back as he washed it, Ritsuka put his head on Soubi's shoulder and closed his eyes, just concentrating on Soubi's hands. He fell into a semi-conscious sleep where he was able to hear, but still felt asleep. When Soubi started washing his chest, Ritsuka fell completely asleep, his head on Soubi's shoulder as the man leaned over the side of the bathtub._

Ritsuka bit back the tears, a lump rising in his throat as he did so. Soubi promised to never hurt Ritsuka, so why would he go and have sex with someone else? It didn't seem like something Soubi would do. He was extremely loyal, even though people, both women and men, flirted constantly with him. Soubi wouldn't turn on Ritsuka. He never seemed interested in anybody else but Ritsuka, which had always made the boy very happy. Whoever was texting him all those sexual messages was probably just some stalker. Then again… Soubi was an adult, after all. Ritsuka often wondered if sex was like an addiction, something you needed after you had it. If that was the case, Soubi would probably have a lot of unresolved sexual tension.

Ritsuka knew for a fact that Soubi was sexually attracted to him, despite what Soubi said during their first meeting. Ritsuka had found this out for the first time when he suddenly woke up one night to find something pressing against his backside, just above his tail. Soon after Ritsuka woke up, he heard Soubi quietly moan Ritsuka's name in his sleep, making it apparent that he was having a wet dream. Ritsuka hadn't thought anything of it, since he knew that Soubi couldn't control what happened in his sleep and that he'd never try anything.

The second time was had been just about a week prior to Soubi's hospitalization. It had begun with Ritsuka reading a book on Soubi's bed one afternoon. Soubi had apparently gotten bored of painting and decided to try to catch Ritsuka's tail, instead. This amused the both of them and it evolved into a game. Somehow, one thing led to another and they ended up making out on the bed. This had been the closest they had ever gotten to sex, with Ritsuka laying on top of Soubi, kissing him hungrily. Soubi had had his hands under Ritsuka's shirt, resting on his chest while Ritsuka pressed his growing arousal against Soubi's leg. Soubi had stopped suddenly and left Ritsuka alone on the bed, though not before Ritsuka felt that Soubi was just as hard as he was, if not more.

Ritsuka sighed again, though the end of his sigh came out as some sort of growl. He tossed Soubi's phone back onto the table and turned out the lights, curling up on the couch with the red blanket Ritsuka had taken to the hospital with him.

_"Soubi!" Ritsuka yawned as Soubi buttoned up one of his own nightshirts on Ritsuka, just after waking him up and getting him out of the bath. "How come…" Ritsuka yawned again, loudly this time. "How come you didn't wake me up?"_

_ "You looked tired, Ritsuka," Soubi told him calmly. _

_ Ritsuka let his eyes fall shut, though he wanted desperately to keep them open. "I wanted to talk to you…" Ritsuka murmured, hoping Soubi could make sense of his slurred words. He was tired and sick, though the bath had made him feel a lot better._

_ "We can talk in the morning."_

_ "You promise?" Ritsuka opened his eyes a little to watch Soubi button the last three buttons. _

_ "I promise."_

Ritsuka clutched the blanket in both hands, pissed off at himself because he couldn't keep from crying. He wanted Soubi back. He wanted him to remember everything, instead of being like the oversized toddler he was now.

_That's selfish of me_, Ritsuka thought suddenly. _He finally has a chance to be happy and I want to ruin it for my own reasons. _Soubi didn't remember Seimei or anybody else that had abused him. The scar on his neck held no meaning to him. He wasn't attached to Seimei or anybody now. He was free.

Ritsuka cried and cried, one part of him wanting Soubi back, and one part of him wanting himself to stop being so selfish.

_ "Did you change the sheets?" Ritsuka had his arms wrapped loosely around Soubi's neck as the other male carried him back to the bed. _

_ "Yes I did," Soubi gently kissed his head as he set him down in the bed. Ritsuka opened his mouth to speak, worried about the two demons, Natsuo and Youji, knowing that he wet the bed. If those two knew about it, they would __**never**__ let him live it down. Soubi spoke before he did, though, "Don't worry. I made sure they didn't know. What did you want to talk about?"_

_ "Mmm…" Ritsuka tried to recall what he wanted to tell Soubi while in the bath. In the meantime, Soubi settled down beside him, keeping very close. Ritsuka was on his back, lying in the crook of Soubi's arm. This felt so perfect. "Ah! It was your painting."_

_ "Oh? What about it?"_

_ "I like it," Ritsuka told him sleepily. "It's really nice."_

Ritsuka didn't even hear the quiet sound of light footsteps. "Ritsuka!" Ritsuka shot up, immediately ceasing to cry. Soubi had come into the room and was staring at Ritsuka with wide, fearful blue eyes.

Ritsuka rubbed his eyes, wiping the remaining tears away. "What is it, Soubi?" Ritsuka asked. In response, Soubi simply grabbed Ritsuka's wrist and pulled him upwards. "What are you doing?" Ritsuka was wide-awake again and tried to get Soubi to let go, but his grip was too strong. Soubi dragged him into the bedroom and Ritsuka finally got the hint.

"You want me to sleep in here with you?" He asked slowly, trying not to confuse Soubi. Soubi just nodded. Ritsuka was relieved; he always had problems sleeping alone. He climbed into bed with Soubi, curling up instantly close to him. They both fell asleep in a matter of only minutes.

* * *

**I personally love the image of Soubi splashing Ritsuka with water.**

**Yes, I am trying to make Soubi out to be very cute and innocent and, most importantly, childish. Ritsuka's memory is there to sort of compare and contrast Soubi without and with his memories.**

**Thanks to ****lovelessreviewer, big machine, Gmcbpi, Lolita otaku, Toffee, lyrica, Riaries, ****EternalTearsOfBlood, LadyOfWinds, Promocat, Tlcatlady, and Tamer Lorika for the reviews! You guys really motivate me to write and put up new chapters. I like to know that people are interested and have questions, so please keep it up!**

**Review for moar!**

**~Wolfie**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter eight **

The next morning, Ritsuka woke up to a very strange site, something he never expected to see _ever_ in his life.

Soubi had an alarm clock. It was old fashioned, one that Soubi and Ritsuka both hated. It made an extremely loud ringing sound. It was so loud that Ritsuka was shocked that none of the people that lived on the floor below the roof Soubi's flat was on ever complained. Soubi had said multiple times how much he hated it, and he seemed to break it a lot by throwing it at the wall, since he apparently had problems getting it to shut up while he was incoherent in the morning. Whenever Ritsuka asked why he just didn't get rid of it, Soubi always answered that it always woke him up well.

Waking up to the resounding ringing wasn't uncommon for Ritsuka, as he tended to stay over a lot, though he had never gotten used to it, either. It always startled him in the mornings, but it never scared him like it did Soubi on the first morning that Ritsuka took Soubi home from the hospital.

Soubi was holding onto Ritsuka's shirt and pressed close into Ritsuka's side, his eyes clenched shut and making an odd whimpering sound. The ringing sounded in the background, louder than ever. He looked absolutely _terrified_.

Ritsuka had never seen him like this, but he suspected that this was a day of firsts. Soubi was obviously going to be scared by the wailing alarm clock, since he had never heard anything like it before. To be honest, Ritsuka had been scared by it the first time, too, and even more so when Soubi had thrown it at the wall to silence it. Ritsuka was amazed that Soubi could fix it every day.

"Relax, Soubi," Ritsuka rested a hand on Soubi's head, which quieted him down quite a bit, and reached over to silence the alarm clock. He fumbled around for a moment before finding the small button that shut it off. Soubi kept holding onto him, though he had stopped whimpering. Ritsuka sighed, moving his hand through Soubi's blonde hair. He let his eyes close as Soubi pushed his head under Ritsuka's chin.

Ritsuka sighed, frowning slightly. Though he was glad Soubi registered that they were closer than other people, it would usually be Ritsuka in the position that Soubi was in. It reminded him that _he_ was dominate, now, even though he was eight years younger. It didn't matter. As long as he loved Soubi, he could do this. He would be able to pull through as long as Soubi stayed with him and didn't leave. Now that he was able to, once Ritsuka taught everything back, Soubi could very well leave. Then the Sacrifice would be alone again, just like he had been after Seimei's 'death'.

Ritsuka picked his phone up from bed stand, where he always kept it, and lazily dialed a familiar number. He listened to the dial tone, thinking of his mother for a moment. He didn't want to go home. His mother had come so close to killing him when she had thrown him out in the cold. It was clear that she didn't want him to come back. Ritsuka had had enough himself. He didn't_ want_ to get hurt everyday anymore, not when he had experienced real love from someone. What he had thought was love for his mother, was simple attachment to someone who he wished to care for him. _Wanting _someone to love him and _being_ loved by someone were two different things. Someone as delusional and abusive as Misaki was could no longer be capable of loving her victim. According to her, he was not even her son anymore.

He wasn't _her_ son anymore. He wasn't her Ritsuka, but he was Kio's Ritsuka and Yuiko's Ritsuka and, most of all, Soubi's Ritsuka. Just as Soubi had told him, he was Ritsuka, not some imposter in Ritsuka's body. The Old Ritsuka was gone, hopefully forever.

"Rit-chan!" Kio answered happily. Ritsuka nearly rolled his eyes, smiling to himself. Kio was in good spirits and the happiest Ritsuka had seen him since Soubi was first admitted. "I'm so happy you called! I was just about to head over. Is Soubi awake yet?"

Soubi had seemingly fallen back asleep snuggled close to Ritsuka. He was breathing quietly, quickly falling asleep with nothing to trouble his mind.

"He _was_," Ritsuka spoke softly so that he wouldn't wake Soubi back up. He needed his sleep. They had a long day ahead of them. "But he went back to sleep. The alarm sort of scared him earlier."

"That damn thing? I tried to get him to get him to throw that out years ago. Anyways, you want me to come over?"

" Yes," Ritsuka answered.

"I'll be over in fifteen minutes, then."

Ritsuka looked sadly at the pathetic toast and eggs he had made. He had burnt the toast to a crisp and the eggs looked like they had exploded all over the pan and stove, which was exactly what had happened. He had never been a good cook. His mother had always made food for him (though he didn't exactly get to _eat_ it all the time). Seimei used to cook for him, too, but Soubi had been the best cook out of all of them. He had noticed Ritsuka's weight problem early on and had urged Ritsuka to eat more. Ritsuka had been extremely underweight when he had met Soubi, though now it was a lot less severe. Soubi always made healthy things that, at first, Ritsuka was reluctant to try, but in the end they always tasted good. Soubi had helped Ritsuka get healthier and return to an almost normal weight.

But Ritsuka had never picked up much from watching Soubi cook. He would have to learn, now, if he wanted to fend for himself and Soubi. There was Kio, too, but he couldn't be over all the time.

Ritsuka returned to the bedroom, fully intending to wake Soubi up, but the sight of him made Ritsuka stop. He suddenly felt like a voyeur again, observing raw and rare beauty. He had always liked to watch Soubi sleep and, even though he had lost his memories, Soubi still looked the same as he slept. He was on his back, stretched out with one hand across his chest and the other arm covering his eyes from the light that seeped in from the windows behind the bed. Ritsuka watched him for a minute and then decided not to wake him up.

He went back into the main room, trying to make a list in his head of what he had to do. He would start today on re-teaching Soubi, though he didn't know how. Maybe he'd start with people. He could sneak back into his house and grab some photographs of different people to show to Soubi and then tell him who they were. Perhaps the pictures would trigger some sort of memory…

Ritsuka's eyes suddenly found Soubi's phone again. That number…who's had it been? Somebody was sending Soubi explicit messages, though they were not registered in Soubi's phone. If it was an old boyfriend (or _girlfriend_, though that seemed unlikely), Soubi probably would've kept their number in his phone, unless they had pissed him off. Soubi didn't seem like the type of person who would hire a prostitute, but Ritsuka supposed he _could_ have. He might've have registered the number, then, but Ritsuka knew that a prostitute would never be the one to send Soubi messages.

Ritsuka scrolled through the messages from the past week or so. A lot were simply 'Soubi-kun, please talk to me', but others strongly suggested that something sexual had happened between the sender and Soubi. Finally, Ritsuka got past everything that had been sent since Soubi got admitted to find that Soubi and the sender had had a conversation

_(Unknown sender): Don't you miss our private sessions? I remember calling you away from class just so I could fuck you. _

_0928Soubi: Go to hell._

_(Unknown sender): I still have photos and videos from the security camera in my office. Would you like me to send them to you?_

_0928Soubi: Go to hell. I don't want to talk to you._

_(Unknown sender): Now, that's no way to talk to me. Why don't you come back so I could speak to you in private?_

_0928Soubi: I don't want to see you. I don't want to speak to you. I don't even want to be near to you._

_(Unknown sender): You've forgotten where you've came from. I still love you. Ditch that kid and come back to me._

_0928Soubi: I hate you. I'm not leaving Ritsuka. _

_(Unknown sender): What can that kid do for you that I can't?_

_0928Soubi: Unlike you, he actually cares about me enough not to hurt me._

_(Unknown sender): You know I had to do that._

_(Unknown sender): I really miss you. I watch the videos from the security cameras a lot. Would you be interested in them?_

_(Unknown sender): I see. I'm getting the silent treatment now._

_(Unknown sender): Come on, Soubi-kun, this just isn't fair._

_(Unknown sender): Please reply to me._

Ritsuka read through their conversation with growing confusion. This other man (_probably_ another man) seemed to have some sort of obsession with Soubi, while Soubi wanted nothing to do with him. It was one-sided, but it clearly hadn't been at a time, since this other man had proof that they had sex.

With shaking fingers, Ritsuka redialed the unknown number and listening anxiously to the rings. A tired voice picked up at about the fourth ring.

"Soubi-kun, you've finally called me."

Ritsuka recognized the voice instantly and his eyes grew wide and round in shock. This man was… he knew this man. "R…Ritsu-sensei?" Sure enough, the other man on the line was the principal of Seven Voices Academy, the man that had been Soubi's teacher and had taken him in. Ritsuka knew this much of Soubi's past. His parents were killed when he was four and Ritsu-sensei was who they left him to. Soubi had never talked about his time with Ritsu since, for some reason, it made him extremely uncomfortable. It was the same way with his ears. Soubi would never tell Ritsuka anything about how he lost his cat ears and tail and he got tense whenever the child asked.

It was all starting to fit in, though. The pieces of Soubi's past were a puzzle and were all beginning to fit together. The unknown sender was Ritsu. Soubi was the exact same way about Ritsu as he was about his ears because Ritsu had taken his virginity away at a young age. Ritsuka had seen a couple pictures of Soubi when he was young. Two in particular stuck in his mind, two that were taken when Soubi was about twelve. He looked almost the same in both of them. The only difference was that he retained his ears and tail in one, but not in the other.

From what Ritsuka thought of the conversation now, it appeared as though the sexual relationship had always been one-side and that Ritsu had been abusive, too. That was why Soubi always stopped whenever he and Ritsuka got close to doing something sexual. Was he afraid that he was turning out just like his former teacher?

"Who is this? Why do you have this phone?"

"It's Ritsuka!" Ritsuka nearly shouted, shocked that Ritsu hadn't recognized his voice.

"Why are you on Soubi-kun's phone?" Ritsu sounded calm as always. "That's invading his privacy, is it not?"

Ritsu didn't know. He had no idea what had happened to Soubi. Nobody had told him, nobody had bothered to. Soubi hadn't listed Ritsu as an emergency contact, so no one had called to tell him.

"Ritsu-sensei…you really don't know, do you?" Ritsuka started cautiously.

"Know what?" Ritsuka could almost hear the faintest hint of worry in Ritsu's voice.

"Soubi got attacked in his own home nine days ago. I was the one that found him. His heart stopped twice on the way to the hospital…"

"Wh…what?" Ritsuka had never thought that he would hear _any_ emotion in Ritsu's voice. He sounded panicked and concerned. Ritsu had always been a mystery to him, and he had never given much thought to his and Soubi's relationship, but now he was beginning to like Ritsu less and less. Soubi had been so young when his virginity had been taken. From the sound of it, he had been raped, too. Soubi had had a life of abuse. Maybe it was better that Soubi was the way he was now.

"He survived both times, though," Ritsuka was surprised at the strength in his own voice. Ritsu breathed a sigh of relief on the other end. "Then he went into locked-down syndrome where all he could do was blink. He went into a coma for a week after that. His heart stopped again and when he woke up he…he lost all his memories…everything. His vocabulary consists of about three words now…"

Ritsu was silent, wordless, which seemed uncharacteristic even for him. This was hitting him hard and Ritsuka knew it. Perhaps he deserved it for what he did to Soubi. Though Ritsuka wasn't the kind of person to hold grudges on someone else's account, an exception could be made for Soubi. Soubi was the exception to every one of Ritsuka's rules. He didn't like Ritsu because he had hurt Soubi. He was angry at his brother since Seimei had left many scars on Soubi and had abused him so much. Ritsuka found it easy to be mad at people for Soubi.

"…It was a spell…" Ritsu murmured quietly after a while of silence. Ritsuka's kitten ears perked as he heard the turning of a key in the lock on the front door. Kio was back. Ritsuka had to get off the phone quick. "It was a spell, Ritsuka. Soubi is strong, but locked-in syndrome is impossible to recover from. And the heart failures…I don't think he'd be able to survive three severe heart failures. Listen to me. Find anything you can on the person who did this to him and call me back."

Before Ritsuka could reply, Ritsu hung up. Ritsuka stared at the wall for a moment. Ritsu was worried about Soubi. Therefore, he was not a heartless bastard and he maybe even regretted the things he had done to Soubi. Seimei on the other hand…didn't.

"Good morning, Ritsuka!" Ritsuka snapped Soubi's phone shut before an extremely happy Kio could see that he had been snooping.

"…Morning," Ritsuka could see that Kio was trying overly hard to be happy for him. He still felt some sort of kinship with him, though, since they were both dealing with Soubi and his memory loss together. Still, it seemed as though Kio still pitied him, which was a useless feeling. Pity never got anybody anywhere, and it sure as hell wouldn't help Ritsuka at all.

"I made breakfast," Ritsuka pointed at the three still steaming plates of black toast and egg fragments. "Well, it was _supposed _to be breakfast. I'm not that great of a cook…"

"I see that," Kio laughed, clearing the table of Ritsuka's fail at cooking. "I'll make something."

Ritsuka nodded, "I'm going to go wake Soubi up. Actually…" Ritsuka thought back to the night before, how Soubi had yelled for him suddenly when Ritsuka had left for a few moments. Soubi had been scared by something then. It had to have been a memory, but that didn't make any sense. All Soubi remembered was his day and a half of being at the hospital and then coming home. It could have been the doctors who had scared Soubi, with all their tests and needles, but Ritsuka thought that it was something more deep-set than that. Soubi had never been afraid of doctors or needles. He had hated them, but hating and fearing were not synonymous. If Kio was right about Soubi having the same personality, his general fears that weren't caused by anything in his past would have carried over, too. Soubi had been scared horribly by someone, something, that had visited him.

That was strange, too. Ritsuka hadn't thought that anyone besides he and Kio had visited Soubi. Nobody else had known. Kio _might_ have told some of the others in the university, but they wouldn't be let in. Only family or those who were as close as family were let in. Plus, as far as Ritsuka knew, Soubi didn't have any other friends besides Kio.

Natsuo and Youji could be ruled out, too. For one, they were mischievous and may have purposely frightened Soubi at first, but a prank or a trick played by them wouldn't have had a lasting effect on Soubi. The two had also left before Soubi's attack.

Kio paused in his cooking, glancing up at him as he beat the eggs in a bowl, "What is it? Is something wrong?"

Ritsuka tried to give him a forced smile, but his mind was working too much to fully pull it off, "I'm going to call the hospital." Ritsuka remembered that number, too.

"Oh," Kio went back to beating his eggs as Ritsuka listened to the first ring. "Why?"

A woman answered the phone, saying the name of the hospital and then 'how may I help you?'.

"Could you please connect me to the head of the ICU, please? It's of extreme importance." Ritsuka asked politely and innocently.

"I will. Please hold."

"Why are you trying to reach the hospital?" Kio pressed again, banging around as he searched for a frying pan in the cupboards. "You trying to get a hold of Soubi's records or something?"

Ritsuka shook his head, covering up the receiver of Soubi's cell phone with his hand. "No," He said quickly. He decided to explain, as Kio would simply ask more questions if he just left it at that. "Something scared Soubi last night and I think it might have been because of something that happened at the hospital. I'm calling to make sure he didn't have any visitors besides us."

"Hello?" An irritated voice came from the other end of the phone. "I'm on my break. This had better be important."

Ritsuka removed his hand away from the receiver to speak into it. "I assure you, it is. Do you remember Agatsuma Soubi?"

The head of the ICU, a young woman Ritsuka had met once in the hospital, seemed to lighten up a bit. "I do," She replied. "He was a very strange case. No doctor could figure out what was wrong and how he came out of being locked-in. You're that kid who was always visiting him, aren't you?"

Ritsuka's cat ears flattened against his head at being called a kid. All the doctors saw him like that. Still, he kept the slight hostility out of his voice, "I am. I want to know who he had as visitors besides myself and Kaidou Kio."

The woman paused for a moment. "You're lucky I'm in the records room now. It seems…there was one person, an unidentified individual."

Ritsuka froze, his mind going into a flurry. He had been right. The person who had attacked Soubi had come back to make sure he was in the state they wanted him to be in. "How did they get in?"

"From reading the notes here, it seems as though he was loitering around the ICU. He never asked, but he was not allowed in and was told so by an intern. It stormed that day and the power went out quite suddenly for a few minutes. When it came back on, another doctor saw him in Agatsuma-san's room. It says here that the man just apologized, saying that he had tried to get back to see his cousin, but in the dark had lost his way and ended up there. He is described to be a tall young man with black hair and cat ears and a tail."

Great. That was about a quarter of Japan's population. That _really_ narrowed it down.

That had been the day it had rained and Ritsuka had ran off to Soubi's house. He thought back to that day and how hard it had rained. It seemed insignificant, but Ritsuka kept getting stuck on that. It had been raining hard, but it hadn't really been storming. There had been some far-off thunder, but no lightning that Ritsuka had witnessed. It _certainly_ hadn't been enough to knock the power out of a huge hospital with multiple generators. It all seemed quite suspicious to Ritsuka.

"Is there any footage of this man at all?" Ritsuka anxiously asked. He watched Kio put three plates of omelet on the table and then go over to the computer, which sat on a desk next to the mattress in the corner that Natsuo and Youji used.

"I'm sorry; no. I've already looked at the security cameras in the hall. The hospital was busy that day. The best I can glimpse of him are the tops of his ears or his tail, which, if I do say so myself, is very unique. It was very long and bushy, if that helps you any."

"Thank you, miss. Have a nice day," Ritsuka hung up, spacing out nearly immediately. Who could it have been? Why did they want to hurt Soubi?

"Hey," Kio's voice was strange, curious and a bit shaky. "Ritsuka, come look at this."

Ritsuka quietly padded over to Kio, who had flicked the computer on and was sitting on the desk chair. Ritsuka leaned over, observing over his shoulder. It was asking for a password and wouldn't let Kio click out of it.

"It did this right when I started it up."

"How weird…" Ritsuka commented. "Try 'beloved'."

Kio typed it in, but the computer instantly denied it. Kio sighed, "No luck."

The last time this had happened was almost a year ago when Ritsuka had first met Soubi. It had been Seimei's computer and they had been opening his will. The password then had been Ritsuka's true name, Loveless.

"How about 'Loveless'?" Ritsuka watched Kio type it in. It was accepted, but the computer screen went right to the media player on the desktop, instead of Soubi's background. The file that had opened in the media player was titled 'recording1 12/27 22:13'. It wouldn't let Kio close it, either. He had no choice than to press play.

Ritsuka and Kio both listened intently, neither surprised when Soubi's voice was heard first.

_Static. "Hello? Who is this?" More static._

There was a lengthy pause following Soubi's voice, along with more static.

_"Hm. As expected, Soubi. You're not smart enough to realize who was calling you again and again. Didn't you recognize the number, Soubi? You dumb dog. I never even changed it after my 'death'."_

Ritsuka would've fallen if Kio wouldn't have grabbed onto him to steady him. That was his brother's voice. Seimei had never spoken to Ritsuka like that, but it seemed so natural for him to do so to Soubi. Ritsuka felt angry again, as Seimei had immediately began to call Soubi names, such as a dog.

_"Sei-Seimei?"_

Soubi sounded just as shocked as Ritsuka was. Ritsuka gripped Kio's shirt, holding onto his arm tightly as Seimei responded.

_"Yes, Soubi. I'm alive. I was never dead. I left you behind, you dammed idiot. Do you understand now? Do you finally get it? I needed you, but then I threw you away. I've been planning this for a long time."_

_ "Seimei, I…"_

_ "Shut up. Listen to me, do you think Ritsuka loves you? Do you think he cares about you?"_

_ "Him…He does."_

_ "Wrong!" _Ritsuka jumped at Seimei's yell. He had never heard Seimei raise his voice like that. _"He doesn't love you! Who could love a disgusting creature like you? You imbecile! You're nothing but a stupid, needy, ugly monster. Do you hear me, Soubi?"_

Ritsuka was nearly in tears. This was a new side of Seimei. Of course, he had seen Seimei be nasty to Soubi at Seven Voices, but that was nothing compared to _this_. This was what Soubi had gone through during his three years with Seimei.

_"…Yes, Seimei."_

Soubi himself sounded like he wanted to hang up and go curl up and die. This was horrible just to listen to. Ritsuka couldn't even imagine what Soubi had been feeling at this point.

_"Repeat it back to me, then."_

_ "…I'm a stupid, needy, ugly monster and Ritsuka could never love me."_

_ "Are you crying, Soubi? Don't you dare lie to me."_

_ "…No." _Even Ritsuka could hear Soubi's lie. _"Seimei…please…"_

_ "Please, what? 'Please don't do this, Seimei'? 'Please don't hurt me, Seimei'? 'Please come back, Seimei'?"_

_ "No!" _Soubi was nearly yelling in a panicked voice. _"Please don't come back!"_

_ "…Excuse me?"_

_ "Please…" _Soubi was begging. _"Don't take him away from me. I love him. I love him more than anything. Don't…don't steal the only thing I have that's good in my life…Please…"_

_ "Wrong, Soubi. You have nothing. He doesn't care about you. I don't care about you. You're alone, a traitor."_

It ended and Ritsuka had sunk to the floor, sobbing with his face in his hands. How could his brother so easily say all those horrible things to Soubi? It just wasn't right. Soubi didn't need to be talked to like that. It had hurt him immensely, Ritsuka could hear it in the way he had talked to Seimei and how he had begged Seimei to let him stay with Ritsuka. It was wrong that he'd have to do that.

Kio touched Ritsuka's shoulder and spoke quietly, "Ritsuka, there's another file that came up."

* * *

**Well, I dropped some hints here XD**

**Lots happens in this chapter. My favorite part is Soubi and the alarm clock. That scene was fun to write. **

**Here's my Christmas present to all of you! Thank you to everyone who wished me a merry Christmas! **

**Thanks to Mew, Lyrica, Lovelessreviewer, Big Machine, Lolita otaku, Toffee, Promocat, ****Cynthia Dollar, Tlcatlady, Tamer Lorika, tuesycakes, and DarkAngelJudas for the reviews! Please keep it up!**

**And sorry for torturing poor Soubi.**

**Merry Christmas/whatever you celebrate!**

**~Wolfie**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter nine **

Ritsuka was sobbing incoherently on the floor, unable to stop. Seimei had degraded Soubi down to nothing and then had made him repeat what he had called him. Ritsuka was crying, but he was crying for Soubi and how much the young man must've hated himself after that conversation. Soubi had always had odd tendencies, such as apologizing because of the littlest mistakes or not being happy with himself when he made the slightest error in something unimportant, and Ritsuka could see now that it was the effect of what Seimei had done to him. This was too much. It was way more than any person should have to endure.

Seimei. Caring, loving, Seimei, who was the perfect picture of everything an older brother should be. He had tricked Ritsuka, lured him into a trap, and then shut it around him, leaving him no escape and no idea how Seimei was playing him. Why had he never paid attention when Seimei came home with blood on his coat? Or when Ritsuka had noticed red dried markings on his walls that were so obviously Soubi's blood from when Seimei would physically abuse him? Seimei had played Ritsuka like a magician played his audience, and Ritsuka had been dumb enough not to even notice when the magic trick had started.

The façade Seimei had put on for him was not his true nature, it wasn't even close. 'His' Seimei had been nurturing and protecting, always kind and never raising a hand to _anybody_. In all actuality, Ritsuka's Seimei had been a lying, deceiving bastard who got some sort of sick, sadistic pleasure in shattering Soubi's world to bits and pieces. This person that Ritsuka had loved…had hurt the person he currently loved the most very, very badly.

Ritsuka's crying got quieter as he finally realized that he didn't want to wake Soubi. He glanced up at Kio, nodding at him to signal that he wanted to hear the next recording. This one was titled 'recording2 12/27 23:23'.

_"…Soubi?"_ Ritsuka was shocked to hear his own voice, accompanied by a loud, long yawn. _"It's really late. What's so important that you had to call me instead of coming over?"_ Ritsuka flinched at his own shortness, remembering that day. He had been waiting for Soubi to come over and had fallen asleep while doing so.

_"I…I'm sorry, Ritsuka…"_ Soubi's voice was shaking and it seemed as though he was on the edge of having another mental breakdown. Ritsuka couldn't blame him after hearing what Seimei had said.

_"Hey…are you okay? You don't sound so good…"_ Ritsuka's tone got a lot more calmer and gentler than before. _"I didn't mean to snap at you like that. I'm the one who should be sorry."_

Soubi was silent and, when he did speak, his voice was quivering even more than before, _"Ritsuka, do you love me?"_

_ "Soubi…I…I'm sorry. I can't really say that I do."_

Ritsuka wished he could go back in time and slap himself for saying such a stupid thing.

"_…That's all I needed to hear, then."_

_ "Wait! Soubi, I didn't say that right. What I meant was that I can't say I do because I don't know. I don't really understand love, but I know that I do feel something for you. I care about you. and I like you. A lot. Don't ever think that I don't."_

_ "Thank you." _Soubi had whispered the two words quietly, nearly inaudibly.

_"Is something wrong? Should I come over?"_

_ "Actually…that would be nice."_

_ "I'll be over in a few minutes, then."_

Ritsuka had fully stopped crying once the second recording ended. Silently, he watched as another recording came up on the screen, this time titled 'recording3 1/3 18:43'. Ritsuka shook his head, wanting a few minutes to absorb the information and to think. He got up, saying that he was going to go get Soubi up. Kio just nodded, not taking his eyes off the screen.

Ritsuka headed into Soubi's room, sitting on the bed. He carefully placed his hand on Soubi's chest, just above his heart and relaxed at feeling that familiar beat. Soubi sighed in his sleep and shifted so that he was facing Ritsuka.

_"Who could love a disgusting creature like you? You imbecile! You're nothing but a stupid, needy, ugly monster."_

Ritsuka could nearly hear Seimei's words, just as he had said them to Soubi. What a horrible, untrue thing to say. Soubi wasn't stupid, he was extremely intelligent. He seemed to know everything. Ritsuka could ask him some random question about something and Soubi could answer almost instantly. He always had some weird trivia, too. He always helped Ritsuka with his homework, and he never had to use a calculator since Soubi could do long division problems in his head. He read all the time, but Ritsuka could never understand anything he read. It wasn't just books on art; Ritsuka had seen him with books on scientific theories and medical or psychological studies. Once or twice, Ritsuka had even seen him with a book in a totally different language.

Soubi wasn't needy, either. Well, not excessively. All he needed was a little affection and acknowledgement, which was easy to give. He didn't ask for much more. All that he did ask for, Ritsuka was happy to give. He wasn't like a little kid that needed affection, either. It was just natural affection, such as holding hands while they walked or an intimate hug when they were alone, things that were easy to give and not uncomfortable. They were simple and normal.

Calling Soubi ugly was just overdoing it. Soubi was beautiful, but tragic and fragile, like a butterfly. Ritsuka would actually compare him more to a piece of glass, beaten on so much that the simplest of taps would shatter him completely.

"_I'm not a monster, Ritsuka, I'm human."_

That statement had seemed strangely out of place at the time Soubi had said it during their conversation about spells and magic. That must've been only a couple days after Soubi had gotten that phone call from Seimei. He was directly trying to deny what Seimei had told him he was. Soubi wasn't an 'ugly monster'. Seimei had no right to call him that, none at all.

"Soubi," Ritsuka gently shook Soubi's shoulder, rousing him.

Soubi blinked open his wide, clear blue eyes and smiled up at Ritsuka, "Ritsuka." Ritsuka smiled back. He could almost imagine that this was a normal day where he had come over to wake Soubi up, and that Soubi hadn't lost his memory and this was a totally average day.

"Good morning," Ritsuka gently pushed Soubi's bangs out of his face, tucking the long strands of hair behind his ear.

"Good morning…?"

"Yes, good morning," Today was the day that Soubi was going to start learning new words.

Soubi brightened up, "Good morning, Ritsuka!"

Ritsuka sat back, grinning, thoroughly amused with Soubi's enthusiasm. He could almost forget about the horrible things Seimei had said and done. Soubi was here with him now, and he couldn't at all be troubled by Ritsuka's brother. Soubi was better this way. Soubi had never had a childhood, or really a chance to be happy and un-plagued by those who wanted to hurt him.

Ritsuka patted Soubi on the head. "That's right," He told him warmly. "Time to get up." Soubi just gave him a blank stare, meaning that he didn't have any idea what Ritsuka was talking about. Ritsuka took his arm and pulled him out of bed and into the other room.

After breakfast, Ritsuka took Soubi back to the bedroom so that he and Kio could listen to the next recording. He left Soubi sitting on the wooden floor with a blank canvas and a palette of all different colors of paints. He quietly shut the doors and padded back to the main room to find Kio lying on Natsuo and Youji's mattress. He was stretched out by the wall and facing it. Ritsuka rushed over to him, worried that something had happened.

"Kio!" He jumped on the bed, kneeling on the mattress next to Kio. "Are you okay?"

Kio rolled over to look at him, "…I'm just not feeling well."

"It was hard for me to listen to, too," Ritsuka admitted, knowing what the man's real problem was. He and Kio shared the same mindset and morals. Neither of them wanted to see anybody, especially Soubi, get hurt, and they were both pacifists. Exceptions could be made, though, and Ritsuka vowed to hurt the person who did this to Soubi badly. He was sure that if Kio knew that it was a person who had done it to him, he would promise to get revenge, too. He hated what Seimei had done to Soubi, as did Kio.

"There's one thing that I can't figure out," Kio started. "I'm wondering how the hell you and Seimei could be related. You two are nothing alike."

Ritsuka looked away, "I'm wondering that myself. We should listen to the next recording. There's something I need to tell you once we get done with all these files."

With that, Ritsuka slid into the chair and pressed play. Soubi was the one to speak first, which told Ritsuka that this would probably be another recording with Seimei in it.

_"Hello?"_

_ "Good afternoon, Soubi. There are some things I'd like to talk to you about." _No surprise. That was Seimei's voice. Kio let out an audible sigh.

Then, Ritsuka heard his own voice in the background, _"Soubi, is this right?"_

_ "No, Ritsuka. You divided six-hundred and eighteen by the wrong variable. Try doing it by negative three and then see what you get for X."_

_ "Ugh. I hate algebra." _The Ritsuka in the recording groaned, obviously not knowing that his own brother was the one Soubi was talking to on the phone. There was a pause before Soubi spoke again.

_"I'm going to go into the other room. Keep working on that, okay?"_

Another groan from Ritsuka. Footsteps and then the sound of a door closing.

_"You seem to be much calmer than when we last talked, Soubi."_ Seimei sounded a bit amused. Ritsuka frowned, questioning where this conversation was going.

_"I am."_

_ "Why is that, I wonder? Did something happen with Ritsuka? You better not have tried anything with him, Soubi."_

Soubi's voice dropped to a whisper, but it was still strong and solid, _"I wouldn't ever do anything to him_ _when he's this young__."_

_ "You wouldn't? Are you not attracted to him? Remember, don't lie to me."_

_ "I am attracted to him, Seimei."_

_ "Aren't you afraid that you're becoming like your teacher?"_

Seimei had obviously hit a hard spot. Soubi had been raped by his teacher, and he was with a teenager much younger than him. Even Ritsuka could see how Soubi might compare himself to Ritsu-Sensei. Of course, he would never do anything to Ritsuka that was unwanted. Even if he was going insane with the urge, Ritsuka knew that he would lock himself in a closet or jump off a bridge before he did anything. Soubi had too much self-control to do the unthinkable.

It was Seimei who talked again when Soubi didn't, _"What did Ritsu used to do to you? I know you watch Ritsuka sleep. Did Ritsu do that to you?"_

_ "I just watch him to make sure he's safe!" _Soubi's tone rose from a whisper to a sort of cry.

_"Isn't that the kind of excuse that Ritsu would give you? Are you lying to yourself as well as everyone else? Are you turning out just like him?"_

_ "I…"_

_ "Anyways, that's not exactly what I called about. You need to stop, Soubi."_

_ "Stop what?"_

_"You know damn well what I mean!" _Ritsu3

ka flinched at Seimei's yelling.

_"I'm afraid I don't."_

_ "Are you talking back to me?"_

_ "No, Seimei. I really don't know what you mean."_

_ "You idiot! Like hell you don't know what I mean!" _Seimei breathed hard for a moment, and then his voice returned to normal and he spoke very slowly. _"You. Need. To. Stop. Helping. Him. Research. His. Amnesia." _

Soubi's reply wasn't what Ritsuka expected. _"Why?"_

_ "Didn't I tell you never to ask me that question? Fine. I'll tell you. You or him, most likely you, will realize that Ritsuka's amnesia isn't at all normal or a text-book case. It has very…unusual circumstances. You're going to stop teaching him, correct, Soubi?"_

_ "No, Seimei, I won't."_

_ "What? I gave you a direct order! You can't tell me no! Do it, Soubi, or I swear to god there will be consequences, consequence that you will not-"_

The recording ended and Ritsuka realized that Soubi had hung up. He had disobeyed an order from Seimei. Soubi had gone against all of his training and had disobeyed Seimei for Ritsuka's sake. It was amazing and Ritsuka felt a surge of pride for Soubi being able to do that. Soubi had never stopped helping Ritsuka. Never. That meant that he had never listened to Seimei's order and had acted completely on his own.

Without a word Ritsuka moved onto the next recording, titled 'recordings4-10 1/6, 1/10, 1/17, 1/18, 1/22, 2/3'.

Ritsuka found that they were not phone conversations, but messages left by Seimei. Each was short and Seimei seemed to get more and more frantic and panicked with each one.

_"I'm giving you a chance to take back what you said. Maybe if you do, I'll take you back. Nisei isn't that great of a Fighter. Perhaps I could use you, even though you're so clearly replaceable. Stop helping Ritsuka and leave him alone completely, and I'll come and get you myself. That's what you want, isn't it?" _

The second message was a little more eerie, especially since Seimei was talking about kidnapping Ritsuka. _"It's been four days since I left that last message. There's no way you couldn't have gotten it. You're still helping Ritsuka and being with him every day. You're an idiot, you know that? A dammed, idiotically monster that no one cares about. The deal's off. I'm not taking you back. I never was going to. That's right. I lied. Apparently, you don't want me to take you back, do you? You want to stay with Ritsuka. I won't let you! Do you have any idea how easily I can take him away from you? I'll do it, Soubi! I swear that I will if you don't obey me! You're my Fighter, Soubi. You belong to me! Remember that."_

Ritsuka stole a quick glance over at Kio, who met his eyes and gave him a small shake of his head at his distaste for Seimei. Ritsuka could only frown in response, not knowing how he felt about his brother now that he knew what he was really like. Kio looked like he was going to say something, probably ask about what a Fighter was, but the third message started playing.

_"I can't fucking believe you! How dare you disobey me like this! I ought to call Ritsu-Sensei and give him a piece of my mind about how lax your training has become! How would you like it if I sent you back to him? I'm not going to let you stay with Ritsuka! Listen to me, Soubi, if you don't obey me I will erase you of your very existence! I know exactly how I will do it. When I'm done with you, you won't even remember who you are, much less who Ritsuka is! You know what I'm going to do now, don't you, Soubi? I advise you to obey me if you don't want that to happen."_

Ritsuka's mind was working in dark places. The person who had attacked Soubi…was Seimei. There was no doubt about that. The sixth message was left on the third and Soubi was attacked on the sixth. Soubi hadn't obeyed Seimei and it had cost him everything. Seimei was trying to stop him from helping Ritsuka understand his amnesia because there was something about it that he didn't want either of them to know. He realized that Soubi was smart enough to fully figure it out and he wanted to keep Soubi from doing so. What could be so bad about the circumstances under Ritsuka's amnesia?

The fourth message to Soubi really began to scare Ritsuka.

_"This is really getting out of hand, Soubi. Have you forgotten all of your training? I ordered you to stay away from Ritsuka and to stop helping him and you don't listen to either of my commands. Have you figured out what __**really**__ happened three years ago when Ritsuka lost his memories? I suppose you won't remember what happened, but do you know what you did? Have you figured it out yet? It's your fault. It's always your fault. You're worthless, a dog that is disobedient. Do you know what happens to disobedient dogs, Soubi? They get beaten. They get beaten and killed." _

Ritsuka was shaking hard by the end of it, and he found himself getting pulled onto the bed by Kio and hugged tightly in a way that reminded him of Soubi. He shook in Kio's hold, totally unprepared for the next message.

_"Pick up your damn phone, Soubi! I can't believe you've actually gone this long without obeying me. That's right, Soubi, I'm watching you and Ritsuka. I've always been watching you, ever since the very start. I know everything you do. Who do you think sends all those horrific nightmares to Ritsuka and you? You already know what I'm going to do. You know what spell I will force Nisei to use. You know that you'll lose everything. So why can't you just obey part of the order? This is your last chance, Soubi. I will rip your world from underneath your feet if you don't obey." _

Ritsuka had his face hidden in the fabric of Kio's shirt to hide the tears streaming down his face. The reasoning and the perpetrator behind Soubi's attack was becoming clearer with every threat Seimei threw at Soubi. Seimei had done this, had made Soubi lose everything. He was responsible for it all, not Soubi. Soubi had finally stood up to Seimei and told him 'no' so that he could stay with Ritsuka. He had directly told Seimei that he didn't want him to come back. Ritsuka felt his heart beat a little faster, knowing that Soubi had done all this just for him.

But…that made it his fault. It was Ritsuka's fault that Soubi lost his memories. He had just kept on wanting to learn about his amnesia. Though Soubi had never said anything, Ritsuka should've known something was wrong when Soubi had to gone into another room to answer the second call from Seimei or when Soubi started saying some strange things such as 'I'm not a monster, Ritsuka, I'm human' or when he was explaining spells. It had seemed out of place, but Soubi knew what was going to happen and he knew that Ritsuka would have to know about the process of reconstruction and deconstruction.

The more Ritsuka thought about it, the more he realized that Soubi had known this would happen and had tried to prepare Ritsuka for it. That magazine that Ritsuka had remembered when he first figured out that Soubi was locked-in, not brain dead, had been given to him to read by Soubi. Soubi had given Ritsuka the article, saying that it was interesting, but, in reality, he knew that the doctors were going to believe that he was brain-dead and Ritsuka would be the only one who would realize he wasn't.

Static from the computer made Ritsuka's cat ears perk up as the last recorded message began.

_"I gave you one full month to do as told, from the third of January when I first ordered you to the third of February. That was more than enough time, wouldn't you say? What do I get? Nothing. I tell you to stay away from Ritsuka, and you do the exact opposite. I tell you to stop helping him understand his amnesia, and you go on teaching him. Bad dog, Soubi, bad dog. You know, Ritsuka won't care about you once you can't even remember your own name or how to speak. He'll leave you, just like everyone else. You'll have no one. Nobody will want you when you're a whiney, needy child. Not even Ritsuka. My brother knows better than to fall for such an animal. There's no way he'll take care of you after this."_

"He's wrong!" Ritsuka cried, clutching onto Kio's shirt with both hands now. He couldn't help it, he needed someone to hold onto like this, otherwise he was afraid that he would fall to the floor and curl up in a tiny ball, bawling like a child.

"I know, Ritsuka," Kio spoke gently, clearly recognizing Ritsuka's need. He softly rubbed the teen's back in slow circles. "Shh, you don't want Soubi to hear, do you? He'll get worried."

Ritsuka glanced up at him with tear-stained eyes and nodded, pulling out of the embrace to wipe his eyes. He wanted to see Soubi, to hug him and tell him it was all going to be okay, even if Soubi didn't know what was wrong in the first place. Quietly, Ritsuka tugged Kio up by the wrist and led him to the closed bedroom doors.

Upon opening the French doors, they were both greeted with a very odd sight. "Oh…my god…" Ritsuka muttered, looking around at all the mess.

It seemed that Soubi hadn't quite known _what_ to do with the paints and paintbrush. Or, more or less, he didn't know where to paint. The dark red-ish walls of the bedroom were splashed with all different colors and splattered all the way up towards the ceiling. It was all over the wood floor, too and there were footprints of many colors tracked all over it.

Soubi looked up at them, his eyes giving off a deer-in-headlights look as they widened. He obviously knew that he had done something wrong. There were streaks of blue and purple paint on his face and in his hair, too. He was kneeling at the canvas, a paintbrush in his hand. Ritsuka slowly walked over to that canvas to see that Soubi had indeed finally figured out where to paint. What really amazed him was that Soubi had painted a pastel butterfly, one that was even more beautiful than the ones he usually painted for school.

Ritsuka looked around at the paint-splattered walls and the footprint-stained floor and, despite himself, he started to smile. What really made him laugh, though, was when Soubi looked up and him and started smiling, too, and said rather loudly, "Good morning, Ritsuka!"

It wasn't until later when they found that the computer was still trying to make them listen to another file.

Ritsuka was kneeling on the floor in front of Soubi, who was sitting on the couch, and pointing to various objects, attempting to have him recognize them. Ritsuka had been at it for a few hours and had found that Soubi was a very fast learner. He had already learned his own name and Kio's, as well as most of the large objects in the room. Kio was lying on the mattress still due to a headache he had come down with. Ritsuka had told him to sleep, which was what the young Sacrifice assumed he was doing up until something woke him up. Ritsuka didn't know what had made him wake up, whether it was a particularly excited word from Soubi or Ritsuka being extremely pleased with him being able to recognize an object. All he knew was that Kio had gotten out of bed to check his email and was suddenly calling Ritsuka over.

The audio file was only about five seconds long and titled 'recording11'. Kio glanced at Ritsuka before playing it, both expecting some sort message from Seimei, but instead it was Soubi alone speaking into the computer's microphone, addressing Ritsuka directly.

_"I left you a note, Ritsuka. It explains everything, I promise."

* * *

_**100 reviews? THANKS SO MUCH! **

**So, I'd like to say a few things about this chapter. First of all, I understand that Sacrifices may not always like their Fighters and may occasionally whip/talk bad to them, but I truly do believe that Seimei crossed the line with Soubi into a place where it wasn't accepted for him to do the kind of things that he did to him. This is why I really do not like Seimei and I also believe that he does not and is incapable of showing remorse for what he did.**

**Thanks to Mew, Lyrica, Lovelessreviewer, Bigmachine, Lolita otaku, Jo, Riaries, EternalTearsOfBlood, Promocat, DarkAngelJudas, Thecatlady, Tamer Lorika, and xxLovelessxBelovedxx for all the reviews! *hugs you all* thanks for helping me break 100! Kepp it up! Reviews keep me alive as a writer!**

**Thecatlady: I agree with you. I hate Ritsu for what he did to Soubi, but I believe that, unlike Seimei, he is human and MIGHT regret what he did. Either way, I still don't like him. And yep, I think I made it pretty obvious who the 'mystery' security-fooling man was XD**

**Also, please take a look at my new fics/one-shots(?) _His 'Perfect' Brother_ and _Blood Lust _(Which MAY get continued).  
**

**Keep reviewing!**

**~Wolfie**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter ten**

It was Ritsuka's fault that Soubi lost his memory.

Ritsuka never meant for it to happen. He never wanted it to happen. It was something that Soubi had done to cause him to fall amnesic, but it all rooted back to Ritsuka. Soubi had only been trying to help Ritsuka, but he lost something because of it. Ritsuka should have noticed the blaring signs of something being wrong with Soubi so that he could've put a stop to it. Seimei would've listened to Ritsuka. Ritsuka could have very well prevented this, but he hadn't.

It was Ritsuka's fault. Soubi was like this because of him. Now it was up to him to fix it.

Seimei had said Soubi had something to do with Ritsuka's memory loss, but he wouldn't be able to remember it. Ritsuka had realized that if Soubi had actually done anything, Seimei would've made Soubi take his own memory, since Soubi had a conscience and there was no way that Soubi could've properly taken care of him knowing that he was the one who caused Misaki to beat Ritsuka. Misaki beat Ritsuka because he had lost his memories and was not 'her' Ritsuka. Soubi wouldn't be able to live with the fact that he was the person who had made Ritsuka like this in the first place.

"Ritsuka," Kio placed a hand on his shoulder as the young teenager stared up at his own house, a minefield just waiting to blow. It was late afternoon on the day that Ritsuka and Kio had discovered Soubi's recordings. It was unclear who had left the recordings on the computer, whether it had been Seimei or Soubi. It seemed more likely to be Soubi, since Seimei wouldn't want Ritsuka to know that he was the one who attacked Soubi. It would make Ritsuka lose his respect and love for Seimei, which was exactly what happened.

After the last recording where Soubi directly told Ritsuka that there was a note, Ritsuka was sure that it was Soubi who had left the recordings to play. Ritsuka had been determined to turn the house upside down to look for the note, but that was when Kio broke the news to him. He had been talking to the police ever since Ritsuka called him when his mother beat him and threw him out, and he was granted temporary custody of Ritsuka under special circumstances as a foster parent. It was the temporary part that scared Ritsuka a little. He didn't want to go to a foster home or get separated from Soubi. And he certainly couldn't and wouldn't go back to living with his mother, not when he had experienced a week without getting beaten.

They were going back to the Aoyagi household to get Ritsuka's things. Soubi had to come, too, since they couldn't leave him alone at the flat. Ritsuka wanted him to come with him, anyways. Soubi was still a source of comfort for him, even if he didn't remember anything. Ritsuka held onto his hand, leaning heavily on his much taller frame, wondering how he was going to deal with this. Soubi didn't seem to mind Ritsuka's leaning or tight grip on his hand.

"Are you okay?" Kio asked, his grip on Ritsuka's shoulder gentle and reassuring. Ritsuka was safe with these two men. They wouldn't let his mother hurt him anymore. Soubi would be able to understand that this woman wanted to hurt Ritsuka. Kio would be able to hold her off, too. There was nothing to worry about.

Ritsuka looked up at Kio, pushing all thoughts of the recordings away. He gave Soubi's hand a squeeze and told Kio, "I'm ready."

"I'm not going to let her hurt you," Kio reminded him. Ritsuka just nodded. The lights were on in the house and Ritsuka's father's car was there, too, which was an extremely rare occurrence. His father, Kiyoshi, rarely came home, and, when he did, he usually drank and drank until he passed out.

_"My father's home…" Ritsuka told Soubi, depositing his overnight bag on the counter and sitting down on the couch close to Soubi. _

_"Does he ever do anything about…her?" Soubi never called Misaki Ritsuka's mother, but instead referred to her as simply 'her' or sometimes 'Misaki'. _

_Ritsuka rolled his eyes and sighed; he had truly been hoping Soubi wouldn't press the issue, as it would lead to Ritsuka admitting some things that he didn't really want to let out. It was in Soubi's nature, though, to want to know, to gain the knowledge. It was one of the things that couldn't be changed about him, something that Ritsuka really did like about Soubi, even if it annoyed him quite a bit now. _

_"Sometimes," Ritsuka started cautiously. He tried to subtly check that his bangs were still covering the right side of his face. Soubi noticed, though, Ritsuka could see that his calculating blue eyes watching him closely. Ritsuka closed his tired eyes and leaned back on Soubi's arm, which had at some point slipped around him. Soubi pulled him close to his side and put the medical textbook he had been reading on the coffee table. _

_"Sometimes?"_

_"…When he's not drunk out of mind…" Ritsuka muttered under his breath. As soon as he said it, Ritsuka wanted to take it back, as he knew Soubi would immediately figure everything out from there._

_Sure enough, Soubi grabbed his face and turned it so that he was looking at the right side of it. He pushed Ritsuka's black bangs out of the way so that he was looking directly at the purple-ish bruise. Ritsuka didn't try to pull away, as he knew it would be completely useless. Soubi was too much stronger than he was. _

_"Your father did this, didn't he?"Soubi's voice was strangely dark, making Ritsuka know that now Soubi not only hated Ritsuka's mother, but he hated his father, too._

_"No!" Ritsuka lied. "It was my mother!"_

_"It was your father," Soubi told him firmly. _

_"How can you tell?"_

_Soubi traced the bruise with one finger. "Your mother's right handed."_

_Ritsuka frowned, not seeing how that explained anything. "That doesn't mean anything."_

_"You were hit on the right side of your face," Soubi explained simply. Ritsuka's eyes flickered away, realizing his friend's logic. Soubi went on, "And there's a mark from a wedding band. Misaki doesn't wear hers, correct? Plus, it's traditional to wear a wedding band on the left hand, not the right. How long is he staying?"_

_Soubi let go of Ritsuka's face and Ritsuka, in turn, leaned his head against Soubi's shoulder. "He's off of work for a week…" _

_"Call your mother and tell her that you're going to be going staying at a friend's house for a week."_

_Ritsuka mumbled an agreement, knowing that he was really going to be staying with Soubi, like usual, and not a regular friend's house. It made him happy, though, to be spending time with Soubi in a place he knew was safe._

Kiyoshi was the one to answer the door and immediately looked confused to see his son flanked by two older, tall men, one of which Ritsuka was holding hands seemed to not be drunk, but not be sober, either. Ritsuka tightened his grip around Soubi's hand.

"Who are you?" Kiyoshi glared at all three of them. Ritsuka sighed, knowing that his father sometimes forgot who Ritsuka was if he had been drinking. Ritsuka had never thought much of his father, but at times like this, he was at an all time low in Ritsuka's mind.

"I'm Ritsuka, your son," Ritsuka wanted to leave. He really did. He couldn't, though, he had to go back and get the photos to help teach Soubi.

"Oh, it's _you_," Was all Kiyoshi said. _Maybe I was wrong_, Ritsuka thought. _Maybe he is drunk. _

Kio cleared his throat, reminding Kiyoshi that he was there. "I need to talk to you about your son's living conditions. Do you mind if we come in?"

"Do as you please," Ritsuka's father stepped aside, letting them through the doorway. Kio nodded to Ritsuka and Ritsuka pulled Soubi towards the stairs. He hurriedly led Soubi into the bedroom and shut the door, wondering if he should lock it. Strong arms locked around his body and Ritsuka yelped as he was pulled backwards, only to find that it was just Soubi, not his mother. He relaxed and let Soubi lift him into his lap. Soubi's big hands were on his hips, keeping him there firmly.

Soubi was worried about him. Of course he could sense that being in this house made Ritsuka more jumpy and distant. Maybe it was only Soubi's instinct to hold Ritsuka close like this when the Sacrifice was sad and lonely. Ritsuka placed his arms around Soubi's neck, bringing him closer. He wondered how long Kio would be and if Ritsuka had enough time to take a short nap with Soubi. That was what he really wanted, to have Soubi close against him to give him comfort in this wretched house.

"Let's lay down, Soubi," Ritsuka hoped that he understood most of that sentence. He had showed Soubi what 'laying down' was and Soubi knew his name, now, though he didn't know the pronoun 'let's'. Pronouns and conjugation would be the hardest to teach Soubi. Ritsuka knew that from his foreign class at school. Actually, it might be easy for Soubi, since he was learning his first language, Japanese, again, not a second language. Soubi was like a child. He would pick more things up the more he was talked to.

Ritsuka pulled Soubi down with him, keeping his arms locked loosely around his neck. Soubi patted the bed with one hand, "Bed?"

"Yes," Ritsuka closed his eyes, pressing his body close to Soubi's, his face buried in his chest. "Good job."

"Ritsuka?"

"Yes?" Ritsuka had his eyes closed, trying to fall asleep. Soubi's scent was all around him, no different from when before Soubi had lost his memory. Well, he smelled less of cigarettes than it had before, but Ritsuka liked that.

"Love?" Soubi's arms had slipped around Ritsuka, holding him tightly against him. Soubi knew that there was something bad about this house and he was trying to protect Ritsuka from it. That was yet another quality he retained. Soubi was still over-protective of Ritsuka.

"Yes, I love you," Ritsuka blushed and hid his face even more. Soubi stopped talking, then, and simply held Ritsuka close. Everything else on Ritsuka's mind disappeared and he concentrated just on Soubi's scent and warmth. Eventually, he was lulled into a light sleep as he listened to Soubi's breathing and heartbeat, entranced by the feeling of the Fighter so close to him.

Ritsuka and Soubi both awoke to yelling outside the now opened door.

"What the hell are they doing?" That was his father's voice, roaring and angry. Ritsuka heard Soubi whimper at the noise level and squirm a little against Ritsuka. Ritsuka was comfortable, so much so that he refused to get up, or even to open his eyes. His father had obviously discovered them sleeping together on the bed. It seemed so typical of him to go with his first assumption and throw an adult drunken temper tantrum, one that would usually result in hitting Ritsuka or him falling down the stairs and knocking himself out.

"Aoyagi-kun, please," Kio's tone was much quieter and calmer, yet still firm. "Soubi and Ritsuka are very close."

There was some stomping around and Soubi seemed to be getting extremely agitated and bothered by it. "Calm down, Soubi," Ritsuka whispered, his face still pressed into the man's chest. "It's okay; they're just arguing."

"Kio?" Soubi's voice was quiet, too, as if he didn't want the two outside to hear them, either.

"Yes," Inside, Ritsuka was extremely proud of Soubi. He learned so quickly and it seemed as though he had retained everything Ritsuka had taught him that afternoon. "Kio and Kiyoshi."

"Kiyoshi?"

"Yeah…I'll explain later. Go back to sleep for now, okay?" If they ignored him long enough, Kiyoshi might stop or he would just knock himself out. Then, Ritsuka could gather his things and go back home with Soubi and Kio without getting hurt. Unfortunately, that sounded like an unlikely and near-impossible scenario. When Kiyoshi got mad while he had been drinking, there was really no stopping him until he passed out or got knocked unconscious.

"_Close_? They're _close_? Is that how you explain what I saw in there?" There was some more storming around and Ritsuka pulled his head away from Soubi's chest a little to see them standing just outside the doorway.

Kio had apparently had enough, since he started yelling, too, "Look, I'll have you know that I have absolutely no respect for you. I don't see how you can sit there and watch your wife beat your son-!"

"You have no idea how hard it is to have a son who lost his memory!" Kiyoshi cut him off. "How can you come into my house and tell me how to raise my child when you know nothing about us? How do you expect me to deal with my son becoming a completely different person while my other son despises me and then goes off to get killed?"

Kio took a step towards him so that he was right up in Kiyoshi's face and invading his personal space, something that was clearly making Kiyoshi uncomfortable. "That's no excuse for letting your wife beat your child. I can't believe that you would freak out at seeing your son innocently asleep with someone."

Kiyoshi stopped yelling, though now he was talking loudly, and his words stung Ritsuka more than blows to his face ever could, "Apparently, my son needs to be taught a lesson. I thought I raised him better than to be a gay little whore."

Ritsuka saw his father raise his hand, preparing to slap Kio and he was out of the bed and in the doorway, ready to beg his father to just let them all go. Kio just smirked, "Hit me, then. It's better than hitting your son. You only have one child now. Do you want to lose him completely, too? Go ahead and hit me. See how much better it makes you feel."

Kiyoshi glared at him, but didn't hit him. He whirled around, probably to go see if his 'whore' of a son was still sleeping, but instead found Ritsuka in the doorway, looking up at his father in fear and shock. His father wasn't heavy set and he didn't look very strong. He was actually a tall, lean man in his mid-thirties and was a lot stronger than he looked to be. Kiyoshi was actually a nice man when he was sober. Just a couple weeks ago he had taken Ritsuka out to buy new school clothes and supplies. When he drank, though, he lost all control.

"Here he is now," Kiyoshi's face twisted into a wicked grin and his words were enormously slurred. "Here's my gay son now. Where have you been the past couple of weeks? Your mother tells me you run off every time she tries to _talk_ to you. I see that you've made a '_friend_'." He looked pointedly at Soubi, who was glaring at Kiyoshi. Ritsuka's father didn't appear to have been told about Soubi's memory loss. "I never imagined you'd like men, much less older men. Do you let him screw you Ritsuka? Do you?"

Ritsuka was terrified at this point. He knew that Kio would at least _try_ to keep Kiyoshi from attacking him and Soubi looked ready to jump at him at any second, but Kiyoshi's words could still hurt Ritsuka. He hated Ritsuka. He wanted to hurt him, and this want was different than Misaki's. Ritsuka's mother was delusional; Kiyoshi was just drunk. This happened almost every night he came home. He would come into Ritsuka's room extremely intoxicated and yell obscenities and ugly names at Ritsuka. Ritsuka would run at the first chance he got, which was usually pretty early on.

It was because of his father that Ritsuka vowed to never get drunk. Soubi drank, but Ritsuka had never seen him intoxicated or anything close to it. Sometimes he just got a little dizzy and had to lay down, but nothing more. Soubi knew when to stop. Ritsuka had seen Kio inebriated, and had run and hid from him for hours until Soubi found him cowered under his bed in the flat. Kio wasn't a mean drunk like Kiyoshi, but it still scared him.

"Answer me!" Kiyoshi brought Ritsuka back down to Earth with a hard slap. Ritsuka stumbled backwards, leaving the doorway. Kio was yelling in the background, but Ritsuka didn't hear. In what seemed like less than a second, Soubi had Kiyoshi pinned against the short railing near the stairs.

That wasn't what surprised Ritsuka the most, though. It was when Soubi spoke in a low voice that was nearly a growl, "I swear that if you ever touch him again that I will kill you slowly. What kind of a man drinks his troubles away and beats his son for it?"

Ritsuka froze, ceasing to rub the forming bruise on his cheek. Every thought in his head left in a flurry as soon as he heard Soubi speak normally, not in the broken one-worded sentences containing only words Ritsuka had taught him. The change had been so sudden. Soubi couldn't just regain his memories like that. It wasn't possible. It had to be temporary. Soubi had seen the situation Ritsuka had been in and maybe the need to protect him had been stronger than the block that kept him from his memories, breaking it temporarily.

"It's not like you under-!"

Soubi hit him, just as hard as Kiyoshi had slapped Ritsuka, if not harder. "Oh, I understand _perfectly_ well." It could also be a sudden rush of adrenaline that had caused the flow of memories to start again. "You deserve to go to hell," Soubi went on, holding Kiyoshi roughly by the collar of his shirt. "And if you don't sign the consent forms we brought, I'll send you there myself, right here, right now."

"You can't tell me what to do," The look on Ritsuka's father's face betrayed him. He was scared, petrified with fear, as he realized that Soubi could probably kill him with a simple shove over the railing.

"Do you really want to mess with me right now?" Soubi moved a hand to Kiyoshi's throat. Kiyoshi just vigorously shook his head. "I didn't think so. You're a horrible, weak, selfish man. I should've taken Ritsuka from here a year ago. He certainly doesn't deserve parents like you. Sign or I'll kill you and forge the signature myself."

"P-please let me go. I'll sign it, I swear…" Ritsuka willed Soubi not to let him go. Kiyoshi would run, as he was a coward, as well as a selfish bastard.

"Get on the ground," Soubi ordered, making Ritsuka silently cheer for him. This was only temporary, but Soubi was still saving him. He just hoped that Soubi's memories would stay long enough for Ritsuka to ask him some questions and tell him some things that he had been meaning to.

Kiyoshi opened, sinking to the ground on his knees, his hands in the air as if Soubi was holding a gun to his head. He was trapped between the wall and a very furious, extremely violent Soubi. Soubi gave him a swift kick, sending him flat on the ground on his stomach. Ritsuka watched as Soubi put his foot on Kiyoshi's back, keeping him down and also indirectly making him accept that he had lost the fight.

Soubi nodded at Kio, and Ritsuka glanced at him, seeing that Kio was in as much awe as Ritsuka was. "Give him the consent orders," Soubi told Kio. Silently, Kio did and gave Soubi a hard look before retreating to his previous spot. Ritsuka had been frozen to his spot until then, but he suddenly found himself able to move. He immediately went to Soubi, putting his arms around his waist so that he was hugging him tightly. Soubi pushed his hand into his hair, rubbing the spot between his kitten ears gently.

"Are you alright?" Ritsuka asked, looking up at him. That wide, clear look in his eyes was gone, replaced by the troubles that Soubi could never get away from. Ritsuka loved this man, whether he had his memories or not, it didn't matter.

"I'm fine," Soubi's voice was much softer and gentler than the one he had been using with Kiyoshi. "But I won't be in a few hours. I'm sorry, Ritsuka, but this is only temporary. It's a chemical reaction I'm having to you being in danger."

"I know," Ritsuka said sad, dropping Soubi's gaze. "How long…?"

"A few hours," Soubi answered without Ritsuka having to ask the entire question.

"What are you two—ow!" Soubi pressed down with his foot, crushing Kiyoshi against the floor momentarily before he could get out the full question.

"Just sign the damn papers!" Soubi snapped. He turned back to Ritsuka and Kio, "Go into Ritsuka's room, both of you. I'll come in as soon as I'm done here. I'll answer whatever questions you two have, but I'm afraid we don't have very much time."

* * *

**Did you notice that the first lines of this chapter are the opening lines of this fic? **

**Here's an early update. So, the Kiyoshi in this fic is different from the Kiyoshi in Taken. Also, HOW WAS THAT FOR AN ENDING?**

**Thanks to Lovelessreviewer, Lolita, mew, bigmachine, Riaries, EternalTearsOfBlood, DarkAngelJudas, Tlcatlady, Cynthia Dollar, Tamer Lorika, and promocat! I love you guys! Keep reviewing!**

**And sorry for not doing much with the note. I felt like this needed to be done first. **

**~Wolfie**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter eleven **

Ritsuka glanced down, seeing Soubi's much larger hand covering his and blushed, scooting closer to the older man. Soubi and Ritsuka were in the backseat of Kio's car with Kio driving them back to the apartment complex. Soubi had temporarily regained his memories in reaction to seeing Ritsuka get hit. Some chemical reaction had happened where the blockage in his brain created by a spell had lifted, leaving him with his memories for a few hours. Ritsuka was happy, since Soubi had gotten Kiyoshi to consent to Ritsuka staying with Kio and him. Misaki had been nowhere in sight, though Ritsuka assumed she had locked herself in her bedroom when she had heard the commotion.

"Hey, Ritsuka," Soubi nudged him lightly. "Can I still come to your graduation?"

"Oh god," Kio groaned jokingly from the front seat. "Not this again. Ritsuka, before all this happened, all he would talk about was you graduating and he would annoy all of us who worked with him in class with his bragging about you."

Ritsuka leaned against Soubi, looking up at him, "Really?"

The smile that Soubi gave Ritsuka made him blush even more, "I'm proud of you." Ritsuka couldn't remember anyone except for Seimei ever saying that to him. "You are graduating top of your class, after all."

"It's not that great," Ritsuka brushed the comment off, though the compliment made him happier than he'd like to admit. Soubi was proud of him, something that no one else in Ritsuka's life but Soubi had told Ritsuka. Seimei had told him the same thing back when he was around, but Ritsuka couldn't be sure now if he had meant it. Ritsuka wasn't sure about anything about Seimei, anymore, except that he was the one who attacked Soubi and they both had something to with Ritsuka's memory loss. That, and Seimei didn't want Soubi to know about the real causes of Ritsuka's amnesia.

Ritsuka leaned his head on Soubi's shoulder, wanting to savor the short time they had together before Soubi lost his memory again. One part of him honestly still didn't want Soubi to lose his memory again.

The rest of the ride was nearly silent. It was dark out, meaning that Ritsuka's nap with Soubi had been longer than expected.

"Kio," Soubi said softly as they arrived at the apartment complex. "I apologize, but I would like to talk with Ritsuka alone."

Kio leaned towards him and said something softly, something that made Soubi smile slightly and agree. Ritsuka took his bag of clothes and other things and got out of car, leaving Soubi and Kio alone to talk for a few minutes. Ritsuka looked up at the tall apartment complex, thinking about something Seimei had said in one of the recordings, a statement about the horrible nightmares both Ritsuka and Soubi had.

Seimei had been watching them and ordering those terrible dreams upon them. As a result, Ritsuka often had dreams about Seimei taking Ritsuka away, or, more commonly, dreams about Soubi. Soubi was in nearly all of Ritsuka's dreams, good or bad. Ritsuka sometimes dreamed about simply going to the park with him or other thoughtless, happy dreams. There were the wet dreams, too, the ones that made Ritsuka fight off a blush whenever he thought about them. Then there were the bad dreams about Soubi, ones that were so vivid and real that Ritsuka would wake up in tears, truly believing that they had been real. In these dreams, Ritsuka would watch Soubi get violently killed by Seimei, or have him get taken away from him.

"Are you okay, Ritsuka?" Ritsuka turned back around at Soubi's voice, watching as the headlights on Kio's car faded off into the distance.

"I'm fine," He told Soubi quietly. "Just…thinking."

"About what?" Soubi gently took the heavy bag from Ritsuka's hands and slung it over his shoulder, offering his hand out to Ritsuka.

Ritsuka cast another glance up, wondering how Seimei 'watched' them. He might have had bugs or tiny cameras, but that seemed unlikely for Seimei. His style was more watching them himself, coming in the dead of night and watching them unexpectedly. He was probably still doing it. Ritsuka could just imagine how pissed off his brother would be, knowing that his plan had not worked and Ritsuka had stayed with Soubi. It gave Ritsuka some sort of strange satisfaction to realize that Seimei had underestimated Ritsuka's feelings for Soubi.

What had he expected when he told Soubi to love Ritsuka? Maybe he had just wanted them to become friends or for Ritsuka to become acquainted with Soubi. It was obvious that they were never supposed to fall in love, or at least Ritsuka was never supposed to fall in love with Soubi. Soubi was dirty and a 'monster' in Seimei's eyes, and he had expected his brother to think the same thing about him. He hadn't realized that his little brother's mindset was very different from his own, though, and that tiny mistake might have cost him his entire plan. Ritsuka didn't believe people were 'dirty' and he didn't like to think of people as dogs, either, even if a person would obey someone's every command. He didn't believe in violence, either, while his older brother so obviously did.

"…Those recordings," Ritsuka took Soubi's hand, wanting to change the conversation. "Soubi, you're always so warm…"

Soubi didn't say anything about the recordings, though he did begin to lead him inside the complex. "Does that surprise you?"

Ritsuka nodded, thinking about something he had read on the internet once, "I just thought a man like you would have cold hands…"

Soubi's expression suddenly changed into something unreadable and Ritsuka revaluated what he had said. "Do you think I'm a cold person, Ritsuka?"

No! That wasn't what he had meant. It had just come out wrong, just like everything always did with him. This time, he had made Soubi think that he thought badly of him, which wasn't true at all. He looked up to Soubi, since he was the main adult figure in Ritsuka's life and was a very loving, gentle man to those close to him. To others, he was cold and sarcastic, but that didn't matter.

"That's not what I meant!" Ritsuka said franticly, trying to express what he had really been thinking. "I just read this article one time that said that people who smoke usually have really cold hands, but you don't, so I thought that was a little odd. You're always so warm and… and…" Ritsuka stopped his fast speech, dropping his gaze from Soubi's in embarrassment. He was blushing again and doing his best to hide it. He was thirteen now, so he thought he shouldn't blush like a little girl anymore, but Soubi always had this affect on him, whether he liked it or not.

Soubi's expression had softened and he squeezed Ritsuka's hand, letting him know that he understood. Soubi always had a way with communication, whether it was verbal on nonverbal. This helped when his memories were gone, when he could only express himself through motions and expressions. When he had suddenly gotten his memories back, he was just like how he was before his attack—able to thoroughly communicate verbally and nonverbally.

The rest of the walk and climb up sets of stairs and ride on elevators was silent, but Ritsuka still had thousands of questions going through his head. He wasn't sure which one to ask first and he was afraid he would somehow combust if he didn't at least get one out. He tried to sort them by importance, but he couldn't keep track of them.

Ritsuka had to unlock the door since Soubi didn't have a set of keys, as no one had been planning on him getting a sudden adrenaline rush and regaining his memories. It was beginning to rain again by the time they got inside. Ritsuka was just happy to come back to the place he thought of as home, and Soubi seemed like he was, too. Ritsuka suddenly wondered if Soubi remembered his time without his memories, or if that was just a blank spot of time for him.

As soon as Soubi had off his coat and shoes, Ritsuka was clinging onto him fiercely, hugging him tightly. He couldn't help himself. All the frustration from Seimei and what had happened in the past week or so was coming out, everything that had made Ritsuka angry over his brother, the loss over Soubi's memories, it was all coming out like this. He hid his face in Soubi's shirt, not wanting the person he loved and looked up to seeing what Ritsuka was really feeling.

Soubi was gently picking him up, carrying his crying Sacrifice into the bedroom bridal-style. Ritsuka clung onto his neck, unable to do much else. Everything was so confusing now. Ritsuka's life wasn't the same as it had been just one week ago. He probably wasn't even the same person as he was a week ago. At least he had a little bit of time with Soubi to ask him all the questions he had and to cry in his arms. Tomorrow, Soubi wouldn't have his memories and Ritsuka would go back to having to teach him.

"I'm so sorry, Ritsuka," Soubi murmured, setting Ritsuka down on the bed. Ritsuka tugged at him, getting him to lay on the bed him. "I should have said something."

Ritsuka knew what Soubi was trying to say. He was apologizing for not telling Ritsuka what was happening/going to happen, even though it was completely unnecessary, as Ritsuka just realized when Soubi said his apology. If Soubi had told him before, Ritsuka would have absolutely freaked out. He wouldn't have been able to understand why and he probably would've refused to believe that his brother would hurt Soubi in such a way. There wasn't any way Ritsuka would have willingly listened to those recordings if Soubi would tried to show them to him. Before Soubi's attack, Ritsuka held his brother to the highest respect. He had looked up to his brother even more than he looked up to Soubi, but not anymore. He didn't know what he felt for his brother, but it certainly wasn't respect. He still loved Seimei, though not as much as before, and he was absolutely furious at him. Ritsuka could recall being asked who he wanted to be like at the beginning of seventh grade and Ritsuka had written down his brother's name without thinking. If he was asked again, he would definitely say Soubi.

"It's okay, Soubi," Ritsuka pulled him close again. Soubi was shaking hard for some reason. He appeared to be scared of something, but Ritsuka couldn't figure out what. Seimei was the obvious choice, but there was no trace of him, no shadows outside the windows or on the balcony, no noises to allude to someone watching them. Nothing was out of place. There was no sign of Seimei, so there was nothing for Soubi to be afraid of. "What's wrong?"

Soubi was hiding his face, now, pressing it into Ritsuka's neck and hair. Ritsuka assumed that he was crying, but he couldn't tell, and he didn't think Soubi would want him to know if he was.

"Ritsuka…" The boy barely heard Soubi when he whispered his name. "…You haven't left yet."

Ritsuka grabbed Soubi's shoulders and forced the young man to look into his eyes. "He was wrong and you know it," Ritsuka was shocked at how firm and solid his voice came out. "Listen to me, Soubi. I _will not leave you_. I don't care if you don't even remember your own name. That doesn't change how I feel about you."

Soubi sat up, pulling Ritsuka into his lap for another crushing hug. "Why, Ritsuka? Why would you want to stay with me after all this? It's not fair to you. I don't understand why you don't leave and find yourself a normal boyfriend."

Ritsuka pulled away, his ears flattening against his head as he stared up at Soubi in the darkness of the room. "I _love _you. I'm not going to leave you, Soubi. Please don't believe Seimei. He doesn't understand how much I care about you. I will take care of you through this. There's absolutely nothing you could do to make me leave. If you lie to me…hurt me… kidnap me…I don't care; I'll still love you."

Soubi didn't speak for a long time, but he held onto Ritsuka's arms tightly, hanging his head, his long blonde hair hiding his face. Ritsuka saw, just then, really how much Seimei had broken Soubi. He had hurt him so much and destroyed his life, making it so that there was no way Soubi could psychologically escape Seimei or even be normal. No way, unless Soubi lost his memory.

"This…taking care of me…" It took Ritsuka a moment to register that Soubi was talking. "…It's not going to be easy. It's not going to be a short job, either. You're going to have to deal with me like that for a long time."

"Idiot," Ritsuka teased playfully, hoping that Soubi wouldn't think he was truly degrading him. "You don't think I don't know that? I already promised you that I would do it. Do you think I'll quit just because it'll take awhile? Don't worry. I'm not going to leave you."

"Thank you," Soubi took a deep, shaking breath and looked up, his expression changing into something happier. "I'll help you unpack."

Ritsuka nodded and noticed Soubi shivering a little. He frowned, worried a little, even though it wasn't the violent shaking from before. "Soubi, are you cold?" He asked, although the temperature was fine for himself.

"A little."

"I'll go turn the thermostat up. Stay here," Ritsuka retreated into the main room, quickly finding the thermostat and turning it up a few notches. He tried to turn a light on, but the storm going on outside must've knocked it out. He remembered where Soubi kept the candles, as this had happened once before a couple months ago. When he came back into the bedroom with his arms full of candles, he found that Soubi had pulled a sweatshirt on and cleared out a couple drawers in his dresser.

"I'm happy you're finally moving in," Soubi smiled as Ritsuka started to set the candles up and light them. It gave some light to the dark room and it made it a little warmer, which was good for Soubi, since he looked cold.

"Mom took it a little far," Ritsuka said, lighting the last candle as he did so. He opened his duffle bag, starting to take out the contents.

Soubi came over to help him, handling the photos that Ritsuka gave to him carefully. "You weren't hurt too badly, were you?"

Ritsuka shook his head, not wanting to tell Soubi that he had nearly frozen to death and he would've died if Kio hadn't come when he did. That would only make Soubi worry even more than he already was. Stress was the last thing Ritsuka wanted Soubi to have, especially when their time together was so limited.

"Good god, what happened in _here_?" Soubi was glancing around the room, looking at all the splashes of color on the walls and the floor.

Ritsuka tried his hardest not to laugh, handing Soubi the last few photographs. Despite himself, a small giggle escaped him, "You did. Don't you remember?"

Soubi touched a bright pink splatter on the red wall, smirking, "Sort of. It's blurry. I suppose that when I lose everything again, these few hours will become blurry, too. You know…" Ritsuka stopped unpacking, giving his full attention to Soubi. "I only started painting with bright colors after I met you. I don't really know how it happened. The colors just started slipping in and Kio said my artwork became a lot better."

Ritsuka mentally compared a painting of Soubi's he had seen when they first met to the one Soubi had been working on just before his attack. The first one had been a lot darker, painted with grays and blacks and dark, dark reds. It had been depressing. All Soubi seemed to paint back then were butterflies and the occasional miserable, wilting flower. Then, as Ritsuka and he had gotten closer, Soubi started painting brighter things and things other than butterflies and flowers. One of Ritsuka's favorites was a beautiful nighttime cityscape Soubi had done as a project for finals in December. He had begun drawing, too, not just painting.

There were a few moments of comfortable silence before Ritsuka asked the next question on his mind, "Did you set up those recordings to play on the computer?" He didn't add it, but he was sure Soubi knew what the unsaid question was: _Or was it Seimei?_

Soubi nodded, glancing at Ritsuka for a moment before folding the shirt of the boy's that he had in his hands. "I set it up," Soubi refolded the shirt, his hands fumbling a little. "I set it up so that if…anyone came here to find it after attacking me, even if they booted up the computer, they wouldn't find the files."

"Why? How?" Ritsuka was slightly confused. As soon as Kio and Ritsuka had started the computer, the files had come up immediately come up and forced the two to listen to them. It would've done that to anyone and Seimei would've known the password right away.

"I set it up so that it would start normally for a week after the fifth. After that…it would do what you saw. I didn't know when the attack would happen, but I figured it would take less than a week," Soubi refolded the shirt again and put it in the drawer, finally satisfied. "The password was just so Kio wouldn't be able to access it alone."

Soubi wasn't referring directly to Seimei at all, which worried Ritsuka a little. It was obvious that it was Seimei who attacked him, but Soubi wouldn't speak of him by name, and instead referred to him as the conspicuous 'anyone'. Ritsuka wanted to know what was going on in Soubi's head then. He wanted to know how Soubi felt about Seimei, whether or not he hated him for doing what he did, or if he still had feelings for him. Soubi had been so attached to Seimei, but Seimei had never returned any of the feelings. Ritsuka couldn't understand all of their relationship, but he knew that it would be hard for Soubi to let go of Seimei after developing some sort of attachment to him. Seimei had never done anything to praise Soubi or give him any sort of attention, which was why Soubi craved it so much. Still, maybe Soubi was in shock that Seimei would so something like this.

"Seimei did this," Ritsuka said softly, looking up at Soubi. "And he had no right to." Soubi wouldn't meet his eyes, and Ritsuka knew that he had said something that hurt. It had needed to be said, though the last thing he had wanted was to hurt Soubi. "Sorry, I-" Ritsuka started to apologize.

"No. Stop," Soubi cut him off, his voice surprisingly firm. "It was him. He told me to stop, to stop teaching you and…to leave you. I didn't want to. Ritsuka, you have to understand. You're the only good thing that's ever happened to me. I couldn't leave you."

Soubi's will to stay with Ritsuka had been stronger than his will to obey Seimei. That was how he had been able to withstand disobeying him. What he didn't understand, though, was that it was all in his head. Yes, Soubi had Seimei's true name written on his neck, but that wasn't what controlled him. It wasn't his fault, of course. It was his training that prevented him from disobeying. Without his training, the scar on his neck meant absolutely nothing.

Ritsuka could obviously see that there was something physically wrong with Soubi. His hands were shaking and his entire body was trembling as he leaned heavily on the wall. Was retaining his memories putting some sort of physical strain on him?

"Are you sure you're alright?" Ritsuka asked curiously, all other questions leaving him in concern for Soubi's health.

"I'm fine," Soubi took a step forward, probably to show Ritsuka that there was nothing wrong, but he ended up falling. Ritsuka rushed forward to attempt to catch him, forgetting how much heavier the older male was. They both ended up falling on the bed, the frame of it shaking and groaning in protest at both their weights.

"Soubi, you're heavy," Ritsuka complained, having fallen so that he was underneath Soubi.

"I'm sorry," Soubi lifted himself off of Ritsuka, only to fall back next to the boy on his back. "I'm fighting it, Ritsuka, but I'm going to lose myself soon. I wish I had more time…"

"It's okay," Ritsuka told him, smiling. "It doesn't matter. There's just a couple more questions I want to ask, though."

"Go ahead," Soubi urged, closing his eyes.

Ritsuka moved so that he was sitting at Soubi's side. He had wanted to sit on his chest, like he usually did, but he was afraid that in the state he was in, that that would just hurt Soubi even more.

"What…what do you think about yourself?"

Self esteem. That was what Shinonome-Sensei called it. How one thinks and feels about their self is called self esteem. As Ritsuka's teacher said, things that people say really affects one's self esteem. For three years, Soubi took verbal abuse as well as physical that had torn him apart at the seams. He had been told repeatedly by someone he loved and respected very much that he was a dog and a monster and no one would ever love him or care about him. Ritsuka always had trouble understanding how a person could think so lowly of themselves because of what someone else told them, but he understood very well now. He had heard Seimei talk down to Soubi and call him things that would really hurt. Seimei had been Soubi's master, a person he had, at some point, loved and trusted. If someone who Ritsuka trusted or had trusted had told him those things, he would've believed them, too. Seimei's abuse on Soubi had caused affects on him that kept him from being normal and a free person.

"There are times, Ritsuka, when I hate myself," Soubi said truthfully. He probably thought there was no reason to lie now that everything was coming out, anyways. Ritsuka's ears flattened against his head at hearing Soubi say it and the man reached up to touch the furry appendages.

"You shouldn't believe everything he says," Ritsuka hoped that it would get through to Soubi. "He's nothing but a deceiving liar. He had no right to say those things to you or to treat you like he did." Soubi tried to say something, to deny it and say that it was punishment and training, things that he deserved, but Ritsuka stopped him. "No, it wasn't punishment and you deserved none of it. He had power over you and he abused it. This, Soubi, is a chance for you to escape that. That's what you want, isn't it?"

"It's what I've wanted since he came back," Soubi's blue eyes were looking up at him and Ritsuka almost couldn't stand to see the sadness in them. He was reminded of the depression Soubi had suffered after what happened at Seven Voices. He had known that it had something to do with Seimei, but he hadn't known the extent of it. Soubi had regretted breaking the window for Seimei, and he had been depressed by the notion that Seimei was going to take Ritsuka away from him. Soubi was exceptionally intelligent. He would've known that Seimei was going to take Ritsuka away from him, one way or another. They had obviously become too close for Seimei's liking and Soubi could clearly see that he was going to try to tear them apart.

"I can talk him out of whatever he wants to do," Ritsuka assured Soubi, enjoying the feeling of the young man stroking the back of his kitty ears. Ritsuka never let anyone else touch him there. The ears and tail on a person were places that were only to be touched by someone close to them. On Ritsuka, they were a spot in which only Soubi was allowed to touch.

"Alright, Ritsuka," Soubi sounded unworried for once. He scratched the back of one of Ritsuka's kitten ears lightly, making Ritsuka let out a sound that sounded like a feline purr. Soubi's touches always felt good. His hands were so soft and always gentle, never calloused or hurting in any way.

"You look tired," Ritsuka pointed out.

"I want to keep you by me. I don't want to sleep," Soubi could be so stubborn sometimes, too, but Ritsuka didn't mind.

"That's fine. Just lay down and don't exert yourself," Ritsuka laid down beside him, draping an arm over his Fighter's chest. Soubi leaned over, gently nipping at Ritsuka's cat ear. Ritsuka blushed, snuggling closer, loving how well he seemed to fit with Soubi. "You really like my ears," Ritsuka stated, closing his eyes partially. Soubi hummed an agreement. "They're yours to take, anyways," Ritsuka hid his eyes, as he was talking about losing his virginity to Soubi, something that he had decided that he wanted.

"I love them too much to take them anytime soon," Soubi lightly pinched one, pulling lightly as if he wanted to make sure that they were securely on his head.

"But you will someday?"

Soubi paused, not answering for a few minutes. "Yeah," He finally said. "When you're ready and when everything gets better. I'm sorry, Ritsuka. I guess you should know…my ears sort of got taken unwillingly when I was around your age."

"I know."

They talked for a while longer until Ritsuka unfortunately started to get tired. He had denied it until Soubi finally told him to go to sleep. Ritsuka didn't want to, but he had curled up beside Soubi and fallen into a half sleep to his Fighter scratching his ears.

A soft growl-like sound woke him up, and he felt Soubi's grip around him tighten considerably. Ritsuka opened his eyes, glancing up at Soubi, who was glaring at something far off. His arms were tightly wrapped around Ritsuka, crushing him against his much larger body. Ritsuka placed his head back on Soubi's chest, thinking nothing of it- until Soubi growled again.

"Sou—" Ritsuka started to say, only to have Soubi's hand clap over his mouth to silence him. Ritsuka shut up, not even struggling against him. He followed Soubi's gaze towards the balcony doors. It took his eyes a moment to adjust to the lesser light, but when he did, there was an unmistakable shadow looming outside. The figure outside was tall and lean, with a very familiar long, bushy tail.

In the blink of an eye, Seimei was gone.

* * *

**I'm not too sure if I should include a sex scene in this fic. What do you guys think? Should I put up a poll?**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed! Sorry, it's 2:17 AM right now and I've been doing SAT prep. I'm a bit too tired to type out everyone's name, but I promise I'll do it next chapter. Sorry :( You guys are totally awesome, though! Keep reviewing for more chapters~!**

**~Wolfie  
**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter twelve**

Ritsuka ripped himself out of Soubi's arms, ignoring the yell of protest from Soubi. He ran to the front door, darting outside into the pouring rain.

"Seimei!" Ritsuka yelled into the wind, the rain soaked him iimmediately. His clothes clung to his body and his bangs hung down into his face. Soubi was yelling for him, screaming from the doorway for him to get back inside, warning him of the danger of Seimei coming back, which was exactly what Ritsuka wanted. Soubi couldn't stop him. He couldn't come outside when he was already barely able to walk, as keeping his memories was weakening him significantly.

Seimei was watching them again, so that he could make sure that Soubi had indeed lost everything. He probably had wanted to know that Ritsuka would leave him, too, which was the exact opposite of what he was going to do. He didn't _care_ if Soubi couldn't remember his own name; it didn't matter to him.

"Ritsuka!" Soubi called out at him. Ritsuka glanced back at him to see him leaning heavily on the door frame, looking like he was in pain. "Come back here!" Ritsuka frowned, trying to decide whether or not to go back to Soubi. Soubi knew what was best, but Ritsuka wasn't obeying just then. His curiosity was getting the best of him, though, making his judgment cloud and stopping him from listening to Soubi . He needed answers, answers that only Seimei could give him.

"Seimei!" Ritsuka called again, hoping that his older brother was still there. He had to be. Seimei wouldn't leave so easily, not without the answers that _he_ wanted. The two brothers were the same in that way. Neither would rest until they got what they wanted: for Seimei, Ritsuka to leave Soubi, and, for Ritsuka, to stay with Soubi and make Seimei stop. They were opposites, but in this way they were similar, and that was something that Ritsuka wasn't proud of.

"Ritsuka, come back here, now!" Soubi shouted, clearly worrying, and Ritsuka could see why. Through the heavy rain and light fog of the dark night, Ritsuka could see a slight shadow of a person. Seimei was here. He was back and trying his hardest to tear the two apart. Soubi was panicking by then, "Ritsuka! Now!"

Soubi lunged forward, quickly grabbing hold of a very dazed, entranced Ritsuka and yanking him backwards into the doorway with a sudden amount of force. Ritsuka snapped out of his sudden trance and held onto Soubi. In those few seconds that he'd been outside, that Seimei had done something to him to make him to lose his sense of what he wanted. He did want answers, but he wasn't about to put Soubi in jeopardy for it. Soubi was already extremely weak. There was no way that he'd be able to fight someone off if he was attacked. It was amazing that he had found the strength to drag Ritsuka back inside while he was in this state.

Soubi shut the door and locked it, breathing heavily and holding onto the wall tightly to remain standing. He wasn't going to stay like this much longer, Ritsuka realized. Soubi was going to lose himself, and soon.

"What were you thinking?" Soubi snapped, startling Ritsuka. Soubi had only raised his voice to Ritsuka once before, when Ritsuka had told Soubi that Misaki had every right to beat her son, and Soubi had snapped at him then, out of concern. Ritsuka was surprised, but not angry. He had been an idiot to go after Seimei. When he had run out of the apartment, he hadn't been under any sort of influence, and wasn't until he found himself unable to turn back.

"I'm sorry," Ritsuka hung his head, water droplets dripping off of the tips of his black hair and ears, making the rest of his body considerably wetter. He felt like a child getting scolded by a parent, which was part of Soubi's role in his life. Ritsuka had never thought of Soubi as his 'father', but he was a sort of 'parent', but that wasn't the full extent of their relationship.

"Just don't do anything like that again," Soubi's voice was a lot softer, meaning that he had never been angry, just concerned and worried. "Go dry yourself off, Ritsuka. You'll catch a cold."

Ritsuka nodded and left, though wary of doing so. He dried himself off and found that Soubi had some week-old (probably older) laundry that needed to be done. He changed and tossed his clothes in with the rest and started a load of laundry. He was quick about doing all of this, and he was soon padding back into the main room in his pajamas to find that Soubi had made it to the couch, at least. He was shivering, looking very cold, though he was almost completely dry.

"Come here and lay with me, Ritsuka," Soubi requested, opening his eyes a little. He was stretched out, his feet hanging over the far edge of the couch due to his height.

Ritsuka took a long look at him, "I won't fit. There's not enough room for me and I'm too big. I'll hurt you if I lay on you."

Soubi looked amused and Ritsuka was glad he could make him feel that way after what had just happened. "You won't hurt me, and, besides, you're still very small."

"Compared to you, yes," Ritsuka muttered, getting a heavy blanket from the nearby linen closet. After much thought, he decided to go with Soubi's suggestion, and he laid down carefully on top of the college student, draping the blanket over them both.

"You'll always be small to me," Soubi sounded happy and he wrapped his arms around Ritsuka. It never took much to make Soubi happy, just a simply hug or doing something little for him.

"Don't tease me," Ritsuka pouted jokingly.

For about another hour, Soubi struggled to retain his memories. They did a lot of kissing, but Soubi never went any further than biting and kissing Ritsuka's neck. Ritsuka tried to get him to go farther, telling him that he wanted it, but Soubi had refused every time. Eventually, Ritsuka had just stopped, not wanting to frustrate Soubi and wanting to respect his wishes.

"We should stop now," Soubi said after awhile. "I don't want to get you too worked up." Ritsuka nodded, resisting the urge to beg Soubi to do something about his arousal. He was hard and Soubi was, too, but Ritsuka wasn't going to go to the bathroom to take care of it. It would go away eventually and Ritsuka didn't want to leave Soubi alone, fearful that he would lose his memories and Ritsuka wouldn't be there to calm him down once he did.

"I love you," Ritsuka told Soubi again, feeling like he hadn't said it enough that night. "I really love you. I know I don't say things like that enough, but I really do love you."

"I love you, too," Soubi whispered into Ritsuka's human ear. "And I'm sorry that I won't take your ears now. It's not you, Ritsuka. Don't think it is. Don't get me wrong; I am extremely attracted to you. I want you, but I just can't have sex with you while you're this young after what happened to me. That, and I would be thrown in jail if anyone ever found out."

"I understand." Ritsuka did understand. It wasn't his fault and it wasn't like Soubi didn't want to have sex with him. It was because of what happened when Soubi was young. Ritsuka was around that age that he had been. Soubi would take him when he was older, though, if he had regained his memories by then. He would do it when they were both ready.

Ritsuka suddenly remembered another question. He sat up on Soubi, trying to get his crucial question out in a hurry before there wasn't any more time left, "How do I reverse the spell?"

Soubi looked away, taking a moment to think. "I can't do it. Neither can you or anyone else. The only person who knows how to reverse the spell is Seimei." Soubi suddenly grabbed Ritsuka's shoulders, speaking slowly and in a tone of voice that told Ritsuka that he meant what he was saying, "_Do not_ go looking for him, Ritsuka. Stay the hell away from him. You saw what he did to you just now. He can do so much worse. Even if you ask him, he won't reverse the spell. He doesn't want us together. Just stay away from him. I'll probably regain my memories eventually, but that's not a sure thing and it could take years."

"I'll still be here when you do," Ritsuka promised him, lying back down on Soubi's chest, letting his eyes fall shut.

Soon, Ritsuka dozed off again, and Soubi did, too. They both knew that Soubi wouldn't have his memories when he awoke, but, strangely, Ritsuka was okay with that.

_"What's this for, Ritsuka?" Soubi was holding the gift that Ritsuka had given him just a moments ago. He was looking from it to Ritsuka, as if he was unsure whether it was okay to take it or if he wasn't supposed to. It was the beginning of February._

_ Ritsuka skipped ahead of him happily, smiling. "It's a just-because present for someone I like," He took Soubi's other hand, pulling him along and out of the school yard. Soubi still looked skeptical. "Go ahead, open it," Ritsuka urged, confused on why Soubi looked like he had never been given a just-because gift._

"Ritsuka!" Soubi's voice woke Ritsuka up from his dream about a memory with Soubi. Immediately, Ritsuka knew from the fear, the way his voice sounded, that Soubi was both scared and without his memories. Ritsuka couldn't understand what he was afraid of for a moment, but then he realized what it was. Soubi was afraid of the dark.

It was a common childhood, though not _childish_, fear, one that could stay for years and years. Ritsuka couldn't blame him. The dark was scary. Monstrous people could be hiding in the shadows, people who didn't have a single good thought in their head, people like Seimei. Anything could lurk in the dark. Light uncovered the hidden and had no secrets. Darkness was evil and secretive, wanting nothing more than to hurt those it engulfed. Ritsuka himself was afraid of the dark, but he wasn't afraid when Soubi was with him.

"It's alright," Ritsuka soothed, pushing Soubi's bangs out of his face. He wasn't disappointed or at all surprised that Soubi had returned to the state he was in before Soubi's sudden fight with Kiyoshi. He had been ready for this, prepared for Soubi to become like a child again. He had told Soubi everything that he had needed to and asked him everything.

_Damn it!_ Ritsuka suddenly thought, realizing he had forgotten one thing. _I forgot to ask about the note!_ Soubi had hidden it somewhere, Ritsuka knew that much. If he had left it someplace out in the open, anyone could find it, anyone including Seimei, who probably had no idea Soubi had even left a note. He had to have hidden it somewhere inconspicuous, where it would be missed even if Seimei did a thorough sweep of Soubi's house.

Soubi whimpered, bringing Ritsuka out of his thoughts as he did so. Ritsuka couldn't stand seeing him scared like that.

"Come on, Soubi, let's go to bed," Ritsuka pulled him up and Soubi appeared to understand. He followed Ritsuka into the bedroom, rubbing his eyes and yawning again. Ritsuka tried the bedroom light, but the power was still out, as well as the heating, so it was both cold and dark. The candles gave a dim light to the room and Ritsuka had to pause for a moment to look at Soubi in the low, romantic lighting. The man looked thoroughly exhausted, still rubbing his eyes. Ritsuka assumed that he probably couldn't see too well without his glasses.

"Lay down?" Soubi was asking permission, something that surprised Ritsuka a little.

"You don't have to ask," Ritsuka told him, frowning. It made him think of Seimei a little. He had gained a lot of insight about Seimei and Soubi's nature of relationship from the recordings and the conversation with Soubi earlier. He was beginning to learn about what Seimei was really like and who the 'real' Seimei was. Ritsuka could fill in the sort of things Seimei had probably done to Soubi. When Seimei was in his presence, he probably hadn't allowed Soubi to do _anything_ without permission. There were other things that had most likely happened, such as Seimei actually treating Soubi like a dog or some sort of animal, as well as also mistreating Soubi sexually.

Ritsuka pulled back the covers, watching Soubi lay down and look up at him, his blue eyes wide and happy. Ritsuka suddenly found himself wanting to cry because it took something like Soubi losing his memory to allow him to be happy. Wasn't there some other way that he could be let go from Seimei's hold?

"I'll be right back," Ritsuka retreated to the main room to get Soubi's glasses, but came across something very particular. A note was underneath Soubi's glasses, written in red ink and in messy handwriting, as if Soubi's hand had been shaking as he wrote it. Ritsuka could tell that it was definitely his handwriting, though.

_Ritsuka-_

_ The note is in a book in my room._

Soubi had probably written it after Ritsuka fell asleep on him. Soubi had been extremely weak and his health had been unstable at that point, which explained the messy, quivering handwriting. Ritsuka had forgotten to ask about the note, but Soubi knew that Ritsuka knew about it, so he had written the note to give Ritsuka a clue about where the note was. Too bad it wasn't an easy clue…

Soubi _really_ liked to read, something that was obvious from taking one simple glance at his apartment. He seemed to own about a thousand books, all put away in the many tall bookcases in no particular order. Ritsuka always suspected that he serialized them in order of liking, rather than author, language, topic, or in the traditional alphabetized order. He had books on all different subjects and a lot of fictional stories that Ritsuka sometimes picked up while he watched Soubi paint. He had found books in three other languages other than Japanese. Soubi could apparently read and speak English, French, and some Spanish, all of which were Latin based languages. He said this was in case he had to travel. Ritsuka didn't believe him at first, but then Soubi had written him an entire letter in English and had translated all of Ritsuka's part of a phone conversation into French and into English to show him that he wasn't lying.

Soubi never seemed to get rid of any of the books he had and had his bedroom walls covered with bookcases and shelves. He had hundreds of books in his bedroom, so it wasn't going to be easy to find the one he had hidden the note in. Then again, Soubi couldn't say _which_ book it was in his clue, since Seimei could have very well seen the note. Well, at least it was a start.

Ritsuka found Soubi still awake when he went back in the bedroom with the note and the glasses in his hands. Soubi had apparently been waiting for him to return. Ritsuka gave him a slight smile before placing his glasses on the table and blowing out all but one candle. Ritsuka reached the one on the bedside table on the side that Ritsuka slept on. Carefully, he took the note out of his pocket and unfolded it, holding it over the flame. Soubi rolled over, watching as the flames licked at the piece of paper and turned it into ash. Seimei wouldn't be able to read Soubi's clue if it was just a pile of ash. Even for Seimei, it was impossible to put ash back into its original form. He probably didn't even know that Soubi had left Ritsuka a letter that explained everything.

What could 'everything' mean? Soubi didn't like to talk about his past at all and Seimei had banned him from saying anything about Septimal Moon or the sort of things Seimei had done to him, as well as the kind of things Seimei had been up to…

Ritsuka's ears shot up and he gasped, freezing with a hand over the flame, holding the remaining corner of the paper. Soubi had found a loophole, a way to tell Ritsuka everything about himself and Seimei's evils. Seimei had told him not to tell Ritsuka anything or to say anything, meaning that Soubi could not speak about it. Seimei never said anything about _writing_ an explanation and giving it to Ritsuka. It was still probably going against his name, but he could do it since Seimei had never ordered against it. That meant that Soubi's note would probably be more like a letter and it would truly explain _everything_.

"Ritsuka, bed," Soubi urged , telling Ritsuka to come to bed with him in the only way he knew how to. Ritsuka came out of his little thinking trance upon hearing Soubi's voice and the pleading in it. Ritsuka dropped the rest of the paper in the flame and blew it out, leaving the room in complete darkness. Soubi whined, whimpering loudly, expressing his fear without using words.

Ritsuka climbed into the bed, wrapping his small arms around Soubi, feeling bad about not thinking about his fear of the dark. This was something that had always helped Ritsuka deal with his fear, though. Soubi had known about Ritsuka's fear after Ritsuka confessed it after the power went out a couple months before. He was never afraid when he had Soubi. Having somebody around him that he cared about made his fear seem insignificant. Pressing his lips against Soubi's, he hoped that the same thing would work for Soubi.

Ritsuka wanted to take their physical closeness level a step further, to bring it to the level that they had been at before Soubi lost his memory. He wouldn't do that, now, though, as he was still afraid of scaring Soubi away from him.

Soubi seemed to have calmed down and he held Ritsuka closely against him, his strong arms wrapped tightly around Ritsuka's tiny frame. He was doing it on instinct, Ritsuka figured. He probably didn't really know what holding someone this closely meant, but he wanted to show his affection somehow, and this was the way his body was telling him to do it. Ritsuka didn't mind. He liked that Soubi could still hold him like this. It didn't really feel any different than when Soubi would hold him after a date or at night when they slept together.

Ritsuka fell asleep while thinking about Soubi holding him and dreamed again of the time he had given Soubi a gift and the young man had acted very confused.

_"Ritsuka, why?" Soubi stopped walking, staring down at the wrapped gift. Ritsuka had wrapped it in gold paper with a red ribbon, Soubi's two favorite colors. He had liked doing something for Soubi instead of the other way around, but Soubi was acting like there was something wrong. _

_ "I like you, Soubi," Ritsuka stopped, too, his happy expression falling as he told Soubi 'why' in the simplest terms he could manage. "There's no special occasion. I…I wanted to do something nice for you. I really did. Tha…that's why…" He looked down, away from Soubi, not understanding what he had done wrong. _

_ Two kids rushed past them, giggling just as Soubi closed the gap in between them. Ritsuka felt himself being pulling into a little hug and he closed his eyes when Soubi kissed his forehead, letting him know that it wasn't his fault. Soubi just hadn't ever been given something because someone cared. It saddened Ritsuka, but when he pulled away he saw that Soubi was smiling. Ritsuka had done what he had wanted to do: make Soubi happy. _

_ "Open it!" Ritsuka was all grins again._

_ "Alright, alright," Soubi was acting normally again, the smile on his face staying. He looked at Ritsuka innocently, "I like the paper, though." _

_ Ritsuka rolled his eyes, watching him carefully open the gift. Ritsuka had made a trip to the bookstore a day before a picked out a couple books he thought that Soubi would like. The first was a collection of fairytales, which Ritsuka had been skeptical to get since fairy tales were considered childish. He ended up getting it, though, as he had found out a few days before that Soubi had never heard a fairytale. The second book was the second volume of a medical study Soubi had read and said was interesting. The third was a mystery novel, one that Ritsuka had read at the library. _

_ Soubi hugged him for a longer time afterwards, and had kissed him. Ritsuka was a bit embarrassed, since they were right by the school, but he didn't push Soubi away. He was just happy that he had made Soubi happy. _

Ritsuka awoke again to the alarm clock, though this time Soubi was frantically trying to shake him awake. Ritsuka found himself being pinned down to the mattress with Soubi above him, breathing hard and shaking a little. The loud alarm had startled him again. It was probably a good thing that Ritsuka had set it during the night, since otherwise he wouldn't have remembered that he had school today until it was too late.

Great. School. He assumed Kio was going to pick him up and drive him there. He didn't want to go, though. He wanted to stay home with Soubi. Where was Soubi going to go? He couldn't go to the university; he wouldn't be able to attend. Kio couldn't watch him the entire day, either, as he had classes to attend. Maybe Ritsuka would tell Kio he was sick today, but he most likely wouldn't believe that. He was going to go to school and deal with Yuiko, Yayoi, Sensei, and the rest of the kids in his class. Sensei was probably going to make a big deal about what Ritsuka had told her on Friday, too, and it wouldn't be long until the entire class knew about Ritsuka's college-aged boyfriend.

Ritsuka got Soubi up and he pulled on his own clothes before calling Kio to make sure he was coming to pick him up. He didn't try to play hooky at all. Maybe going to school would be good for him. He finished getting himself ready and then helped Soubi, getting done before Kio had arrived.

He hadn't planned on looking that morning for the letter that Soubi left. In fact, he hadn't even been looking for the letter when he found it. He was trying to find a phone charger to charge Ritsuka's dying phone. He opened the drawer on Soubi's bed stand to look for it when he stumbled across the second volume of a medical study, a book that Ritsuka had given to him only a few days before his attack. When Ritsuka picked it up, the bookmark fell out of it and he accidentally dropped the book when he bent over to pick the bookmark up. He noticed immediately that the book had fallen open to a page where a very thick envelope was sticking out of it.

As soon as Ritsuka read the name on the front and saw that it was addressed to him, he knew what was inside.

* * *

Hello again, everyone.

Sorry about the long wait for this chapter.

I have a beta now! Thanks so much to Summer-Flower-Girl for looking this over! Seriously, she's the best editor ever.

I really like this chapter. I really, really do. I don't really know why, I just do.

Thanks so much to Lolita, Lyrica, Lovelessreviewer, Bigmachine, Cynthia Dollar, EternalTearsOfBlood, Sahisdabest, Tlcatlady, Ulqyfangirl27, Tamer Lorika, Riaries, Joey, Lollipop, DarkAngelJudas, Promocat for all the reviews! I got 15 for the last chapter! I love you guys so much and I am soo happy that people actually like this story! 3

Tamer Lorika: Ah! I didn't think of that until I read your review, so then I went back and added it into this chapter. Thanks so much!

Ulqyfangirl27: Wow, three times? I feel so honored! And, yes, the sex scene will most likely be once he regains his memories, though I haven't quite decided yet.

Tlcatlady: You brought up an interesting point about Ritsuka maturing. Yeah, I really don't think he's ready to lose his ears _quite _yet, but he will be eventually. This story is also about Ritsuka maturing as the plot goes on.

Alright, so there's a poll up on my page for whether or not there should be a sex scene. Please take a few seconds to go vote.

Also, please review! Reviews mean so much to me and I love to hear what you guys have to say! I love knowing that you all actually care about my writing!

~Wolfie


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter thirteen**

"Ritsuka-kun!" Ritsuka's teacher, Shinonome Hitomi, snapped, slamming a textbook down on Ritsuka's desk to snap him out of his trance. Ritsuka held the letter, still sealed in the envelope, in both hands under the desk. He had been fingering the edges of it, thinking about the contents inside of the thick white envelope. Soubi had written this letter to him with the knowledge that he would soon be losing his memories, not knowing whether or not Ritsuka would stay with him and take care of him.

Ritsuka quickly hid the letter, shoving it in the pocket of his sweatshirt. If Shinonome-sensei saw that Ritsuka was doing something under his desk, she would think it was a game and take it away, even if it was just the letter. Then, Yuiko, who sat next to him, would see it, too, and probably think it was a love letter.

"What's the answer to the equation on the board?" Shinonome-sensei asked sternly, most likely expecting him to say 'I don't know'.

Ritsuka stared at the equation, working it out in his head using a few algebra tricks Soubi taught him. "…thirteen?" Ritsuka answered.

"That's right," Shinonome said, a surprised look on her face. Ritsuka got out a notebook so that he could at least _pretend_ he was doing something as he watched her walk away. He took out the letter again, debating on whether or not to open it. Ritsuka's name was written in Soubi's neat handwriting. This was it. This was what explained everything.

Carefully and quietly, Ritsuka tore it open, making next to no noise as he did so. He reached inside the envelope, taking out the thick stack of papers inside. He unfolded them, finding that Soubi had written over twenty double-sided pages and had somehow gotten them all to fit inside an envelope. Sometimes, Soubi could really amaze him. Well, not just _sometimes_, usually Soubi amazed him _all_ the time.

Ritsuka began to read the letter, knowing that this letter was the only thing that was going to be on his mind today.

_Dear Ritsuka,_

_ If you're reading this, that means that I've obviously lost my memory. Let me start off by saying that I'm sorry. I didn't want this to happen, but you have to understand that there was no way I could leave you, even if Seimei ordered me to. I'm bound to him, but I no longer want to be. I love you. I want to stay with you. That's why this happened. Don't think that it's your fault. If anything, it's my fault. _

It was Seimei's fault, Ritsuka thought as he glanced up, frowning, and scribbled something down in his notebook. Seimei caused all this. He could've just left Soubi alone and let him stay with Ritsuka, but that wasn't the way Seimei wanted things. Seimei wanted Ritsuka to think the way he did about Soubi, that he was some sort of an animal and deserved to be kicked around and beaten like a child's toy. He was selfish, wanting Ritsuka for himself, even if his little brother wanted to stay with Soubi.

_You deserve an explanation, so I'll start from the beginning. I'm sorry that I never talked about my past. It isn't that Seimei ordered me not to, it's that it was just too hard for me to tell you. It was easier to just write it all out, though it still hurts. I hope that by the time you're done reading this, you'll understand why I act the way I do and why I have all those little quirks you always point out. _

_ You don't know much, but you know the basics of what happened when I was younger. You know that my parents died when I was four and then I went to live Ritsu and I attended Seven Voices, but that's all you know. That's all I let you know because that information is innocent. I'm honestly not sure what you'll think of me once you read through all of this and what I did. _

_ First off, my parents didn't 'die', they were murdered. I never succeeded in tracking down the murders, but Ritsu always said that they were a team they had fought who wanted revenge. I don't remember much about them. My mother looked a lot like me. Ritsu gave me a few pictures of her from when she was around my age, and I can see the resemblance. The pictures are in the third drawer of the desk in my room, if you want to look at them._

_ My father was not Ritsu, if you're wondering. If he was, he might not have done the things that he did. I remember my father as a hard-working lawyer who always had time for me and my mother. He worked from home a lot and he would let me come into his study while he worked. He was the one who taught me to read. He never yelled, even when I did something horribly wrong, though he would correct me, but in a gentle way. _

Kiyoshi, Ritsuka's father, was also a lawyer, but he never worked from home and he never had time for Ritsuka or Misaki. When he came home, he went straight to his study and shut the door, not letting Ritsuka in no matter how much he knocked. Soubi's father seemed to be the exact opposite of Kiyoshi.

_My mother was a little scatterbrained, but she was always around, too. She was an artist, I remember, and she had a studio at the house. The only time she left for work was when she went to a gallery, and she usually brought me with. She brought all of her clients to our house and introduced them to me. She loved me a lot, which is the thing I remember most about her. She never got mad when I would get in fights at school and, even though she was extremely forgetful, she never forgot to pick me up from school or to spend time with me. _

_ We did a lot of things together. They both loved me and they never made any parenting mistakes. Well, I suppose there was one mistake, but I'll get into that later. They loved each other, too. I remember them fighting about Ritsu a few times, but those were the only fights they got into. _

_ We spoke two languages around the house. I'm a citizen of Japan, since I was born here, but my mother and father ran to America with me in order to escape Ritsu. From what I understand he was claiming rights to me, saying that, since I was a Fighter, Septimal Moon owns me, which is completely untrue and is written absolutely nowhere as legal. We lived in a big city, though I can't remember which one, I believe it was either Los Angeles or New York. I think I still technically own our old, empty house there, but I never went back to visit. _

_ We were going back to Japan, why I don't recall, when our car exploded on the way to the airport. We were all in the car, me included. It was a set bomb, one that should've killed everyone in the car, but didn't. It went off at the exact time it was supposed to and nothing went wrong- except it didn't kill me. Both of my parents died and a driver of another car was badly injured. I still don't know how I survived._

"Ritsuka-kun!" Yuiko shook Ritsuka's shoulder, getting him to look up. The classroom was mostly empty and Ritsuka assumed that the lunch bell had rung and he hadn't heard it. Yuiko looked concerned, but Ritsuka wasn't feeling like talking to her when he had something so much more important to do.

Ritsuka gathered his things, rushing out of the room without saying another word. She yelled something after him, probably crying, just like every other time Ritsuka wordless walked away from her. Yuiko was a good friend, but Ritsuka knew that she had a huge crush on him. She was oblivious. She never noticed when Soubi put his arm around Ritsuka or when they held hands when they walked, or even how casually they spoke to each other. She only saw the things that she wanted to, and what she wanted was for Ritsuka to love her, not Soubi. Yuiko was very simpleminded, which was why Ritsuka never really let her in on his thoughts and feelings.

Ritsuka was skipping lunch, and thought seriously about skipping school. Soubi wouldn't have wanted him to skip school because of the letter, though, so he quickly discarded that idea. Soubi had never liked it when Ritsuka skipped, and, once they got closer, he wouldn't let Ritsuka skip unless he was sick. Ritsuka rarely wanted to skip, anyways. He liked school and he could always look forward to seeing Soubi at the end, anyways. Maybe Kio would bring Soubi to pick Ritsuka up from school.

After finding the library locked off, Ritsuka went outside, where most of the kids were eating lunch in the rare nice February weather. Ritsuka sat on the steps, in the shade and away from all the other kids, and unfolded the letter, thinking how Soubi had been happy at one point in his life.

_Earlier, I mentioned that my parents made one mistake. That mistake was leaving me to Ritsu. See, in their will I was the sole benefactor, the person they left everything to. You probably don't know much about life insurance, so I won't get into any of that. Anyways, since I was four at the time and underaged, they had to leave me to another guardian. Now, I did have other family, on my mother's side, though not my father's side. My mother got disowned and most of her family got killed after the car explosion. Yes, I still do have relatives alive, if you're wondering. I don't want you trying to contact them. I've already tried and they hate me as much as they hated my mother, and, to be honest, I hate them, too._

"Hey, Aoyagi!" A voice said just as Ritsuka finished that paragraph. Stupidly, Ritsuka looked up, only to have the letter snatched out of his hands by a gang of boys. There were four of them, one standing next to Ritsuka on the same step as he was sitting on, one just a few steps below, and the last two on the ground. The first boy, a strong, tall boy in Ritsuka's class.

"Hey!" Ritsuka snapped, scrambling to his feet and trying to grab the letter out of the bigger boy's hand. "Give that back!" The boy just held it up above Ritsuka's reach, making him jump for it.

"What's this?" The boy, Yu, asked, a malicious grin coming onto his lips. "A love letter?" Yu caught both of Ritsuka's hands with one of his own, forcibly holding him off. Ritsuka fought him, trying to rip out of Yu's grasp. If Yu looked at that letter, everything would be over. He would rip it up and Ritsuka would never know the last things Soubi had wanted to tell him.

"Give it back!" Ritsuka yelled, needing that letter back.

"Let's see here," Yu unfolded the letter with his free hand, holding it up to his eyes. "… 'before I go on, Ritsuka'," He read out loud, smirking. " 'I would like to tell you that I do love you.'" Yu paused and began laughing and Ritsuka went limp, turning red. Soubi had chosen the worst time to write a sentimental paragraph. " 'I know that I'm not good at saying what I feel, but please believe me. I've lied to you so much, but I swear that everything I write in here is the truth. I didn't lie about anything in here. So, I love you. I love you more than anything—!"

He stopped suddenly as the letter was ripped out of his hand, followed by a stern, deep voice, "I don't think that's yours to read."

It was a principal, though not the principal of Ritsuka's school. The man who had stepped from the building without Yu or Ritsuka's knowledge was a tall older man with graying hair. Close behind him was a middle aged blue-haired woman wearing a short dress and a lab coat, carrying a clipboard. Behind them was a younger man, the actual principal of Ritsuka's school.

"Ritsu-sensei…!" Ritsuka stood up straight, thoroughly shocked at seeing the much older man here, at his school. Ritsu held the letter in his hand, preventing Yu from getting it.

Yu turned to face Ritsu, Nagisa, and the principal, reaching for the letter and trying to take it from Ritsu. Ritsu's hand darted away before he could, though. "That's my letter!" The stronger boy cried, his grip tightening on Ritsuka's hands.

"Let go of him," Ritsu ordered and Ritsuka was immediately released, leaving him some room to think. Ritsu and Nagisa were at his school. Why? Ritsu also seemed to be doing better and Ritsuka wondered if he had gotten a synthetic pair of eyes put in. He couldn't tell since Ritsu was wearing dark sunglasses.

Ritsu handed Ritsuka the letter and Ritsuka held onto it protectively. This letter was his link to Soubi, the only way he could learn about Soubi's past and the evils Seimei committed, as well as Soubi's true feelings. These pages were like Soubi's final words to Ritsuka in written format. Ritsuka had to protect them. He wouldn't let Ritsu or anybody look at them until Ritsuka was done reading them. Soubi had written this letter to _him_. He might've assumed that someone else would read it eventually, but Ritsuka was definitely supposed to read it first.

"Aoyagi-kun, please come with us," The principal of Ritsuka's school said. By then, the four (five, counting Yu, who was terrified) of them were attracting a lot of attention. Kids were gathering around the steps, too scared to come any closer to the outcast boy being talked to by the principal, an aged man, and an obvious scientist, but their interest piqued by it.

Ritsuka couldn't go back. He wouldn't do it. He wasn't going to go back to Seven Voices with them, not when he had made a life for himself here. He had Soubi to take care of, too, and things to figure out for himself. Going to Seven Voices and meeting with Septimal Moon would screw everything up. Ritsuka didn't want to miss any more school, with graduation coming up and all. Natsuo and Youji were bound to return from their mission soon, anyways, and they couldn't be left alone.

"No!" Ritsuka snapped, louder than he had meant it to be. "I'm not going back with you to talk to Septimal Moon. I'm staying here. With Soubi."

"We're not here to take you away," Ritsu told him, frowning. He looked almost no different from when Ritsuka had last seen him, though he did sound better than when he had panicked when Ritsuka told him about Soubi's attack over the phone. He was back to that ever-calm, emotionless voice.

"Then why are you here? And why is she here?" Ritsuka looked pointedly at Nagisa, who only smiled brightly at him.

"If you want to know right here, then that's your choice. Though, I think you should know that all your classmates are watching," Ritsu informed him.

"I don't care," Ritsuka muttered, not wanting to know what would happen if he was left alone with Ritsu and Nagisa. His own principal was there, but he seemed like he knew something, too. He didn't really care that his classmates were there. He knew that they had always suspected something was up with him, anyways, and this was their proof.

"I have information for you about both Seimei and Soubi," Ritsu started. "Natsuo and Youji returned to our custody last night. They told us some disturbing information. They, apparently, had noticed Soubi acting a little strangely. They reported him writing more and looking around the apartment for things that he said were 'records' , though he wouldn't say what the records were of. They also said that in the past few weeks, there were a couple times that he would get extremely depressed for no visible reason."

Natsuo and Youji saw Soubi a lot differently than Ritsuka did. At .?docid=21415778rst they hadn't liked him at all, but he had become almost like a 'father' to them. Soubi had gotten fed up with them staying home all day and had _tried_ to send them to Ritsuka's school, but they started to get called out on missions often enough that Soubi had had to pull them. He worried about them when they went away, but this time they obviously hadn't taken the mission for the sake of doing it, they had taken it to report Soubi's strange behavior.

"…Could we go inside and talk?" Ritsuka asked quietly. Soubi had been depressed right after the incident at Seven Voices, but he had gradually gotten better. Ritsuka hadn't known that Soubi was still going through some bouts of depression. Wait… Ritsu had said _in the last month_. January was when the demeaning phone messages from Seimei had began. That explained Soubi going in and out depression very quickly. He had known this would happen, but he somehow found some sort of hope or faith that Ritsuka was going to stay with him, though the thought of losing his memory and the thought that his happy life was going to end soon probably depressed him quite a bit.

"Follow us, please," The principal of Ritsuka's school began heading inside and Ritsuka followed, clutching the letter tightly to his chest.

* * *

**I got too scared to play Amnesia and am posting this while I take a break from it. *sob* that game is so scary. Go watch Mangaminx's Let's play/playthrough of it. It should be like the third video that comes up if you type in 'mangaminx' seriously, that game is awesome and her commentary is awesome, so go watch it if you have the time.**

**Holy crap guys! 18 reviews? EIGHTEEN? You all never cease to amaze me! Thanks to Mew, Lyrica, Lolita, Toffee, lovelessreviewer, Bigmachine, Lumeton, EternalTearsOfBlood, DarkAngelJudas, promocat, Tlcatlady, Cynthia Dollar, LadyOfWinds, xxLovelessxBelovedxx, aminaluvr4life, Ulqyfangirl27, Riaries, and Tamer Lorika! You all are so very, very awesome and I love you all so very, very much! Keep on reviewing!**

**Riaries: Yes, I do have cliffhangers a lot, but that's part of what keeps you all interested, isn't it? Also, Seimei will show up later on and some of his 'powers' and how he entranced Ritsuka will be explained. **

**Lyrica: I'm glad someone noticed the entire figuring-it-out-as-Ritsuka-does thing, which is what I intended from the very start. **

**Lumeton: I agree with you on the whole 2D Soubi thing. As much I love the anime, I think it's partly to blame. The anime really portrayed Soubi as this personality-less, creepy person. In the manga, however, he's portrayed with a more cold, sarcastic personality. In the manga he really does have a personality.**

**EternalTearsOfBlood: Yeah, I uploaded some of my one-shots to DA, as well as the first chapter of Blood Lust. I also have the first chapter of a Soubi/Ritsuka fanfic up called Impossibilities, but that will not be posted on this site until I finish it.**

**So, here's the story with this chapter. It was originally supposed to be the whole letter, but then it got too long, so I split it up. That's why this chapter is so short. I really am sorry about that. **

**Once again, thanks to my lovely beta, Summer-flower-girl! Also, all of you remember to go vote on the poll on my profile. **

**One more thing, if you'd all go kindly check out my other account, Voiceless Rikka. There, I have a couple stories posted (Games, Nighttime ****Dilemmas, Ritsuka's Diary, and Life). I will not be posting any new stories on there, but I would love if you could take a look at Life. I plan to finish Life and _maybe _Ritsuka's Diary.**

**Please review and tell me what you think about this chapter!**

**~Wolfie  
**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter fourteen**

Ritsuka was ushered into the library and left alone to read the letter. He was told that they would talk later, when Ritsuka was done with the letter. When they finally left him alone, Ritsuka went back to reading the letter, starting on the paragraph Yu had started to read when he took the letter from him.

_Before I go on, Ritsuka, I would like to tell you that I do love you. I know that I'm not good at saying what I feel, but please believe me. I've lied to you so much, but I swear that everything I write in here is the truth. I didn't lie about anything in here. So, I love you. I love you more than anything else. I hope you don't think anything less of me once you've read what's written here._

_ I suppose I should tell you about my mother and Ritsu's relationship, now. My mother was a Fighter, just like me, and her Sacrifice was Ritsu. They had some sort of a falling out after my mother met my father, though I don't know what about._

_ I was left to Ritsu, who came to pick me up at the hospital. I was four at the time and I didn't quite understand what happened to my parents. Ritsu rudely told me they were dead and said I was a stupid child for not realizing that. I was taken back to Seven Voices where I was enrolled as a student. Ritsu started training me almost immediately. _

_ You've seen the scars on my back. Whip scars shouldn't last forever, but they do when someone was whipped repeatedly for thirteen years. It started right away, after Ritsu got me to calm down about my parent's death. Once he found out I could read even though I was only four he would make me read aloud from college-level books for hours on end. I had to understand the material, too. He would quiz me afterwards and get angry if I did something wrong. I remember that the whipping started about three months after I started at Seven Voices. It was horrible and I never got used to it. He taught me to be the perfect Fighter and to be able to take pain. _

_ He started teaching me to sexually please someone when I was around nine. He would get turned on from whipping me and I would have to give him oral sex. I hated it even more than I hated the whipping and the advanced things he made me learn._

_ The school itself wasn't so bad. We learned normal things, as well as fighting. The Fighters and Sacrifices were separated, but I always knew I was different. I never had any friends. I had no social skills and the other kids soon found out that I went to Ritsu's office almost every day, and, as you might imagine, I got made fun of to no end because of it. As a result, I got extremely violent and I isolated myself. I got myself into physical and spell battles, and I won most of them. _

_ Ritsu raped me when I was twelve. He was half-drunk when he did it. He came into my dorm room late at night and woke me up by binding my hands to the bed. He was rough when he did it, and I'm not going to go into any more details. It's been nine years and I still remember the night he took my virginity clearly_

_ It didn't just stop there. It was nearly every day after that, and it made me so confused and depressed that when I was thirteen I refused to talk and my grades dropped excessively. Ritsu nearly gave up on me, then, but I couldn't stand the thought of disappointing him. I hated that he hurt me, but that year just got to the point where he didn't even acknowledge me, and I wanted to be acknowledged, even if it was just a few words. I started talking again and I went back to excelling at school. _

_ I graduated at seventeen at the top of my class. By then, Ritsu had his teachings sealed in my mind and I could never forget them. I had been under the impression that I would become his Fighter, but Ritsu told me he already had one, and that she was dead. I was given to Seimei that day, and that was also the day I figured out that I hated Ritsu and I never wanted to see him again. _

_ Seimei took me into the woods behind Seven Voices that day, to the old, abandon headquarters. He asked me about my relationship with Ritsu and all I could say was that it was a teacher-student relationship. Seimei seemed innocent, at first. He was only fourteen and a lot shorter than I was. I felt dirty—he was a virgin and I was not. He asked me if I wanted him to put his name on me painfully or not. I needed to feel alive; I needed to feel the knife at my neck, carving out the seven letters I would come to identify myself with. _

_ The cuts were deep and the knife blade was cold, but I had never felt so damn __**alive**__ in my entire life. Seimei looked pleased when he was done, and from there we went back to Tokyo on the train, where he told me to enroll in college and find an apartment. As I mentioned before, my parents left me everything, including their life savings, which was all put into an account until I was ready to handle finances on my own. Ritsu signed the account over to me when I left. _

_ I'm not going to get into a lot of what Seimei and I did and what Seimei did to me because that's all detailed in the records I included. He treated me like a dog, though. I was nothing to him and nothing in his world, and he made sure I knew it. He beat me a lot, not just by whip or knife, but with his bare hands, too. He would hit me and slap me and leave me all alone, only after reminding me that I was trash and could be thrown out at any time. _

_ I hated you at first. Seimei always loved you more. Actually, it was the fact that Seimei loved you that made me mad. I always wanted that. I was jealous. I wanted that love from him, the same love that he gave you. He would kiss you and hold you and whisper sweet words into your ears, and then he would hit me and whip me and yell names and insults until he finally got tired. I just wanted affection from him, but you were in the way._

_ I got hurt a lot. Seimei not only punished me, but he also reminded me that I was his and he took his anger out on me, too. A lot of the scars he left on me are permanent. I'm not sure if I can ever be 'normal' again. I hope you understand that I don't act the way I do because I want to, it's because that's the way I was trained. I'm trying to be the adult in our relationship, because I know that's what you need, but it's hard for me to after years of being trained to obey and be submissive. _

_ You're so different from Seimei. He would slap me even for talking out of turn or speaking before I was spoken to, but you don't punish me for anything. At first, I wanted you to punish me. Pain, for me, is like some sort of drug. I needed it so that I could feel alive. I'm not sure if I liked it or if it was just addictive and I needed it. When Seimei would hit me or punish me, it was some sort of acknowledgement from him. When he wasn't mad, I would sit by him and he would just ignore me. I used to sometimes displease him just so that he would talk to me. This was what I wanted from you, even though you gave me acknowledgement. That's why I would ask you to punish me whenever you got mad at me. I guess it's what's called a 'self-destructive behavior'. _

_ Then, you showed me something else that made me feel even more alive than pain did. You started to care about me, which was something that was very new to me. You praised me when I did something good and told me it was alright when I messed up, even if it was a big mistake. You never hit me or verbally hurt me. I was confused why. Was I actually good enough for you? Seimei had always told me I wasn't. I realized soon enough that you were absolutely nothing like Seimei and you never wanted to hurt anybody. You made me feel like I was your equal, not someone below you. _

_ I love you and I fear losing you. It's up to you whether or not you want to leave, but if I ever get my memory back I will come looking for you. I hope you have already listened to the recordings on the computer. For the first time in my life, I didn't obey Seimei. He told me to stop teaching you about your memory loss and to leave you, but I just couldn't do it. I wanted to stay with you. You're the only good thing I've had in my life since my parents died. I need you._

_ Included is a transcript of everything that happened with Seimei, as well as everything that happened between him and I. When you are done reading them, please give them to the Septimal Moon council._

_ Do not go after Seimei. If you go after him, he will take you, whether you want to go or not. He is the one who set the spell on me and, therefore, is the one who can reverse it the quickest, but he won't. I promise that I will regain my memories eventually, but don't go looking for Seimei just to get it reversed quicker. Seimei will lie to you. Don't believe anything he says. Even if you leave, do this one thing for me. Please. I don't want you in Seimei's hands. _

_ The last thing I have to tell you about is your memory loss and what really happened. I'm terrified to say it, but I think I did it. I'm so sorry. I don't even know what happened, but I think I've figured it out. You must've gotten in the way and found out about Seimei's plans, things that I don't even really know about. Seimei would have ordered me to take your memory and then to take my own. _

_ Maybe this is for the best. I don't know. I can finally get away from Seimei. See, Ritsuka, I don't __**want**__ to be on his side, but I'm forced to be anyways. That's why I want you to give the transcripts to Septimal Moon. I want him to be arrested. I don't want to belong to him anymore. I want to be with you without the constant threat of Seimei wanting to tear us apart._

_ I love you, please remember that. I didn't take your memories away by choice. I'm sorry. I really am. I'm sorry about everything, about lying to you, about betraying you, about taking your memory, and about not telling you about all this. Everything. I wish it could be different. I wish I could've met you under better circumstances. I used to think about what it'd be like if I would've met you in grade school. I know we probably wouldn't have become friends, but I still would've fallen in love with you. Under any circumstance I would've fallen in love with you. I just hate that this had to happen. _

_ If you leave, just remember that I love you and I'm sorry._

_ Love,_

_ Soubi_

Ritsuka stared at the letter in his hands, taking time to let it sink in. He read through the pages and pages of reports that Soubi had written, all very specific and accurate-sounding. It was organized in chronological order. The descriptions were graphic and of every single time Soubi had gotten beat. The exact day, the exact reason, and exactly what had happened was included, too, as well as transcripts of conversation between Seimei and Soubi. The conversations were very hard to read, as it was mostly Seimei verbally abusing Soubi. He demeaned him in almost every way possible, saying that he was a horrible artist and that he was dirty and would never deserve Seimei's touch. Soubi's part of the conversations was mainly him either trying to explain himself (if Seimei was accusing him of something) or saying 'yes, master'.

Seimei beat Soubi a lot, even more so than Ritsuka had expected. He constantly whipped him for the smallest of reasons, or slapped him and even hit him. Soubi often commented in his observations and records that Seimei would 'look mad' sometimes before a beating. To Ritsuka, it just seemed like Seimei would look for an excuse to abuse him. Sometimes, he didn't even _have_ an excuse. Half the time, it sounded like Seimei was just displacing his anger on Soubi.

Soubi wrote about the battles fought with Seimei, too, and when he would track and tail and exploit people for Seimei. Seimei would assign him to get all their information and find out their deepest secrets by all means necessary. Seimei hadn't trusted Soubi, though, so he gave him these tasks with little or no explanation. Soubi had pieced together some of what Seimei was doing, though, and said explicitly how wrong it was. Seimei had been skimming money from Septimal Moon's research grants and stealing others' bank accounts to deposit the money into so that he wouldn't get blamed. Soubi explained multiple times that Seimei would do whatever was necessary to get to the top, whether it meant framing people, committing fraud, or even killing.

It was no surprise that Soubi had killed people, but Ritsuka didn't hold him accountable for it. Seimei was the one who ordered him to do it. All Soubi could do was obey, whether he wanted to or not. Soubi wasn't the murderer, Seimei was.

Also included were Soubi's bank account information, as well as a few signed release forms, granting Ritsuka and Kio access to all his records, insurance, and accounts. He included a few notes for Ritsuka on how to manage them, but Ritsuka was willing to leave finances solely to Kio.

Ritsuka's ears twitched as he heard footsteps coming down the hall. He hoped that it wasn't more kids. He didn't want to deal with another incompetent teenager, not when he needed time to think and miss Soubi. After this, he had decided, there would be no more missing Soubi before he lost his memories. That was living in the past. He would _think _about Soubi, but try his hardest not to miss him. Besides, there wasn't an 'old' Soubi or a 'new' Soubi. Losing his memories would make him different, but he was still Soubi.

Ritsuka looked up as he heard the doors to the library open to see Ritsu. He had never known anything about the older man until he had discovered the phone conversations between him and Soubi. He didn't ever expect that _this_, what Soubi had written, was Ritsu's true nature. Ritsuka had gone from simply not liking him to actually hating him. He considered throwing a book at him, but that wouldn't be fair, since Ritsuka assumed Ritsu was still blind and would not be able to sidestep the incoming throw.

"Are you finished yet?" Ritsu asked, tapping his foot impatiently.

Ritsuka scowled, "Yes, I am. Can I go back home now or do you plan to keep me here and bore me?" He didn't try to hide his anger. Ritsu was the one partially responsible for what happened to Soubi. He was the one who raped him and handed him over to Seimei. He was the first person who abuse Soubi, and Ritsuka would never forgive him for it.

"Soubi-kun used to use the same tone with me," Ritsu sighed.

The bell rung, signifying that Ritsuka had been in the library for hours and school was over. That meant he could see Soubi again. He was hoping that Kio had brought Soubi with to pick him up from school.

"And he had ever right to," Ritsuka told Ritsu, darting past him and out the door with his books and the letter in tow. He disappeared into the stream of kids pushing and yelling, all trying to get out the doors at one time. Since Ritsuka was small, he could easily push past everyone else.

He couldn't help but to break out in smiles when he spotted two familiar men standing at the gates, waiting for him. Ritsuka ran straight for Soubi, jumping at him and throwing his arms around his neck, having never been so happy to see the older man in his life.

"Ritsuka!" Soubi hugged him tightly, obviously happy to see him, too. A lot of things made Soubi happy since he lost his memory, though, which Ritsuka supposed was a good thing. Before, it hadn't been _hard_ to make him happy, but it made Ritsuka sad in a way that a simple thing could make him happy. In the short time that Ritsuka had been living with Soubi, he probably saw him smile more than ever before. If Soubi was happy, then Ritsuka was happy, too.

Ritsuka let go of Soubi, unable to hold onto him without actually having his feet on the ground. Soubi was unnaturally tall and Ritsuka was a bit short for his age, meaning Ritsuka had to jump at him just to wrap his arms around his neck when they were both standing. Ritsuka hoped to grow taller soon so that he could reach Soubi better.

Ritsuka took Soubi's hand, looking up at a smiling Kio. This made his horrible day a lot better. Kio was a parent to him, just like the caring older brother Ritsuka had had at one point and then lost. These two men were his real family. Sure, they weren't related by blood, but what did blood ties even mean? Soubi had blood ties with his only family, his aunt and grandmother, and he had absolutely hated them. Seimei was Ritsuka's brother and they were nothing alike. Ritsuka was ashamed to consider Seimei his brother. Soubi and Kio were his family now, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

"Ritsuka," Kio leaned down, speaking in a low voice. "Isn't that your principal? Why is he waving you over?"

Ritsuka looked back, seeing his own principal franticly waving Ritsuka over to him. Ritsu stood next to him, again accompanied by Nagisa. "We need to get out of here," Ritsuka said to Kio, not waiting for a reply. He pulled Soubi outside the gate, praying that Ritsu and the others wouldn't follow.

"I think you should really—"

"No," Ritsuka cut Kio off. "I'll explain when we get home."

It was taboo to tell a normal, regular person about Fighters and Sacrifices. This was the unspoken rule, one that Ritsuka had just _known_ as soon as he experienced his first spell battle. It was obvious that it was all some huge secret, one that even the government was involved in keeping. The government knew about them, Ritsu had explained when Ritsuka went to visit him just before leaving Seven Voices, but they had a contract with the government. They were not allowed to use the Fighters and Sacrifices for any military service, and the Septimal Moon council promised to keep the secret and keep the public from any sort of harm from the units.

He was shocked that Soubi had never told Kio, though. They were best friends. Kio deserved to know, and Ritsuka was going to tell him, whether he would get in trouble or not. He needed to know so that he could help Ritsuka, especially if Seimei ever paid them a 'visit'.

Hours later, Ritsuka was in the kitchen, making dinner. Kio was at the table, staring at the wall, blankly stirring his tea, just as he had been for the past fifteen minutes. Ritsuka had finished explaining everything to him to the best of his ability, and Kio seemed to understand and accept it all, but what hit him the hardest was when Ritsuka had mentioned how it wasn't accepting to beat a Fighter, which was what Seimei did to Soubi. He showed Kio the letter and the records, and he had read it, but hadn't said a word since.

Soubi was sitting on the couch, looking at a book Ritsuka showed him earlier. He appeared to be trying to read it, but he currently had it turned upside-down. Ritsuka was attempting to cook from a recipe he found in a kitchen drawer, one that was handwritten by Soubi. It was too bad that he had short-handed it.

While Ritsuka cooked and waited for Kio to say something, Ritsuka noticed a few post-it notes on the refrigerator and on the cabinets. He had gotten used to the frequent notes around the house, so he didn't really notice them anymore. Soubi could be quite forgetful at times, a trait he probably got from his mother (according to his description of her). He wrote notes to himself so that he could remember to do things or go to his classes when the times got switched. The Zero boys always had fun tearing up his notes to tick Soubi off. This one was a reminder written the day of Soubi's attack to pick up a package at the post office.

_I'll have to go pick that up_, Ritsuka made a mental note to do that soon.

"I always knew there was something wrong," Ritsuka barely heard Kio mutter. Ritsuka glanced at him, frowning. Kio went on, pulling at a lock of hair on the back of his head, "It wasn't just that Seimei would beat him. There was something in the way that Seimei would talk to him, how he wouldn't let him speak unless spoken to. I thought that maybe Soubi was involved in something where that was accepted, but I guess not…I could've done something…"

"No, you couldn't have," Ritsuka stated, draining the spaghetti. "There was no way you could've helped him."

Ritsuka watched Soubi instead of looking at Kio, seeing that he had the book sideways and was looking at the picture on that page. He had made the decision to not tell Soubi anything about Seimei, out of fear that he would remember something. If anything, he was just going to show him a picture and introduce him as his brother.

"Ritsuka!" Soubi called. He held up the book, grinning. "Read!"

"I'll read to you after dinner," Ritsuka shook his head, amused. He had already read to Soubi twice after coming home. His liking of books hadn't changed at all. Ritsuka made another mental note to pick up some picture books at the library.

Later, Kio fell asleep on Natsuo and Youji's bed, snoring so loudly that Ritsuka could hear him all the way in the bathroom. Soubi seemed sleepy, too, as he nearly fell asleep in the bathtub. Ritsuka kept him up by talking to him, telling him about Yuiko and Yayoi. Luckily, Ritsuka only got splashed once for spacing out.

Soubi apparently remembered Ritsuka telling him that he would read to him after dinner, because he brought the book from earlier to him immediately after getting dressed. Ritsuka couldn't help but to give in. He was exhausted himself, after a long day of being chased by his teachers, Yuiko, and Septimal Moon when all he wanted to do was read his letter. It was nice to spend a little time with _just_ Soubi and nobody else to bother them.

Ritsuka wrapped his arms around Soubi's neck as he climbed into bed with him, kissing his soft lips gently. The older man abandoned the book he was holding to grasp Ritsuka's hair, discovering the feel of it. His fingers moved upwards, finding a kitten ear and pausing before taking a hold of it and tugging lightly. Ritsuka pulled away, narrowing his eyes in thought as Soubi continued to play with both his kitten ears, a look of pure wonderment on his face. Soubi pulled his hands away suddenly, placing them on his own head, clearly looking for his kitten ears.

"No, Soubi," Ritsuka couldn't help but to feel sad. "You…you're not…" _You're not a virgin. _Soubi wasn't dirty because he had lost his ears. Soubi had been forced into sexual activity by both his teacher and Seimei, who had also sexually abused him. It wasn't his fault, which was why it made Ritsuka so sad to see him so innocent and yet tainted physically still by Ritsu and Seimei.

Soubi just smiled again, reaching forward to rub Ritsuka's ears again, even drifting down further to touch his tail. Ritsuka picked up the book, one that he had found at the school library earlier. Of course. It was about cats. _That_ was the reason why Soubi was so entranced with his cat appendages. Ritsuka had gotten the book for Soubi when he was between classes just before he opened the letter. Soubi had always loved cats, anyways, and Ritsuka often saw him feeding some stray cats just outside the apartment complex.

Soubi noticed the book and was reminded that he wanted to be read to, "Ritsuka, read!"

"Yes, Soubi," Ritsuka didn't care that Soubi hadn't asked. It actually pleased him. It meant that none of his training was retained at all, which was the way Ritsuka wanted things.

Ritsuka opened the book, beginning to read out loud to Soubi, who had made himself comfortable with a head on Ritsuka's chest. He fell asleep towards the end of book, and Ritsuka turned out the light, staring up at the ceiling, listening to Kio's loud snoring from the other room. This was really all he had ever wanted: to have someone who loved him, to have a family, and for Soubi to be happy. For some reason, everything just felt so _right_.

For the first time in weeks, Ritsuka fell asleep peacefully and with no idea of what was to come.

* * *

**I really wanted to get this chapter up quickly because I felt bad about the last chapter being short and having to cut the letter in two. As a result, this chapter is unbeta-ed and I have discovered the conscience I never thought I had.**

**I just want to point out that I think Soubi's explanation about pain makes sense. A lot of people seem to think that he's a masochist, but I personally think that punishment was the only sort of acknowledgment he got from Seimei so he associates that with being noticed. Sorry, I know I'm a bit confusing. **

**anyways, thanks to Lyrica, Lovelessreviewer, bigmachine, lolita, Lumeton, DarkAngelJudas, Promocat, Animaluvr4life, InnocentUke97, Tamer Lorika, Tlcatlady, and Riaries for reviewing! I don't know how to thank you guys enough! You all really keep me motivated!**

**Review for moar! Also, the poll is still up if you haven't voted already!**

**~Wolfie  
**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter fifteen**

"Ritsuka-kun?" Ritsuka was sitting in his therapist's waiting room after school on Wednesday. For the first time, he had actually came with someone. Soubi and Kio were both there, Soubi looking through a magazine and looking at the pictures, and Kio writing something for school. Ritsuka held one of Soubi's hands, his fingers interlaced with his boyfriend's. He leaned on Soubi's shoulder, too, his warmth and scent surrounding him.

Ritsuka glanced up at hearing Katsuko-sensei, his therapist, and saw her standing in the doorway with a semi-shocked look on her face. Kio followed his gaze, as did Soubi. Ritsuka could understand that this was a bit of an odd sight to Katsuko to see her lonely, sad patient smiling and holding hands with another male and accompanied by yet another person.

Ritsuka let go of Soubi's hand and nodded to Kio before following his therapist to her office. He sat down on the couch, wishing he had said something to Soubi before leaving.

"So, Ritsuka, who are your friends?" Katsuko-sensei asked, sitting in her revolving chair, a notebook in hand.

"Katsuko-sensei," Ritsuka started. "A lot of stuff has happened in the past couple weeks. Something very bad happened to someone I love."

"Oh? When did this happen? Is that why you were with those two men?" Katsuko obviously thought that something had happened to Ritsuka's mother and Ritsuka had been put into a foster family with two men. That didn't really explain why Ritsuka had been holding hands with an older man who had lost his cat ears, though. This was his therapist, so Ritsuka wasn't going to lie to her. He had talked about Soubi to her before, but never by name. All Katsuko knew was that Ritsuka was romantically involved with another male and saw him almost every day. She knew nothing of Soubi's age or how close he and Ritsuka were.

"Actually…" Ritsuka prepared himself to tell her about Soubi and him. "That blond man out there… he's my boyfriend."

The expression that came onto Katsuko's face was a mixture of shock and confusion. Ritsuka couldn't help but to drop his gaze out of embarrassment. He was worried that she would tell the police, since technically his and Soubi's relationship was illegal.

"Ritsuka…You know…" Katsuko started.

"I know," Ritsuka frowned. "He's twenty-one. But…that's the man that I talk about all the time. My…my brother told him to take care of me when he died. That's how I met him. Sensei, I love him. He's never done anything to hurt me, he never would either."

Katsuko-sensei still looked skeptical, "Ritsuka-kun, I hate to have to say this, but are you sure this man isn't just using you for…his own personal needs?"

Katsuko was no different than anyone else; people always assumed things when they saw Ritsuka out in public with Soubi. Ritsuka could hear their whisper. They said things that made it sound like Soubi was sexually abusing Ritsuka and Ritsuka didn't know any better because he was young. All Soubi had to do was put his arm around Ritsuka and the flurry of whispers would start. Ritsuka was always painfully aware of them, but whenever he started to get a bit uncomfortable, Soubi would just tell him to ignore everyone else. People were ignorant, he said, and they were judgmental. Having him tell Ritsuka this always calmed him down.

"No, he's not," Ritsuka answered, his tail flicking nervously. He wondered if he should've told her. Any sort of doctor was required to report any suspicions of abuse or illegal activity. If Katsuko suspected Soubi of doing something to Ritsuka, she would have to tell the police and they would arrest Soubi in a heartbeat, memories or not.

"Anyways," Ritsuka was anxious to get back to his original conversation topic. "Something horrible happened to Soubi. A week ago, he…he got attacked. In his own home. I was the one who found him. I doubtI'll ever forget that image."

Ritsuka could remember perfectly what he saw that day: Soubi, laying bloodied and dying on the kitchen tiles. It would never, ever leave his mind. It scared him to death just thinking about it. He wanted to forget that, not wholly but just so that he couldn't recall the sight of Soubi like that so clearly. Though he wanted to, Ritsuka knew that he never would be able to. That image was seared into his brain, never to be forgotten.

"I called the hospital…and long story short, his heart failed twice, he got locked-in syndrome, went into a coma, came out of it, and then lost his memory. But, Sensei…it isn't _normal_ memory loss. He lost _everything_. I have to teach him how to speak and everything. It's like…" Ritsuka struggled to find the right words.

"…like his mind reset?" Katsuko-sensei answered for him, leaning forward a bit and looking like she was thinking hard about something.

"Yes!" Ritsuka had never thought to describe it like that, but it did make sense. That was exactly what had happened. Seimei (or more accurately, his Fighter, Nisei) had used a spell that essentially reset everything but basic knowledge (walking, eating, etc.), and locked everything else away. Actually, Soubi's memories didn't seem to be _locked _off, they seemed to be _blocked _off. When Soubi had regained his memories after seeing Ritsuka in danger, that block had been destroyed, but built back up quickly. If Ritsuka could just find some way to remove that block permanently, Soubi's memories would return.

Seimei could do that by ordering Nisei to reverse the spell, but Soubi had told Ritsuka not to go after him. Ritsuka could throw himself in danger's way again, but there wasn't a sure chance that that would break the block, and, if it did, it would only be temporary. There had to be some sort of way to destroy that blockage.

"I heard about that case while I was at the hospital," Katsuko went on, drawing Ritsuka out of his deep thought. "I've never heard of anything like it. So, who was that other man there?"

"Kio," Ritsuka said. "He was Soubi's only friend. He found out about…my mother… and he called the police. They're letting me stay with him and Soubi. He has his own apartment, but he hasn't been sleeping there."

Kio had started to move in with Ritsuka and Soubi, though not full-time, he said. On Monday, he slept at his apartment, and on Tuesday he slept at Soubi's. Ritsuka didn't really mind. It was sort of nice living with people who cared about him.

Tuesday had been a semi-normal day for Ritsuka. He had been asked a ton of questions about his confrontation during lunch with Ritsu and Nagisa, and but he hadn't answered any of them, not even when Yuiko had asked him. Soubi and Kio had been waiting at the school gates for him and Soubi had shown him a sketch of a kitten. They had gone home and things had been normal then, too. Ritsuka had done his homework and read to Soubi a little before getting ready for bed.

Today, Ritsuka had gotten harassed by the school bullies, but he had made it through the day. He had picked up another book at the library for Soubi and had a small agenda of things to do. He wanted to finish up his visit with Katsuko so that he could get started.

They talked for awhile longer about Ritsuka's living arrangements and what had happened since Ritsuka had last saw her. Ritsuka didn't tell her, but she saw that for once, Ritsuka was happy.

When they went back to the apartment complex, Ritsuka stopped just inside the front doors to get Soubi's mail when a small sound distracted him. His ears perked instantly and he glanced up from going through the mail. Something brushed against his legs and the same something made the sound again. "Meow."

Ritsuka looked down, and sure enough there was a young, black-furred kitten rubbing against his leg. Ritsuka slipped the mail in his bag and curiously leaned down, scooping the kitten into his arms. This was the stray cat that Soubi often fed. It had a collar on it, though, Ritsuka realized as he picked it up. The kitten just purred, nuzzling his shirt, obviously finding the smell of Soubi on him. Ritsuka slipped his fingers under the collar, turning it so that he could look at the engraved tags.

_Rit-chan_, the first line read. _If found, return to Agatsuma Soubi_, was the second line. The third line was simply Soubi's phone number. Ritsuka sighed, smiling a little and rolling his eyes. Soubi had taken in a stray kitten and named it after Ritsuka. He supposed that the kitten reminded him a bit of himself, with its black fur and blue-ish, almost purple eyes, but he found it a little amusing that Soubi had named it after him. Actually, that gave him quite the idea…

Ritsuka carefully put the kitten in his messenger back, hoping it wouldn't make a mess on his papers, and headed off to take the elevator to the top floor.

The kitten didn't make a noise, not even when they entered the apartment. Kio was studying at the kitchen table and Soubi was sitting at the coffee table watching TV and drawing something. He looked up as soon as Ritsuka came in, smiling brightly at him and holding up his drawing.

"That's good, Soubi," Ritsuka complimented him, seeing that it was a realistic drawing of a cat. "Come here, I brought a gift for you."

Soubi got up, coming towards Ritsuka and hugging him tightly and nearly knocking the boy down. A small mewl came from Ritsuka's bag, but Soubi didn't seem to notice. Just when Ritsuka felt like he was being hugged to death, Soubi pulled away, still smiling slightly, not having a care in the world. Ritsuka almost felt a little jealous of him.

Ritsuka reached into his bag, pulling out the black, small kitten and cradling him in his arms, holding him out a little to Soubi. Soubi put his hands together, clearly delighted at the sight of a real kitten, not a picture of one in a book. The kitten was purring, his wide blue eyes staring up at Soubi. Silently, Ritsuka shifted the kitten so that he was holding him in one arm and took Soubi's wrist with the other hand. Soubi didn't protest, not even when Ritsuka brought his hand forward so that it rested on Rit-chan's head.

Soubi jerked his hand away suddenly, looking shocked. His blue eyes flicked from Ritsuka to the kitten. The kitten just meowed.

"Meow," It took Ritsuka a moment to realize that Soubi was copying the kitten's sound, just like a child would.

"Is that Soubi's cat?" Kio asked, leaning back in his chair to get a better look. "He used to bring him inside when it rained. I remember him going out in the pouring rain once just to look for him."

Soubi looked over at Kio, "Meow."

The kitten in Ritsuka's arms mewled in response, fidgeting in the boy's hold. Ritsuka tugged at Soubi's sleeve, getting his attention again. "Come on, Soubi," He said, pulling him into the bedroom. He set the kitten down on the bed.

Soubi hesitated, but only for a moment before sitting down on the bed with the kitten. Ritsuka watching him for a moment, both interested and perplexed at the same time. 'Rit-chan' would be considered a childish name for an animal. If Ritsuka had shown the kitten to anybody off the street and asked them what kind of person named it, they would not say a grown twenty-one year old college man. Most likely every person would've said that the kitten was named by a little girl. Naming an animal with a nickname and adding the suffix '–chan' to a pet's name were both considered very childish, and, to Ritsuka, it just showed Soubi's lack of a childhood.

While Soubi played with the kitten on the bed, Ritsuka went to the desk, opening up the third drawer. Soubi had written that he kept the photos of his family there, and needless to say, Ritsuka was very curious about his family. Sure enough, under a mess of papers, Ritsuka found a stack of photos. Curiously, he started flipping through the photos, finding that the top one was just a photograph of a light blue house.

The next one was particularly interesting, one that made Ritsuka stare for a long few minutes at it. It was a photo of a woman sitting on a counter. If Ritsuka just looked at her face quickly, he would've sworn that it was Soubi, or at least some sort of female version of him. When Ritsuka looked closer, though, he could see the differences. The woman's eyes were bright green, not blue, and her hair was longer, though she shared the exact same shade of hair as Soubi. Soubi was obviously her son.

Ritsuka stole a glance over at Soubi, who was being oddly quiet. The man was holding the kitten in both arms, hugging it gently as he laid on his back. The cat was purring loudly, kneading his master's shirt. At least he had figured out how to pet it without freaking out and pulling away like when Ritsuka had put his hand on the animal.

The next photo was a picture of a little blond boy sitting in a brown-haired man's lap, smiling brightly as the man held him. It was Soubi's father and young Soubi. Ritsuka could tell by how the man resembled the young boy, especially with eye color. Ritsuka just couldn't stop looking at Soubi, though. His expression just seemed so _happy_ and _free_.

As if on cue, Soubi looked right at Ritsuka, and smiled, petting the cat's head. That expression that he was wearing…it was the same expression younger Soubi had in the picture. For the first time, Ritsuka found himself asking himself _what would Soubi have been like if he had a normal life?_

Ritsuka had never believed in any sort of god, but he believed in second chances. Someone had done something horrible to Soubi, someone that he had cared about, but this was his second chance. That didn't justify what Seimei had done. That didn't make it right in any way at all. Maybe this had been a relief for Soubi, though. For awhile, he could just be free and not have to carry around the memories of everything that had been done to him. Soubi had been treated like crap all his life. This was a second chance for him and Ritsuka was going to do everything he could to make his life better than it had been before. If Soubi was happy, Ritsuka was, too.

Ritsuka continued going through the pictures, finding the next photo was a picture of Soubi standing next to a dog that looked bigger than him and holding a large tabby cat in the way that only a child would hold a cat. He looked about four in the picture, but what surprised Ritsuka was the large dog in the picture, since he knew very Soubi did _not _like dogs.

Ritsuka saw a picture of himself next, which he just dismissed as a misplaced photo. Soubi wasn't a very organized person, so it was very possible that he accidently slipped a picture of Ritsuka in with the pictures of his family. He simple turned to another photo, one of Soubi, his mother, and his father, his mother holding Soubi up in her arms. There was another shot almost identical to the first next, this time with Soubi pulling his mother's hair. Ritsuka saw another picture of himself after that. Ritsuka paused, knowing that there weren't pictures of him in here by accident. Had Soubi really loved him enough to consider him part of his family? Was that why there were pictures of him in the drawer?

Ritsuka had really never thought about his future with Soubi, but it suddenly crossed his mind. When Ritsuka got older, their age difference would get noticed less and less. Soubi would take his ears in a couple years, once they were both ready. They could move to a bigger apartment. They could even move into a house. Maybe they could even eventually get married. Ritsuka pondered on that for a moment, thinking of being legally tied to Soubi to the point where they were considered family and mates by everyone. A smile came onto his lips as he realized that if anyone was going to wear a dress at that wedding, it was probably going to be him. Ritsuka was obviously the girl in their relationship and would also be the one to take Soubi's surname.

"Ritsuka," Soubi spoke quietly, startling Ritsuka. "Kitty sleep." Ritsuka's eyes fell on the kitten, who was fast asleep on Soubi's chest.

"Yeah," Ritsuka padded over to him, climbing on the bed and kneeling next to him. "Say 'The kitty is asleep, Ritsuka'."

"The kitty is asleep, Ritsuka," Soubi repeated excitedly. "The kitty is asleep."

"Good," Ritsuka praised him, leaning down and kissing him as a sort of reward. "The kitty has a name, Soubi. You named him."

"Soubi named kitty?"

Ritsuka was astonished. Soubi had actually put together a sentence from the information Ritsuka gave him. He knew what a 'name' was, he knew his name, and he knew that Ritsuka was referring to the black cat when he had said 'the kitty', but it was amazing that he was able to put all three words together.

"Yes," Ritsuka purred, impressed. "You named the kitty Rit-chan. You named him after me."

Soubi looked at the cat sleeping on him and then back to Ritsuka quickly, as if he had suddenly realized something. "Kitty's name is Rit-chan. Soubi named Rit-chan after Ritsuka."

Ritsuka was speechless, then. Soubi had repeated all the information back to him, but not in a broken sentence. He had actually used proper conjugation by saying 'is'. He was learning quickly, picking up things that Ritsuka said, learning even quicker than a child would. It made Ritsuka strangely proud of him. He found himself wanting a way to reward him somehow, so he kissed him again, making this one a few moments longer than the last.

"I'm happy, Soubi," Ritsuka felt a smile come naturally to his lips.

"Happy?" Soubi raised his hand, pressing his fingers against Ritsuka's lips.

How was he supposed to explain being 'happy'? "I…I can't really explain it. It's like being warm…sort of. When you smile, you're happy. See, I was just smiling, so I'm happy. This is smiling," Ritsuka smiled again to show Soubi. "You made me happy. You make me happy."

Soubi seemed satisfied with his answer and he reached further up to touch Ritsuka's kitten ears. He looked a bit confused, probably wondering why Ritsuka, a human, and Rit-chan, a kitten, both had a set of animal ears and a tail. Ritsuka really didn't know how to explain it without confusing Soubi even more, so he just held up the picture of Soubi laughing, being held by his mother and pulling her hair. His father stood next to them, not even looking at the camera, but looking at his wife and child lovingly.

"Do you know who these people are, Soubi?" Ritsuka asked, peering over the top of the photo at his memory-less boyfriend.

Ritsuka could've sworn that just for a second, he saw Soubi regain his memories. Maybe it was a trick played by Ritsuka's mind. He thought he saw Soubi's face contort into an expression of pain. For an instant, Ritsuka _knew_ he saw the clear, innocent look in his eyes go away, but returned just as quickly as it disappeared. Soubi whimpered, clenching his eyes shut, obviously in a lot of pain from the sudden change.

Ritsuka immediately dropped the picture and tried to comfort Soubi, running his hands through his hair and asking him if he was alright. He resorted to hugging him tightly, unsure of what else to do. He reviewed what he had seen again and again in his head, not fully convinced that it had been real. The photo had triggered something in Soubi's mind, causing him to suddenly regain his memories. At least, that was what Ritsuka thought he had saw. He couldn't really be sure since it had happened so quickly. All he knew now was that Soubi was in pain and Ritsuka had to stop it.

"Ritsuka!" Ritsuka found himself pinned down to the bed, being held down by Soubi. It was then that Ritsuka saw that Soubi really had momentarily regained his memories again and then lost them. Currently, from the look in his eyes, he was somewhere in-between having his memories and not having them. He breathed hard, his grip tight on Ritsuka's arms.

"It's okay," Ritsuka told him, not struggling or moving at all. "I'm still here. You don't have to fight it, Soubi. It's okay. You're only going to tire yourself out. You can let yourself go."

A shudder wracked Soubi's body and he squeezed Ritsuka's arms, probably without meaning to. Ritsuka's heart ached as he watched, wanting to do something, but not knowing what. Soubi was obviously fighting himself, trying to control the blockage and lift it, but not being able to. He didn't have to fight it, though. Ritsuka didn't expect him to. He wondered if he should take Soubi to the hospital, but he suspected they wouldn't be able to do anything, either.

"It's okay," Ritsuka told Soubi again, his gaze softening. Rit-chan mewled, rubbing himself against Soubi's leg in an attempt to regain his attention.

Soubi couldn't speak, but he did look Ritsuka straight in the eye and nod, shaking violently again before losing his memories again and collapsing next to Ritsuka. Rit-chan darted out of the way just in time, meowing again before curling up on Soubi's chest again.

Ritsuka glanced at the stack of photos beside him and decided to take his chances. He held up the picture of Soubi's mother sitting on a kitchen counter. "Who's this?"

Soubi opened his clear blue eyes, looking curiously at the picture. He touched it, going into a sort of daze. He smiled and Ritsuka watched him, barely hearing him murmur, "Mom…"

"Good," Ritsuka let Soubi hold the picture for another few moments before taking it away from him. "Are you tired, Soubi?" Soubi nodded, petting the cat on top of him. "Say 'yes'."

"Yes," Soubi repeated. "Tired…" Soubi yawned. What had just happened had exhausted him, and Ritsuka could understand why. Up until then, Ritsuka had had no idea what was going on with Soubi, but there appeared to be some sort of war going on in his head. He was fighting at every chance he got to regain his memories. Seeing the picture had given him some sort of opening to fight himself. That was why he had such a strong reaction. If he hadn't tried to fight it, this wouldn't have happened.

"Tired, Ritsuka. Sleep," Soubi yawned again, tugging at Ritsuka's sleeve.

"I can't," Ritsuka told him softly. "I'm sorry. I have homework." Ritsuka got up, putting the pictures on the desk and going to the linen closet in the main room, drawing Kio's attention.

"Did something happen?" He asked, closing his textbook.

Ritsuka stood on his tiptoes, pulling a fuzzy red blanket off one of the top shelves. "No, nothing," Ritsuka lied, feeling bad about it. He didn't want to worry Kio, though, or get his hopes up. Ritsuka wasn't even fully sure what had happened, since it had happened so quickly.

"Are you taking a nap, then? I thought you had homework."

"I do," Ritsuka really wasn't certain on how to act when someone was acting like a parent around him. It had been the same way whenever Soubi asked if he had his homework done or something of the sort. Ritsuka just wasn't used to it. His mother had never cared when he got ready for bed or if he had all of his schoolwork done. His father rarely asked. Ritsuka didn't know how to respond when someone acted parental around him. "Soubi wanted to take a nap."

Ritsuka went back to Soubi, finding him fast asleep already. He stood in the doorway, watching him for a while before covering him and little Rit-chan up with the blanket.

Hours later, Soubi was still fast asleep, which worried Ritsuka. He was responding to Ritsuka's voice, though, so he wasn't in a coma or anything like that, he just didn't want to get up. Every time Ritsuka tried to wake him, he would just groan and roll over, making Ritsuka would give up and let him sleep awhile longer. Apparently, he was a lot more exhausted than Ritsuka had thought. He was going to get him up, now, though, since he was going out for a walk and he thought that Soubi would like to come.

Kio was against him going out alone, saying that it was too dangerous, especially since it was getting dark. He didn't have to explicitly say it, but Ritsuka knew exactly what he meant. He didn't want Ritsuka going out when Seimei was running around on the loose, probably somewhere nearby. He hesitantly agreed, though, when Ritsuka mentioned taking Soubi along. Ritsuka convinced him that he was just going to be walking a couple blocks—not even a kilometer—to go to the post office. It would be nice to spend some time outside, anyways.

"Soubi, time to wake up," Ritsuka shook the older man awake, only getting a groan as his response, as well as a soft hiss from Rit-chan. Ritsuka could already tell that the kitten was not going to like him very much and would favor his master, Soubi, over the child.

"Soubi," Ritsuka tried again, shaking him harder. "I'm going out. Don't you want to come with me?"

That seemed to get Soubi's attention. He rolled over to look at Ritsuka, rubbing his eyes. "Ritsuka going out?" He questioned quietly, sitting up a little and leaning on Ritsuka heavily, resting his head on his chest. Ritsuka, even though surprised, let him and ran his fingers through his hair in the short moment of intimacy. It was moments like these that let him know that Soubi still did have feelings for him, even though he had lost everything else. The kitten climbed into Soubi's lap, rubbing himself against him. Ritsuka found himself not wanting this moment to end. Ritsuka hummed an agreement, slightly worried that Soubi was going to fall asleep on him. "Do you want to come with me?"

Soubi understood and nodded, not pulling away. Instead, he reached up, locking his arms around Ritsuka's neck. Ritsuka cast a glance out at the balcony where the sun was setting. He had been doing that lately, ever since his brother had showed up. He noted that he should get going if he wanted to pick up the package and stop at the store before complete darkness fell. It wasn't just that Kio wanted him home before nightfall. He needed to be home by that time. Nightfall was the time that his brother and all the other monsters would begin to lurk.

"Let's go, then," Ritsuka quickly helped Soubi up and into one of his winter coats and wrapped a scarf around his neck. He tried to get him to wear a hat, but gave up when he repeatedly took it off as soon as Ritsuka put it on his head. They were soon walking to the post office, Ritsuka's gloved hand wrapped around Soubi's much warmer one. They were getting stared at, especially when Ritsuka stared pointing at stores and saying the name and then having Soubi repeat it back to him.

Ritsuka pulled Soubi into the grocery store first, buying cat food and some supplies for Rit-chan with money that Kio gave him before he left. The post office was right next door and Ritsuka had the papers signing him over to the access of Soubi's accounts and mail.

"You're Aoyagi Ritsuka?" The man at the counter asked, looking Ritsuka up and down. "Aren't you a little young to be doing this? Agatsuma-san said that he was ill. We assumed that he was terminal."

Ritsuka supposed that that really wasn't totally a lie. Soubi wasn't really ill, but he did have a condition that would last a long time, so he was terminal.

"Yeah, well," Ritsuka gestured to a very dazed Soubi, who was standing behind him, looking around at the building. "His memory went pretty fast. The doctors aren't sure what's going to happen next, but at least he isn't in the hospital."

The man behind the counter brought out a brown package, one with a letter on top addressed to Soubi with no return address. "Good luck, then," The man smiled before turning away and going into the back room.

"Let's go back home, now," Ritsuka told Soubi, grabbing his hand and pulling him out and hurrying back home, looking occasionally at the setting-in twilight.

Ritsuka later realized that he should've paid more attention to missing return address and the mysterious almost perfect condition of the multiple-stamped package. But he didn't. Instead, as soon as he got back he cut the standard brown paper, not even reading the letter first. Soubi seemed particularly interested in the box, as he kept grabbing it away from Ritsuka. Kio was watching with a mild interest, too, multitasking between that and making dinner.

Ritsuka really, really should have been more careful. If he had been, he wouldn't have ended up in the predicament he did. He wouldn't have seen the things later shown to him because of his carelessness. He wouldn't have fully understood the horrors of Seimei and Soubi's relationship. He wouldn't have witnessed and hit full-on with Soubi's pain, past and present. If only…

Ritsuka opened the box, his eyes growing wide and his body and mind completely freezing. At first, he didn't understand, didn't fully comprehend the object inside. It wasn't until Soubi picked it up and studied it that it hit him.

Ritsuka let out a high-pitched scream, leaping up and jumping away from the wretched object, the one that would set off all the events for the rest of that day. When Ritsuka saw what was in the box, he immediately knew who it was from.

* * *

**Originally, this chapter was supposed to be a 'Soubi learning/SoubixRitsuka' chapter, but then it evolved into something more. The entire ordeal with the package and what follows was supposed to happen much later on, but my writing has some sort of mind of its own.**

**Are longer chapters okay with you all? As I go on, I'm finding it hard to say and do everything in 4,500 or less words. I really want some opinions on this. **

**Thanks to Lolita, Lovelessreviewer, Lyrica, Lumeton, EternalTearsOfBlood, HadMatter93, InnocentUke97, Promocat, Sahisdabest, DarkAngelJudas, Tlcatlady, Aminaluvr4life, Riaries, Gurgicalcipher, Tamer Lorika, and the reviewer who didn't leave a name! THANK YOU SO MUCH! I keep forgetting to say this, but I really appreciate that you guys take the time to say something more than 'please update soon' or something. Really, I really love that.**

** Also, special thanks to my beta Summer-Flower-Girl!**

**If you have the time, please take a look at the three one-shots I uploaded: _Remission_, **_**A day for lovers, friends, and strangers**_**, and _complications_. Complications will be a two-shot, maybe more.**

**Please, please review! **

**~Wolfie  
**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter sixteen**

Lately, Ritsuka had really been wondering what went through his brother's head on a daily basis. There was a time, a time hard to recall now, when he thought he had known what his brother thought about, but that time was long gone. Ritsuka had been young and naïve, then, a wool pulled over his eyes so that he couldn't see his brother's true nature. He was a lot more mature, now, and he understood more, though things that he had thought he understood before were now confusing.

Ritsuka stared down at the black leather dog collar on the floor, the chain connected to it dirtied with dried blood, fully knowing what Seimei had used it for. He wasn't dumb. He had seen the strange padlock attached to a metal ring on the wall in Seimei's walk-in closet at their old house. He could figure it out. Soubi had worn this collar and Seimei had chained him up like a dog. It was inhuman. Seimei couldn't be human. There was no way he could be, not after all the horrible things he had done. This pretty much topped the list.

_Why_ had Seimei chained Soubi up like that? What kind of thing could someone do to _ever _deserve that? Seimei's punishments were over-the-top and cruel, as Ritsuka had learned from Soubi's written accounts. There were a couple times when he mentioned a collar, but he never explicitly said anything about being chained up. It had probably been hard for him, Ritsuka guessed. Something like that probably left permanent scars on Soubi.

Soubi picked up the collar again, somehow figuring out how to unlatch it. He held it out to Ritsuka, not saying a word, but curiosity written all over his face. Ritsuka's control snapped, then, just as it had in the hospital when he attacked the nurse.

"No," He muttered, leaning against the wall. "Don't…don't touch that! Put it down!" He was yelling and his voice was so high it was almost female, but he just couldn't help it. A simple look down told him that the collar hadn't been the only thing in the box. There was also a tasseled whip. _Oh god, oh god, oh god…_

"…Ritsuka?" Soubi didn't drop the collar.

Ritsuka breathed hard, wanting the collar and everything else to be gone. Without even knowing what he was doing, Ritsuka lunged forward, slapping Soubi's wrist, knocking the collar out of his hand. He pulled back immediately, shocked and terrified at what he had done. It had been a simple slap on the wrist, just like a parent would occasionally give a child, but he had still hit him. That alone made him like his brother.

The room went deafeningly silent, with Ritsuka unable to speak as he looked from his hand to Soubi, who appeared to have no idea what was going on.

"I…I hit you…" Ritsuka finally said. He couldn't believe himself. He lost control occasionally and got violent, but he thought he had more sense than to _ever_ take that out on Soubi. This made him no different from Seimei.

"Ritsuka, you didn't really—" Kio started to say, but never got to finish due to Ritsuka darting out of the room and slamming the bedroom door. He threw himself down on the bed, curling up into a little ball and pressing his face into Soubi's pillow, not bothering to check the balcony. He never even heard the doors slid open, at least not until it was too late.

"Good evening, Ritsuka."

Ritsuka's ears shot straight up and he sat up, his eyes widening at the silhouette of the tall male. His brother stood just inside of the still-open door, the darkness of the room making him appear as a shadow. The moon from outside created an ironic halo around his head. Ritsuka found himself speechless once again. His brother was here. He had known what would happen once Ritsuka picked up the package and had been waiting for a chance to get him alone. Ritsuka had, once again, fallen right into his trap. There was no telling _what_ Seimei was going to do now. Soubi had warned him that this was going to happen when he had written the letter. Ritsuka had tried to listen to his advice, but he was still naïve and didn't understand the lengths Seimei would go through to get to Ritsuka.

"Go away," Ritsuka muttered. "Get out. You're not supposed to be here. Ritsu-sensei has a warrant for your arrest. You're not even supposed to be alive."

He wasn't sure about what he felt about his brother anymore. Even when he had been told at Seven Voices about some of Seimei's crimes, he had still loved him. Now, after knowing what he had done to Soubi, he wasn't so sure anymore. He and Seimei looked alike on the outside, but they were exactly the opposite on the inside. Ritsuka didn't even want to believe they were related any more. He also knew, now, that the things that Seimei had done with and to him were not normal.

Soubi had not been Ritsuka's first kiss, though he had been his first _real_ kiss. Seimei had been borderline incestuous around Ritsuka. He had kissed him all the time, and not in the innocent way. His kisses, as well as his touches, were not the kind that brothers were supposed to share. What Seimei had done with him had been wrong, but it wasn't nearly as bad as the other things Seimei had done.

"You want your own brother dead, Ritsuka?" Seimei took a step forward, standing at the edge of the bed. "I thought you loved me."

Ritsuka looked away, his own emotional turmoil clouding his mind, "Get out." _Please, go away._ For a few moments, he let himself believe that Seimei would go away, but he knew all-too-well that Seimei wouldn't leave unless he got what he came for. He was stubborn, and there was no telling _what_ he wanted.

"That's no way to talk to me, Ritsuka," Seimei lunged forward, grabbing Ritsuka's arm, his nails digging into the boy's bare skin, breaking it and causing little beads of crimson to form. He struggled, trying to pull back from him, but the attempt proved useless, as Seimei was stronger than he looked. The older boy was half leaning on the bed, a gleaming smile on his lips, his eyes glinting in the darkness. A moment later, Ritsuka felt Seimei's cold hand on his chest and then a sharp shove, sending him flat on his back on the bed.

Ritsuka tried to scream, then, but his brother's hand clapped over his mouth, silencing him and effectively gagging him.

"Shh, baby, there's no need to yell. You don't want Soubi to find us, do you?" Seimei spoke in a soft, loving voice, though Ritsuka could hear the dark undertones in it. Ritsuka tried to bite him, but Seimei didn't show any sort of emotion when Ritsuka's teeth connected with his skin. "You know if Soubi finds us, he'll be in a lot of pain from his memories returning for a few hours. You don't want that, do you? As much as I'd _love_ to see him in that much pain and order him around some more, I'm sure that you wouldn't approve of it."

"You sadist," Ritsuka muttered when Seimei took his hand away. He didn't try to yell, since, sadly, Seimei was right. Seimei was an obvious danger to Ritsuka, especially when he was straddling Ritsuka and pinning both of his arms down to the bed, just like he was now. If Soubi saw that, he would immediately temporarily regain his memories and be under Seimei's control once again, and that was the last thing Ritsuka ever wanted to happen. There was no telling _what _Seimei would tell Soubi to do.

There was a loud bang at the door, and then Soubi's frantic voice, "Ritsuka!"

Ritsuka glared up at his brother, his voice coming out as almost a feral growl, "What did you do to him?"

Seimei gave him an innocent look, "I didn't do anything."

For some odd reason, Ritsuka believed him. He knew he shouldn't believe anything his brother said, but he couldn't shake the last bit of trust that was still there, even if it was just a tiny shard. He sounded truthful, but Ritsuka knew first-hand how well he could fake that. Seimei may have not done anything to Soubi _yet_, but there was a good chance he was going to.

"I'm fine, Soubi," Ritsuka squeaked, lying badly.

"Please, " Ritsuka pleaded to Seimei, resorting to begging in order to keep the one he loved safe. "Please, Seimei. If I do what you want, will you leave Soubi alone?"

Seimei leaned down, looking like he was actually thinking Ritsuka's proposal over. "Fine," He said after a few moments, and another wicked smile came onto his lips immediately after the word left his mouth. "No backing down, Ritsuka. I'm going to show you something first, and then we'll have a little _fun_…"

At first, Ritsuka really didn't understand what Seimei meant by 'fun' until Seimei gently pinched one of Ritsuka's kitten ears and pulled lightly at it. Ritsuka's eyes grew wide again and he pushed up against Seimei's hands, trying to escape. What had he gotten himself into? It had been a really dumb idea to agree to do whatever Seimei wanted. He had just wanted to protect Soubi. He didn't expect Seimei to want to take his ears, but he should've considered it. Seimei wasn't going to respect that he was saving himself, especially not when Ritsuka was saving himself for Soubi. Oh god…Seimei was going to rape him. Ritsuka had imagined losing his virginity a thousand times on the very same bed he was laying on, but never like this, never with his own older brother.

"Help!" Ritsuka yelled, obviously surprising Seimei.

"Stop it!" Seimei hissed. "I told you what would happen if you yelled. Do you really want that to happen? Now, be a good boy and cooperate with me."

"No!" Ritsuka screamed. "Stop! I don't want to! Get off of me!" He felt tears coming to his eyes, tears of frustration and not knowing what to do. "Please don't do this, Seimei," He sobbed, still loudly.

"Ritsuka!" Hope filled the child at hearing Kio's voice right outside the door, followed by a many loud bangs at the wooden door. "Is Seimei in there with you?"

"Yes! Help-!" He started to say, only to be cut off by Seimei's harsh, overpowering kiss. There was a sudden sting of excruciating pain in his upper arm, and after that, he wasn't too sure what happened.

Ritsuka hadn't necessarily passed out. He could still hear voices, but he couldn't make out what they were saying or identify who they were. Most were unfamiliar. He could feel something tied around his wrists, binding them together. The same kind of restraint was tied around his ankles and another around his head, probably a blind-fold, but Ritsuka didn't know for sure since he was too weak to even open his eyes. His body was achy and weak, and he couldn't move even if he wanted to. All he could do was let the person carry him and pray to a god he didn't believe in that he wasn't going anywhere dangerous.

The only way Ritsuka could identify who was carrying him in his vague, barely conscious state was how warm they were. The only thing he knew was that it wasn't Soubi, since Soubi was always strangely warm, and this person had a normal temperature. He felt a small pang of disappointment, the only sort of emotion he had felt since arriving in his current state. Even when he didn't know anything else, he still wanted Soubi to be with him. His state was like the moment upon waking up and not remembering anything, but only for a moment, before everything returned. Still, he could easily recall who Soubi was and could identify that it was him that he wanted.

"Mmm," Ritsuka made a small sound as cold air suddenly rushed at him. He shifted a little, his body screaming in protest, his mindset and memories slowly returning to him. He was growing increasingly uncomfortable, knowing somehow that if Soubi wasn't with him, then something was wrong. Still, he felt strangely relaxed.

"Go back to sleep, Ritsuka."

Ritsuka thought he recognized that voice, though he didn't know who it was or even if he had really heard the voice. He shivered, the cold air biting at his skin again…why wasn't he dressed in his normal clothes? He knew he hadn't been wearing this oversized t-shirt and the long flannel pants. He had a furry coat on, too, as well as a scarf, but he knew that neither was his. They carried a familiar, comforting scent, one Ritsuka subconsciously knew was Soubi's. He must have been wearing the older man's clothes for some reason.

"Sleep, Ritsuka," The voice said again. Ritsuka squirmed, pain shooting all throughout his body as he did so. It was so cold and he was in so much pain. All he wanted to do was sleep…

"Don't worry, we'll be someplace warmer soon," The voice assured, amusement apparent in it. "I promise. Just go back to sleep."

Ritsuka relaxed, falling into a deep sleep, plunging immediately into dreams of happier times.

_Soubi was awake immediately, rubbing Ritsuka's back gently as the boy tried to catch his breath and return to reality. He was in-between the dream-world, where the world was just as real as reality, and the real world, the one where he was lying in Soubi's bed, drenched in sweat, with his heart beating so fast he thought it was going to pound out of his chest. He was crying, but he didn't really realize it, not when he was trying to sort out reality and dream. He couldn't even remember the dream, but every time he tried he just got even more scared._

_ Soubi didn't ask if he was okay like a normal person would, and Ritsuka was strangely thankful for that. It would've just annoyed him if he had asked, since it was so obvious that he wasn't alright. In fact, Soubi didn't say anything, but he was there, rubbing circles on the teen's back. Ritsuka whimpered, finally catching his breath. He glanced at Soubi and leaned back on him, having trouble even sitting up by himself. _

_ "I don't want to go back to sleep," Ritsuka whispered, still shaking. He couldn't live through another dream like that. Soubi's presence usually kept the bad dreams away, but occasionally, a nightmare got through. _

_ "That's alright," Soubi ran his hands through Ritsuka's hair before scratching the base of one of his kitten ears. "I'll stay up with you. What do you want to do? I could make you some tea. We could play games."_

_ Ritsuka shook his head, wanting to stay in bed, but not wanting to sleep. He stayed curled up to Soubi, hoping that his request didn't come out sounding childish, "Will you read to me?"_

_ And there was that wonderful smile that Soubi only gave him. He turned on the bedside lamp, reaching for his book, "Of course I will."_

"It's time to wake up, Ritsuka."

Warm. Ritsuka felt pleasantly warm as he began to come to, but he automatically sensed something was off. The bed he was laying in was not the bed he shared with Soubi, nor was it his own bed at the Aoyagi house. It wasn't a hospital bed, either, since it was soft instead of stiff. It felt sort of nice, but there was something horribly and terribly wrong and Ritsuka just couldn't place what it was.

Fur brushed against his cheeks and Ritsuka caught Soubi's scent all over him. _That_ was what was wrong. Soubi wasn't here. That meant there was a problem. What had happened? Who was he with? Why was he in so much pain?

Ritsuka couldn't move without pain shooting through his entire body. He was on fire. His legs ached at the joints, his neck felt stiff, his head pounded, even the muscles in his arms throbbed. He couldn't remember a single thing, but he felt like the memories were right there, just beyond his reach. It was like he was trying hard to get to them, but they were just a little too far away. There was something important he should have been doing, something that he should know, but it just wasn't coming to him. He wanted Soubi, but the older man wasn't there, which made everything even more confusing.

Ritsuka pushed his face into the dark gray fur that lined the neckline and hood of the light blue coat. It only reached Soubi's hips when he wore it, but it went all the way down to Ritsuka's knees. He felt so warm. Someone was running their hands through his hair. It felt nice…but it wasn't Soubi. Where was he?

"Come on now, Ritsuka. Time to open your eyes."

That voice, Ritsuka recognized it. It was his brother's. Seimei's voice. Ritsuka opened his eyes, looking up at his beloved brother, memories of playing with him and taking care of him slowly returning. Seimei was laying next to him, propped up on an elbow and running a hand through Ritsuka's hair. Ritsuka smiled at him, knowing he was safe with his older brother.

"Aniki," Ritsuka whispered, trying to reach up to touch his brother's face, but pulled back when the pain sparked up again and raged through his body, making him wince and whimper. "It hurts, Aniki. Make it stop…" Tears welled into his eyes and he hugged himself, trying to make the pain go away. It wasn't just his body; his heart hurt, too. He loved his dearest brother, but he wanted a different man with him. Of course, he couldn't remember _why_, but he knew that he wanted him with him, and his heart was aching because of it.

"I know, dear, I know," Seimei kissed Ritsuka's head and then reached up, doing something above Ritsuka's head. The pain slowly resided and feeling gradually returned to Ritsuka. He could feel some sort of IV in his hand, which made him wonder again where he was and what had happened.

"Where's Soubi?" Ritsuka asked, the tears starting to fall.

Seimei froze and looked down at Ritsuka, frowning. Ritsuka's eyes got wide at seeing Seimei's cold expression. He couldn't ever remember seeing that sort of expression on Seimei's face. It honestly scared him. He closed his eyes, wiggling himself closer to his older brother, scared that he had said something wrong, something to make Seimei angry. He didn't know what he'd do if Seimei didn't love him anymore. Who was more important to him: Seimei or Soubi? Ritsuka couldn't decide.

Seimei's expression softened and he smiled again, lying back down beside Ritsuka. He place a hand on Ritsuka's hip and tilting Ritsuka's chin up with his other hand. Ritsuka, not wanting to see his own brother disappointed in him, couldn't even look at him and had his eyes tightly shut. It came as a complete surprise once Seimei kissed him on the lips, just like so many times before. Memories flooded Ritsuka's mind again—of Seimei kissing him, and of Soubi kissing him. Soubi's kisses were always sweet and gentle and, even though he took Ritsuka by surprise sometimes by kissing him, he was never forceful. Seimei felt different, however. His were mostly gentle, but sometimes Seimei got rough and kissed him forcefully, and other times it just felt like Seimei wanted control.

This time, though, it felt sort of…wrong. Seimei started to prod at Ritsuka's lips with his tongue, asking for entrance, which Ritsuka felt no other choice than to give. When his tongue started to explore the boy's mouth, Ritsuka felt a growing feeling of disgust, but he couldn't place why. Out of his foggy memories, Ritsuka could remember kissing or being kissed by Soubi like this, and he hadn't been grossed out then, so it couldn't be the _type_ of kiss. Was it maybe…who was kissing him?

"Is something wrong, Ritsuka?" Seimei pulled away, though his face was still close to Ritsuka's.

Ritsuka looked away for a moment before his eyes flickered back to Seimei's dark violet ones. He shook his head, not sure of what he was feeling. Seimei kissed him again, lightly and briefly, before moving down to the boy's neck and sliding his hands under the oversized t-shirt of Soubi's Ritsuka was wearing.

Suddenly, Ritsuka just felt the fog in his head clear. Everything came rushing back to him, his head flooding with memories, overwhelming him and even making him black out for a few seconds. He gasped, seeing everything from the last three years come back to him, the events played out before his still-open eyes. He was no longer with Seimei on the bed; he was living out all of his memories within a matter of seconds. It was painful and yet, it filled him to the brim with a strange burning, stinging warm feeling. He hated it, but loved it. It made him feel like he was being torn in two and ripped apart at the seams.

"Get off of me!" Ritsuka screeched, his nails digging into Seimei's arms, leaving five little half-moon shaped bleeding marks on each arm. Thinking quickly, Ritsuka curled up into a ball before Seimei could react, making it so that his feet were against Seimei's chest. He pushed them, closing his eyes and feeling Seimei's weight leave him.

"I was really hoping the sedative wouldn't wear off for a couple of hours," Seimei said, frowning and apparently disappointed. He stood back, making no attempt to resume his previous activities on Ritsuka. "It's really a pity I couldn't go any further. I would've loved to touch and taste you, Ritsuka, my love."

Ritsuka shivered and his eyes fell to his hand, where the IV was taped down to his skin. He considered, for a moment, ripping it out, but he knew that that would only cause more pain than he was already in. He absentmindedly pushed up the sleeve of Soubi's coat, looking at the bandages on his arms and wondering how he got them. Forgetting momentarily that Seimei was there, he pulled up his shirt a little to expose the white gauze wrapped around his stomach. It was stained with red splotches. He could feel another one wrapped around his forehead.

"Nisei got quite rough with you," Seimei informed him, no hint of amusement evident in his voice. He actually sounded a bit apologetic. "I'm sorry about that. It wasn't supposed to happen. You were never supposed to get hurt."

"What do you want with me?" Ritsuka growled, completely disregarding Seimei's apology. Sure, Seimei had never really done anything really _terrible_ to him (with the exception of kidnapping him and taking him to this place), but Ritsuka would never forgive him for what he did to Soubi. Others might say it isn't his battle to fight, but they were wrong. It was Ritsuka's battle, too, since he loved Soubi and never wanted him hurt. People had to protect other people. Soubi had protected Ritsuka, and now Ritsuka was doing all he could to protect Soubi.

"I just want to show you how dirty it…he really is," Seimei smiled, acting as if it were nothing. "Please stay put for a few moments, Ritsuka."

Ritsuka glared, watching Seimei exit the room through the only door. He was able to look around at the room, and saw that it was quite bland. It looked a lot like a hotel room. There was a chair, the large double bed, a lamp, and a bookcase. There was only one exit, and Ritsuka was sure he wouldn't be able to escape through it. Instead, he just waited, picking nervously at the tape that stuck his IV to his skin and also covered up the place where the needle pierced his skin. He wondered what the clear liquid in the IV bag was, how long he had been here, and what Soubi was doing. That last concern worried him the most. Was Soubi okay? Had he noticed Ritsuka's disappearance? Would he be able to comprehend it? Had Seimei done anything to him, or had he kept his promise?

Ritsuka's ears perked (thank god he still had them) when he heard the door open and Seimei entered, followed by a well dressed tall, lanky man. He was earless and had emotionless, dead gray eyes and graying black neatly-cut hair. Ritsuka couldn't tell what this man had to do with anything. Ritsuka was usually alright at reading people, but he couldn't get anything out of this guy. It was like he was dead to the rest of the world and only intent on following Seimei's orders.

"This is Ueda-san, Ritsuka," Seimei introduced him, shutting the door behind him. Ueda bowed slightly to Ritsuka, not dropping the boy's gaze. His eyes frightened Ritsuka and he found himself scooting back against the headboard of the bed and bringing his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them, trying to make himself tiny against the middle-aged man's intimidating gaze.

"Please let me go home, Seimei," Ritsuka begged softly, again wondering if Soubi was dealing well without him, or if he was sad over Ritsuka's disappearance.

"Not yet," Seimei crossed the room, injecting something into the IV bag. "Time to sleep again. I'm going to show you some of Soubi's memories. Ueda-san, here, is the Timeless Fighter. He's going to take us back and forward. Mind you, I'm not even too sure what we're going to see. It may ruin my plans. It may not." Seimei smirked, attaching another IV to the bag and then penetrating his own hand with the needle. "Either way, I hope you realize how dirty he is. Ritsuka, you should've left him. There's no sense in staying, not when he can barely remember his own name. Why would you want to take care of a baby?"

Ritsuka's world was starting to spin a little and he felt unsteady. He was still in the right mindset, though, so he still felt anger at Seimei insulting Soubi. "I don't care if he has his memories or not," Ritsuka got out, not bothering to keep the anger out of his voice. "He's still the same person and I still love him. Nothing you can show me could ever change that."

Seimei laid down next to Ritsuka, reaching for him as Ritsuka gave his final attempt for escape. He tried to run. He really did. He didn't get very far at all, though. Ueda caught him before he could even get out of bed and shoved him back down on the bed, slapping some sort of restraint on his hands. Ritsuka's head spun out of control, then, and he was gone, falling, falling, falling into a black unknown world.

* * *

**I got to 200 reviews!**

**Here's your gift! A quick update!**

**Also, I've decided to make the chapters longer. A lot of you guys said that you'd like longer chapters, and, honestly, I like them too. I just don't want people to get bored with really, really long chapters. I do like being able to do more, though. **

**So, this part wasn't supposed to happen until later, but my writing has a mind of its own and it decided that it wanted to do this RIGHT NOW. And thus, it happened. I'm sort of happy it did. Things work out better this way.**

**Thanks to Lolita, Lyrica, Bigmachine, Sahisdabest, EternalTearsOfBlood, Gbheart, Gurgicalcipher, Promocat, DarkAngelJudas, Riaries, Tlcatlady, EvangelineVSalithian, Aminaluvr4life, and Tamer Lorika! Thank you all so much for reviewing! Please keep it up!**

**I do plan to do something more with the collar. **

**Please, please remember to review! It gives me more of a reason to write and I love to hear what all of you think!**

**~Wolfie**

**Also, if you haven't already, please check out the one-shots I put up.  
**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter seventeen**

The next thing Ritsuka knew, he was in a world of moving pictures, memories that played out before him like a movie. He couldn't make sense of any one of them, and just when he began to focus on one, it flew out of view and another one took its place. It was a film strip, but all the pictures in the strip were moving, like home movies. Even though he couldn't really focus on one specific moving picture, he caught multiple glimpses of a blonde-haired boy with blue eyes. These were Soubi's memories, Ritsuka knew automatically. There was no doubt about it. More than twenty years of memories were playing out before him, making up the basis of a broken, shattered life.

Ritsuka looked around, snapping out of his daze and saw that he was in what could only be described as 'nothingness'. He was in a state of consciousness that was fully aware, but he wasn't in his normal reality. He was Elsewhere, in the world away from his own, in someone else's world. Soubi's Elsewhere.

The memory movie strip wasn't straight. It curled and looped, filling the vacant space of the black Elsewhere. Ritsuka had to look down to make sure his body was still there, to make sure he wasn't just a stream of consciousness floating through. Sure enough, he looked down to see his body. He wasn't wearing the clothes he had been upon waking up in the bed with Seimei. He still had Soubi's blue jacket on, but he was wearing his own sneakers, jeans, and shirt.

A hand brushed against his neck, coming to a rest on the bare side of it, just below his human right ear. Ritsuka jumped, startled, and froze, not needing to turn around to know who it was. There were only two other people who could be in this world with him: Seimei and Ueda-san, and only one of them would touch Ritsuka: Seimei.

"What do you want to see first, Ritsuka?" Seimei asked, wrapping an arm around Ritsuka's middle, pulling him back against his chest.

"What can you show me?" Ritsuka didn't like being with Seimei and he wanted to go home, but he couldn't deny that he was curious. Seimei really didn't know what they were going to see, as Ritsuka could tell from the way he asked and what he had said before putting them both under. He was curious about Soubi's memories and how this entire experience would work out. As he had said, nothing could ever change his feelings for Soubi, no matter how hard Seimei tried, but he was interested in Soubi's past.

Seimei leaned down so that he was speaking in a low voice into his baby brother's human ear, "The past, present, and future."

Ritsuka suddenly wondered again how Soubi was doing and if he was taking Ritsuka's disappearance okay. There was the possibility that he wouldn't even notice, though Ritsuka selfishly hoped that wasn't the case.

"The present," He replied. "I want to see what's happening now."

Seimei paused, "Alright. Let's see what's going on now."

The world spun and whirred around them suddenly, the filmstrip of Soubi's memories curling around them and spinning so fast that it turning the world into a different color. A blast of white exploded from all around, making Ritsuka fall back against Seimei. He shut his eyes, blocking out the blinding light. It was like staring directly at the sun, only worse. A nauseous feeling settled in the bottom of his stomach and he began trying his hardest to not throw up. Seimei held onto him tightly as the spinning reached its height and highest speed. Ritsuka couldn't complain about having someone steady him, even if it was Seimei.

Ritsuka felt the world start to slow down, though he was still extremely dizzy. He kept his eyes clenched shut and his knees gave out, the feeling bubbling in his stomach. Finally, the spinning stopped and he breathed hard, trying to sort himself out and catch his breath. He still felt like throwing up, but not as much now.

"It's alright to open your eyes now," Seimei murmured in his ear.

Ritsuka started, realizing that he was leaning on Seimei and pulled out of his embrace, opening his eyes as he did so. _I know this place_, Ritsuka's mind told him as he looked around. Of course, Ritsuka could instantly recognize the place. There was no mistaking the room, with the hard wood floors, the mattress set up in the corner of the room, the computer next to it, the couch that Ritsuka spent so many winter days on, curled up with his boyfriend…this was Soubi's apartment.

He didn't know why he was so surprised. He had asked to see what was happening in the present. He had wanted to check up on Soubi. There was no reason to be surprised that this was where he ended up.

Actually…Ritsuka realized that he wasn't surprised at where he was, he was just shocked at how real everything felt and how it was presented to him. He didn't really know what he had been expected, but this certainly wasn't it. They were actually inside, standing on the wood floors. Everything felt real and lifelike. Ritsuka reached out, touching the fabric of the couch and feeling the familiarity of it. It was so real.

"No one can see us," Seimei stated, answering Ritsuka's unspoken question. "Look over here, Ritsuka," Seimei gestured over towards the kitchenette, where Ritsuka saw one of the most depressing sights of his life.

Soubi sat hunched over at the table, his head hidden in his arms and face down on the wood. He was shaking and looked as though he was…crying. Ritsuka _really_ hadn't expected this. He had wanted for Soubi to notice his disappearance, but he didn't realize that it would have this much of an effect on him.

Ritsuka approached the kitchen table, looking sadly at the man he loved. There was a photo of himself on the table, as well as an untouched bowl of noodles. Soubi must have really missed him. He wasn't even paying any attention to the cat, who had leapt up on the table and started to bat at strands of Soubi's hair. A whimper suddenly escaped him, followed by a sob and then Soubi was quiet again, though he still didn't lift his head or move at all. Pain and longing tugged at his heart. He just wanted to go home, now. Sure, he was curious, but seeing Soubi like this made going home a lot more important.

"Do you really want to have to deal with this, Ritsuka?" Ritsuka heard Seimei's footsteps behind him before his older brother spoke.

"Deal with what?" Ritsuka asked, placing his hand on Soubi's shoulder and not taking his eyes off of him. _Please cheer up. _This was exactly what Ritsuka was trying to keep him from experiencing. Soubi didn't need to feel this sort of pain. He shouldn't have had to experience heartache this early on. It just wasn't fair to him…

Seimei moved in front of Ritsuka, wearing an expression Ritsuka couldn't read. "Look at him, baby, he's nothing. He's a little kid! He barely knows how to talk! How could you want that? It's like raising a child. Don't you want a future? Even if he does regain his memories, he's just too broken. There's no fixing him."

Ritsuka's patience broke, then, and he looked his brother straight in the eye, snapping at him, "He's broken because _you_ made him that way! Don't you have any regret over everything you've done? How could you take everything away from him like you did? Does it give some kind of pleasure to make his life hell?"

Seimei was shocked, and Ritsuka was, too. He had never spoken to Seimei like that. He hadn't even thought about what he was saying. It had just came out and he couldn't stop it. Ritsuka had always been good at thinking things through, but occasionally he spoke before his mind caught up with the words, like he had just done. It was how he felt, so he guessed it was okay. It wasn't like he was worried about hurting Seimei. He honestly didn't care if he did. He just wanted his little speech to have affected Seimei in some way and he hoped that somehow, it had made him see his crimes.

"You really shouldn't speak to me like that. I am your brother after all," Seimei stated, almost talking to himself.

"I wish you weren't," Ritsuka muttered, wishing he hadn't as soon as the words left his mouth. He looked away, his cat ears flattening back against his head. Did he hate his brother? He didn't know. Maybe. Maybe not. He didn't look up to him at all anymore. The only thing that connected them was blood ties, as well as their appearances. They looked alike. They were obviously family. But, Ritsuka felt like he wanted a way to cut those blood ties. It was impossible, even in a world of spells and beautiful, powerful words, where almost anything was possible. They were brothers. There was absolutely no way to change that.

"What did you say?" Seimei said after a few moments of silence. For once, he didn't try to hide the emotion in his voice and Ritsuka could hear it clearly: surprise.

Ritsuka ignored him, moving his hand to Soubi's back. There he could feel the silent sobs wracking his body and his fast heartbeat. Something filled Ritsuka, then, foreign emotions, ones that were familiar but not his. He was feeling what Soubi was feeling, he instantly knew. Sadness and heartbreak and wordless worry fought over control, each overpowering. He could tell that Soubi obviously thought Ritsuka was never coming back.

The door to the bathroom opened and Kio entered the main room, his hair wet from the shower. Ritsuka glanced over at Seimei, who was scowling in disgust at the older man. Kio stopped a little ways away from the table, looking down at Soubi.

"Soubi," Kio spoke slowly, his voice heavy with sadness. "Please eat. It's been two days. We'll go back out and look some more tomorrow. We've done all we can today. Aren't you tired or something?"

"I want to go home," Ritsuka told Seimei.

"Aren't you curious about Soubi's memories?"

Ritsuka frowned, torn between his own curiosity and his want to go home. Maybe…maybe it'd be okay to stay for a little while. He really was curious about Soubi's memories, but he didn't want to stay if seeing them would take a lot of time. He had already been gone two days and Soubi was already distraught. From the looks of it, he wouldn't even eat or sleep.

"How long will it take?" Ritsuka questioned.

"Only a few hours," Seimei answered, smiling a crooked smile. "Ready?"

Ritsuka nodded, preparing himself for the same explosion of a white light. It came suddenly, still shocking Ritsuka and knocking him off of his feet. Seimei caught him again, rushing forward and wrapping his arms around Ritsuka before he completely fell. Ritsuka couldn't do anything but let him, knowing that he would fall without Seimei's support.

"It's okay to open your eyes now," Seimei whispered after a few moments, giving him a gentle squeeze before loosening his hold.

When Ritsuka did open his eyes, the scene before him was set in full motion. People were panicking, running all around the cleared area. Children screamed, women cried, men gave orders to each other; the entire place was in a frenzy. The next thing Ritsuka saw was that they were on a road in the middle of the city. Yellow tape and caution signs blocked off the large square area Seimei and Ritsuka and everyone else was inside of. Skyscrapers were all around them, and they were apparently in one of the busiest parts of the city, judging from the commotion and traffic.

The thing that puzzled Ritsuka the most, though, were the ambulances. There wasn't just one of them, there were four. Police cars were all around the scene, too, all with their sirens whirring, making it hard to hear.

"Are we at some kind crime scene?" Ritsuka yelled, unable to make himself heard without literally screaming.

"Look behind you, Ritsuka," Seimei tapped him on the shoulder, also having to raise his voice over the commotion. Ritsuka turned around, gasping and taking a step back after seeing what was there.

Ritsuka had failed to notice before that the air reeked of burnt flesh. He knew this scent from when Seimei had 'died' and his 'corpse' had been put in Ritsuka's desk at school. This seemed to be a stronger scent, though, and Ritsuka didn't know how he hadn't noticed it before. That wasn't what had scared him, though, it was the burning pile of what used to be a car that was only a few meters away from Ritsuka and Seimei.

It was no ordinary fire at all. It was hot and it blazed to the point where no one dared to come very close to it. Ritsuka could tell that there were the collapsed, burning remnants of a van that had probably held a family. Ritsuka could easily tell that an explosion was what had collapsed most of the vehicle and it had blown up only a few minutes before. The heat could easily be felt where he was standing and Ritsuka could only look at the heavy, white-hot metal that used to be a car and hope that there was no one under there.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Seimei said, smirking and looking out at the disaster. "Fire can destroy so many things, but it can easily be tamed and bent to one's will. Let it out of your control, though, and it'll never obey you ever again."

Ritsuka narrowed his eyes at his older brother, trying desperately to find the person he thought he had known inside those horrible words. This was not the Seimei he had known, but that hadn't been Seimei. This was Seimei. This was his older brother. This was a person Ritsuka could not understand no matter how hard he tried. He would never be able to know what went through this person's mind, would never be able to predict what he was going to say next, even if he spent his entire life with this person. This person was a stranger. This person was Seimei.

"Look how clear it is," Seimei glanced down at Ritsuka. Ritsuka frowned, not knowing what he meant. Seimei had been talking about fire. Fire was not clear. "This memory," Seimei clarified. "This is one of Soubi's earliest memories, the earliest, fullest one he had. Before this event, everything is blurry and grainy and there are no 'full' memories. Like…an old home movie. Do you remember those home movies Mother and Father made you watch right after you came home from the hospital after losing your memories?"

Ritsuka nodded, not taking his eyes off of the burning, exploded car in front of him. This was Soubi's earliest, clearest memory. Soubi had written briefly about the day his parents got killed, and this fit his short description perfectly. This was the day that Soubi's parents had been murdered by a car bomb. This was when everything bad had started to happen to him. It made Ritsuka sad just looking at it, but it seemed to be having the opposite effect on Seimei.

"There's nothing more to see here, Ritsuka," Seimei moved close again just as the scene before them began to lose its color and fade. Ritsuka squeezed his eyes shut and fell into Seimei's waiting arms just as the blindingly white explosion happened. It was shorter this time, though, and Ritsuka didn't need Seimei to tell him when he could open his eyes.

Ritsuka and Seimei were in a chapel, now. It was actually more of a sanctuary, but a very gloomy, dark-looking one. There were many, many rows of pews and a dark altar and cross up front. The candles, altar, and hung cross were on a platform covered in deep maroon and there were three short steps to get up onto the platform. At the bottom of the steps on the far right and left were places where someone could kneel to pray. This was some kind of Christian or Catholic sanctuary, though it wasn't obvious which.

Wordlessly, Ritsuka stepped away from Seimei, approaching the platform, but stopping before climbing the two steps. A little boy with pale skin and light blonde hair sat in the front pew on the other side of the sanctuary. Ritsuka could barely recognize him as four year-old Soubi.

Ritsuka kept his eyes on him as he climbed the steps up to the altar. Soubi had something around his neck, something that he kept lightly pulling at. It had to be a necklace and Ritsuka saw that it was a metal cross on a silver chain, which only confused Ritsuka further. When Ritsuka had first met Soubi, he would say that Seimei was his god, but sometime after what happened at Seven Voices, he stopped saying it. Later, when Ritsuka asked him about his religion for a school project, he said he was an atheist. It never really seemed to Ritsuka that he had ever believed in Seimei as a 'god', but he had just held him to very high level (though he had apparently stopped doing that after going to Seven Voices with Ritsuka). Ritsuka never expected that he had ever believed in any sort of religion.

Soubi was not the kind of person who could believe in something intangible and improvable. He _only_ believed in the things that could be supported and backed up, and he wasn't an idiot who believed in anything anyone told him. Ritsuka knew first-hand about what was called a 'rubix's complex', a complex in which the person just _had_ to solve the puzzle and know everything they could. A person like that could never believe in any deity.

Ritsuka, still keeping his eyes on Soubi, made his way to the altar, glancing down at the book. Something clicked in his head as he looked at the text, and he realized two things. One, this was the Bible and it was not in Japanese. Two, after figuring out the first one, he came to the realization that they weren't even in Asia anymore. They were in North America, where Soubi's parents had ran to after Ritsu started chasing them.

Without warning, Soubi suddenly cried out and Ritsuka's head snapped up just in time to see Soubi yank the necklace so hard, the latch snapped. He tore it the rest of the way off, clenching it in his fist before raising his arm and pitching it all the way across the sanctuary with another angry yell. The religious pendant hit the large, metal cross on the wall behind Ritsuka, bouncing off of it and landing somewhere off to the side. Soubi curled up in the pew, drawing his knees to his chest and wrapping his tail around his legs. He promptly began crying, sobbing into his arms, his entire body shaking as he did.

Ritsuka watched in awe. What had he just witnessed? Soubi was in some sort of sanctuary, alone and without his parents or anyone else watching him. He had been wearing a cross, meaning he was religious or had been brought up religious. Yet, at twenty-one Soubi was an atheist and not religious in the slightest. Had Ritsuka just witnessed Soubi losing his faith?

"Hey, kid!" Ritsuka jumped, startled as a door was thrown open towards the back of the sanctuary. Soubi was apparently surprise, too.

Soubi got up, running to the back of the church and Ritsuka darted after the child-version of his boyfriend. Seimei yelled something, but Ritsuka didn't stop. Footsteps behind him told him that Seimei was following him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" An older male's voice said to Soubi just as the small boy reached the almost pitch-black darkness of the entry area. Ritsuka could immediately recognize the older man as a younger Ritsu.

"I don't have to listen to you!" Soubi snapped defiantly. He wasn't speaking Japanese, but strangely enough, Ritsuka could understand him as clearly as if he was speaking it. Ritsuka did take English, but he was still in year one, so he couldn't do much.

Ritsuka saw Ritsu's hand flash out, striking Soubi _hard_ on the cheek. He cried out, staring up at the teacher in obvious shock. Ritsuka couldn't believe it himself. His mother used to slap him like that, but he never expected Ritsu to be the type of person who would slap a child. Ritsuka could also see that this scene must have taken place directly after Soubi's mother and father's death and their son was still distraught over it. Didn't Ritsu feel any sort of sympathy towards him? Couldn't he understand why Soubi had snapped at him?

A hand was laid on Ritsuka's shoulder, and Seimei spoke into his ear, "Time to go."

Everything spun again, making Ritsuka nearly throw up again. He wobbled, though he was able to stay on his feet this time and he kept his eyes partially open. The white light didn't seemed even brighter this time, and Ritsuka had to use his hands to shade his eyes. He got the strangest notion, then, one that he had felt the other two times but hadn't taken notice of. It was a strange feeling of time passing, but not at its normal pace. Time was passing faster, much faster, than normal.

With a sudden _woosh_ the spinning stopped and time returned to its normal pace. The light died down instantly and Ritsuka and Seimei were standing in front of Seven Voices. The colors seemed a bit duller in this memory compared to the others. Ritsuka assumed it was because Soubi didn't remember this memory as well as the others.

"Where's Soubi? How can we see this when he's not here?" Ritsuka wondered, looking at Seimei.

Seimei had his face turned to the gray, gloomy-looking sky, though he was smirking as he did so. "I'm not sure how it works," He said. "But from what I understand, we're able to pull parts from Soubi's memory and he can advance, even if we don't. Let's go inside."

Seimei began climbing the steps to the front doors, looking back halfway up to make sure Ritsuka was following him. Ritsuka bounded after his older brother, curious to see what was going on. He stayed behind Seimei as they reached the door, though he hesitated when his brother seemingly went right through the doors. It was weird, but Ritsuka supposed that physics didn't wholly apply to them here since they weren't really _there_. They were just voyeurs, watching but not doing anything. Ritsuka didn't even think it was possible to pick anything, though he could touch things.

Ritsuka followed Seimei inside and for the first time, the entry hall to Seven Voices was bustling with activity. He immediately spotted a tall man with dark blonde hair escorting a little boy with lighter hair. Ritsuka went towards them, abandoning Seimei to follow Ritsu and Soubi.

"I want to go back home," Soubi was muttering, looking at the floor and dragging his feet. He had a messenger bag slung over his shoulders and Ritsu was carrying a much larger bag. Ritsuka was surprised at how much younger Ritsu looked. This was, of course, fifteen or sixteen years ago, but he just looked so… so…different. His hair was a dark blonde, not gray, and his face looked a lot younger, too. Ritsuka couldn't even remember if he had ever seen Ritsu in person with his eyes, since Seimei had gorged them out during the incident at Seven Voices, which was before Ritsuka had met with him in person.

Ritsu slapped Soubi lightly on the back of the head, not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough to make Soubi's head jerk forward. Ritsuka just felt his dislike for Ritsu grow a little more. "This is your home now," Ritsu growled, speaking with authority.

Soubi suddenly snapped in a way Ritsuka had never seen before. He always knew that Soubi had some sort of horribly bad temper, but he had never seen him snap like this. He had apparently learned to control his temper, but when he snapped, he _snapped_. It had happened a couple times, such as when someone in an alleyway tried to take Ritsuka, or, the best example would be when He beat up Kiyoshi after seeing him slap Ritsuka. This was different from that, though, and it was also different from a normal child's temper. Soubi was just suddenly _mad_, a feeling that seemed to come from nowhere and with no warning.

He looked up at Ritsu, baring his teeth and looking vicious for such a little child. "This is _not_ my home!" He yelled in fast English, making everyone in the room look at Ritsu and him. "This isn't my home, this isn't my school, and you're _not _my father! I don't have to go anywhere with you! I don't even want anything to _do _with you!"

"Stop it," Ritsu hissed quietly. "You're making a scene." He grabbed Soubi's wrist, probably planning to yank him out of the room. Soubi tore himself away, though, taking off and darting away and into a corridor branching off of the entry hall. Ritsu just stared at him for a moment before sighing and going after him.

Strong arms wrapped around Ritsuka from behind, and he felt Seimei's lips kissing the nape of his neck. Seimei's hands slipped downwards, hooking his fingers on the waistband of Ritsuka's jeans. Ritsuka considered kicking him in order to get the message across that he didn't love him in that way. The sort of love Seimei seemed to have for him was considered incest. Ritsuka didn't know if he loved his brother, but he knew he didn't love him like that. Even Seimei kissing him was disgusting, even though it hadn't been when he was younger.

"No, Seimei," Ritsuka put his hands on Seimei's wrists, pulling his larger hands away from the places that weren't to be touched by anyone but Soubi. "Stop. That's not…I don't want to lose my ears to you."

Seimei let go of him, then, though he tried to say something more, but Ritsuka was already running after Soubi and Ritsu. He found them not far down the deserted corridor. Soubi was still yelling at Ritsu, though his young voice had gotten much higher and he wiped his eyes a lot. As Ritsuka approached them, he saw that Soubi was crying. Ritsu wasn't looking like the cold-hearted bastard Ritsuka had come to think of him as. Instead he looked almost a little…dumbfounded. It was like he wanted to do something, but he didn't know how. Sure, he was the principal of Seven Voices, but that didn't mean he had to deal with children and their emotions. This was obviously new to him and he had absolutely no idea how to be a parent.

"Time to go, Ritsuka," A sudden yank on his arm sent Ritsuka tumbling to the ground, only to be picked up by a someone who could only be Seimei. He fought against his older brother, not wanting to leave, but his efforts proved completely useless.

The next time Ritsuka opened his eyes, he was in Ritsu's office with Seimei's arms wrapped around him. The room was exactly as Ritsuka remembered it. There were lines of specimen cases, all containing pinned, dead insects. Most were butterflies. It seemed to be Ritsu's one and only hobby. Also on the wall were an entire collection of college degrees. He had multiple masters' degrees in psychology and a couple in teaching. Ritsuka hadn't known that Ritsu was a psychologist.

Soubi had his hands against the back wall and his shirt was also discarded on the floor. His back was on full display, and Ritsuka felt all thoughts left his mind. He had seen Soubi's back before, but, even though the scars were there, they were just faint lines. Soubi looked about seven or eight, _maybe_ nine, and he already had deep, long marks going down his back. A couple gashes were bleeding heavily. He breathed hard, his head bent and his ears down.

"Se…sensei…" He raised his head a little, looking back at Ritsu, who stood behind him, a bloodied, tasseled whip in his hand. "Wh…why?"

"I already told you," Ritsu said softly, sounding somewhat annoyed. "You need to build up a resistance to pain. You need to protect your Sacrifice at all costs, even if it means taking a hit for them. Showing your pain is a sign of weakness, but pain is proof that you're alive."

Soubi took his hands off the wall, turning to Ritsu. "So…you don't hate me?" He asked, looking thoughtful and sincere.

Ritsu narrowed his eyes at him, clearly thinking it was a ridiculous question. "Soubi-kun, if I hated you, do you think I would take you in? Do you think that I would raise you? If I hated you, don't you think I would've already abandoned you at an orphanage? Where would you get that kind of idea?"

Soubi looked down again, "I read something that said that people who hurt others either hate or really dislike their victims."

Ritsu sighed, "Come here, Soubi-kun."

Ritsuka watched Soubi carefully step forward, standing before his sadistic guardian. Ritsuka was shocked when Ritsu pulled Soubi to him, hugging him in a way that seemed impossible for Ritsu. For some reason, Ritsuka had thought of him as incapable of physical intimacy that didn't involve Soubi getting hurt. This honestly seemed kind of…nice.

"You are not a _victim_ and I am not a _perpetrator_," He said, sound strangely kind and maybe even caring. He held Soubi close, but Soubi wasn't doing anything, probably since he was surprised, too. "I'm only doing this because I am your teacher and I want you to become the best. When we're in this office, I'm your teacher and you're my student. When you're in school, I'm your teacher and you're the student. But," Ritsu touched one of Soubi's kitten ears. "When we're alone either in my apartment or in your dorm room, we're not teacher and student. Here, I still have to teach you. I still have to help you reach your full potential. When we're alone, forget about all of this. Do you understand?"

Soubi took a moment, but nodded. Ritsu let go of him, then, walking back to his desk in a very dismissive manner. "Return to your classes, now. Remember to come to my apartment an hour after your classes are done."

The scene dissolved and there was a brief moment of white-out before another scene set in. Ritsuka didn't recognize this place, but he assumed it was Ritsu's apartment. Ritsuka knew that one had to go through his office to get to his apartment, since he had seen the door in his office and asked where it went to. The apartment seemed awfully bright compared to his office and Ritsuka thought it looked a lot like Soubi's apartment, only larger. It was filled with books and barely any furniture. There were a couple steps up, leading up into a hallway with a couple bedrooms. An archway led into a kitchen and small dining area. Ritsu-sensei sat on the couch, lost in his paperwork and laptop. Papers coved the couch, the surrounding floor, as well as the coffee table.

Curiously, Ritsuka bounded up the five steps, investigating the doors. The first room he walked into was a large master bedroom that was obviously Ritsu's. It was quite bland and had next to no personality to it. If Ritsuka didn't know better, he would've thought it was a room in a hotel. What puzzled Ritsuka was that both sides of the big double bed looked like they had been slept on.

Ritsuka backed out of the room, finding the door to the next one only half-way open. Ritsuka padded inside, finding Soubi sitting at a wooden desk with an old laptop on the desk. There was a bed in this room, too, but it was single and it didn't look like it had been slept in. Soubi, on the other hand, looked like he had just woke up. This was the only other bedroom in the apartment. The bed hadn't been slept in. Ritsu-sensei's bed looked like it had been shared by two people. There was only one logical conclusion that could be drawn from that.

"You figured it out, didn't you?" Ritsuka started, not having seen Seimei hiding in the shadows. The older brother smiled, though there was some amount of evil in that smile. "Sorry—did I scare you? Have you figured it out yet?"

"Figured what out?" Ritsuka asked, confused. He had figured out that Ritsu and Soubi had slept together the previous night, but that was about it.

Seimei took a few steps forward, coming to a stop just before Ritsuka. "Soubi was in love with Ritsu," He stated. "Ritsu whipped him and hurt him, and yet, Soubi still loved him."

Ritsuka looked at Soubi, remembering his letter, "But…Soubi hated Ritsu."

"Later on, yes," Seimei nodded, his smirk only growing. "After Ritsu took his ears, Soubi began to get confused. It was after he was given to me that he started to resent Ritsu. Ritsuka…do you think that he loves you?"

Their surroundings faded to white again and time sped up again, though it slowed down soon enough. "He does love me," Ritsuka stated, finding himself and Seimei in Ritsu's room again, though this time it was night and not late morning. The light from the moon came in through the large, many-paned window, giving every object in the room a shadow-like quality. Soubi was fast asleep in the bed, sleeping on the far edge and looking as though if he moved at all, he would fall right off the bed.

"How do you know?" Seimei asked, placing a hand on Ritsuka's shoulder from behind. "How can you tell? It's not you he loves. It's me. And Ritsu. Maybe he never got over his love for Ritsu. He's a good liar. He could make you believe anything."

Ritsuka whipped around a little too fast out of anger, the back of his knees hitting the edge of the bed. He fell onto it, almost tumbling into Soubi. Still, he didn't lose his motivation for saying what he wanted to.

"Soubi loves me!" He yelled, being louder than he meant to be. "And he didn't love you, he was _afraid_ of you! Or does it all just seem the same to you? Do you see fear and love as the same emotion? Is it alright as long as you're able to get the person to follow you without question?"

Again, Seimei seemed rather shocked that Ritsuka had yelled at him. Ritsuka didn't care, though. His eyes were instead on the figure standing in the doorway with their arms crossed. Soubi had apparently woken up, probably sensing that he was being watched. He stirred, shifting onto his back with an arm thrown over his chest.

"Nnn…Ritsu-sensei?" Soubi opened his eyes part-way, looking over at Ritsu-sensei, the man standing in the doorway.

"Go back to sleep, Soubi-kun," Ritsu told him quietly, unmoving from his spot.

Soubi mumbled something incomprehensible and rolled back onto his side, clutching the blankets tighter around himself.

The flash was sudden, this time and Ritsuka thought he would go blind from it. Seimei's arms went around him again and they arrived at another memory, this one being even clearer than the very first one. They were in another dark room, but Ritsuka immediately recognized it as a dorm room at Seven Voices.

"Please…stop!" The cry was Soubi's and his voice was high. Ritsuka located two shapes on the bed. This was…it couldn't be… Ritsu was on top of Soubi, pinning him down to the bed. Soubi's hands were bound to the bed above his head with chains, as Ritsuka could tell from the sounds of Soubi struggling against the restraints. He was crying, something that was also quite obvious.

Ritsu chuckled, leaning down. Ritsuka moved so that he could see them clearer. He had to get right up to the bed in order to even make out their faces. Ritsu was kissing Soubi roughly, biting him and taking control. He pushed Soubi's nightshirt up, raking his nails down his chest and pinching his nipples. Soubi cried out, either in pain or trying to say something, but unable to due to Ritsu kissing him.

"You look so much like your mother," Ritsu purred, pulling away and looking proudly down at Soubi's bleeding lips. One of his hands travelled downwards, groping the boy's crotch roughly. "Look at you," Ritsu's words were slurred, as if he was partially under the influence of alcohol. "You're hard. You don't want me to stop, do you, you little whore?"

"Stop it! I want you to stop!" Soubi yelled, panicking. "Please! Please don't do this!" He resolved to simply sobbing as Ritsu yanked down his pants, removing his own, too.

"Wha—?" Ritsuka started to say as Seimei put his hands over Ritsuka's eyes and jerked him back against his chest.

"I can't let you see this," Seimei told him simply.

"No! Don't…!" Ritsuka heard Soubi yelling.

"I have wanted this for such a long time," Ritsu growled, doing something that sounded like it was putting Soubi in a decent amount of pain. "And now…I can finally get what I want. Ever since I was given custody of you…eight years…that's how long I've wanted this. I can finally have you as roughly as I want."

A piercing scream cut through the air and Ritsu groaned, having pushed into Soubi. He went right at it, Ritsuka could tell, from Soubi's pained screams, the creaking of the bed, and the sound of the headboard slamming against the wall. Emotions filled Ritsuka again, ones that were not his own, but he could tell right away what they were. Betrayal, hatred, too much physical pain, as well as heartbreak…

Ritsuka wobbled on his feet, Soubi's feelings filling him up, making him dizzy. If there was a way to _feel too much_, this was what it felt like. It was just overwhelming. He couldn't deal with it. It was just too much…

Ritsuka lost consciousness almost instantly and he fell to the ground, his body unable to function when dealing with Soubi's emotions.

* * *

**I...I don't want to sound arrogant or anything but...I love this chapter. I loved writing it and I think it turned out really, really well. I especially like the scene in the chapel. I don't really know why, I just like that one. I also like the scene after that one. **

**I hope you guys liked it, too.**

**I really don't have time to type out all your names. I'm really sorry, but I have a ton of homework. Really, thank you all so much for reviewing! You can all have virtual cake. I would like to note that the virtual cake is not a lie.**

**Please review and give me feedback on this chapter! I live off of feedback!**

**Also, I have another one-shot up called 'Experimentation' if you guys find the time, it'd be great if you took a look at it.**

**One more thing, I love you all. Like seriously. I love that you guys take the time to read my work.  
**

**~Wolife  
**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter eighteen**

Ritsuka was still in Soubi's Elsewhere when he regained consciousness, but Seimei was no longer with him. His body ached again and he wondered how long he had been passed out on the floor of the dorm room in Soubi's memories. Soubi was still asleep, his hands still grasping the wooden bars on the headboard, even though the chains binding then there were gone. Both his ears and Ritsu were nowhere to be seen. Blood and white liquid stained the sheets, making it clear what had happened. Light flooded in through the window, signifying that it was early morning. It was pretty clear that this was the morning right after Ritsu raped Soubi.

Ritsuka stood, leaning against the wall, feeling as though he couldn't support himself well. Soubi was starting to stir in the bed, groaning as he rolled over onto his stomach, still keeping his hands above his head as though the chains were still binding his hands together. He groaned again, clearly in pain. He rolled back onto his back, sitting up and running his fingers through his semi-long blonde hair. He froze, catching sight of himself in the large mirror on the dresser across from the bed.

Ritsuka sunk down into a crouching position, feeling Soubi's emotions fill him again. He was ready for it this time, though, so he didn't pass out at the betrayal and hurt and most of all _hatred_. What he wasn't ready, for, though, was the physical hurt. His ass hurt like hell, his lips hurt as if being bit roughly, and just about every muscle in his body hurt from rough physical activity. His skin ached from being scratched and bitten, as well. Ritsuka couldn't even stand from taking in all of Soubi's pain, both mental and physical.

Without warning, Soubi suddenly hurled a book at the big mirror, shattering it to pieces with a piercing sound. Staying on all fours, Ritsuka crawled over to the bed, having to stand up a little to look at the note on the bedside table.

_Soubi-_

_ You're excused from your classes today and tomorrow. I still expect you to have learned the fifty words I gave you by Monday._

_ -Ritsu-sensei_

Soubi glanced at the note, reading through it with a hurt, angered expression before tearing the note into pieces. Ritsuka knew that both his control and temper had snapped as soon as he saw himself in the mirror. When Soubi got like this he didn't have any once of control over his emotions and he was often unpredictable. Ritsuka had experienced him like this a couple times. When this happened, he did one of two things. Either he would have a total mental and emotional breakdown, or he would get angry and overly violent. He seemed to be going through the latter of the two now. Or maybe he was going through both.

Ritsuka followed him as he got up and went to the bathroom. Soubi stared at himself in the mirror above the sink, his eyes shocked and distraught. He surprised Ritsuka again by punching the mirror hard enough to crack it into even more pieces than the first. He leaned on over the sink, then, his face in his now-bleeding hands, sobbing.

At that moment, Ritsuka finally understood why this had such a horrible affect on him. Soubi hadn't _just _been raped, he had been raped by someone he had thought he loved. He had been betrayed and hurt by someone he had trusted. Soubi was confused and frustrated and hurt now, wondering why someone close to him had done this to him. It really just wasn't fair.

This time, Ritsuka could feel the change coming and there was no bright white light. The scene in front of him simply faded into black, dissolving slowly. It was quickly replaced by a situation in what looked like a hospital. Soubi, this time about thirteen or fourteen, leaned on the railing of a hospital bed, arms crossed and blood on his clothes. He didn't look hurt himself, though, with the exception of the small cut on his forehead.

The curtain that was pulled around the small area was opened quickly and roughly, and Ritsu stormed in, looking beside himself with anger. Soubi turned his attention to him, a scowl on his face. He had grown a lot taller in the year or two after getting his ears taken and he looked as though he had matured a lot.

"I can't believe you," Ritsu hissed, though this still got no reaction out of Soubi. "That is the sixteenth fist-fight you've been in this month and the eighth one you've started. What the hell is wrong with you?"

Soubi looked away from him, closing his eyes. When he spoke, his voice was a lot deeper than his twelve year-old self's, "Everyone knows."

"What does everyone know?" Ritsu nearly yelled, snatching the medical chart off of the edge of the bed as if he was threatening to throw it at Soubi. "Nothing anyone could ever know would get you off the hook for this!"

Ritsuka looked closely at the medical chart, seeing that it was stamped with the same logo that Ritsuka had seen while Ritsu was in the hospital attached to Seven Voices.

"You really don't know, do you?" Soubi snapped, still not looking at his teacher and past love. "They ridicule me every single day because they _know_. They know what you do to me. They know that you're the one who took my ears, and they will _never let me live it down_. I have no friends because of it. I'm alone because of you."

Ritsu looked like he had planned a reply, but hearing Soubi had really shocked him. He stood still for a moment, his mouth half-open, still holding the medical chart. He left, suddenly and silently, pulling the curtain so hard behind him that Ritsuka thought that it was going to rip for sure.

Soubi watched him go, leaning on the bed railing as he did. Carefully, he picked up the medical chart that Ritsu had thrown back on the bed, studying it. Ritsuka felt a few pangs of foreign pain in his right arm and in his stomach. Soubi had apparently gotten hit in the stomach and hurt in the arm. Ritsuka could recall the fight as if it were his own memories. Some kid had gotten a hold of an audio recording from outside Soubi's dorm. He had played it back in front of a bunch of other students, and Soubi had jumped at him, easily and quickly destroying the phone the recording was on. There had been a lot of yelling, arguing between Soubi and the other kid, as well as name-calling. The main point the other had used was that Soubi was a blank Fighter and would always be a replacement for a dead Sacrifice, never nothing more. What set Soubi off, though, was when the other had called him a teacher's-pet and taunted that he had probably liked it.

Soubi had started the fight, then, and eventually won it. After awhile, he finally got fed up and knocked the other kid out, just as a teacher had finally noticed the commotion outside. They were both taken to the hospital adjoined to the school, where Nagisa had evaluated the both of them and had come up with minor internal damage and bruising for Soubi, and moderate to severe head trauma for the other. Ritsuka usually didn't like violence, but from what he could get from Soubi's memories, the other person really had it coming to him.

His surroundings faded again, and the next memories were just blurs. First it was Ritsu giving Soubi away to Seimei, and then it was Soubi's life with Seimei. These memories were quick, usually only a few seconds. Ritsuka assumed it was because Soubi didn't really remember particular instances. He had documented everything in the letter, but no memory really stuck out to him. Mostly, what Ritsuka saw was Soubi getting yelled at and hit and punished by Seimei. There was one longer memory, though, and Ritsuka knew that this one would be different as soon as he arrived at it.

Seimei was sitting on the couch at Soubi's house, typing away at his laptop and not paying any attention to extremely attractive, submissive Fighter sitting on the floor at his feet. Soubi had his head down, bowed in a rather demeaning way. He had a bruise on his cheek, obviously from getting hit, most likely by Seimei. He wasn't doing anything, just looking down, appearing to be deep in thought, though Ritsuka knew he really wasn't. He also knew that Seimei had given him that bruise just a couple minutes before because of Soubi speaking out of turn.

Footsteps made Soubi's head jerk up and Ritsuka followed his gaze to the doorway leading into Soubi's bedroom. Kio leaned against the doorframe, looking at Soubi and Seimei with a sad expression on his face. Seimei looked up, too, and smirked.

"Come here, Soubi," Seimei said, motioning for Soubi to sit beside him, though speaking to him like a dog. Soubi obeyed immediately, but cautiously, as if he was afraid to do something wrong. From the looks of things, this was right before Seimei's 'death'.

Seimei reached over, placing a gentle hand on Soubi's bruised cheek. He hesitated, then, and Soubi stared at him, waiting for him to either be gentle or to hit him again. Ritsuka was nervous, but curious, as he didn't know what Seimei was going to do. The younger male finally leaned in, staring into the other's eyes in an almost caring way.

Soubi didn't close his eyes at first, but did after a moment. Seimei caressed Soubi's bruised skin, leaning in a little more as if he was about to kiss him. Soubi made a small sound, leaning into Seimei's touch. Soubi, clearly on instinct, made a mistake, then. He put his hands on Seimei's shoulders, clearly just looking for something to hold onto. This earned him a hard slap, one that made a sound that echoed throughout the room.

"Did I give you permission to touch me?" Seimei snapped. "Answer me!"

Soubi bowed his head again, ashamed, "…No."

" 'No' what?" Seimei growled.

Soubi looked away, "No, master."

"…Get out," That voice was neither Seimei's nor Soubi's, but rather an enraged looking Kio's. He spoke quietly, though everyone heard it.

"…Excuse me?" Seimei was obviously disgusted by talking to Kio.

"I told you to get out," Kio said loudly. "If you're going to hit him and talk to him like he's your property, then get out. I'm not going to put up with you treating him like that, and I know he's not going to stop you. Get out of here and never come back."

Seimei looked as though he wanted to say something, but he just picked up his laptop and stormed out, muttering something about Soubi being a 'filthy, incompetent, unworthy dog'. He slammed the door on his way out, doing it so hard that it made the house shake. Ritsuka turned his gaze back to Soubi, and saw that the verbal abuse had taken a toll on him. Kio was approaching him carefully, probably being cautious in case Soubi would snap and lash out at him. When he didn't, Kio sat down in Seimei's spot, taking Soubi's wrists in his own hands and pulling Soubi's arms so that they were around Kio's neck in an embrace.

"What are you—" Soubi spoke normally for the first time in the memory, looking at his friend with a confused and perplexed gaze.

"Shh, just pretend I'm him," Kio told him, pulling him against him so that they really were embracing.

Soubi closed his eyes, sighing, his voice coming out strained and weak, "I can't."

"Why not?"

Soubi held onto his friend tightly, and, for once, Ritsuka wondered the full extent of their relationship, "Because he would never hold me like this."

Everything was gone, then, and Ritsuka went through the rest of Soubi's memories very, very quickly, even though there were a lot of longer ones. He could feel his time rapidly running out and time sped up even more, desperately trying to get everything to him. He watched their first meeting from Soubi's point of view and a bunch of other scenes, such as their first date, and some random days which seemed insignificant to Ritsuka, but were significant to Soubi. Finally, time slowed down to its normal pace and Ritsuka breathed hard, leaning back on Soubi's bed, knowing that this was the final memory he was going to experience.

Ritsuka didn't know exactly when this memory was, but he could get a general timeframe. It was close to Soubi's attack, probably a month or so before. It was clearly after the incident at Seven Voices.

Soubi was wide awake and Ritsuka was cuddled up next to him, laying almost-entirely on top of him with an arm over Soubi's chest and his head just above his heart. Ritsuka watched as his other self breathed softly, fast asleep in the warm embrace of Soubi's arms, probably dreaming about the young man. Soubi had his arms wrapped tightly around Ritsuka's frail body, though he stared up at the ceiling, his racing mind filling Ritsuka's head with thoughts.

_"Am I turning out just like him?"_

Soubi's thoughts rang out in Ritsuka's head, as clear as if the boy was hearing it. Meanwhile, Soubi raised a hand, gently stroking sleeping Ritsuka's hair, images and thoughts of Ritsu filling Ritsuka's head. He was torn. Soubi was torn. He was stuck between fearing that he was becoming Ritsu and wanting to show his love for Ritsuka. He was using the defense that Ritsuka never pulled away anymore, that he liked it when Soubi touched him, but another part of his mind argued that that was the exact same argument Ritsu would use. A more rational part of his head said it was Ritsuka's onset of puberty. The emotional side fought that it was Ritsuka's feelings for him. There was a war going on in Soubi's head and all he wanted to do was lie with Ritsuka with no worries. Ritsuka could only watch and wish that he had seen Soubi's distraught.

Soubi's thoughts soon changed to Seimei once Ritsuka started whimpering and thrashing around a little in his sleep. Soubi just held him closer and turned his gaze out to the balcony, where a dark, blurry shape could be seen for just a second. Soubi said some sort of spell under his breath, and Ritsuka stopped thrashing. Soubi sighed in relief, and Ritsuka suddenly came to the realization (due to the memories currently in his head) that Soubi had tried to use spells to stop the dreams, but Seimei's spells were usually too strong for him to break without going into full battle sequence, which would just alert Seimei and every other team within the radius.

The sleeping Ritsuka stirred in Soubi's arms, blinking his eyes open and looking up at Soubi. Ritsuka watched as his other self closely.

"Is something wrong, Soubi? Are you sick?" His other self asked, sounding half-asleep.

"I'm not sick," Soubi answered, his voice somewhat amused. "Why would you think that? I never get sick."

The Ritsuka laying on top of Soubi put his head back on the young man's chest, looking as though he was about to go back to sleep, "I was sick the other day. I was hoping you didn't catch it…" He leaned up, kissing Soubi on the lips, "Go to sleep, okay?"

Ritsuka was nearly knocked off of his feet by the sudden rush of foreign love. Soubi gazed down at the teen, stroking his black hair again. Soubi really did love him. He loved him a lot. It wasn't just an infatuation or anything like that, not that Ritsuka had ever expected it was. It just surprised him that Soubi felt so strongly about him. Ritsuka realized that he felt the exact same way about Soubi.

_"Can I love him? Is it okay to want him? I want to take his ears. Does that make me just like him?"_

Ritsuka didn't get time to really comprehend Soubi's thoughts before he collapsed on the ground, his world going black. He had a few seconds before totally losing consciousness and he wondered why he had suddenly collapsed. Sure, he had been overwhelmed by all of Soubi's feelings, but not quite overloaded them as he had been before. The last thing he thought about was how much he loved Soubi, and then he lost himself to the darkness.

"Ritsuka."

Ritsuka heard his name being called and he began to come to, his head spinning and throbbing. He didn't move, not even to open his eyes. His body was on fire, burning him from the inside. There was a sharp jab in his upper left arm and a cool feeling started in his arm and spread throughout his body, cooling him down slightly. It was a needle, Ritsuka could tell as it was withdrawn from his skin. Meanwhile, voices started talking again, sounding far off even though they were actually close.

"This isn't good. He has a fever. I never should've tried that."

A hand was placed on his forehead, feeling for a temperature. The same voice spoke again, "He's burning up. We need to get him to the hospital before he suffers anymore."

Another needle broke the skin of Ritsuka's arm, this time in the crook of his arm. A different voice spoke this time, replying to the first's, "Aoyagi-kun, we can't jeopardize the mission just because of him. If we take him to the hospital, they'll find us—"

"I don't care about that right now!" The other voice snapped. Seimei. That's who it was. Seimei had disappeared from Soubi's memories after Ritsuka had collapsed the first time. Apparently, Seimei had woken up, but Ritsuka hadn't. Something had went wrong and now Ritsuka was sick and couldn't move. He felt like he wasn't even in his body anymore, like his mind and conscious weren't in his head anymore.

"Please, think this through!" The other voice, a female, cried. "Don't let yourself be so blinded. We have a task to complete! You said you wanted me to run some tests on him! Do it now! If we take him to the hospital, everything will be ruined!"

"Shut up!" Seimei yelled, losing his composure. "I'm not going to let him suffer! He's in pain and there's nothing I can do about it. Go get the van ready."

"But—"

"Do it! Get the restraints, but not the hard ones. Bring me all the fever medication you can find in the clinic. I need to try to get his fever down one last time. If we don't take care of it in three hours, we're taking him to the hospital."

A few moments later, Ritsuka heard the door slam shut. Seimei sighed, placing his hand on Ritsuka's head again, pushing his bangs away from his sweat-drenched skin.

"I never should've taken you in there with me," Seimei spoke quietly. "I'm so sorry. This wasn't supposed to happen. I don't know what's wrong with you. This…I'm going to have to take you to the hospital." Seimei paused for a long time, and then said his next words in a shaking tone, "Those two took good care of you, anyways. I can't…I don't…You're safer with them. Just know that. I want you, but maybe it's better you don't stay with me until I can make sure you'll be safe."

Ritsuka's mind drifted. He wasn't able to think much about Seimei's words, but he could comprehend them just fine. In the silence that followed, Ritsuka fell into a fitful sleep.

The next time he woke up, his body was still on fire, but not as much as before. He could feel the thin fabric of a button-up shirt on his skin, but it was open, revealing his chest. There were pads all over his torso and even more on his forehead. His head hurt even worse than before.

"I need an update Yumi-chan," Seimei's voice sounded tired, but he was close, probably right next to Ritsuka.

"He's still in-between consciousness and unconsciousness," The female voice said from before. "I'm investigating another brain-wave pattern right now, though. I don't think you're going to like it." She sounded a little further away, probably sitting on the edge of the bed. Ritsuka fought himself, wanting to open his eyes and see if he recognized her.

"What is it?" Seimei growled, clearly anxious.

"He seems to have created some sort of bond with Agatsuma, some bond that connects their minds, feelings, and memories. It's not like the Fighter-Sacrifice bond. I don't think it's tangible. I'm searching Septimal Moon databases right now to see if this has been reported. No hits so far."

"Damn…" Seimei cursed under his breath. "Why did I let this happen? I had no idea what sort of affects it has on someone without the sort of injections I had. I'm immunized to this. He's not. I should've tested it first…"

"I'm testing the bond now," Yumi-chan stated. "It's strong. I can't tell what it's made of, but it appears to let them communicate important information. I think you should disconnect me now."

"Why?" Seimei ran a hand through Ritsuka's hair.

"He's overloading me. I think his fever is going up still and his brain-waves are taking a toll on me. I don't want to jeopardize our mission, Aoyagi-kun. If we get caught, everything will be for nothing. Please consider this. Don't be an idiot, dammit!"

Even in his semi-conscious state, Ritsuka expected Seimei to slap her, but he did nothing. "Disconnect yourself," Seimei ordered her. "Tell Ueda-san that you're both to gather all the medical supplies you can and tell Nisei to come here."

Ritsuka fell back asleep, feeling like it was only an instant before he woke back up again. This time, he could open his eyes, but he couldn't focus on one thing. He could only see directly in front of him. What he saw was a pink-haired girl with two particular large, white spears on each side of her head. Out of the top of each of the spears, a bundle of cords emerged, the left set connected to someplace outside of Ritsuka's view, and the right set connected to the wires coming from the pads on Ritsuka's chest. It perplexed Ritsuka, even in his current state, since she was obviously self-aware and could think for herself, even though earlier she was reading Ritsuka's brain-waves and searching information.

She was suddenly shoved back, and landed with a grunt of pain, her cords pulling at the pads on Ritsuka's chest. Seimei's face came into Ritsuka view, and the older boy didn't smile, though his expression was worried and not stern or angry. He gently plucked the sticky pads off of Ritsuka's chest, glancing up at him every so often.

"Don't worry, Ritsuka," Seimei assured him. "We're almost at the hospital. You're going to feel better soon. They'll call…Soubi and Kio…when they admit you. You'll be able to…" Seimei took a deep breath, as if he was realizing how much Ritsuka loved Soubi and that there was nothing he could do to stop it. "…go back home with them. I'll get you back, though. I'll come and get you once I know you'll be safe with me. I just can't believe you want to stay with him. He's a monster, Ritsuka. He took your memories."

Seimei was still talking when Ritsuka slipped back into sleep.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Ritsuka felt good. He was warm and someone with soft, warm hands was holding his left hand. A soft whimper sounded, followed by a small cry, and the person holding his hand tightened their grip, squeezing gently. Soft lips pressed against his fingers, placing butterfly kisses on each of them. Ritsuka sighed, feeling safe and comfortable. Slowly, he was remembering the things that happened, how he had been traveling through memories and then he had collapsed all of the sudden and came down with a horrible fever. Then there was Seimei talking to the weird girl about injections and ordering her around, even telling her to be quiet once she suggested something he didn't like. Somehow, Ritsuka knew he was no longer with Seimei.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Ritsuka realized that was a heart-rate monitor. He was in a hospital. Seimei wasn't here. He carried a dark air about him, one that filled the room. Ritsuka would have been able to feel his presence, and he was definitely _not_ in the room with him. Ritsuka wondered for a few moments what had happened to him. Had he gotten away? The best-case scenario would be that he had gotten captured, but not killed.

Ritsuka grasped at the hand holding his, knowing that it belonged to Soubi. Soubi was here with him. He was reunited with Soubi and he would never let Seimei into their lives again. Really, the entire ordeal had been his fault. If he hadn't freaked out about the contents in the box, Seimei would have never gotten him alone. The only way he could've taken him would have been when he was alone. He wouldn't have dared try when Soubi was around, since he would've tried to prevent him from taking Ritsuka, even if he had regained his memories. That would've alerted Kio, who would've called the police or attacked Seimei.

Soubi whimpered again, holding Ritsuka's hand in a crushing grip, probably not realizing his own strength. "…Ritsuka…" He whispered, sounding sad and desperate.

"Soubi, you have to move away from him. The doctors need to do something."

"No!" Soubi snapped, clearly angered at Kio's suggestion. Ritsuka wondered if he had learned how to answer questions during the time of Ritsuka's kidnapping.

"I'm sorry," Kio said softly to someone else. They were both farther away, but Soubi was right next to Ritsuka's bed. "Can you work around him? He's been really distraught for days. It's a really big shock for him."

"We can try," Another man said.

Ritsuka heard footsteps approaching the bed and a worried sigh from Kio. "Is he going to be alright?" Kio asked. "You got his fever down, right? Did…does he have any…brain damage?"

"Not that we can tell," The doctor said, now closer. "We think he's going to be alright."

"Ritsuka is alright!" Soubi still sounded agitated. Ritsuka was shocked at him being able to form a full sentence. He had formed a sentence before, but that had just been once. He had probably remembered that 'alright' meant 'good', since Ritsuka had been teaching him that right before he got kidnapped.

"Hey, Aoyagi-kun, can you open your eyes for me?" The doctor asked kindly, ignoring Soubi's comment.

With strange ease, Ritsuka opened his eyes, blinking a few times to clear the initial blurriness. He was able to focus on the doctor's face, though, which was more than he had been able to do with Seimei. Soubi sat next to the bed, looking extremely worried. When Ritsuka turned his gaze on him, Soubi smiled, the worry gone.

"Ritsuka!" Soubi cried, overjoyed. He squeezed Ritsuka's hand again, happiness in his wide blue eyes. Ritsuka couldn't help but to smile back at him. He rubbed his eyes and then ran his fingers through his boyfriend's hair, trying to convey that he wouldn't leave again, at least not by choice.

Kio smiled, "Welcome back, Ritsuka."

"How long have I been out?" He asked, rubbing his temples. His head still hurt, though not nearly as much as before. He felt something else, too, a strange new closeness with Soubi. He could feel how worried the young man had been and how relieved he was now. It was very strange. Soubi's feelings were just a small feeling in the back of his mind. It didn't take him over, and, for some reason, he knew that he could block Soubi's feelings if he wanted to, or he could just ignore them.

_"He seems to have created some sort of bond with Agatsuma, some bond that connects their minds, feelings, and memories."_

Seeing those memories had given Ritsuka insight into Soubi's mind. He had come to a better understanding about Soubi. He felt as though he knew him better now, better than he had ever known anybody. Yumi-chan had stated that seeing the memories gave him some sort of a bond with Soubi, something that wasn't natural, but allowed them to mutually know what the other was feeling.

"You've been out for about two days. You've been out of school for five," Kio answered.

"Oh no," Ritsuka worried, knowing that if he missed anymore school, they weren't going to let him graduate. He had been out of school more times than any other student in sixth grade, and he had missed quite a lot of school in seventh grade, too. The school counsel had been angry about it in sixth grade, but Soubi had gone and explained to them that Ritsuka had 'special circumstances'. Now that Soubi couldn't defend him, were they still going to let him off for it? It seemed unlikely.

"What is it?"

"The school board," Ritsuka explained. "I've missed a lot of school in the past two years. They might not let me graduate."

"I'll talk to the school," Kio promised. "Don't worry about it. Come on, Soubi, we need to let Ritsuka get some rest."

"No!" Soubi crossed his arms, clearly not willing to move. Ritsuka couldn't help but to smile for the first time since getting kidnapped. Soubi looked as though he was about to pass out from exhaustion, but he was still bent on staying with Ritsuka. It made Ritsuka feel wanted, and this too let him know that Soubi's feelings really had carried over since before his attack. He wasn't just attached to Ritsuka because Ritsuka was the one taking care of him. What he felt for Ritsuka was so obviously different than that.

"Soubi, you need to go get some sleep," Ritsuka told him softly.

Soubi dropped his gaze, looking down at the hospital bed, "No…" He touched Ritsuka's hand as if unsure whether to hold it again or not.

"It's okay," Ritsuka tried to tell him again. He turned to Kio, "He hasn't been sleeping, has he?"

Kio shook his head, "Barely. I got him to sleep the second day you were gone, but he insisted on sleeping by the door on the floor. He barely ate, too."

Ritsuka suddenly felt bad. This was all his fault, wasn't it? He was the one that freaked out when Soubi picked the collar up. If he hadn't ran out of the room and gone into the bedroom alone, Seimei wouldn't have had the chance to take him. It was his fault. Soubi was scared and traumatized by his disappearance. This sort of thing was exactly what Ritsuka had been trying to prevent. Soubi now had gone through something horrible, something that he probably wasn't going to forget. This would plague and affect him from now on. Now he thought that if he left Ritsuka, Ritsuka would disappear again.

"I'm sorry," Ritsuka muttered, unable to look at Soubi and see the expression on his face. He had seen Soubi alone and crying right before Seimei took him into the memories. He didn't want to see how sad he had made him. He reached up slightly, intertwining his fingers with Soubi's, trying to let him know that everything was going to be okay. He couldn't bring himself to tell him—he didn't _know _if everything was going to turn out alright. He could only hope and pray that it was. He didn't want to lie. He couldn't. If Seimei was still out there, nothing was going to be okay. If he was still on the loose, Soubi and Ritsuka were still in danger every second of their lives. If he was dead…well, that would make Ritsuka a little sad, but he supposed that'd be eventually okay. He really just wanted his brother to be captured, not dead and _certainly_ not on the loose.

"It's not your fault, kid," Kio reassured him, giving him a small smile. "I knew Seimei took you, so I contacted those people you told me about—Septimal Moon, was it?—Minami Ritsu immediately started to investigate. There were a lot of others, too. I got questioned and they found a lot of blood in the bedroom. I shouldn't have let this happen. I'm the one who should be sorry."

Ritsuka had another question on his mind, though. "Where's Seimei?" Ritsuka whispered. _Please don't say he's dead. Please don't say he's on the loose._

"We've captured him," Another voice said from the doorway. Ritsuka looked up to see Ritsu leaning on the wall just inside of the room. He had clearly just arrived, though none of them had heard him come in. Soubi was looking at him, too, and Ritsuka could swear he saw a slight expression of anger in his eyes. Ritsu met his former student's eyes, his face unreadable, "Hello, Soubi-kun."

Soubi just looked back at Ritsuka, not saying anything.

Ritsuka put his hand on his arm, "Soubi, you should go outside with Kio for a little bit."

"No…"

"Please," Ritsuka begged, remembering how the photo he had showed Soubi had triggered memories. He was afraid that if Soubi spent too much time with Ritsu, he might remember something. "I'll be alright. You can come back in right afterwards. I'll be here."

"Come here, Soubi," Kio beckoned. Soubi gave Ritsuka one last skeptical look before heading out of the room. Kio closed the door behind him, leaving Ritsu and Ritsuka

For the first time since waking up, Ritsuka got a good look around the hospital room. He was lying in a railing hospital bed, one that was a bit larger and more comfortable than Ritsuka remembered hospital beds being. He had bandages all over him again, more than before. Apparently, Nisei or Seimei or one of his henchmen had gotten rough with him again. His head was still pounding and he still felt dizzy and hot. His hospital bracelet told him he was in the intensive care unit. There were sticky pads on his chest and his head and an IV in his hand.

The room was the usual plain hospital room. Soubi had pulled up a metal chair next to the bed, and it looked like it didn't belong in the room. Ritsuka was hooked up to multiple machines, the wires from the sticky pads plugged into at least four different ones. There was a nightstand with some cards on it, as well as a sketchbook that looked like it belonged to Soubi. Ritsuka's phone was also on the table. Oddly, enough the moderately small room looked sort of comfortable. A couch was pushed up against the left wall and a wingback chair was next to that. Ritsuka recognized the red soft blanket from home on the couch, which led him to believe that Soubi had taken a nap there.

"We caught Seimei," Ritsu repeated, standing and walking over to the edge of the bed, picking up the medical chart. He wasn't wearing dark glasses, now, but his regular ones. Ritsuka stared at him, perplexed. Ritsu had eyes, even though Seimei had gorged them out with a knife. His gray pupils were very pale, though, and he had to peer closely at the paper in order to see the words. His glasses looked like they were rather strong, too.

"How? Where is Seimei now?" Ritsuka asked, tugging gently at the IV in his hand. He wondered what kind of medication he was on. He hoped to go home soon so he could return to school and so that he could get back to his normal life. He was relieved. With Seimei captured, he could go on with his life without worry. Everything would be better now.

"Akame Nisei and another man were the ones who admitted you," Ritsu explained. "We got word of it immediately. We arrested Akame and his henchman and…_made_ them tell us. Seimei was expecting us, anyways. He tried to launch an attack on us, but we subdued him before he went completely through with it. Right now, we have him tied up at a temporary headquarters close by. Ritsuka-kun…you're obviously tired and still in shock, but I want you to contact me as soon as you get out of the hospital. I need to talk some things over with you."

"You're leaving now?" Ritsuka guessed, unsure whether or not he would contact him. He didn't particularly like the aged man, not after he learned what he had done to Soubi. He didn't hate him, though, since Ritsu actually seemed to be human, not like Seimei.

"Yes," Ritsu looked again at the medical chart. "Make sure to call me," He said dismissively, clipping the chart back onto the footboard. He left, then, silently. Ritsuka watched him say something to Soubi, who just looked at him, confused. The walls of the room were clear glass and the blinds were pulled back so that Ritsuka could see through the walls and into the ICU hallway.

Soubi rushed back inside as soon as Ritsu left, leaving his former teacher in midsentence. Apparently, he hadn't been willing to listen to what Ritsu was willing to say. He was more interested in Ritsuka.

"Soubi can stay here, right?" Ritsuka questioned Kio. "He can sleep on the couch."

"That sounds okay," Kio agreed. "I'm going to call your school now. Get some rest, okay?"

Ritsuka hummed an agreement, making sure Kio shut the blinds all around the room before leaving. A glance at the clock told Ritsuka that it was nearly two in the morning, which explained why no one had been in the hallway. He was tired, but that was just a simple feeling tugging at his mind. He didn't think he could sleep, even if he wanted to. He figured he could watch Soubi sleep until he fell asleep himself.

"Why don't you go lay down?" Ritsuka pointed at the couch, closing his eyes. He heard Soubi get up and go to the couch, but he didn't hear anything else, since he had began to retreat into his own mind, thinking about that dammed dog collar that Seimei sent in the package with the missing return address.

The next thing he knew, the bed dipped and Soubi was snuggling next to him. Ritsuka's eyes shot open and he rolled over to face Soubi just as the young man pulled the red blanket over them both. Soubi laid down, then, pressing his face into the place where Ritsuka's neck and shoulder met. He put his arms around Ritsuka, pulling him against his warm, larger body. Ritsuka sighed, rolling his eyes in amusement. Of course, Soubi wasn't supposed to sleep with him while Ritsuka was in the hospital, but Ritsuka had to admit that he liked it a lot better than the prospect of sleeping alone.

"Be careful, Soubi," Ritsuka pulled the wires from the pads out of both their ways, snuggling back into Soubi's loving embrace. He had a feeling that things were going to get better from here on out.

* * *

**Here's another long chapter for everyone.**

**I didn't want this to turn out like Taken, so I made Ritsuka return to Soubi. I'd like to point out that Seimei wasn't planning on taking Ritsuka back, even though he said 'a few hours' in the last chapter. **

**My favorite parts in this chapter are the after-fight scene and the one with Seimei.**

**Thanks to** **Lovelessreviewer, mew, Bigmachine, Lolita,Evangeline-v-salithian, EternalTearsOfBlood, Tlcatlady, xLovelessBeloved, Lyrica, Riaries, promocat, DarkAngelJudas, Lumeton, and Tamer Lorika for all the wonderful reviews! Thank you all sooo much!**

**Please keep reviewing! It gives me strength to go on!**

**~Wolfie**


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter nineteen**

Ritsuka awoke a full twelve hours later, still cuddled up with Soubi. Soubi was awake, though, but he hadn't stopped holding him. In fact, he didn't look like he had moved at all. The wires hooking Ritsuka up to the machines were still out of the way, but when he looked at the bag of fluid he was taking through the IV, he noticed that it was refilled. It was a little strange, but apparently a doctor or a nurse had come in and checked on him during the night and hadn't woke either of them up.

"Good morning, Ritsuka," Soubi smiled and spoke softly.

"Good morning, Soubi," Ritsuka leaned up, pressing a soft kiss on his lips. He wrapped his arms around Soubi's chest, feeling his own frail body press against his Fighter's muscular chest and thin stomach. Just doing this drove his hormones crazy. He couldn't really help it. He had an attractive boyfriend with a great body who was more than willing to cuddle and hold him whenever. They were in a hospital, though, and Ritsuka knew he was still sick. Ritsuka would also have a guilty conscience if he did anything that Soubi wouldn't let him do if he still had his memories. He would just have to ignore his want and desire for awhile longer. At least he knew that Soubi would do it eventually and it wasn't because of him that he wouldn't do it now.

So Ritsuka tried to ignore that he was lying on top of a completely willing Soubi. He reached over, looking at the cards on the bedside table. There were five, all from different people. The one that made him smile was the first one, the one from Yuiko. She had hand drawn it, putting a badly-drawn butterfly on the cover and some flowers on the inside. She wrote to get better soon and about school. The second was from Shinonome-sensei, the third from Yayoi, and the forth from Nagisa and Seven. The fifth one was a generic 'get better soon' card, and when Ritsuka looked inside, it was simply signed _Kiyoshi_. It shocked him. His father had come to visit him.

Ritsuka noticed another slip of paper on the table as he placed the cards back on it. It was a note scribbled in black ink on lined paper, looking as though it had been written quickly and then torn out of a notebook. The first thing Ritsuka noticed, though, was that it was written in his brother's handwriting.

_Please get better soon, Ritsuka. Love, Seimei_

Ritsuka really wasn't sure what to think of the note. Seimei really did seem to care about him. He had taken him to the hospital, after all. He risked getting caught just to make sure Ritsuka wouldn't die from his fever. His plans had been ruined, and he knew they would be, but he had still taken Ritsuka to the hospital. That had to mean something, didn't it? He had sacrificed everything just to make sure Ritsuka would get better.

Soubi patted Ritsuka on the head, bring him out of his trance. Ritsuka put the slip of paper back down on the table with the other cards, his full attention returning to Soubi. He wanted to make up for leaving him. Soubi was clearly happy that he was back, but the memory of him leaving was still fresh in his mind. He still thought that Ritsuka would be leaving soon, which Ritsuka knew was why Soubi wouldn't leave his side, not even when Kio told him to. Ritsuka had to let him know somehow that he wasn't going to leave.

"I'm sorry," Ritsuka murmured, not knowing if Soubi would understand the apology or not. Still, he felt like it was needed. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to leave. I never wanted to. I feel horrible about it. I will not leave you again, okay?"

"Ritsuka…not…leaving?" Soubi repeated, looking as though he had understood that last sentence.

"Yeah," Ritsuka glanced at the note Seimei left, thinking of how he had been captured. "That's right. I just hope we can go home soon."

Two days later, Ritsuka was released from the hospital. He was given a note saying not to return to school or do any sort of strenuous activity for five to seven days and was put on what Ritsuka thought to be a house arrest. Kio wouldn't let him leave the house due to his injuries. Apparently, he had two broken ribs and multiple bruised bones and strained muscles. He also had suffered a severe concussion as well as a sickness similar to meningitis, though they hadn't been able to diagnose him exactly.

It was the first day of Ritsuka's 'house arrest' and he was already bored. The doctors had said not to leave the house for a couple days, and Kio was stern on not letting him out. Ritsuka got home early afternoon and had taken a nap immediately, tired from the little walking he had done. Soubi had been cuddling with him at first, but when Ritsuka woke up, he found Soubi gone and he could hear the television from the other room.

"Hey, don't touch that!" Ritsuka heard Kio say.

"Book," Soubi stated, making Ritsuka even more confused. He rolled over in the bed, his body aching, and looked at the clock. It was after five. He had slept for nearly three hours.

"Give that back! I need it!"

Ritsuka smiled, wondering if Soubi had taken one of Kio's textbooks and was refusing to give it back. Despite the aching, nagging pain, Ritsuka felt good. He was warm and comfortable on the bed. He couldn't really remember how he had gotten cocooned in the fuzzy red blanket, since he had been lying on top of the covers without a blanket on, but he assumed that Soubi or Kio had decided that he might get cold and had wrapped him up in it.

Most of all, Ritsuka was relaxed. Seimei was captured, but not dead, and so was Nisei, so Ritsuka felt like he really didn't need to be so worried anymore. He didn't need to be a guard for Seimei every second of the day. He could live in peace now. He had the freedom to be relaxed. He and Soubi could live their lives without the constant threat of Seimei messing everything up.

"Soubi! Hey!"

Ritsuka could hear Kio running after Soubi and Soubi running away from him. They were causing quite a lot of noise, so much so that they people on the top floor of the apartment complex could probably hear them. Soubi's little house was on the roof of the complex and he was the only one who lived on the roof. Ritsuka wondered if Kio would let him out to look at the stars when it got dark out. Soubi would probably like that.

Ritsuka rolled over, feeling a little tired again. He didn't like being alone in big bed. It made him feel slightly lonely, even if he knew that there was someone right outside the room that would be more than happy to hold him. He didn't want to sleep again. Sleeping made him feel like he was missing something, something important that he should be doing. He wanted to see what the other two were doing. Had he missed Soubi learning something new? From their

connection, he could tell that Soubi was apparently very amused and had made up a little game. Ritsuka didn't want to miss seeing Soubi happy.

Ritsuka got up, carefully making his way out into the main room. His body really hurt, especially his ribs. His head pounded, too. The doctors had prescribed him some pain medication for his head and some other pills to help, too, but Ritsuka really didn't like taking pills very much. He supposed that he had gotten that from Soubi. The older man had begun to rub off on him and Ritsuka now understood why Soubi hadn't liked hospitals. Doctors were annoying and they always found something wrong. They seemed a little bit too careful, too, and Ritsuka _did not_ appreciate getting put on bed rest for a couple days.

Ritsuka made his way into the kitchenette and then stopped, looking at Kio and Soubi. Soubi was using his height advantage, holding one of Kio's textbooks just out of his reach. Kio was trying to grab it, repeating that he needed it to do his homework. Soubi just smiled, telling him 'no' and running away from him. Ritsuka shook his head, smirking. He was glad that Soubi had found some way to amuse himself. From the looks of it, he had been drawing in his sketchbook, which was forgotten on the coffee table, and watching TV.

"I need that! Soubi! Give it back!" Kio shouted, jumping to reach his heavy textbook.

"No," Soubi said simply, grinning.

Neither of them had noticed Ritsuka yet, but they were bound to soon. He was beginning to realize that he had a little problem. Kio and Soubi were both abnormally tall and Ritsuka was a little below average height for his age. As a result, things in the house were often accidently put up a little higher than he could reach, which was what Ritsuka was currently having a problem was. When Ritsuka had gotten home, Kio had put away his medication in the kitchen cabinets, but he had put them on a shelve that was just a couple centimeters out of Ritsuka's reach. Usually, he would just sit up on the counter or ask Soubi to get it for him, but he was in too much pain to get up on the counter and he didn't want to interrupt Soubi's fun.

Quietly, Ritsuka grabbed a chair and brought it over, climbing on top of it and getting himself onto the counter. He found his medication and then an envelope on the counter caught his eye. It was a clean white envelope, Soubi's name and address written on the front in handwriting that slightly mimicked Soubi's own, except neater. There was a return address this time, but no name. Trying not to attract any attention, Ritsuka sat down on the counter, carefully tearing the letter open and starting to read it.

_Dear Soubi,_

_ I know you probably won't remember me much. It has been sixteen years, after all. I really don't expect you to remember me much. I assume you do remember me a little, though. I've been trying to track you down for years, but I could never find you until a month or so ago. It's weird, right? I kept hitting some sort of block. _

_ I want to meet with you again. We used to be so close. You stopped writing me and I want to know why. I'm going to college in Yokohama, now. I'm a computer science major. Look me up. _

Ritsuka was beginning to wonder to this person was. It didn't sound like anyone he knew, but, from the second sentence, it was probably a childhood friend just trying to reconnect. His guess was that this person wasn't able to track Soubi down because Soubi didn't _want_ to be tracked down. He was almost sure that that's all this person was—until he skipped down to the very last line. The signature line.

_Agatsuma Ren_

Agatsuma. That was Soubi's surname. This person was…

No. No way. Soubi didn't have any family. Well, there were a couple of relatives on his mother's side, but that was it. That was what he had said. That was what he had written. He wouldn't lie. He had no reason to lie, not when he had told Ritsuka everything else. He had specifically said that he had no family on his father's side, which was where his family name had come from. This person couldn't be from his mother's side, so he had to from his mother's side. But…that meant Soubi had lied…or this person did.

Soubi wouldn't have lied. This idiot had to be some sort of con artist targeting Soubi since he was a college kid. He could be working for Seimei, too, which seemed plausible. They had been stupid to leave their phone number and address, though, so that seemed a little more unlikely than Ritsuka's first idea. Still, he would call this guy and meet with him, but he would take someone to protect him.

"Kio," Ritsuka glanced up, calling him over. Kio looked at him, clearly surprised. Ritsuka held up the letter, "Can you come take a look at this?"

Kio nodded, stopping his game with Soubi. Soubi followed him, looking at Ritsuka with those large, innocent eyes. Ritsuka handed the letter to Kio and then reached out to Soubi.

"Can you help me down, Soubi?" Ritsuka asked, in a fair amount of pain from just climbing up on the counter from the chair. The doctors had said that his hips were badly bruised, as well as his spine. He just wanted to lie down on the couch and rest and maybe talk with Soubi a little. He felt too sore to even walk and he thought that if he were to jump down from the counter, his hips would just shatter. He held his arms out to Soubi, hoping he would get the hint and pick him up. Soubi used to carry him a lot, whether Ritsuka wanted to be or not.

Soubi understood, picking Ritsuka up with ease. Ritsuka held onto him around the neck, scared of being dropped (he was always fearful of this due to his mother), thinking how this felt no different than before Soubi had lost his memories. Parts of his personality were still there, things like his tendency to tease the people close to him and his liking of books and drawing, as well as his concern for Ritsuka's well-being.

"Just put me down over there, please," Ritsuka pointed to the couch.

Soubi set him down on the couch and then kneeled on the floor in front of him, resting his chin on the couch. He watched in silence as Ritsuka squeezed his eyes shut in pain as he stretched out. When he finally got comfortable, he was able to open his eyes again, finding Soubi staring at him with concern. One of his hands rested on Ritsuka's wrist, his fingers purposely on top of Ritsuka's hospital bracelet.

"Ritsuka is alright?" He asked softly. It was only logical that Soubi would be able to tell something was wrong. For one, he was very observant and watchful. There was also their connection, and Ritsuka assumed was open on both ends—that Soubi could feel what Ritsuka was feeling.

"No, Soubi," Ritsuka answered, sighing. He didn't want him to worry, but what was he supposed to say? He couldn't tell him that he was okay, not when he hurt like hell and felt as though if he were to move, his limbs would simply fall off. "I'm just in a lot of pain. I'm hurt. Don't worry, though, I'll be alright in a few days."

"Pain…? Hurt?" Soubi repeated, confused.

Ritsuka tried to think of an acceptable way to show him. He reached forward, pinching his arm lightly, not hard enough to really hurt him, but hard enough to give him a little sting of pain. He figured it was alright since he hadn't hit him or given him some sort on injury that would hurt for more than a second. Soubi made a small sound as Ritsuka pinched him and his other arm immediately started to rub that spot.

"I'll never hurt you," Ritsuka told him, feeling a little bad. Soubi hadn't been expecting it, so he probably felt more pain from it than he usually would.

"Ritsuka, who is this person?" Kio asked from the kitchen, clearly as confused as Ritsuka was. Ritsuka had let Kio read the letter Soubi wrote, so he knew that Soubi had next to no family.

"Somebody claiming to be a part of Soubi's family," Ritsuka stated the obvious, preoccupied with focusing on Soubi. He was still kneeling on the floor, though now he was curiously touching the bandage on Ritsuka's arm. "Be careful, Soubi," Ritsuka warned, afraid that Soubi was going to accidently irritate the cut underneath. Soubi lifted Ritsuka's arm, kissing the bandage lightly. "What are you…?"

"Ritsuka is hurt," Soubi answered, kissing his wrist and then his fingers.

"Soubi doesn't have any family!" Kio exclaimed, heading over to Ritsuka. He handed him his medication and a glass of water. Ritsuka quickly took the pills quickly, hoping they'd make the aching go away. Kio sat on the edge of the couch, the letter in hand. "Do you think we should call this person?"

"Maybe," Ritsuka intertwined his fingers with Soubi's, not really paying a lot of attention to Kio. He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to think that Soubi may have lied to him. "When I get a little better."

On the second day of being kept inside, Ritsuka called Ritsu and agreed to meet with him the next day at a small coffee shop. He knew that Kio wouldn't let him out, but he was going to be at school, anyways, just like he was currently. He would leave Ritsuka with Soubi and go to his classes until late afternoon. He would never know unless Ritsuka slipped up and accidently told him, which wouldn't happen. Ritsuka was a good liar and the only person who could ever tell he was lying was Soubi.

Ritsuka rested most of the day and played games. Soubi watched, drawing something that he wouldn't let Ritsuka see. Ritsuka would occasionally kiss him whenever he advanced significantly in his game. It was a survival horror game, one that Soubi had beat before his attack and also one that scared the hell out of Ritsuka. Soubi seemed to enjoy those light kisses, but Ritsuka found it a little strange that he would hide his drawing from Ritsuka. He had never done that before.

As time went by, Soubi seemed to become more and more absorbed in his drawing to the point where he didn't even notice Ritsuka and stopped occasionally talking to him. Finally, Ritsuka got fed up with being ignored and moved so that he was sitting in Soubi's lap. He took the sketchbook out of his hands and set it off to side, closing it so he wouldn't see the drawing.

"Ritsuka?"

Ritsuka wrapped his arms around Soubi's neck, not wanting to be ignored anymore. He was honestly starting to get bored with being home. He wanted to take Soubi to the park or something. He wanted to go outside. It was snowing out, too, and snow covered the ground, a thick layer coating everything. He figured Soubi would like to see the snow and Ritsuka couldn't remember the last time he had played in the snow. Maybe tomorrow he would leave a little early before meeting with Ritsu. He had to take Soubi with him, anyways, even if he didn't want him to see Ritsu. That didn't mean that they couldn't have a little fun beforehand, though.

Soubi placed his hands on Ritsuka's hips, holding him in his lap. He appeared to get a better idea, then, and he moved one of his hands so that it rested on Ritsuka's butt, just below where his tail stuck out of his jeans. He stroked the base of it lightly, making Ritsuka freeze and suddenly want to purr like a cat. Stimulation of the ears and tail were directly related pleasure and sexual excitement, if touched enough. They were especially sensitive on Ritsuka and places that were _only_ to be touched by Soubi.

"Tail," Soubi said, his touch light, but still enough to make Ritsuka nearly start purring.

"Yes, I have a tail," Ritsuka ran his fingers through Soubi's soft feathery hair. He knew that he would have to get Soubi to stop before his touches started to feel a little _too_ good, but he was just fine for now so there was no need for him to stop yet. "Who else has a tail, Soubi?"

Soubi paused, looking deep in thought. Suddenly, Soubi brightened up, "Rit-chan!"

Ritsuka smiled, kissing Soubi lightly as a reward, "Good job. You learn so quickly." He glanced at Soubi's sketchbook and an idea suddenly dawned on him. He sat back in Soubi's legs, making it so that there was some space between him but he was still on Soubi's lap. Soubi's fingers were stroking the underside of Ritsuka's tail lightly. Trying to ignore how good it felt and how good his hand would feel…elsewhere, Ritsuka opened the sketchbook, flipping to a blank page. He looked around, finding a light blue colored pencil on the table. He picked it up, placing the sketchbook between them and made sure Soubi was watching as he wrote each character of the older man's first name.

Ritsuka held up the sketchbook, pointing at Soubi's written name. "'Soubi'," Ritsuka drew out the syllables of Soubi's name, pointing to eat character as he said each syllable. He put the sketchbook down again, this time writing 'Agatsuma Soubi' below it. Again, he held it up and pointed at each character, this time underlining them as he said Soubi's name, "'Agatsuma' 'Soubi'."

Soubi just gave him a blank look.

Ritsuka sighed, taking Soubi's wrist and making him hold the pencil. He secured his hand around Soubi's, guiding it to the paper and pressing it down. He repeated Soubi's name again, helping him draw out the characters, trying to help him identify that those written two words referred to himself. When Soubi glanced up at him when they had finished the last character, Ritsuka nodded. Soubi glanced back down at the paper, clearly understanding that Ritsuka wanted him to write it out on his own.

Ritsuka watched Soubi try to form the characters of his name. His hands shook and he wrote big, his handwriting barely resembling his usual neat, nicer handwriting. He struggled to write and he kept looking up at Ritsuka, as if he was unsure of what he was doing. When he was done, he held up the sketch book, showing Ritsuka his name written in huge characters that nearly took up the whole page.

"Do you know what this is?" Ritsuka asked, pointing at the two words that Soubi wrote. "What does this say?"

"Soubi. Agatsuma Soubi."

Ritsuka was struggling. Soubi obviously didn't understand the relationship between the word and himself. He didn't really know how to make him understand. Soubi just wasn't getting that the words he had written were not just words. He needed to realize that those two words referred to him, whether they were in written form or not.

Ritsuka decided to try again. He couldn't just give up now that he had started teaching Soubi word-object association. He looked right into Soubi's eyes and spoke slowly, pointing again at the written name, "_Who_ is this?"

Ritsuka could feel something start to click in Soubi's head as he answered, "Soubi."

"Who is 'Soubi'?" Ritsuka asked, praying that this would help get through to Soubi.

Ritsuka could suddenly feel Soubi realize that this written word referred to him. He first pointed at the sketchbook and then at himself, "Soubi."

"Yes. You're doing a really good job," Ritsuka smiled, amazed that he was able to get through to Soubi. He took the sketchbook from him, writing his own name. He pointed to each character, doing the same thing he had done with Soubi's name, "'Aoyagi' 'Ritsuka'." He wrote it again, repeating each syllable of his name as he wrote it. He then had Soubi try by himself.

Soubi wrote out Ritsuka's name slowly, carefully copying each of Ritsuka's characters. He looked up at Ritsuka when he was done, clearly looking for praise. He rested his hands on Ritsuka's hips, frowning.

"Who is this, Soubi?" Ritsuka questioned, happy with the progress Soubi was making.

Soubi pointed at Ritsuka, "Aoyagi Ritsuka."

"Yes!" Ritsuka threw his arms around Soubi. "You're doing really well!"

Soubi glanced away, looking like he was deep in thought. He raised a hand, pressing his fingers against Ritsuka's lips. Ritsuka's smile fell a little as Soubi traced his smile lightly with his thumb, his expression thoughtful, but not worried or sad.

"Ritsuka is smiling," Soubi stated, not taking his hand away. "Ritsuka is happy." Soubi smiled himself, then, closing his eyes and grinning. "Ritsuka is happy. Soubi is happy, too." He hugged Ritsuka tightly, knocking the breath out of him and making his bruised ribs hurt. Ritsuka couldn't complain, though.

The next morning, Ritsuka stood on a chair, helping Soubi get ready to go outside. He carefully wrapped the soft white bandages around Soubi's neck, being careful not to irritate the scars he was covering. He now knew that Soubi didn't just wear the bandages to cover up the scars. As Ritsuka had recently found out, the scar was, for some reason, extremely sensitive. He had discovered this last night when he was giving Soubi a bath and accidently rubbed the washcloth a little too hard over the scars. It might have been a little rough, but it certainly shouldn't have been enough to make Soubi squirm in pain and make the irritated tissue bleed a little. Soubi's scar was four years old. Only extremely new scar tissue would have reacted like that.

Ritsuka secured the bandages with a silver clip and then loosely wrapped a scarf around his neck. He zipped up Soubi's coat and then straightened up, about to pull a hat over Soubi's head. Soubi surprised him by kissing him lightly, and then smiling, taking Ritsuka's hand in his own gloved hand. He brought Ritsuka's hand to his lips, kissing it softly.

Ritsuka blushed and pulled his hand away. "Sorry, Soubi," Ritsuka pulled the gray knit hat over Soubi's head. "We have to leave."

"…leave?" Soubi grabbed Ritsuka's wrist, grasping it tightly and looking at Ritsuka with wide, very fearful eyes.

"No, no," Ritsuka shook his head. Soubi was associating 'leave' with Ritsuka getting taken away from him like when Seimei had kidnapped Ritsuka. "We're going outside. We're going to go see someone. You're going to meet someone new today."

"Hospital?" Soubi guessed, looking a little worried. He let go of Ritsuka's wrist, but he still looked anxious.

"No, not the hospital," Ritsuka assured him. Soubi apparently still didn't like hospitals and Ritsuka understood why. He was still probably a little traumatized from when Seimei had visited him when he was in the hospital due to his memory loss. Soubi probably also thought that the hospital meant bad things, since that was where they went when Ritsuka had disappeared and gotten sick, so, in his mind, going to the hospital meant something bad was going to happen.

Soubi took off his hat and Ritsuka sighed, giving up with trying to get him to wear it. He got himself ready and decided to take a small messenger bag with his medication in it. He wrote a note in case Kio got home early, apologizing for going out when Kio told him to stay in. He felt bad about sneaking out, but he felt as though if he stayed in the house for one more day, he would simply explode. Besides, Kio had late classes on Thursdays, so he wouldn't be home until about seven. Still, there was a chance that he'd be home early. Ritsuka had his cell phone with him in case Kio called to check up on him.

He held Soubi's hand as he led him out of the building. It was still snowing, just as it had been for the past few days. The thick white flakes fell in front of them, making a thin layer on Ritsuka's head. It blanketed the ground, too, and where it wasn't cleared out, the cold substance nearly came up to Ritsuka's knees. Ritsuka had to keep twitching his ears in order to keep the snow from weighing them down. He was honestly starting to think that he should've called a cab.

When they reached the park, Ritsuka decided that that was probably a good idea. They were still quite a long time away and Ritsuka knew they could never be on time if they walked there. His hips were beginning to hurt, too. He called a cab and then waited in the park with Soubi. Their ride arrived in only about ten minutes and Ritsuka gave the driver the address of the café where they were supposed to meet Ritsu.

Soubi followed Ritsuka closely, holding his hand tightly, clearly scared of the bustling city of Tokyo. They lived in a suburb not too far away from the main city, but still far enough away that the streets weren't filled with people all the time. Where they lived was quiet, nothing like the city's forever busyness. The cab driver had dropped them off a couple of blocks away, so Ritsuka and Soubi had to maneuver through the bustling crowds of people. Finally, they reached the café and Ritsuka spotted Ritsu already inside.  
Ritsu turned his attention to them as soon as they walked through the door. He had papers spread out before him and was, for once, alone. Ritsuka couldn't shake the feeling that Nagisa was probably somewhere nearby, most likely in one of the other stores with Seven. Ritsu sat at a table near the window, his eyes on Soubi and Ritsuka. Soubi gave Ritsuka's hand a small squeeze.

"Good afternoon, Ritsuka-kun," Ritsu greeted, his lips forming some sort of smile. Actually, it was really more of a smirk than a smile. He glanced at Soubi and his expression fell, "Hello, Soubi-kun."

Ritsuka tugged on Soubi's hand, leading him over to the table and pulling up two extra chairs. "Soubi, this is Ritsu-san," Ritsuka introduced. Ritsu frowned, clearly unhappy with Ritsuka not introducing him as 'Ritsu-sensei'. "Say hello."

"Hello, Ritsu-san," Soubi said, sounding a little skeptical.

Ritsu hesitated, "Please sit down, both of you. There's a lot I have to discuss."

Ritsuka sat down and Soubi copied him, reaching for Ritsuka's hand again. Ritsu stared at the both of them, his expression giving away his shock at seeing his student in such a state. Ritsuka could understand that this really was surprising. Ritsu had taken Soubi in when he could already read, write, and speak two different languages fluently. He had never had to deal with him like this. It was new and all-together shocking to see his grown twenty-one year-old student barely able to form a simply sentence.

"What are all these papers for?" Ritsuka asked, pointing at all of the papers spread out around the small table. They were multi-colored, but almost all of them had the Septimal Moon logo stamped on it.

"…Intake, transfer, and acceptance forms," Ritsu gathered the papers into two neat piles, each one having the cover page as the same thing. "I wasn't planning on telling you until later, but now that you asked about, I suppose I have to tell you."

Ritsuka didn't have a good feeling about this. Intake into what? This sounded like it involved both him and Soubi and it had something to do with Septimal Moon. Maybe Ritsu was trying to get them to attend the school. That was really the only thing Ritsuka could think of that Ritsu could want with papers like this. He was _not_ going to transfer to Seven Voices, and he wasn't going to allow Soubi to re-enter the program, either. They both had lives _here_. They couldn't just move eight hours away to live at Seven Voices Academy.

"I'm not going to the school," Ritsuka told him, keeping his voice level. No amount of persuasion could get him to agree to leave his life here to attend Seven Voices. He wouldn't _ever_ let Soubi go back, not when he knew how Ritsu had treated him the first time. He would rather run from Ritsu, as Soubi's parents had done, than allow him to take them both away. "And Soubi's not going back. Ever. I won't even—"

"That's not what I'm proposing!" Ritsu snapped, sounding annoyed. "Don't interrupt me. Just let me talk."

Ritsuka sat back and crossed his arms, wondering if he really should listen. Perhaps Ritsu had something _not_ totally irrational to talk about, though Ritsuka doubted that. He really wanted to hurry up and get out of here in case Soubi would remember something about Ritsu. Those were some of the memories that Ritsuka _did not_ want Soubi to regain.

"Fine, I'll listen."

Ritsu pushed one of the stacks of papers over to him, keeping his gaze as he spoke, "As I assume Soubi explained to you before…losing his memories, the abilities that a Fighter or Sacrifice has is embedded in their DNA. In short, we have a genetic mutation that makes it possible for spell battles to happen. As a result, a council was needed to keep this world from getting involved in the Fighter-Sacrifice world, and vice-versa. Septimal Moon is that council."

"I already know all this," Ritsuka drummed his fingers on the table impatiently.

Ritsu shot a glare at him, a look that told him to shut up and listen. "This genetic mutation is hereditary," Ritsu went on, venturing into territory that Ritsuka didn't know. "Soubi's mother was a Fighter, as is he. I've been told not to tell you who, but someone in your family is, too, since both you and Seimei are Sacrifices. As a result, positions on the Septimal Moon board are handed down in families. My family has been the head of the council since it was created."

"But you don't have any kids…!"

As Ritsuka said the words, it suddenly dawned on him why Ritsu was here. It wasn't to talk about Soubi's memory loss. It wasn't to talk about Seimei. It wasn't to discuss what to do about Seimei. It wasn't even to talk about what had happened to Ritsuka during his kidnapping.

No, Ritsu was here to tell Ritsuka that Seimei was being kicked off the board and Ritsuka would be taking his place.

Not just that…

Ritsu was here to tell Ritsuka that he had also been planning to accept Soubi onto the board.

Which meant…Soubi would've been taking his place as the head of the council. He would be able to order Seimei's execution and immediate capture. He would have control that Seimei wanted.

Seimei had known.

The _real_ reason Soubi's memory had been taken was because Seimei needed to keep him off of the Septimal Moon board so that Soubi couldn't gain that control over everything, including Seimei himself.

* * *

**I'm reading over this and _still_ laughing at Soubi and Kio's game.**

**It's so laaaate. I start spring break tomorrow.**

**Also, about Seimei's little note: he wrote that _after _getting captured and gave it to Ritsu to give to Ritsuka.**

**I'm so sooorrry I can't write all your names :( I'm so tired and it's 12:41 AM and I have a whole bunch of assessments tomorrow. Thank you all for reviewing, though! Reading reviews makes me smile :)**

**I have a new story called Healing up. If you guys have the time, it'd be awesome if you could take a look at it.  
**

**Keep reviewing please! Tell me your thoughts on this chapter!**

**~Wolfie  
**


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter twenty **

Positions on the Septimal Moon board were handed down to the next generation of the current holder's family. Ritsuka's family had held a position on it. Ritsu's family had held a position on it. Seimei was getting kicked off of the board and probably executed very soon. It was only logical that Ritsuka would take his place on the board. He was the next descendant in line for it, after all.

It was obvious that Ritsu was getting old and it was getting to be the time for him to retire. This would mean giving up his position on the council and handing it down to the next person in line for it. The only catch was, Ritsu didn't haveany kids. All he had was Soubi, who was not directly related to him, but was the closest thing he had to a child. He had raised Soubi. Granted, he hadn't raised him in the _best_ way, but he had still been somewhat like a father to him. Ritsu didn't have anyone else. The only person eligible to take Ritsu's place as head of the council…was Soubi.

"Do you understand now?" Ritsu pressed, pushing one of the stacks of papers towards him, one with Ritsuka's name written on it. The other packet—the one with Soubi's name on it—he kept in front of him, probably knowing it was useless to give it to Soubi.

"I…I don't know if I can agree to this…" Ritsuka stared down at the packet, his hand tightening around Soubi's. He didn't even move to open it. To be honest, he was a bit afraid of what was inside. He was only thirteen. He wasn't sure that he wanted this kind of power. The Septimal Moon board governed everything in the Fighter-Sacrifice world. They kept two worlds separate. They even worked with the government and did other confidential things, things that Ritsuka wasn't allowed to know about. Did he want that kind of access? That kind of responsibility? It would, of course, give him more accessibility to research everything, but it came with a huge price.

Did he want this? Ritsuka stared at the packet, unable to make up his mind. Soubi would've been able to help him make up his mind. He couldn't do it alone. This was just too hard of a decision. He was just a kid. No matter how hard he tried to be mature and adult-like, in the end, he was just a child who had gone through a lot. He was a child trying to be an adult, but still knowing that he couldn't succeed. He found himself suddenly wishing for Soubi, wishing for the man's memories to return so he could tell him what to do. Soubi always had good advice. He could tell Ritsuka what to do.

But Soubi didn't have his memories, so Ritsuka was lost. He needed time to think. He couldn't answer Ritsu. Not now. He had too much to focus on—teaching Soubi, the end of school, getting into a high school, Seimei, the guy who sent Soubi the letter and claimed to be part of his family, researching further into what happened to Soubi…and now this. Maybe once school was over, he would make a decision, but not now.

"I don't need an answer right now," Ritsu informed him, tapping his pencil on Soubi's forms. "But we need to discuss Soubi's memory loss."

"Yes," Ritsuka agreed, glancing over at Soubi. He was distracted, looking at the piano a few tables away with interest. Ritsuka had never seen Soubi take interest in anything musical, so this came as a bit of a surprise to him. Had Soubi known how to play the piano? Ritsuka wondered about that and let go of Soubi's hand, curious to see what he'd do. When Soubi looked at him as if to make sure it was okay, Ritsuka nodded and Soubi got up, going to the piano.

"Can he play?" Ritsuka asked, folding his hands in his lap, hearing Soubi tentatively press a few keys.

"If I remember correctly, yes," Ritsu's eyes were behind Ritsuka, clearly watching Soubi. "Students attending Seven Voices are required to pick up a musical instrument. Music helps students, particularly Fighters, understand the flow of things and how there is rising action, climax, and falling climax to everything, including battles and music. In other words, there's a rhythm to everything and music class helps students realize that. I recall that Soubi-kun didn't want to take music, but I forced him to. He was very, very good at the piano. He picked it up quite quickly."

"I never knew that…" Ritsuka looked behind him again, watching as Soubi sat down on the bench and pressed a couple more keys. He paused, his hands resting lightly on the keys. Something wonderful happened, then. Soubi's hands started fluttering over the keys, pressing them down, the notes coming together to form a beautiful harmony. Soubi was play a song, one that Ritsuka had never heard before, but it sounded strangely familiar. One of Soubi's hands played a darker portion on the lower keys, while his right hand played a light, fluttery, almost French-sounding melody.

"Amazing, isn't it?" Ritsu interrupted softly, a smirk on his face. He, too, watched Soubi intently.

"What is?" Ritsuka questioned, his eyes flickering between Ritsu and Soubi.

"The human mind," Ritsu answered. "Soubi-kun has no memories of ever attending Seven Voices, and yet, he can still play the piano. Do you know what that means, Ritsuka-kun?"

"No…" Ritsuka frowned, feeling like Ritsu was trying to make him stupid and confused. If he was, it was working.

"The system of memories and memory storage is very, very complex, Ritsuka-kun," Ritsu-sensei went on, still not looking at Ritsuka. "There's two different kinds of memories. Short-term memories and long-term memories. If a memory is significant enough, it gets committed to the long-term memory. There's much more than that, but we haven't the time to explain it. Perhaps some other day, Ritsuka-kun."

"Where are you going with this, Ritsu-sensei?" Ritsuka was beginning to see that Ritsu had a habit of taking a long time to explain things and that he liked to show off him knowledge. Ritsuka knew he didn't have too much time.

"I think Soubi's memories are still there," Ritsu said just as Soubi's melody turned significantly darker. All the people in the café were now watching the mysterious man seated at the piano, playing music from his head. "But they've been blocked and locked up. Soubi can't access them. The spell Seimei told Nisei to use was a powerful one. It has essentially created two different parts of Soubi's mind. Or, more correctly, it has separated his mind. It blocked off an area for his old memories and put something like a lock or a block over it. The section that was supposed to store his memories was emptied out and now holds the memories that he has since the spell went into effect, the new ones. But, see, here's the catch…"

Ritsu began doodling on the cover page of Soubi's intake packet, drawing a broken oval. He filled in the left half of it, and then drew a wall around the outside of that half and a large lock on that wall, protecting the shaded half. In the other half, he drew little gray dots, spotting the inside it. He then lightly sketched a larger circle around both the halves of the oval so that they were inside the bigger circle.

"This is Soubi's brain currently," Ritsu finally looked at Ritsuka, pointing at the circle with his pencil. "These are the memory portions of his brain," Ritsu tapped each of the halves of the oval, stopping at the fully shaded one with the lock on it. "This is what his old memories are like. All of the brain has to access memories. When we're born, we only know how to do about two things. Soon, we're taught to walk and do other various actions. Those teachings are seared into our memories. Whenever we want to do any physical action, our mind pulls out the 'how' from our memories."

Ritsu added in lines going from each half of the ovals out to the edge of the larger circle. The lines going from the half that represented Soubi's locked up memories started from the wall locking them out, while the lines on the other one went directly from it.

"These are the connections that allow the rest of his mind to access the memories. When they try to access Soubi-kun's blocked off memories, they can't."

"So…what's the catch?" Ritsuka crossed his arms, sitting back. Soubi's playing suddenly got a lot darker and slower. From the looks of things, he was drawing quite a crowd.

"Soubi-kun's mind senses that the memories are there. It just can't break the wall keeping them away, but it knows they're there. I have a feeling that Soubi is going to get very sick as soon as his body's immune system attacks the blockage."

Sick. Soubi wasn't just going to get sick, he was going to get really sick. His body was going to finally sense something was wrong with it and immediately attack it, which would just make him extremely stick. This wasn't good. Wait…sick could mean anything. Would the doctors be able to treat it? From the way Ritsu talked, it sounded like Soubi wasn't going to come down with flu-like symptoms. It sounded as if it was going to be much worse. Could Soubi possibly die from this?

"Wha…" Ritsuka stared at Ritsu with wide eyes. "How sick?"

"Very. It's hard to pinpoint just how much. The wall creating the blockage will release chemicals that could cause a variety of different diseases, depending on the exact spell. Since it's Seimei…I'm guessing that it's going to attack either his heart or mind first. Maybe both."

"No!" Ritsuka stood abruptly, slamming his hands down on the small table, nearly knocking over Ritsu's coffee. He startled Soubi as well, causing him to suddenly stop playing. Still, Ritsuka didn't stop, too shocked and enraged to realize that there was a crowd of people who had heard Soubi's piano playing and come inside to watch. "Seimei wouldn't want to kill Soubi!"

"Why wouldn't he?" Ritsu shot back at him, raising his voice, too. "You have no idea what Soubi was up to before Seimei attacked him!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Ritsuka yelled. The information of what would happen soon making him so shocked that he was finally taking some of his built-up anger out on Ritsu. "Soubi wasn't '_up_' to anything. Seimei has no reason to want to kill him!"

"Would you be quiet?" Ritsu hissed, lowering his voice. "There are people in here! One of them might call the police if they hear you talking like that!"

Ritsuka wasn't listening. He refused to stop yelling. Ritsu didn't know what the hell he was talking about. He was old and probably pretty crazy. "Tell me what you mean by 'what Soubi was up to'!"

Ritsu sighed, scribbling down an address on the cover sheet and then tearing it off, giving it to Ritsuka. "That's the address of Soubi-kun's laboratory. Go there. It's locked so…" Ritsu produced a key. "Use that key."

"Soubi's…laboratory…?" Ritsuka repeated, sitting down, dumbfounded. He picked up the key, turning it over in his hand, seeing a small label written on it. _Copy 01: Ritsuka_. It was written in Soubi's hand writing, too.

"Yes," Ritsu told him just as Soubi began to play the piano again. "I recently got an email from him, one that was sent before, but only arrived on the date Soubi specified. He said that he mailed me a key and that he wanted me to give it to you—but only if you've listened to his recordings and read his letter. His email gave an overview of the things he's been testing. He told me to bring you there."

"What…what's he been doing?" Ritsuka pressed, wondering what Soubi would be doing in a laboratory, let alone his own.

"Research, and a lot of it," Ritsu answered simply. "I can't go into detail. He asked me not to. I would usually prosecute someone for doing unauthorized research…but Soubi-kun…well…he was doing some research against Seimei. Although…I don't exactly approve of him doing self-experimentation."

What had Soubi been doing before his attack? Ritsu-sensei was throwing all of the terms at him now. Self-experimentation…testing…research…Ritsuka had no idea that Soubi had been doing all of those things. He had thought he knew everything about Soubi. Why had he hid this from him? It didn't make any sense! He hadn't even written about it in the letter. Soubi wouldn't have lied and keeping things from him counted as lying.

Soubi had apparently been doing some kind of research, something against Seimei, something that went against his name. Ritsuka wondered what exactly he had been doing and, more importantly, _when_ he had been doing it. Things just didn't add up. Soubi spent a lot, if not all, of his free time with Ritsuka. He had classes, too, so that and his time spent with Ritsuka accounted for nearly all of his time. It didn't seem as though he would have any time to do research in a lab. What the hell was going on behind Ritsuka's back?

"Those aren't the only things I wanted to talk about," Ritsu stated, watching Soubi again and drumming his fingers on the table. "I wanted to tell you a little about Soubi-kun's past. You deserve to know and I'm guessing he wrote a lot about it in the letter. I'm also assuming that he wrote about me, too."

Ritsuka nodded, putting the slip of paper Ritsu wrote on in his bag. He would go to the laboratory soon, but he needed to get a little better first. Plus…he'd have to think of a way to explain this all to Kio. God… That was going to be a huge disaster. He had snuck out and gone all the way into Tokyo when Kio had told him not to leave the house. He had disobeyed a parent figure. He hadn't even planned on Kio even finding out. He was going to get punished, he was sure of that. Kio was probably going ground him and Ritsuka could _not_ stay cooped up in the house for much longer. He realized he was still hurt and he still had broken ribs and bruised bones in his hips, but he was tired of lying around all day. He wanted to go back to school. He was scared he wouldn't be able to graduate if he missed any more school.

"I'm aware that," Ritsu looked down, away from Soubi and Ritsuka. "Soubi-kun didn't… like me very much."

"He hated you," Ritsuka interjected, thinking of all the horrible things that Ritsu had done to Soubi. "You _raped _him. He loved you and you betrayed him."

"He told you that?"

Ritsuka began tapping his fingers in time with Soubi's music, closing his eyes as he listened to him play, responding to Ritsu almost absentmindedly, "No. When Seimei kidnapped me, he took me through a lot of Soubi's memories."

"He did _what_?" Ritsu's voice raised in surprise, though Ritsuka had sort of expected that.

"He used Ueda-san, the Timeless Fighter," Ritsuka opened his eyes, hearing Soubi stop playing again. He glanced behind him, seeing Soubi stretch and then got up. He ignored the applause from the people gathered in the café and came up behind Ritsuka, wrapping his arms around him loosely.

"Hello, Ritsu-san," Soubi greeted Ritsu politely, nuzzling Ritsuka's neck lightly. Ritsuka smirked and reached up, running his fingers through Soubi's light blonde hair. Ritsu watched, narrowing his eyes at them, an unreadable expression on his face. Maybe Ritsuka was trying to make him jealous, trying to make him see what he had lost. He wanted Ritsu to feel bad, to regret giving Soubi away to abusive Seimei. That was really all he wanted—for Ritsu to express some kind of guilt for all the things he had done to Soubi. Ritsu was capable of feeling, it was just hard to get him to show or express emotion. That quality reminded Ritsuka of his father, Kiyoshi.

"That was a nice song you were playing, Soubi," Ritsuka leaned up, kissing Soubi's cheek. "I didn't know you could play the piano."

Soubi glanced over at the instrument he had been playing. "Piano?" He repeated, nuzzling Ritsuka's neck some more, pressing his lips against the side of it very lightly.

"Yes. You should sit down. I'm going to get something to drink."

Ritsuka went up to the counter, quickly buying a cup of hot chocolate for himself and a doughnut for Soubi. He was still worried about Soubi's eating habits, since he had barely ate during the time that Ritsuka had been kidnapped. That worried him, especially if Soubi's own body was going to be attacking him soon.

When Ritsuka approached the table, he saw that Soubi was talking to Ritsu-sensei. Ritsuka stopped, watching and able to overhear what they were saying.

"Ritsuka has a tail," Soubi was telling Ritsu excitedly, a big smile on his face. "Rit-chan has a tail, too. Rit-chan is a cat. Soubi named Rit-chan. Rit-chan is named after Ritsuka."

"…That's great, Soubi-kun," Ritsu stated dryly.

Soubi closed his eyes, smiling still, "Soubi loves Ritsuka."

Ritsuka turned red and returned to the table, sitting next to Soubi and giving him the doughnut. Soubi leaned over, kissing Ritsuka's cheek, just as Ritsuka had done to Soubi a few minutes before. Ritsuka just blushed even more, not knowing what to do to hide it.

"S…so, about what you wanted to tell me…"

"Yes," Ritsu reached into his coat, sliding a stack of photos over to Ritsuka. "Those are some photos of Soubi-kun while he was at Seven Voices. You'll see a pretty dramatic change once I…"

"…Raped him?" Ritsuka finished for him, flipping through the photographs. The first ten or so photos were of young Soubi smiling at the camera. In a couple of them, he was missing his front teeth. In one of the pictures, Soubi was with a group of boys, his arms thrown around the middle boy, his clothes dirty and a grin with missing teeth on his face. In another picture, Soubi was hugging Ritsu, who was obviously embarrassed to be in the photo.

Ritsu gave Ritsuka a sharp glare, "After I took his ears. He got a lot more violent after that. He was getting in tons of fights. He even ran away once, though he didn't get very far since he couldn't drive a car."

Ritsuka reached the pictures after Soubi was raped and immediately noticed the dramatic change. There were no more happy pictures. Instead, Soubi either looked angry or had no idea the photo was being taken. Ritsuka paused, looking at one particular picture. Soubi was glaring at the holder of the camera and looked as though he was trying to block the lens. He looked like he hated the person behind the camera. He also looked a bit…sad, like he was about to run away or cry. Ritsuka assumed the person taking the photo was Ritsu-sensei.

Another picture was of Soubi laying on top of a picnic table, his head hanging off of the edge, looking up at the blue sky. A similar one came next, this one of Soubi sitting on the picnic table in the rain alone, soaked as it rained hard on him. The pictures that showed Soubi like this were depressing. It really showed Soubi's loneliness and hurt.

"He didn't have any friends," Ritsu spoke softly, his eyes on Soubi, who was gradually eating. "He did before…he lost his ears, but apparently some kids recorded him and I one day and sent it to every kid in the school. Nobody wanted to talk to him after that. They all just mocked him and picked fights with him. They even teased him for being gay, even the boys with male partners."

"His life was a living hell," Ritsuka stared at the rain photo, speaking as he did so. The more he looked at that photo, the more he realized just how hard Soubi's school life had been. "And you made it that way."

Ritsu didn't speak for a long time and dropped Soubi's gaze, taking to looking out the window. When he finally did say something, it was almost too quiet for Ritsuka to hear, "…I regret it…"

"You…you regret it…?" Ritsuka repeated, shocked. He never thought he'd get Ritsu to actually admit it, at least not this easily. Ritsu seemed like the type of person with a lot of pride and would not easily admit to being wrong or doing something wrong. He did appear to actually have human feelings, unlike Seimei, who Ritsuka quite honestly doubted was human. Before, when Ritsuka had first found out about what Ritsu did, he had placed Ritsu in the same category as Seimei, but that was wrong. Ritsu was human; he just wasn't necessarily a good person.

"Yes. Soubi-kun looked like his mother, but…that wasn't the reason why I did it…Well, it sort of was, but I did love him and not because he was like his mother."

"Then why did you give him to Seimei?" Ritsuka demanded, raising his voice again. If Ritsu had really and truly loved Soubi, then he wouldn't have given him to Seimei. He wouldn't have let Seimei abuse Soubi. Ritsuka couldn't believe that Ritsu loved Soubi, not when he had caused Soubi to take all that abuse. That abuse had changed Soubi—and not for the better. It had made Soubi unable to truly be happy unless something horrible, like losing his memories happened. Ritsu had put Soubi under the control of a sadistic bastard, a bastard who would beat him mercilessly and leave him alone, bleeding and bruised and only wanting his master's love, something he knew he would never have, even if he gave up everything he could for Seimei.

"I didn't know Seimei was going to treat him like that," Ritsu ran a hand through his gray hair, tugging gently at a clump in the back, surprising Ritsuka by pulling an entire clump out. Ritsu sighed, fixing his glasses, and for the first time, Ritsuka saw what he failed to notice before. Ritsu seemed paler than usual. Soubi was the palest person Ritsuka knew and Ritsu was still paler than him, his skin an almost sickly color. His hair was really graying out, too. The last time Ritsuka had seen Ritsu, it was still a dark blonde-ish color that was just beginning to get gray, but now it was a cross between gray and light blonde with more gray than blonde. His eyes were cloudy and pale and he looked as if he was still having a lot of trouble seeing.

"Ritsu-sensei…are you sick?" Ritsuka asked, truly curious and concerned. He appeared very frail and nothing like the man Ritsuka had met after what happened at Seven Voices. Even then, with his eyes violent gorged out, he still looked healthy.

"Sick?" Soubi repeated, his voice worried. "Ritsu-san is sick? Is Ritsuka sick?" Soubi whimpered, meeting Ritsuka's eyes and leaning his head on Ritsuka's shoulder, pulling Ritsuka's chair closer by wrapping his arms around Ritsuka's waist.

Ritsuka patted Soubi's head, running his hand through his hair for a moment. "I'm not sick, Soubi. Not anymore."

"I am, though," Ritsu answered finally. "Nagisa noticed it first. Well, it was actually Soubi-kun when you and him visited a couple months ago. He said I looked old and told me he hoped I was dying of old age…"

Ritsuka had begged Soubi to take him back to Seven Voices a couple months after the incident. Finally, after Ritsuka asked about ten times, Soubi had given in. Soubi had been tense the entire weekend, even though they were just going to check that everyone was alright. Ritsuka had even noticed Soubi drinking a little more and being more distant at the hotel room after their talk with Ritsu. Ritsuka hadn't known why then, but he did now, and he felt bad for asking Soubi to take him back to Seven Voices.

"How sick are you?"

"Very," Ritsu wasn't looking at Ritsuka again, he had his eyes on Soubi, who still had his head on Ritsuka's shoulder, his eyes now closed. Ritsu placed his hands on his hot Styrofoam coffee cup, probably to warm himself up. "Nagisa thinks I may have a brain tumor. She has to stay by my side to make sure I don't collapse."

"Where is she now?" It was a question Ritsuka had been wondering since he arrived. Nagisa was by Ritsu's side when Soubi and Ritsuka had visited Ritsu and again when Ritsu had come to Ritsuka's school.

"Shopping. I told her to go. She wanted to take Seven and go around the city. I don't need her here, anyways." Ritsu paused for a long time, "I wonder if Soubi-kun would be happy to see me so weak…I suppose I get what I deserve for giving him to Seimei."

"Why'd you do it? I mean, if you loved him, why wouldn't you just have him stay with you?"

Soubi nuzzled Ritsuka's neck gently, kissing the bottom of his chin and pulling him a bit closer. "Are you tired, Soubi?" Ritsuka whispered to Soubi, watching as he rested his head on Ritsuka's shoulder and shut his eyes. Soubi nodded, yawning. "We'll go home soon, I promise."

"I did it because, as much as I was in love with Soubi-kun, I loved his mother more," Ritsu slid some more photos over to Ritsuka, all pictures of Soubi's mother and, occasionally, a young-looking Ritsu. "She was still my Fighter. I had to try to find Soubi the best Sacrifice, someone who would treat him well and as an equal."

"But…I thought everyone considered Fighters as below Sacrifices…" Ritsuka stopped stroking Soubi's hair, confused. That was how it always seemed to him.

Ritsu shook his head, "Untrue. I see that Seimei has corrupted you."

"He has not," Ritsuka frowned, not wanting to think that Seimei had influenced him in any way. Even he knew that was a lie, though.

"Seimei believes that Fighters are simply 'war machines'. That's what he told Soubi-kun and Soubi-kun was trained to believe every word he said. I probably made a few mistakes in his training…I shouldn't have told him that every word his Sacrifice says is law. That was only supposed to apply to battle. See, I didn't think Seimei would tell him he was worthless and lie to him. When I met with Seimei-san, he would play innocent and I believed his act. He would say that he just wanted a strong partner, someone to stick by his side and be his friend. He was in the process of getting accepted onto the board and I thought he was just a normal child Sacrifice, despite his strange true name. He didn't start showing signs of his real self for a couple months, after I asked him about the bruises on Soubi's face. Sometimes, Seimei-san would bring Soubi to the school when he came for weekend classes and Septimal Moon meetings. Soubi-kun would often be bruised or have cuts all over his face. It didn't take me long to figure out what was happening."

"Did you try to stop it?" Ritsuka felt his chest tighten with the knowledge that Seimei had treated Soubi even worse than he first thought and had lied to Ritsu. Ritsu had given Soubi to Seimei thinking that he was going to treat him well and as an equal. He'd been deceived and Soubi was the one to suffer. Then again…if none of this had happened, Ritsuka would've never met Soubi…

"I did. I demanded that he give up Soubi-kun, but he refused, saying that he 'owned it'. Occasionally, Sacrifices think that they 'own' their Fighter, which is untrue, because a Fighter is not a piece of property. I never thought of Soubi's mother like that. I never thought of Soubi-kun like that. Most Sacrifices don't think that way, but the ones with a blank Fighter like Soubi think that since they are unable to create a bond with them."

"But…" Ritsuka started, loosely wrapping his arms around dozing Soubi's neck. "I don't think of Soubi that way even though he's a blank Fighter."

"And that proves to me that you really love him," Ritsu told him without hesitation. "I used to suspect that it was just an act like Seimei-san was, but I see now that you're not. Seimei-san would never even touch Soubi-kun in the way that you are," Ritsu nodded pointedly at Ritsuka, who knew what he meant. Seimei would've never held Soubi like this. He thought that Soubi was 'dirty' and a 'monster'. Soubi was a person though, just like Ritsuka and Ritsu. He was a person that Ritsuka looked up to and loved dearly. He wanted to stay with Soubi forever, whether he had his memories or not, it didn't matter. He was still Soubi. He was still the same man Ritsuka loved. He just didn't understand why Seimei thought Soubi was so 'dirty'.

"I look up to Soubi," Ritsuka stated simply, looking at Soubi sleeping on his shoulder. "And I love him. I love him more than anything and I'll never treat him like Seimei did. I don't understand my brother. I don't think I'll ever be able to. I'll never forgive him, either."

"That's probably for the best," Ritsu-sensei mused.

Something strange happened, then. Ritsuka felt something coming through his and Soubi's connection. Ritsuka closed his eyes, feeling as though he needed to and let it come, finding himself in a memory.

Ritsuka blinked, confused, finding himself on a high up balcony overlooking a forest. Soubi sat on the edge, his knees underneath the railing and his feet hanging off the edge. There was an open can of alcohol on the cement next to him. The sliding door to the balcony opened and Ritsuka saw himself come out, barefoot and padding towards Soubi.

"You know I don't like it when you drink," Ritsuka's other self said, kneeling behind Soubi and draping his arms around his broad shoulders from behind. Ritsuka knew where they were now. This was when they had gone out to Seven Voices and stayed in a hotel.

"I'm sorry, Kitten," Soubi reached up, stroking Ritsuka's arm. The other Ritsuka leaned down, kissing Soubi on the lips.

"It's fine. Just please don't get drunk like my dad."

Ritsuka swayed, feeling Soubi's memories from his and Ritsuka's visit with Ritsu rushing to him. It had been painful for him, even more so than Ritsuka expected. The memory ended, then, just as quickly as it started and he found himself lying on a bed, staring up at a bright light as someone shone it in his eyes.

"You alright, Ritsuka-kun?" A female voice asked shutting off the light. Ritsuka blinked multiple times, trying to clear the light from his vision. Nagisa-sensei came into focus, standing over him on the hotel room bed, wearing a white lab coat.

"Ritsuka!" Soubi darted next to Nagisa, looking down at Ritsuka with a scared expression. Ritsuka sat up, rubbing his eyes and glancing up at Soubi. Soubi immediately pulled him into a crushing, protective hug. Ritsuka, still groggy, hugged back, not really knowing how he'd ended up here.

"…What happened?" Ritsuka mumbled as Soubi let loosened his hold. He could see Ritsu sitting in a chair, fast asleep.

"Ritsu said you just suddenly passed out," Nagisa informed him.

Ritsuka glanced over at the clock, finding that it was nearly nine at night. He was suddenly fully awake, pulling out of Soubi's arms and hurriedly getting his shoes and coat on, saying quick goodbyes to Nagisa and telling her that he had to get home. Kio was going to be really angry… Soubi grabbed Soubi's hand, pulling him out the door, clutching the note with the address of Soubi's lab in one hand.

* * *

**LOOK LOOK IT'S AN UPDATE**

**AND PLOT!**

**YAY!**

**Ohhh...it's so late. I need to get to bed. Sorry, I can't write all your names out, but thank you all soooo much for reviewing the last chapter! You all really made me want to write more!**

**Also, I got my very first flame.**

**Sephiren : Who's bat boy?**

**Tamer Lorika: I'll be answering that in a later chapter :)**

**Lumeton: I'm not too sure. A lot? Probably over thirty.**

**Once again thank you for all the reviews! I'm going to shift this story to more of what Soubi was doing before he was attacked and also Ritsuka growing up.**

**Please review and tell me what you think of this chapter! I'll write more if you do!  
**

**~Wolfie**


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